Today’s Real Mom is proof that you don’t need to hit rock bottom to desire a change!
Allison’s drinking became moderate so gradually that she never even realized when it became a habit. Slowly, the negative effects of alcohol began to creep into her life, clouding her decisions and complicating her life as a mom. It was then that she realized: Drinking was not helping her be the mom she wanted to be.
Clearly, it was time to ditch the alcohol.
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Transcript:
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hi, welcome to the Sober Mom Life podcast. I’m your host, Suzanne of my kind of suite and the sober mom life on Instagram. If you are a mama who has questioned your relationship with alcohol at times, if you’re wondering if maybe it’s making motherhood harder, this is for you. I will be having candid, honest, funny conversations with other moms who have also thought, Hmm, maybe motherhood is better without alcohol. Is it possible? We’ll chat and we’ll talk about all things sobriety and how we’ve found freedom in sobriety. I don’t consider myself an alcoholic. You don’t have to either, and maybe life is brighter without alcohol. I hope you will join us on this journey, and I’m so excited to get started.
(01:04)
Hello, mamas sober and sober, curious moms. I am back with another real sober mom episode today. Today we have Alison and you guys, I have to, I say this in the episode, but I swear Alison deserves like the most patient podcast guest in the history of the podcast. What is this? We’ve had like, I don’t know, 40 episodes, but this was an interesting thing for me to just give myself grace, because in this crazy holiday season and just the crazy mom life, there’s just so much going on, so many scheduling issues and technology issues, and I had to cancel on her, I think, three times, which is the, I try not to cancel on anybody e ever. And so for me, having to do that, it felt awful. And then the fourth time we had the time wrong, and then when we started recording, we had technology issues and sound issues, and it took us probably 15 minutes to figure that out.
(02:08)
So all this to say, you never know what’s going on behind the scenes, and you can release a podcast episode and it could seem just, you know, perfectly edited and that nothing went wrong and just seamless. And you guys, I’m just here to tell you, it is not that. There’s just so much that always goes on behind the scenes that, you know, the final presented product doesn’t show. And that goes with everything that goes with everything that we don’t see the full picture of. That goes with Facebook, Instagram, obviously, movies, video, uh, everything, everything that we consume has a behind the scenes that is probably a bit of a shit show. So I just wanna thank Allison for sticking in there with me and being just so, she was just so generous and never got, you know, annoyed. Oh, she probably did get annoyed, but she, she didn’t show me.
(02:59)
She was annoyed. She’s just so lovely. And when she first started our conversation, she was like, all of this, and it’s gonna be pretty anti-climatic because it’s not, you know, this, it’s not like a huge story. And I, and I talk about this, that I think these are the most important stories to tell in the most important stories to hear. Where it’s not a story that you’re gonna, it’s gonna become a bestselling memoir because it’s not extraordinary. And I think that that’s what makes it the most important story to hear, because that’s the reality for so many moms right now. And I think that we’re taught that we have to wait until our stories get extraordinary and sensational and, uh, mirror what we see in movies and what we read about. We have to wait until that, until we decide to question our relationship with alcohol.
(03:52)
And the fact is that we don’t, and that we shouldn’t. I mean, if you have a story like that, that’s great. You could probably sell a book, but that’s not great for your relationships and for your mental health and for motherhood. And so I will tell these stories and Allison’s story as often as I can because they need to be heard. And she tells her story beautifully. I love it. We talk a lot about also what if, you know, your husband is still drinking and, and how does that play out? I think that that is a really common thing. She talks about her faith, which I love, and also a lot about community. And that’s what it’s really about. I love that she has found community in the sober mom like Facebook group and has connected with Jamie who was also on the podcast. I also do a little matchmaking, a little sober mom matchmaking in this episode, which I feel like is, I don’t know, guys, maybe that’s my calling.
(04:49)
Maybe I can sober matchmaking. I’m not talking about in the romantic sense, I’m talking about the mom friend sense. Also, that should be a service in itself because it’s, it’s not easy to make mom friends. So can there be like a mom friend matchmaker? All right, I have rambled enough. Make sure that you come and join our sober mom life group on Facebook. It is the most supportive and loving place on the internet. They are my favorite moms. Also, come and follow me on Instagram at the sober mom life and on TikTok at the Sober Mom Life podcast. No, I don’t know my handle. Is it the sober mom life pod? Yeah. Okay, guys, enjoy this episode with Alison.
(05:42)
Okay, we’re laughing because we <laugh> you guys. This has been <laugh> the most. We’re gonna call it challenging, but we persevered. Faded. Yeah, faded. We persisted. And now we are finally here. I, this has been the <laugh>, okay. Like I said, the first time we started to record this, you deserve the most patient award because Wow. But we’re finally here and we are just saying, you said it was gonna be anti-climatic because your story is like your average Joe story. And I was like, well, first of all, I think those are the most important stories to tell and to hear. Cuz I think a lot of the stories that are out there are those like, you know, sensational rock bottom. Like, ooh, give us the juicy details. And while those might be, I don’t wanna say fun to hear because, but they’re just that sensational element. I think that more common is the story of it doesn’t have those sensational things. So maybe the most sensational part of this interview was us trying to make it happen <laugh>, but I’m so glad we’re here. <laugh>. Yeah. Okay, we’re gonna try this again. Tell us about yourself, you guys. I’m here with Alison. I don’t even know if I said that yet, but I’m here with Alison <laugh>. <laugh>. Okay. So tell us a little bit about yourself.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Um, so I’m a mom of three littles. So I have a four year old daughter, uh, two and a half year old daughter, and a one-year-old son.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Oh, wow. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
And we have an 11 month old German Shepherd, so we are just, we’re pretty nuts.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
<laugh>. Yeah. You’re in it, you’re like totally in it.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
We’re busy. We’re crazy. We are. So it’s kind of funny, like when everybody’s talking about, like, once they were sober, they had all this energy. I’m like, I
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Don’t <laugh>. No, don’t,
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Because I have three little people, but I do have more energy than I did when I was drinking, so
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Yes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That’s good. Yeah,
Speaker 2 (07:41):
So we live on a farm. We moved here about a year ago. Um, we just kind of wanted to be a little bit off the grid and just have like some peace. Peace and quiet amidst the chaos.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
I stay home with the kids. My husband is self-employed, so that’s nice that, you know, I have the opportunity that I can stay home with the kids. What else is there to put mom life right
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Now? Yeah, I wanna move to a farm. I always have this in my head, like this idyllic, like moving to a farm, moving out in the middle of nowhere, getting away from it all. And I’m sure it’s still chaotic because wherever you go there you are. But still, like, it’s, it feels like very peaceful.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Yeah. But I just, you know, I just go outside when they’re napping and just get a few minutes outside and just like, you don’t hear anything. And it is, it’s really nice. It’s peaceful for
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Sure. Oh, that sounds amazing. Okay. And I, I wanna hear all about where you’re at in sobriety, but first let’s talk about, let’s talk about alcohol and your relationship with that and what that looked like.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Yeah, so I, I was kind of like a goodie two shoes. Like I waited until I was 21 to drink. Part of that was I was, I wanted to be a teacher. So like, I mean, it’s zero strikes, like if you get an underage or a DUI or anything like, like that, like you lose your teaching license. So, or you get, like in college, you get kicked out of the education program.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
So, you know, I kind of had that buffer mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Yeah. Um, so I, I waited until I was 21 and then I, you know, I just kind of moderately drank for a while. And I even, like, I was kind of originally the, in the camp of like, oh, I can’t, I can’t believe that people drink at one year old birthday parties. And Oh, why do you need alcohol at an amusement park? But then like, kind of the frog and boiling water, like over time. Yeah. I was that person drinking at a one year old birthday party and looking for the, the next beer stall at the amusement park. <laugh>,
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Like Yeah,
Speaker 2 (09:36):
It was, yeah, it was definitely a f frog and boiling water situation.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
I like how you put that. I like that idea of yeah. The frog in boiling water. Like, it doesn’t know it. I feel like that’s how it normally goes. It’s not like you’re gonna jump into drinking every day and drinking, you know, where alcohol is a huge problem. It’s like slowly you get into this thing where you don’t even realize it.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Right. It was funny, I actually remember when we were first married and, you know, we were grownups and we could have whatever we wanted in the house. And so it got to the point we were drinking every weekend and I was like, oh, wow, this is a lot like we’re drinking every weekend. And then like, eventually got to the point where like, I was drinking every day. Like
Speaker 1 (10:19):
<laugh>. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
You know, so it was, I would say kind of before I quit drinking, I was drinking maybe like five anywhere, like four to six days a week. Yeah. And it was never just one, you know, it might, it might be two, it might be five. You know, it’s that lie that you’ve, you’ve talked about where everybody think’s like, oh, it takes the edge off, it makes you more fun. But it was kind of a roulette, like, okay, is it, is it gonna be fun this time or am I just gonna be tired and cranky?
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Totally. Like you could, like sometimes maybe it is fun in, in that one in 10 times. Maybe it is, maybe it does deliver. Right. And that’s how, what makes it even more dangerous is it’s like, it’s not always a shit show mm-hmm. <affirmative>, but you never know if it’s going to be <laugh>.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Right? Yes. Like the slot machines at the casinos, like they hook you because there is that payout and reward, but it’s Right. Minimal. And that’s kinda like with alcohol, it’s like, okay, sometimes it was fun, but most of the time it was just a mess.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
<laugh>. Yeah. And even if it starts out fun, right? Like normally it does, like it’s never gonna start out a shit show cuz then no one would do it. Like it, it’s gonna start out feeling good. Yes. But then like, yeah, as it goes on, like, then what really happens? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Okay, so you were drinking and you were just drinking four to six days a week. I think that’s pretty common, especially now, especially for moms if you’re drinking like beer while you cook, or like wine with dinner, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So then what, what made you kind of stop and think about what made the frog, I don’t wanna call you a frog, but it, to extend the metaphor. That’s okay. <laugh>, what made the frog realize, holy shit, this water’s hot. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
There was like a few things that kind of led up to that. So I don’t know, um, if you’re familiar with the Bible at all. Yeah. But there’s a book called Proverbs and it’s like, why is sayings and things like that. And there’s actually like a lot in there about alcohol. There’s actually a verse. It says, uh, what is it? Beer is a brawler and wine is a mocker.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Really? You guys. And that was, that was like thousands of years ago. And they knew <laugh>. Wow.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Yeah. So I like kept reading these verses in there. Yeah. So that was like one light bulb. And then actually I saw I, like, I didn’t know of you or follow you, it just kind of popped up in a reel one time where you were talking about the mom water and, and going off about that. So that, like, I started looking into like sober mom igs and I was like, wow, this is interesting. But it still wasn’t enough. I was, it’s like, started the ball rolling mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And then the end of July, the last of July, it was, I think it was a Sunday. And my husband and I were day drinking because you know, it’s the weekend, it doesn’t count <laugh>.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Right. Yeah. And it’s summer and
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Yeah, exactly. So the kids were, the kids were napping and, um, we have a river that goes through our property and he’s like, oh, do you wanna go down by, you know, go down to the river. And usually I wouldn’t just like leave them there unattended mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But we had been drinking a little bit and I was like, all right, well maybe. And then like, we did a shot at like two in the afternoon cuz you know Yeah. Who does that? But, so we did a shot and then he went to the bathroom. I was like, I don’t know, I still feel bad about this. So I did another shot to numb it and like drown out the like responsible mom voice.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
And we went down and like hung out down by the river for like half an hour and then came back and my four-year-old was standing at the bottom of the steps, like screaming and crying for us. And it just like broke my heart. I felt horrible. And thankfully all she wanted was a glass of water
Speaker 1 (13:55):
<laugh>.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Yeah. So, you know, thankfully it wasn’t like she wasn’t hurt, like there wasn’t an emergency. But like that was my wake up call where I was like, dude, I never would’ve done that. Yeah. Sober. Like I wouldn’t have left my kids unattended for half an hour. And so that was like, that was it. So August 1st was day one of my sober journey and it’s, yeah, it’s been really
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Good. Wow. So interesting that like, nothing horrible happened, but it was just the idea that it could, right. Yeah. And that like, it was a possibility. And you saw that you made a, you made a choice in motherhood that you would not have made. Like, that is not you as a mom, right? Yeah. Like the alcohol made that choice for you. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Yeah. That’s interesting. Cuz I’ve just been writing about like my quote unquote rock bottom, which is not, it’s kind of similar to yours and it’s that thing of like, holy shit, what could have happened? And like, if, if it didn’t happen this time mm-hmm. <affirmative> doesn’t mean it won’t happen next time. Like, I just got lucky kind of. Right. Yeah. So how did you, once you decided, like you saw that alcohol was the problem in that scenario, then how did you, were you just like, okay, I’m done and then that’s it? Or how did that process go?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Yeah, I just, I said that’s like, that’s it. I’m done. And like I looked up your Instagram and was able to like get on there and I think that was like right around when you rolled out your Facebook group too. Yeah. Like July. Um, August. So like I joined that and I started listening to this naked Mind. Yeah. I did not get all the way through. It’s a little brain. It
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Is for me to be honest. And it’s really like repetitive. I found that, I’m glad I listened to it. I feel like listening to it is a, would be a little bit easier than reading it. Like I feel like it just like kind of soaked into me and I just let it like soak into me while I was listening to it cuz Yeah. It, it does get pretty brainy and like Yeah. Like is there gonna be a test <laugh>?
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Yeah. Yeah. But it was, you know, it was a start. It was a, a springboard. Um, and you know, I’m a very social person, so I think for me the bigger thing was the Facebook group and community and Yeah. Just like my, my Instagram was just like flooded with all these like sober counts and that was really helpful just like seeing everything on there. You know, one of the posts, I don’t remember if it was yours or somebody else’s, but it was like, you don’t have to be an alcoholic to be sober or, or to choose sobriety or something like that. Like Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
And
Speaker 2 (16:30):
That was like really powerful for me because up until then it was like, oh, I feel like to, to stop drinking. That’s like, I have to admit that I have a problem and like, I don’t wanna have a problem. Like Yeah. That has such a stigma. Now I’m able to think of it as like, okay, well yeah, I did have a problem. There’s lots of problems that people can have. And like, it was a problem that I was drinking more than I wanted to. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> like, that doesn’t make me an alcoholic. It’s not, it doesn’t mean the problem. Like there is no the problem. Like there’s lots of little problems Yes. That people can have
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
And move on from
Speaker 1 (17:03):
And yeah. That doesn’t mean you’re stuck in it. Like when you declare like, this is no longer for me, I’m done with alcohol, that doesn’t mean that problem comes with you <laugh>. That means like that’s your answer to the problem. I just had somebody, this is what drives me insane. I had somebody comment, I think this is on TikTok cuz on TikTok, they’re like way more like, ugh, you need a thicker skin for TikTok. That’s for sure. And so she was like, just because you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol doesn’t mean that somebody else does. And I’m like, hold on <laugh>. Like, I have zero relationship with alcohol, which is the healthiest relationship with alcohol I could have. Yes. What are you talking about? And it’s this thing that mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Yeah. Like if you’re not drinking alcohol, people consider your relationship with alcohol unhealthy. And I’m like, that’s so messed up. We wouldn’t do that with mm-hmm. <affirmative> any other thing. Yes. We wouldn’t say like, people who stop smoking, they’re, they’re not like, wow, you have a really unhealthy relationship with cigarettes, <laugh>. It’s like, no, it’s nonexistent. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Yeah. Ugh. Now that I’m out of it, like, yeah, there is such a culture in our society of alcohol and it’s so accepted that it’s like almost for people who choose not to drink, it’s like so abnormal and like, oh, what’s wrong with you? Like,
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Yeah. It’s like, what, what’s wrong with you that you don’t drink alcohol? It’s like, I mean, that’s so convoluted, but you don’t realize that until you stop drinking alcohol, you know, you just don’t realize it. Yeah. And so how has sobriety been for you? Like, what’s the major takeaway so far this far into your journey? Like how, how are you feeling? What are you feeling about it?
Speaker 2 (18:43):
I feel like I am a better version of myself. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and I’m a better mom. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And you know, like I said that that verse that says like, beer is a brawl or like, you know, alcohol causes problems and fights and like, it’s, I’ve noticed a difference in my marriage that like, we’re not fighting about stupid stuff as much, you know, still happens, but Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
So that, that has been, been good. Yeah. I just, I feel more like myself. Mm.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
That’s so good. It’s like a coming back to yourself and not letting alcohol get in the way of that. I love it. And what about, so does your husband still drink? Or how is that going?
Speaker 2 (19:20):
So he kind of is a cyclical drinker. Okay. Like he will drink regularly and heavily for like months at a time and then he’ll like take a month off and then he’ll yeah. You know, moderately drink and then it’ll pick up. Like, so he’s very cyclical in his drinking. So when I stopped drinking, I didn’t really announce it like, Hey, I’m never drinking again. Because honestly at that time I didn’t even know if that was gonna be my decision. I was just like, okay, yeah. I’m not drinking for now because forever seems really big
Speaker 1 (19:52):
<laugh>. Totally. Like when do we ever have to answer that question for anything?
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Yeah, exactly. So I just told him at the time that I was just taking a break and then it seemed like his drinking picked up at that time.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Oh, okay. So it’s like
Speaker 2 (20:06):
I stopped and he like drinking too. Um, so that was hard at first. Like I dealt with a lot of resentment mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I was kind of in the deprivation stage where I was like, okay, I know this is good for me, but like I’m still kind of salty. Like I want this even though I know it’s been Yeah. And here you’re over here like just going like gangbusters, like I’m a little jealous <laugh>.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
But then there’d be times where he would just like way overdo it or like be hungover and I’m like, okay, maybe I’m not jealous <laugh> anymore.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Yeah. I think this is so interesting because I think, uh, I’m finding that, so a lot of the sobriety quote unquote influencers that I talked to who have been sober for years and you know, kind of have their story down, A lot of their husbands have chosen not to drink and they’re both living this like sober lifestyle with the real moms and the real life stuff. I’m finding that a lot of husbands are still drinking. And so this is all to say like, if your husband is still drinking, you’re not alone in that. It doesn’t, even if we share stories of like, oh yeah, my husband is sober and we both love it and it’s just amazing and now we’re living our best lives together. Like I think that that idea can sometimes mess with our heads if our husbands do still drink. For sure.
(21:27)
Because yeah. Like I, I think that that’s just real life and that’s part of the journey of trying to figure it out. I think I like how you said like, yeah, you’re jealous at first, but then when you see like what alcohol really is and what it does to him, then you’re not jealous. And that’s like a perfect front row seat to the reality of alcohol because it’s so easy for us to like think, oh my God, I’m missing out on this fun. And then when you see and when you remember what it actually is and then you’re like, oh, right, I’m, I’m not missing out on anything. And then he also gets to have a front roast eat to sobriety and, and that might take a long time or maybe it’ll never sink in. You know, that’s not the reason that we do it. But I have learned in my marriage, like him being able to like, see front row what sobriety really is and what it can be. I think that that influences it too. So Yeah. If your husband still drinks, this is all to say you’re not alone. <laugh>. Yeah. So how has sobriety changed motherhood for you? You said that it’s made you a better mom. What does that mean to you?
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Yeah, so I just, I feel like I am more present with my kids.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>
Speaker 2 (22:39):
You know, like before I would start drinking at five or Yeah. You know, earlier on the weekends and it would just kind of like numb everything. I was just kind of foggy and just kind of yeah. Not fully present. And so just being able to be more present and generally more patient. Like I’m still Yeah. Still working on that for
Speaker 1 (22:59):
Sure. I mean, we’re not saints, we’re sober, but we’re not saints <laugh>. No.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
So yeah. It’s, it’s helped with that. And even like, you know, a couple nights ago I baked cookies with the girls after dinner Christmas cookies, whereas like if I had been drinking I would’ve been too tired. Yeah. I wouldn’t have felt like doing it. Like, so just stuff like that, you know, just to be more present I think is the biggest thing.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Yeah. That’s awesome. And you just baked a cake also. <laugh>, <laugh>. Can I come over cuz you’re making cookies and cakes and I wanna come over <laugh>. Sure. Yeah. I think that that’s probably the most popular answer and that’s like the most, yeah. Probably the most relatable one is just being present for our kids and that’s all they need. Like, that’s all kids want. Yeah. Like when I think about that is like, even with my phone in work and like, cuz that’s always there, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and even without alcohol, it’s not like I’m like always present for my kids because also that, who can do that? Like, that sucks <laugh>. Like, we can’t, we gotta, no. Like, that’s not even possible. But I think about that sometimes with my kids in my phone if I’m on my phone and I’m like, oh, all they want is me. Like they want my eyes.
(24:11)
Yes. Like they want me to look at them, they want my ears, like they want me to hug them. Like that’s all they want. And then when I think about that I’m like, okay, mm-hmm. <affirmative>, well I can do that <laugh>, you know? Yeah. I don’t need to be perfect, but I can give them that, you know, for right now and then get back to whatever I need to do. Like Yeah. I love that. And then just taking alcohol out of it and that doesn’t mean Yeah. Yeah. That doesn’t mean that we’re perfect, you know, but we’re real and we’re present more present than we were before. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
I think for me also it was about setting a good example for them. Yeah. Like, I didn’t want, just like their culture to be Oh, my mom and dad drink every night. Like
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
It just feels kind of like blah to me to have that. Like, I mean no, no judgment on
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Families that do that and, and whatever, but like, I don’t want my kids to be like, oh, it’s dinnertime. Mommy needs her wine. Like my two year old, we don’t drink soda, but we would drink beer and so we would be in the grocery store and she would see cans of soda and she’d be like, mommy, it’s beer. And she’s like, yelling this in the grocery store. I’m like, oh my God. Gosh.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
Yeah. It’s
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Like, and it’s like, it’s, it’s a little funny but it’s also a little sad. Like I don’t want my two year old to like be calling out beer in the grocery store, like Right. You know, I just want better for
Speaker 1 (25:30):
Them. Yeah, no, that makes sense. And it makes sense that they, they see so much more than we realize and so much more than we know with everything. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I just saw a comment, I can’t remember who said it or where it was, but someone said that they were, their daughter was playing like Barbies or something and she named one of the Barbies like Kim Crawford because that was her mom’s best friend and that’s a type of wine <laugh>. And I was like, and she was saying it like being sober and like, holy shit, can you believe this? And it’s like, yeah. That’s, wow. That’s how it just kind of slowly seeps into our kids as just an, just a normalized way to cope with stuff with life. Right.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
So what is your, what’s your go-to like in your sobriety toolbox? If you, you know, the kids are driving you crazy, you’re having a bad day, like your husband is, you guys are not in a great place that day. You know, things are just off. How do you cope now rather than turning to alcohol?
Speaker 2 (26:31):
So I, I’m still working on that
Speaker 1 (26:34):
<laugh>. Yeah, me too. Hey, me too. <laugh>,
Speaker 2 (26:38):
I love like unwinding at night now instead of like a glass of wine. I love taking baths. Oh. So I’ll like, you know, go in the tub with like a sparkling water or an NA wine, um, yeah. You know, maybe some chocolate and just like watch a show or two and just veg out. So that’s good. Or you know, if I’m like in the throes of it, sometimes I will just like go out on the back porch for a minute and just like, even if I have to stand against the door so they can’t follow me.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
<laugh>. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
And I’m just like out there by myself for a minute.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Oh my god. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
So, and then, you know, I would say my, like, my faith has been really helpful too. And just that I can like Yeah. You know, pray and just have that like kind of extra help from the big guy.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
So Yeah, for sure. Man, there’s just nothing like alone time too, like as a mom, just like, just no one needing anything. No one like touching me, no one asking me. Yeah. That like, even like you said, even if it’s just for like a quick second to go outside and like breathe. Like that’s huge. That’s huge.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Oh my gosh. Okay. Allison, we did it <laugh>, we did it. You and you are so patient with me and all of our scheduling stuff and I can’t thank you enough. I think your story’s really, really important because I think it’s so common. I think it’s more common than we realize. And I think you sharing, you know, your rock bottom moment, I say rock bottom in quotes cuz who the hell knows what that is? I think that’s really important because what it does is it makes moms not feel ashamed of theirs because they shouldn’t be mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And the more we talk about this stuff and the more we talk about, you know, how, how we have let ourselves down in motherhood and then how we then were able to, to make different choices and pick ourselves up and feel strong in motherhood. I think that is so valuable. So I can’t thank you enough.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
Yeah, it was, it was good. And I just, I’ve been loving the group. It’s so, so helpful. Yeah. And I think, like I said before, like community is so important.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
You know, like I have a mom on there that we like messaged back and forth. She was actually, she was on one of the interviews.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
Wait, is it Rachel? It was Jamie. Oh, was Jamie Minnesota? Jamie. Oh, good. Yeah, you guys, I’m like a, now I’m like a sober matchmaker for moms because as you’re talking <laugh>, I didn’t think I was gonna, I didn’t consider that my role until just now as you’re talking. I think you would really like Rachel too, because her faith is very important to her and she has really grown her faith in sobriety. So I thought about her as you were saying that too. So you guys look at me just, just matchmaking over here.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
All right, Rachel, I’m, I’m gonna come find
Speaker 1 (29:27):
You <laugh>. We’re coming for you, Rachel.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
But I, I think it’s really, really cool too to like reach out. Like, I think, I don’t even remember this point. I think Jamie was the one that reached out to me when I had first posted about my first sober vacation was coming up like a couple weeks into, into sobriety, and she messaged me Oh. To like,
Speaker 1 (29:45):
Check in. That’s so good. And,
Speaker 2 (29:47):
You know, I think that is out of a lot of people’s comfort zone. I’m like, oh, I’m gonna message this stranger. Are they gonna think I’m weird? Are they not gonna want to chat? But like, nobody Totally, totally encouragement. Totally. And support. So like, if people feel like they wanna reach out and encourage somebody, do it. Like don’t be, yeah. Don’t be nervous or afraid to like, reach out and, you know, you never know. It’ll happen.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
It’s such a good point. I think that’s what I love about our group is we’re just all, we’re kind of coming as ourselves. We’re sharing our flaws. We’re super open and vulnerable and we’re like, Hey, this is me. I think this is probably one of the only places on the internet that some people, or in their lives, that some people feel comfortable showing up as themselves and being like, Hey, guess what? I really screwed up today mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And there, then you get 25 comments of people being like, me too. You know? Yeah. I know I’ve been there. And then so once you take all that, like, there’s no pretenses of this perfect motherhood and all of that, like damaging messaging. I, I think that that’s not a part of it. And then we can really, like you said, like you could really connect with people on this like deep level mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you’ve never met them before, but you feel like you’re, like, you know each other, you know, you see each other. I think that’s so important, especially in sobriety. Right. So I’m so glad. Thank you, Jamie. Good job. Good job reaching out. <laugh>
Speaker 2 (31:10):
<laugh>. And can I piggyback real quick on vulnerability? So that reminded me that I had wanted to share, so I did a Facebook post back in, I think it was October, for sober October. Yeah. And I like put it out there, like on my personal Facebook, like about being sober and my decision to do that and why, and I was really nervous to do that because like Yeah. I don’t, like did I think people were gonna boo me? Like, I don’t know why I was nervous
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Because it, it is, it’s nerve-wracking though, and it’s like the judgment, it’s like, oh, what are people gonna think about me? Like, are they gonna think that I, you know? Yeah, I get it. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
Right. So I, you know, I put that out there and it was really neat, the response I got like a, it was really encouraging, and b it was, I had people that reached out and they were like, oh, wow. Like, you know, I’ve been sober for 14 months, or, you know Yeah. People who were like, oh, wow, me too. Like, I had one girl messaged me who she’s like, oh, I didn’t know. Like, I thought it was just me. Like she thought I have my, like act together, my
Speaker 1 (32:10):
Film.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Yes, yes. But she’s like, oh, wow. Like Allison, like Allison fell into this trap then I don’t feel so bad. Like,
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
I even had people, like, I had a friend that said to me like, Hey, like I was really encouraged by your post. Like, I’ve been thinking about like stopping drinking too. And so to just open that dialogue for people. Yes. Like you never know who’s gonna be thinking about it or people who are in the same boat and can be encouraged by your story. Like, so to just go ahead and like, I would encourage people to be vulnerable and take that risk and, and put it
Speaker 1 (32:42):
Out there. Yes.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
And you never know again, what, what could happen, who it could help.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
It’s such a good story and it helps you too. Like, as you’re, especially in new sobriety, and I get like, it’s kind of, it feels a little bit like the first trimester of pregnancy where like you’re so unsure about stuff and you wanna protect it and you don’t know what’s gonna happen and you know mm-hmm. <affirmative>, but especially in those early weeks, months of sobriety support helps so much that keeping that news to yourself sometimes makes it harder. Hmm. Because it’s so, it’s just helpful for us to be like, okay, here’s what it is. It, it doesn’t have to be, you know, to a Facebook group or, or on your Facebook. It could be to like a small group of friends at first or whatever it is. And then yeah. Hearing like mm-hmm. <affirmative>, oh my god, I struggled too. Like that always helped me so much to hear that I wasn’t alone in this too. Yeah. Ugh. I could talk to you forever. I’m telling you, we could talk about this <laugh>, we could talk about this nonstop. Thank you so much. Thank you. Just for being so open and vulnerable and just a bright light, and I’m so glad you’re in our group. Yeah. And thank you for sticking with me with all of our <laugh>, with all of our issues, <laugh>.
Speaker 2 (34:00):
No problem. No problem. Well, thank you.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
Oh yes. Thank you. I’ll see you in the group, <laugh>. Bye. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of The Silver Mom Life. If you loved it, please rate and review it wherever you listen. Five stars is amazing. Also, follow me on Instagram at the silver Mom life. Okay. I’ll see you next week. I’m gonna go reheat my coffee. Bye.
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