If you think sobriety is boring or unglamorous, then Lizzy Savetsky is about to prove you wrong. Lizzy is a mom, a Jewish activist, a former Real Housewives of New York, and a delightful woman who I know you will love! Today we dive into her sobriety journey, her reasons for stepping away from The Real Housewives, the role that Judaism plays in her life (and played in her drinking), and so much more!
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Transcript:
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hi, welcome to the Sober Mom Life podcast. I’m your host Suzanne of my kind of suite and the sober mom life on Instagram. If you are a mama who has questioned your relationship with alcohol at times, if you’re wondering if maybe it’s making motherhood harder, this is for you. I will be having candid, honest, funny conversations with other moms who have also thought, Hmm, maybe motherhood is better without alcohol. Is it possible we’ll chat and we’ll talk about all things sobriety and how we’ve found freedom in sobriety. I don’t consider myself an alcoholic. You don’t have to either. Maybe life is brighter without alcohol. I hope you will join us on this journey and I’m so excited to get started.
(00:57)
Hello, happy Monday. We are back. You guys, you know that I’m obsessed with Bravo and the Real Housewives. So Lizzie Savitsky, she’s a mom, she’s a wife, she’s a Jewish influencer, an activist, and she started off on the Ronnie Reboot, that’s the Real Housewives of New York, the new show. We talk a little bit about that and we talk about, you know, just, we don’t get into the details of why she left, but she did step away from that. We talk about that. We talk about her sobriety journey, what it means to her. She teaches me about Judaism. I am not Jewish, and so this was so enlightening. Um, I just, I love her so much. We’ve been following each other for about a year and she’s just so, she’s like the ultimate cool mom. I love that. Her life in, she lives in New York and it seems very glamorous.
(01:49)
So we talk about how sobriety affected that. Yeah, you’ll fall in love with her for sure. I know you will. Before we get to the episode, I wanna say thank you so much for all of the support over on Patreon. Okay? So be sure you’re following us on Patreon. It’s patreon.com/the sober mom life. There you will get bonus episodes. I’m also setting up a Discord community, so you’re gonna be able to chat with each other. The Facebook group, the Sober Mom life Facebook group has gotten very big, which is exciting. But I also wanted just a more intimate place for you guys to connect. So this will be on there and I’m gonna shout out the top tier members, the $10 a month members. So thank you to Alana, Joyce, Emily, Annie, Jen, Jen, Heidi, Wendy, Joelle, Stacy, Amanda, Jennifer, Jen with two ends, Paige, Julia, Heather, Jamie, Stacy, Megan, Erin, and Elena.
(02:49)
Thank you so much you guys. This is how I’m able to keep doing this and so that I don’t lose all my money on a podcast <laugh>. I am keeping this space ad so that you don’t have to fast forward through those annoying ads. And so Patreon is just a way that you can support the podcast. It starts at $5 a month, goes to seven, and then the highest is $10 a month. And yeah, you get a lot of fun bonus content. Be sure you’re following me over on Instagram at the sober mom life for all things podcast, and then at my kind of suite for a look into my full sober life. And I think that’s it. If you’re loving the podcast, don’t forget to rate and review it. That really helps us grow. And I think that’s it guys. I know you will love this episode with Lizzie Savitsky. Oh my God, you’re so cool. Lizzie, thank you so much for being here.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Thanks for having me. I’m really excited to finally get to chat with you with thousands of people listening. <laugh>.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
I know. Okay. And I was trying to think about when we first connected, I think it was a year ago on Instagram. Was it? Was it that long ago?
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Yes. My husband sent me one of your reels. I think it was the, I’ve been drinking coffee. I’ve been drinking coffee, I’ve been drinking coffee. Yes. Because when I stopped drinking alcohol, I became a complete coffee addict and he got me this like fancy Jira coffee and I would have like five a day. Oh my God. Yeah. And so he sent me your video and I was like, who is this woman and how did I not know about her?
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Oh my God. Well, I remember I was in Florida and I got your message and I looked at your profile and first of all, you guys, if you think sobriety is dull and boring and not glamorous, I want you to go to Lizzie’s profile right now and we’re gonna link it in the show notes. You, you’re the most fabulous person drinking or not. Oh, thanks. Yeah, I, I think that that’s just, you are like the best commercial for the fact that like life does not end in sobriety at all. Yeah, it’s the opposite. It was
Speaker 2 (05:01):
A big fear that I had and so I’m glad to now be the uh, poster child <laugh> for the opposite.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Yeah, for real. Okay. And I wanna talk about sobriety, but I think before we do that, let’s go back and just talk about your relationship with alcohol and what it was and how you felt about it and when you first started to question it.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
So, it’s funny cuz I feel like when I look at you, and obviously I don’t know your story, I feel like our relationships with alcohol were a little bit different. For me, I drank like a normal person through high school and college, you know, like I would have the occasional blackout hangovers, whatever, but um, I would say maybe like binge drinking once or twice a week, but not like a daily drinker. And um, when I moved to Israel the year after college, I was just so out of my comfort zone. I was there in this foreign country with people I didn’t really know and I felt uncomfortable and insecure and I found that drinking took all those feelings away. And that’s really when I became a daily drinker and really started to use alcohol as a way to comfort myself and numb my feelings.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
And it really worked. And that’s the thing, like I never wanna mislead anyone and say, you know, alcohol was always bad. Like for me it was a solution and it worked through that period. And I mean I had some embarrassing moments here and there. Definitely. Like my husband and I were dating long distance at the time and I would call him drunk and we’d fight on the phone and I would be crying and emotional like a basket case.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
And how old were you at this time?
Speaker 2 (06:54):
I was 23. Okay,
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
I celebrated my 23rd birthday that year. Yes. And then when I came back from Israel and I moved to Philadelphia from New York and I was starting grad school there, my husband was in med school. And again, I was like in this environment where I was alone a lot. I was not really happy in Philly and I loved my husband but he just wasn’t around because he was so busy in med school. And so, you know, I had the comfort of alcohol and I, it really became a huge part of my identity. Like everyone knew me as Lizzie who drinks like Lizzie who’s the life of the party. Yeah. You know, it really was progressive for me. And like through the times of my life when I was struggling, I used it as a crutch. You know, I struggled with infertility, I struggled with pregnancy loss and I, instead of working through my feelings was always just hitting the bottle.
(07:54)
And I was such a high functioning drinker that nobody really knew that I had any issues. And I was so good at controlling it and hiding it. I didn’t really hit bottom and decide I wanted to, you know, there were like always little pockets of moments of maybe I like this too much. Like mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I remember just like I would take my kids out to dinner. My husband w was in residency and he was working all the time. And I would take my kids out to dinner in New York City at this restaurant in their pajamas so we could just like leave their mess there and they knew like I didn’t eat and they would just keep refilling my wine glass. And I’m like, this is like not normal. Like, and they knew, you know, like Right. And it wasn’t like, I’m sure that there are women who do that who maybe don’t have alcohol problems, but like I thought that that was not normal. I didn’t grow up seeing that. My parents didn’t drink like that.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
They didn’t. So your parents weren’t like big drinkers, it wasn’t the culture that you grew
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Up in? No, I never had alcohol in my house growing up other than like the manche, it’s wine that my dad would use for Shabbat.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
So I think I just had in my mind like there’s no way that I could have an alcohol problem because nobody in my family that I knew of did. And yeah, I mean alcohol really became my best friend and it was there when my husband wasn’t and it made me feel like warm and comforted and like I wasn’t alone, you know?
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Yeah. And I think it’s so important to point out that yeah, like alcohol does serve a purpose for us. And so it’s not, it’s easy in sobriety to say like, oh my god, alcohol is horrible and alcohol’s bad and now you see it clearly and everything. But we turned to it for a reason. I mean, for you it was comfort. You were lonely. I can for sure relate to that. In my twenties I moved to Atlanta and knew no one and yeah. And then you just, it’s so easy to turn inward and just like hole up into yourself and alcohol helps us do that. And also just helps us not care. Like when we care so much. I think that that’s exhausting. And so yeah, it’s like of course like I feel like in our twenties, I mean it’s always just so understandable when I hear, you know?
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Yeah. And I think if I look back, I had this pattern of wanting to isolate and I’ve never had a problem making friends or anything like that, but I guess it didn’t fill that hole in the same way that alcohol did for me. That void. Like there was always like this emptiness like that something was missing and I couldn’t put my finger on what it was.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
I had never really been a blackout drinker. And at the end of my drinking, like I got it in my head that I wanted to stop drinking and I was reading all these books that, you know, whatever, and I became like obsessed with wanting to stop drinking and it, and it made it so that all I wanted to do was drink.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Yeah. Like the focus was on alcohol then.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
That’s interesting. Yeah. So then how did you overcome that?
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Well, it was a really dark time and I was living in Dallas. I had three kids and I was like blacking out regularly. I was sneaky. I, at the end I was really drinking all day and I was so ashamed and I had so much guilt And you know, my family for the first time really was starting to, to really worry. I mean I think there had been times where they were periodically worried but didn’t wanna rock the boat. Yeah.
(11:36)
There was never any like formal intervention or anything like that. But I was aware that they were worried. And it got to a point with my husband where he was just like fed up. Like he didn’t wanna continue dealing with it. And I totally understood. I just felt like powerless to stop. Like I was trying and I couldn’t. So like for me, ultimately I needed like a 12 step program, you know, I didn’t need to go away. I really didn’t wanna leave my family. I know some people have to do that, but I was able to just find the support I needed in a 12 step program and, and figure out why I was trying to constantly escape my feelings and I’m out. And I realize now I’m 18 months into this that my drinking really had nothing to do with alcohol. It was like this void that I was trying to fill that I’m now able to to do in another way.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Yeah. And so let’s talk about that void because I think that, I probably think everyone who’s listening to this understands that whether you’re drinking every day or not drinking does at first feel like it fills that void. Right? And then that ends up not working and then it makes you feel worse. And alcohol works just until it doesn’t. And I think when it starts not working, it takes us a while to figure out like, holy shit, like this used to work. What’s going on now? It’s not working now it’s making me feel worse. And then there’s all that shame and guilt that goes along with it that is just like, I can relate to that. I think everyone who has drank too much can relate to that shame and guilt and that working through that I think is part of the hard work of sobriety.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
It was such a vicious cycle cuz it’s like the shame and guilt want, you wanna numb that out, then you drink more and then it’s just compounding and building and building.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Totally. Yeah. Because you don’t like shame is really hard to feel. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Like that’s a real <laugh>. That’s a really, yeah. And if you can choose not to feel it, like of course like you, you don’t wanna feel it, but then that just creates more shame and then you’re just kicking the rock down the road. Yeah. So when you finally said, okay, yes. Like this is not, I see alcohol now I see what it’s doing. This is not for me. How was that journey through just working through the shame and guilt that drinking caused?
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Well first I wanted to see if I could drink like a normal person, which let me just say didn’t go so well.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
This is what I’ve started to think too. So a normal person, I think we just have that in our heads. Yeah. As like some ideal that somehow we’re taught like yeah we’re supposed to be able to handle this substance. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
<affirmative> and some people can
Speaker 1 (14:31):
<laugh>. Right. And even you said like when you were drinking too much, like in your gut, you like felt that it was too much. But like no one would’ve known, like I think from the outside people would’ve assumed you were a normal drinker then, right? Totally. But no one knows. Like we just don’t know what goes on inside and in people’s homes. Like I think normal for everything can be dangerous. Like when we have this standard in our mind that might be a little bit made up because I don’t know, I don’t know. Yeah. I think normal, when we think about normal, if we think about the majority, I just don’t see the majority being able to like take it or leave it with alcohol.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Yeah. I agree with that. And I think the second you’re trying to control something, you have no control. Right. Because you wouldn’t be trying to control it if you had control.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Yeah, totally.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
So that says something and you know, I would make these rules for myself and break them constantly.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Yeah. Like what were some of your rules? I always like to hear, I, cuz I had rules too. I always like to hear people’s rules where it’s like I’m only drinking on the weekends. Never during the week I’m only gonna drink two glasses of wine. I’m only drinking vodka, I’m only drinking. Like
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Yeah, totally. I mean, at the end I really had switched to wine cuz I just could drink more of it. And I li I mean I love wine. I I miss the taste of it. I’m not gonna lie to you.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
Yeah, no,
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Yeah. You know, I would make sure that if I went out I would have like the normal amount <laugh>, right? Yeah. And I, I would go home. Like I would never get, you know, plastered in public or anything like that. And like if I was alone with my kids, I would never get too drunk. It would always, you know, make sure that my husband was home or somebody else was around. But see these rules, I’m sure if I kept drinking I would’ve broken every single one of them. You know, I never drank and drove, but I’m sure that would’ve happened if I continued down my path, you know?
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Right. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Yeah. And then in terms of unpacking the shame and and coping with that, I wish there was like a quicker process.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
I know,
Speaker 2 (16:44):
I know. I mean it’s hard when you’re living with the people who have seen you at your lowest and there’s so much resentment there and it’s totally valid. Their resentment, you know, it’s valid resentment and it’s hard to overcome that feeling even when you’re doing the work and putting in the time and you know, changing. And for me it just took time and really committing, they say like, you know, talk is cheap and so when you’re changing your behavior and people around you see that and notice it, that shame starts to lift because you know, you’re living a different, a different way. Like you’re living your apology as opposed to just constantly saying, I’m sorry.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Totally. Yes. And I think that’s important for our kids too. And I all, all the moms that I talked to, it is generally that shame is around their kids and what their kids saw when they were drinking and what they went through. And it’s so true that it’s just, I, I think like for me, my sobriety is so much about consistency and just being able to be who I am truly as a mom. Like nothing gets in the way. And I think once our kids see that, and you’re right, like it’s time and I know a lot of people don’t wanna hear that in early sobriety cuz the shame is horrible and hard to feel. But if you just continually keep showing up as a mom, like you’re already a great mom, we don’t need classes. We don’t need to be taught how to love our children mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And we just let alcohol get in the way for a while. And now when you take that out, like you will be a good mom, you know?
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Yes, a hundred percent. And like I’m an even better mom now than I could have imagined because I had never been a sober mom before and I have so much more patience. And like just the other night my kids were like, forgot about some homework and they were str I was only one home with them and they had to do this like keeper homework and like Jewish study homework and I had no idea how to help ’em with it. And they were crying and Oh yeah. And I was like, okay everyone, it’s okay. Like just calm down deep breaths and I figured out how to do it, you know, I was googling and search it and whatever. And I was like, it was such a victory for me because I never would’ve had those patience or been able to keep my emotions in check and just like handle it when I was drinking. I would’ve been like, whatever, who cares? Just tell the teacher you couldn’t figure it out. Or I would’ve, you know, been yelling at them to stop crying or, and I was like, it’s those moments that are a bigger win for me than anything else. You know, because that’s what shows me what a different person I am and I’m not trying it just, it’s who I am now.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Right. That’s the yeah. Like it’s who you are, it’s who you are as a mom. That’s why like I understand the shame that moms feel, but I think when we can blame the alcohol rather than blaming ourselves, and that doesn’t mean not taking accountability and not figuring out new coping skills, but once you can like remove yourself and be like, oh that wasn’t me, that was the alcohol. I think that that alleviates a little bit of the shame. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
<affirmative>. I agree.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
We’re great moms. We just are.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
And it’s also, you know, I had taken on a hundred percent of the blame and you know, I’ve had to let that go in my sobriety journey in order to move forward. And I’ve looked back and realized that like a lot, of course I take accountability for I’m the one who drank. I’m the one who did the things I did. But we live in a society that very much normalizes binge drinking, you know, wine time and we’re not necessarily given the option of knowing there. There’s another way.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Totally.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
I I I think a lot of it isn’t just that we’re such bad people, it’s that the societal norms don’t necessarily facilitate good behavior.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Yeah, totally. I mean, everywhere we look we’re taught that alcohol’s the answer. Like if it’s celebrating, if it’s grieving, if it’s witching hour, if it’s motherhood, if it’s dinner, if it’s everything. I mean like yeah. It’s just really good marketing <laugh> mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And we’ve all been tricked
Speaker 2 (21:16):
<laugh>.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Well, and so cuz you are very social, right? Like I just, I from your stories and your Instagram, and I get asked this a lot as far as sobriety, like how did a sobriety affect my social life? I’m a homebody so you guys, I’m like fine just to like, I mean I have my, I have my small group of friends and we’ll go out and it’s fine and, but I don’t always have the answer for that because I like to stay home. But you are like, first of all, you’re a, you’re a Jewish activist, right? And so you’re, yeah. You put yourself out there, you’re an influencer. I think your life seems so big and you’re so involved in your community and you’re very social. So how did sobriety affect that and how do you navigate that?
Speaker 2 (21:56):
It was my biggest worry with getting sober because so much of the Jewish culture and my social life revolves around alcohol.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
This is interesting cuz I’m not Jewish. So the Jewish culture revolves around alcohol.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Yes. Especially orthodox Judaism. I mean really? Yeah. My last blackout started in the synagogue on Shabbat on a Saturday morning.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Really? Wow. Yes. I don’t know why this is blowing my mind. It doesn’t. I, I guess I wouldn’t think that.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Yes. So there’s a lot of drinking and Judaism. Oh. And it’s, it’s become a problem to the point where the community is is has recognized it. But you know, there’s different rituals like during the reading of what’s called the Hoff Torah during, um, the service on Saturday because it’s like more of an optional thing to hear. So they have what’s called the kiddish club and a lot of the men will go out and just take shots of expensive scotch Oh really? Or not expensive scotch. Yeah. During that. And that’s like 9:00 AM and I would always be the one woman at the kiddish club. Oh
Speaker 1 (23:03):
My god. I’m like,
Speaker 2 (23:03):
I can drink like a man and I could, I could drink them under the table. And you know, drinking starts young, especially in Orthodox Judaism. Wait,
Speaker 1 (23:11):
So what does that look like?
Speaker 2 (23:13):
Wine at Friday night, dinner, you know, teenagers drinking and it’s one of those weird things. It’s like the more religious you are, the like earlier you start drinking and the, and the more you drink.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
Yeah. This is why I have like cognitive dissonance right now because in Christianity I don’t, I think it’s tends to be the opposite. Opposite. Yeah. And so now I’m like, okay, I, I didn’t know about this.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Mm-hmm <affirmative>. Yeah. And we have like whole holidays dedicated to drinking. There’s purum which is about to come up and you’re supposed to get so that you don’t know the difference between good and evil.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Really?
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Okay, tell me about that.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Okay, so basically the poem story is the story of the Persian empire. And the king is in search of a new wife cuz he beheaded his first wife because she wouldn’t parade naked in front of, I’m getting way too into this right now. Oh
Speaker 1 (24:10):
<laugh>. No, I like it.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
And so he beheaded her and so he needed a new wife and so they went in search of like the most beautiful women in the Persian kingdom. It was a time already where the Jews were already very much oppressed. And so they found this beautiful woman, NA, named Esther. And she was Jewish but she hid her Judaism because she didn’t want it to endanger her life or her family’s life. And um, he ended up choosing her. It was basically like the world’s first beauty pageant.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Yeah. So he ended up choosing her and while she was queen, this um, evil man named Haman decided he wanted to kill all the Jews and she went to the king and essentially saved the Jewish people. And like nobody could approach the king without the chance that he may kill you, he has to qualify for you. But she was brave enough to go to the king and um, tell him I’m Jewish. She was endangering her own life. And so anyway, the reason that we’re supposed to drink so much is we’re not supposed to know the difference between Haman and Queen Esther and Mordecai because in life, like we a lot of times have our beer goggles on and it’s very fuzzy. And so we take it to the extreme to remind ourselves that it’s an extreme and that there is good and there is evil and we need to have clarity about that. It’s a very ironic,
Speaker 1 (25:36):
I know this is blowing my mind. I like the Judaism lesson too because that’s good.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
<laugh> it’s coming
Speaker 1 (25:42):
Up. Okay. So Purim is coming up. So now what do you do? So yeah. Yeah. How did your sobriety affect all of these cultural
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Things? The first thing that I thought when I stopped drinking was, oh my God, how am I gonna get through the Jewish holidays? And I remember another sober friend said to me, you are not gonna think about that. You are going to take this one day at a time and if need be one hour at a time. And I do that still and most of the time I’m surprised by what triggers me and what doesn’t. Cuz usually, you know, when I’m around a bunch of people drinking or if it’s like a party situation, I really don’t have the desire to drink. There’ve been maybe some moments where I had a little bit of that feeling of I wanna be on their level, but that passed pretty quickly.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
That makes sense too because when you’re up close to alcohol, you like see it and you’re like, oh, I’ve been romanticizing you and this is what you are and now I see it and I’m good
Speaker 2 (26:41):
<laugh>. Yeah. Yeah. Last night I at a party and um, I was at the bar ordering a virgin something and this girl asked me, she said, is it really hard to be around everyone drinking? And it was so funny. I had not, I hadn’t thought about it, it didn’t even cross my mind until she asked me. And I was like, no, it’s weird, but no, it’s not hard.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Isn’t that great? Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
I was like, I love being in the moment and knowing when I don’t wanna be somewhere anymore.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
<laugh>. Yeah. Like you would leave when you’re tired. Yeah. Like I remember that being like, oh my god, I’m tired. And I’m like, oh my God, if I was drinking I wouldn’t even know I’m tired.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
I would always be the last to leave.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
Yes,
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Me too. My husband is so happy to no longer be lingering.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
He’s like, what are you talking about? And who are these people? <laugh>.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Right. You’re like, they’re my new best friends <laugh>.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Yeah. Wow. Okay. So you’re not triggered when you’re in social situations and when you’re out, when do you feel like, what surprised you? Like is it at home witching hour with the kids or
Speaker 2 (27:43):
When Um, yeah, when I get overwhelmed.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
When I start to feel that tension rising in my chest. Whether it’s like I have three kids, so like ask with them. No, like the noise, I’m like, I just want everyone shut up. You know,
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Like when you just need an escape.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Yeah. Or if I just came from like a really intense, like rally against antisemite or if I’ve been reading a lot of, you know, unfortunate news or those overwhelming feelings are what triggers me, but it’s not the good times.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Right. I think that that’s so interesting and this kind of does tie into, you know, we have a lot of Bravo fans who listen to this podcast and Yes. You guys, Lizzie was on the Ronny reboot, so when I saw you announce it, I was like, oh my God, this is amazing. I did feel a little like, oh, I wonder you don’t think about sobriety and Ronny. Yeah. I don’t. Right. Because nobody does. Right.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Although Liam Mc McQueeny had a sober season, I guess.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Yes. Yes she did. I wanna talk to her too cuz I think her story is interesting in that she’s
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Great. She she’s great. You should totally interview her. I like that.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Right. Yeah. And I like that like she was sober leading up to it and then the first season we saw like it Yeah. Go up the rail. Like, and that’s understandable because I think you know how like they say on sex in the city, like New York is like the fifth character, I feel like on Rooney Alcohol is like the fifth character or the sixth Yeah. Or whatever. Like there’s just such a, I think with all housewives it’s just such a drinking is just front and center and all of it. And so yeah. When you announce and I was like, oh this is good. Like this feels like fresh and new and this is amazing and you’re sober and you’re a Jewish activist. Like this is what that show needs. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And then you announced that no, it’s not gonna happen. How was that time for you in your sobriety and that had to like, speaking of overwhelming, like that had to feel really overwhelming.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Yeah, it was a very anxiety provoking time. I have to say. I had never been more grateful for my sobriety than I was when I was going through it. And you know, my sobriety is my first priority. So if I am not sober, I really have nothing. I don’t have my family, I don’t have my career, I don’t have my friends, you know, it all goes. And so I put, I have to put that first. And I wouldn’t say that I felt tempted to drink necessarily on the show, but it is, you know, it is a very alcohol centric environment. Yeah. You know, and I don’t judge anyone. I’m happy for anyone, anyone to do what works for them as long as it makes them happy and they’re not hurting anyone or Right. You know, to each his own. I really, I still hang out with a ton of people who drink and you know, it doesn’t bother me at all. But because it was such a challenging time and I was encountering so much hate
Speaker 1 (30:47):
And this is like online on social media.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Yeah. From the time that it was starting to be rumor that I was gonna be on the show, there was so much hate coming my way. And it wasn’t even like in my inbox, it was like public on Twitter. Oh. I had to delete Twitter from my phone and like people saying the most vile things, like bringing my children into it. Oh my god. You know, death threats and like, here’s the great thing about sobriety, you know how you’re feeling. Yes. So I was like, this feels wrong. And I touch with how I was like, every bone in my body is saying like, abort, abort. You know, it felt really dishonest to me. I wasn’t comfortable and I was so grateful to have like my barometer in check for like how I was feeling. And I would not have had that if I had been drinking. There’s just no way.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
Totally.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
And so I remember when I stopped drinking and like hearing about things that people had gone through in sobriety, like deaths, cancer diagnoses, divorce and being like, how the hell do you do that? And then when I went through something hard myself and sobriety, I was like, oh my God, this is so much better. Like, I have tools, I have clarity, I am in touch with my feelings, even if they’re shitty feelings. And yeah. And so it was like my saving grace to be able to, to hang onto that and to know what I needed for myself.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
That makes so much sense. I think it’s such a like yeah, listening to your gut, it’s like learning a new language. Like we have to figure out like, what am I feeling? Oh, wow. And the fact that you could feel that and say like, no, like this is, this is too much. Like everything inside me is telling me no. And then follow through with that and do it and protect yourself and your family and your sobriety. I think that that’s, I mean that’s badass. That’s like the most badass thing you can do
Speaker 2 (32:52):
Really. It felt like a power move. It,
Speaker 1 (32:54):
You know, it was totally a power balance
Speaker 2 (32:55):
Because it’s like I would’ve second guessed, but that’s the best thing. You just, you know what your instincts are telling you and you can trust it. Yes.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
I think that it’s important in like the Bravo verse and everything. I mean it did highlight that anti-Semitism is a huge problem. Yes. You know, and I think we’re seeing that more and more, but you really like coming out and saying like, you guys, you have no idea like how awful this has been and the hate that I’m getting for who I am and what I believe. Like that’s Yeah. That’s incredible that you’re using your voice and now you know, you have the platform and I see like, and I’m not Jewish and I I love it and I will share it because Yeah. I, I think that you’re changing the world and you’re opening people’s eyes and minds, I think to what the Jewish people in America and in the world are going through. And I think that that’s so important.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
Thank you. Yeah. I mean, honestly like I just try to do the next right thing that I can for my people, for my family. And if I see that like I can be of service or, you know, be a helpful voice, it’s very fulfilling me to me to do that. And to also know when it’s too much for me. And to say like, now I’m gonna push the pause button and understand my boundaries. And that, that was a learning experience for me. My bottom with my drinking really started during the war in Gaza in 2021 when Israel was just being like pummeled on social media and like, I was getting so much hate every day and oh my gosh, it was just, and not even just hate, but so much ignorance and it’s nobody’s fault. Like they are being told a story by the media and by social media and you know, we can only know what we know.
(34:49)
And so it’s frustrating to see this kind of propaganda and I, I didn’t know how to handle it any other way, but to drink and it became so unmanageable and my emotions just got the better of me and like the anger and it just, it got in the way of me being a, a able to actually be the activist that I, I wanna be. And I’ll, I’ll tell you quick story. I was, one of my, my real white light moments was I was doing a live with the Israeli consulate in New York and there were, it was during the war in Gaza and there were thousands of people watching this live on Instagram. And I had was so drunk that I had taken some Adderall, which I wasn’t prescribed and I had like the worst dry mouth and the entire interview I like can’t form sentences. I’m like, yeah. And everyone was like, what’s her problem? Like, what is going on? Like, is she on drugs? And that moment I was like, oh my God, like my drinking is getting in the way of me being the person that I wanna be. Like all I’ve ever wanted was to be like this purposeful voice for the Jewish people. And you know, I’m telling myself I don’t have a problem. Well look I do and people are starting to take notice and I was like, I I don’t wanna be that person.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
Yeah. So your drinking was getting in the way of what you consider your purpose.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Yes, totally.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
I think that’s really eye-opening. And so when you talked about this hole that you had that drinking you were trying to fill, does activism fill that hole?
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Activism gives me a lot of purpose, but for me, I’m a religious person, I’m a spiritual person and I need God in my life. And I really lost touch with God when I was looking for, um, in a bottle. The only solution for me has to, you know, when we say surrender, like what are you surrendering to? Like I would like to think that there’s an all loving God that’s running the show. That once what’s best for me and you know, when things feel so out of control I can hand them over. And without that component I don’t think I would be able to stay sober. I don’t think I would be able to feel the level of peace that I have. So I know everyone is different. I’m not here to like push religion on anyone, but just for me personally, it’s been huge.
Speaker 1 (37:12):
No, I think that’s beautiful. Yeah. I think finding something outside of ourselves and something greater and uh, yeah. I mean that’s so meaningful. And man, I just, I love this conversation. I think it’s gonna help a lot of people and you’re, you’re changing the world and I hope you feel that. I hope that,
Speaker 2 (37:31):
I think you’re changing the world too by normalizing sobriety and making it so cute and accessible. Thank
Speaker 1 (37:38):
You. Yo. Good. Well, thank you. And
Speaker 2 (37:40):
It’s like you’re, you’re putting all these like disruptors out there and, but you’re doing it in such a relatable, fun way that makes people wanna
Speaker 1 (37:49):
Watch. Oh
Speaker 2 (37:50):
And yeah, I love it.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
Okay, good. Well, when you said like with activism, cuz I don’t consider myself, I don’t have like an activist’s heart when you’re like, yeah. When you do it and then it’s too much and you have to kind of pull back and then take care of yourself because both of us, you started just as like an influencer fashion, fashion style. Yeah. Right, right. And then when you realize like, okay, I can only talk about, you know, for me it was like I can’t talk about denim anymore. Like I need to,
Speaker 2 (38:17):
But I looked so good on you.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
Yeah. But I need to talk about something else. But then there is this like, okay, now I need to just share something that doesn’t matter because Yeah, there’s a lot of pushback and like you and I are disruptors and when we’re disruptors, and I
Speaker 2 (38:32):
Would argue with you, you are an activist, you’re an activist for normalizing sobriety.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
Really? Oh my God. Yeah. Why am I <laugh>?
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Because you’re living, you’re going against the common truth. You’re going up against it head on publicly, you know? True. And you’re not pushing it on anyone else’s. True. But I think when you’re living out loud doing something different, that’s activism.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
I guess so. Okay. We’re activists guys. It’s, it’s settled. We’re activists. Okay. Well thank you so much for this. I adore you. I’m so glad you sent me that message. I’m so glad your husband saw the coffee reel a year ago and we connected.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Me too. Thank you. Thank you. Cheers. Sober. Cheers.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Yay, sober. Cheers.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
<laugh> <laugh>. Bye babe. Take care.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
You too. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of The Silver Mom Life. If you loved it, please rate and review it wherever you listen. Five stars is amazing. Also, follow me on Instagram at the sober mom life. Okay. I’ll see you next week. I’m gonna go reheat my coffee. Bye.
Speaker 3 (39:49):
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Speaker 1 (39:50):
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Yeah. We might not break the political pop culture news of the week,
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