I’m turning 40 today.

40.

40.

I keep trying that out to see how it feels and where it lands. I’m still not quite sure.

The other day my husband asked me if I’ve done everything I wanted to by the time I was 40.

I thought about it for a moment.

I was stumped. I couldn’t think of one big life thing that I had wanted to do by the time I was 40 that I haven’t been able to do.

I’ve moved to a city where I didn’t know a soul and stumbled my way through finding a job, making new friends and creating a life.

I’ve gone sailing in Maine and I’ve climbed mountains in British Columbia.

I’ve run countless miles with my favorite music blasting in my ears.

I’ve been heartbroken and I have tended to my wounds.

I’ve skied in Utah and I’ve danced the night away in France.

I have worked through my past and I am still working on healing what needs to heal.

I’ve faced my relationship with alcohol and have come to know the miracle of a sober life.

I’ve walked down the aisle toward the man I love and we have created a home with our 3 babies.

There’s still so much I want to do and see and experience in my life. But when I look at my life up until now, I know one thing: I’ve really LIVED it.

I’ve failed more times that I can count, but I’ve kept going – learning and growing along the way.

Maybe it’s because I’m 40 today (and when you turn 40 something happens). Or, maybe it’s because milestone birthdays shine a spotlight on our lives, forcing us to reminisce and examine…

Today, I feel proud of me.

That’s not an easy sentence to type, much less share for thousands to read.

It goes against everything I, as a woman, have been taught: Don’t be too loud. Be modest, humble and small.

Yeah. I don’t think I want to do that anymore.

I’m not sure what my 40’s will look like. I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to leave in my 30’s. It will take work, but that’s something I’m willing to do.

Today’s the first day of my new decade.

Sitting here in my home office, while the rest of the house is asleep, I feel happy.

My coffee is hot.

My heart is full.

Cheers to 40.

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