Today I’m chatting with Luce of The Sober Brown Queen on Instagram!
Luce’s challenges with alcohol were never public. She wasn’t the woman going to bars or showing up to work drunk. Instead, wine was Luce’s in-home coping mechanism.
As the years went by, Luce found herself falling into an worsening spiral of overindulgence with both food and alcohol as she struggled to manage her stress. As it grew worse, she grew more scared… and then she drank more to fend off the fear.
Eventually, it all came to a head in the summer of 2021 when she found herself sick after 7 straight days of drinking. Lying in bed so hungover that she couldn’t walk, Luce realized that “if this was considered ‘fun’, then she didn’t want to have fun anymore.”
That night, she made an instant decision. She gathered up her 3 daughters, brought them into her bed, and talked to them about her plan to stop drinking once and for all.
Luce has not had a single drink since that day.
In sobriety, Luce has gotten to know herself again. And better yet, she has begun to love herself again!
For more about Luce’s sober journey, check out The Sober Brown Queen on Instagram.
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Transcript:
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hi, welcome to the Sober Mom Life podcast. I’m your host, Suzanne of my kind of suite and the sober mom life on Instagram. If you are a mama who has questioned your relationship with alcohol at times, if you’re wondering if maybe it’s making motherhood harder, this is for you. I will be having candid, honest, funny conversations with other moms who have also thought, Hmm, maybe motherhood is better without alcohol. Is it possible? We’ll chat and we’ll talk about all things sobriety and how we’ve found freedom in sobriety. I don’t consider myself an alcoholic. You don’t have to either. Maybe life is brighter without alcohol. I hope you will join us on this journey, and I’m so excited to get started.
(01:02)
Hello, good morning. We have another episode for you today. You guys, my voice is still a little off. I got another cold, and I have been, this is something I need to work on because I keep getting triggered. Well, I just keep getting pissed off when I get sick. I don’t know, I kind of spiral into this. Why am I getting sick? I don’t drink, I don’t smoke. I take care of myself, and I’m still getting sick. And it’s like, yeah, that’s what happens when I have, you know, three school aged kids and they’re bringing home every single germ in their backpack. So of course, I’m gonna get sick, but it’s just such a thing for me that I’m so hard on myself about that I’m trying to work on. But anyway, all of that to say, that’s why my voice sounds like this. Oh, you guys, today’s episode, I talk with Lucy of the sober brown queen on Instagram, and I’ve been following her for a long time.
(01:58)
Oh gosh, you guys, she is, she just is a joy. And just her approach to sobriety. She’s, so, I wanna say certain, but that’s not the right word. She’s just, maybe she’s so convicted in her sobriety that it, it really inspired me. And I love how she talks about nurturing herself in sobriety. We talk a lot about motherhood and her kids are a little bit older. So it’s great to see how sobriety affects kids and our kids. And not only that, but how our drinking can affect our kids too. I love this conversation. I love Lucy. Oh, hey, I didn’t even mean to say that, but I love Lucy. Yeah, you guys will really love this one. Make sure you go follow her on Instagram at the sober Brown Queen. And also, if you need some more support, come and join our Facebook group. It’s the Sober Mom Life on Facebook. We’re, we’re starting meetings, so we’re gonna have meetings, a weekly Zoom meeting. All of the info is in the group. What else? Come and follow me on Instagram at the sober mom life and on TikTok at the Sober Mom Life pod. Uh, if you are loving the show, don’t forget to follow or subscribe. Wherever you listen, rate and review it. Share it with some friends. What else? I think that’s it. Okay. I’m gonna go drink some tea to hopefully get my voice back. Okay guys. Enjoy, Lucy.
(03:40)
Okay. We are here today with Lucy from the Silver Brown Queen. I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you for being here. Yay.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Yes, thank you, Suzanne. Yes. This is surreal. I can’t believe it. What?
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Oh my God, I can’t believe it.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I got quite the story for you. I remember exactly the day that I read into your page.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Really? Tell me.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Yes. It was one post, mommy doesn’t need wine. Yes. That was the post that stopped me in my tracks. And I know I’ve had that, you know, I’ve seen that post now in various forms, but it was your post that really like stopped me in my tracks. And that was my early, early days when I just got alcohol free. And I was looking to connect into some pages, you know, get a little inspiration. And I started following you from almost day one of early sobriety. I went into your blog, I looked at the pictures of your kids. I think you have a little boy, but the one that I
Speaker 1 (04:40):
Remember. Yes. That’s the one that’s gonna make some noise outside. Oh my God. Well, I am honored that that, like, I can’t tell you how much that means. That’s amazing.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Sometimes, you know, when you, especially when you’re on Instagram, you don’t really know. Sometimes you know how much of an impact you could be making, but yeah. Keep doing what you’re doing. It’s so inspiring. Well,
Speaker 1 (05:03):
You’re making your own impact now, which, we’ll, we’ll talk about that too. It is true on Instagram. It’s just like, you know, it’s just me and my house, and I’m like, I don’t know who’s, you don’t know, right? Like, you think I’m like, well, my kids don’t listen to me. So maybe the internet will <laugh>,
Speaker 2 (05:23):
<laugh>, I dunno. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
<affirmative>. Okay. So tell us just about yourself first, and then let’s talk about your drinking story before we get into all of the sobriety. Goodness.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
So my name is, listen, I, um, I’m mama, like we said, we were talking before. I’m a mama of three girls.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Three girls.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Yeah. So good. Yes. That says, mom, I told you of three girls. I was raised up in a house of three girls. I’m the eldest of three girls, so I know everything you need to know about little girls. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
You know, girls. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
I do a marriage to my husband of about 10 years now. I work <laugh>. I have a career, I work as a nurse. Yeah. And now to my drinking story, you know, there’s many unpacking there. Right. Cause a lot of times when I talk about my story, everybody, a lot of people wanted to know, okay, what led you to over-drinking?
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yes. They wanna know like the rock bottom, like nitty gritty. Oh, let’s hear her. Yeah. Like, let’s hear how far she fell. And it’s like, yeah. It’s, it’s probably not that, you know? And it doesn’t have to be that.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Yeah. It doesn’t. And I think sometimes that’s what really prevents people from getting the help they need. Yeah. When nothing is really wrong. Like there’s not a horrific story behind it. Yeah. And so that’s what I’m trying to do with me. It’s just like, it just, there’s, it doesn’t have to be rock bottom. So for me, when I think about my drinking story, I don’t really know a point, the point where I started over drinking. I don’t know when I crossed over to that, because I’ve held my nursing job for 10 years. Faithfully. Yeah. I never went to work drunk. I never showed up anywhere. Drunk in public. Some people, some right now look at me like, really? You, I, I never did it in public. It was in the safety of my own home. Yeah. But it opened that bottle of wine and five hours later it was three bottles of wine by myself in the house. Totally drunk and passed out in the middle of my living room, you know? Yeah. But I do remember there was an year, 2019 way, it was a little rough. My kid got sick. She was in the hospital for about a week. She had a rough child appendix.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Oh no. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Yeah. One of my nannies who has been with me for a long time, she’s not one of the nans, she’s my only nanny. <laugh>. So she got severely sick and she also ended up in the hospital the month after. Literally the month after.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Oh no. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
So that was maybe a rough year for me just trying to focus on everything in health. And it just kind of hit me very hard. You know, anything can happen inside. Yeah. And in that one year, in 2019, I gained about 40 pounds when one year. Okay. And so I think that maybe that was the ear that I just was coping with drinking and eating, emotionally eating.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Yeah. And that’s like, you can understand that, you know, like back and like that’s understandable. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
<affirmative>. Yeah. When you don’t have the tools to manage stress and cope. And that’s, you know, you think it’s just a little glass of wine today. Right. And a glass of wine tomorrow in three months.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
And, and we’ve been told that it helps. Right. Uhhuh. And we’ve been told like, yeah, if you’re stressed out, like get, get some wine, that’s gonna help. So like of course then when we’re stressed out, we reach for wine. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Yeah. And that’s why I think for me, that post that I saw, that was the first time that I saw, uh, mommy doesn’t need wine. Yeah. I saw it from you first. And that’s what stopped me because yes, that’s the mental culture. That’s the culture. Yes. Mommy needs wine to cope. Mommy needs wine to parent. Mommy needs wine to have fun. Mommy needs wine to be able to keep up with her children. And that is actually pretty scary. And I know you talk a lot about that. It’s just so your recent post the other day that not drinking is actually great for motherhood. I love that so much. Yes. I love that so much. Yes. Mommy does not need wine.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
I know. I feel like sobriety is like the ultimate mom hack. Like don’t have a lot of hacks. Right. Like, I’m not a hacky, like do this to make this easier. I’m just like, yeah, whatever. Just try to get through it. But like not drinking.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Is the ultimate hack. It is.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
I love that so much. Yeah. I’m able to keep up with my kids. I’m able to be present. Yeah. I’m not worried I’m going to be passed out on Sunday morning or Saturday night. Yeah. You know, I’ve had a few missed calls of those who have, my kids have been sick and I was passed out drunk, you know? But thankfully, you know, nothing horrible has ever happened. But yeah. That’s kinda scary.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Yeah. So let’s go back. Okay. So 2019 was rough and you turned to alcohol of course. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. That’s what society tells us to do. When we’re struggling, we turn to the alcohol. And so then what happened?
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Well, 2020 after the pandemic hit and you know, everybody stopped. Now the whole world came to a stop. And I just re, I looked at myself in the mirror. This was about March. And I realized I was, according to, you know what I know about me, I was overweight. And I knew at this point you have that feeling like you over doing it. I was over drinking. I was overeating. Yeah. I am not coping well. And I got really scared. And guess what? I drank even more.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Right. Cause that’s a hard thing to
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Like, I didn’t know what to do.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Totally. You don’t know what to do. That’s a really scary thing to realize. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Hi. And then you don’t know how to, when you’re drinking, you think about how to quit and you have no idea how. No you don’t. But I really wanted to quit. Right. And I’m thinking sobriety is hard. It’s so boring. I’m not gonna have anything to do on the weekends, but I know I need to quit. You know? Yeah. So I’m not sure how I came across Annie Grace’s book, this Naked Mind. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. It’s at that point that I was looking for help. I was at the point where I knew this is happening too much. And I just, I just want to stop. So I came across Anne’s book, I don’t know how. And I read it. And that was the first time in my drinking years that I was able to stop for about 60 days. 60 days straight. Yeah. Like, I am doing this. I’m not drinking.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
That’s big. 60 days is big.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Yeah. That was big. That was big for me back then.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
I mean, that’s big when you’re drinking every day or Yeah. Uhhuh, how did it feel to
Speaker 2 (12:05):
It felt good. It
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Did? Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
It felt great. I felt like, wow, this is exactly what I needed. Not drinking. I feel like have energy. I’m looking forward to my weekends and trying to do something. I actually have time to do the things that I wanted to do. So we would go out with my kids and my husband’s. It felt good because of Annie’s book, you know, she talks a lot about the mindset of drinking and just blowing everything we know about alcohol apart. Right?
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Yes. Exactly. She just changed. That’s the thing that changed it all for me too. It was like, oh yeah, wait, this is a game changer. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
So then the sneak little thoughts start coming back in. Like, oh, I did this. I’m not, I cannot have a problem with drinking. I was just having a rough here. And I’m good now. I’m fixed. I can moderate. Yeah. And so I’ll just ease back into it. I’ll be having just a couple I can stop. I know for sure. And so I used back into it. Couple of months it was alright. Yeah. Within three months I was at the same exact place I was before. Okay. Drinking just as much heavy drinking, you know, it goes right back to it and making the same decisions. And so I did that for about another year or so. And then 2021, that’s now when I officially stopped because yeah, it was the weekend that I stopped was the weekend of July 4th. It was just, you know, we are having fun, everybody’s drinking.
(13:28)
It’s a fun time. But that week I drunk for like a week street. Yeah. July 4th to about July or a few days before July 4th, I think the Thursday or something like that. Cause July 4th was on a Saturday. I remember. Yeah. I was drinking for about Thursday to Thursday because I had no work then. It was just wine. Nothing heavy or major. Just wine. A bottle or two every day. Yeah. And just on Thursday, that Thursday or Friday that I officially quit, I was laying in my bed. I was so hangover, so hangover. I couldn’t walk. Yeah. I couldn’t do anything. I was just throwing up in my bed and I was sitting there desperate. At this point I’m like, I can’t steal this. I can’t steal this for the rest of my life. Yeah. If this is what it means to have fun, it’s not working for me. This is not relaxing.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
And so, 8:00 PM I, after my hangover was better, I could walk. I decided this is it. I’m done. I’m not putting myself at risk. I’m not waiting for something to happen. I grabbed my kids, all the three of them put them in my bed and I talked to them and I told them everything. Really? I told them I had been drinking Uhhuh. Yeah. I over drink and sometimes when I over drink I become a different person. They know me. They been there through every step of the way. They, they
Speaker 1 (14:53):
See us. Yeah. And how old, how old are they? Yeah, they do see us.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
My kids are 12, seven, and five. Okay. So they’re a little younger, but they can see what I’m doing. They know the kind of person I am. Right. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
So I talked to them, I sat with them and I talked to them and I told them, cause we always call it mommy’s drink. This is mommy’s drink. You can’t have mommy’s drink, don’t touch mommy’s drink. You know? Yeah. So they know what mommy’s drink is. And so I was just like, I wanna make better choices. Yeah. And especially the older one, she really got it. Cause maybe the five year old was talking, was looking Right.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Talk about
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Right. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. She didn’t really quite get it. I don’t know if she really got it. But the 12 year old Got it. Yeah. She had tears in her eyes. She was emotional. And we talked about it a few days later. She was like, yeah. So when we talked about it and you know, she was telling me her views about what it, you know, about what she felt when I was drinking. And she was very heartbroken. Yeah. She’s like, when you had your mommy’s drink, you are always upset, you’re always angry. You’re impatient. Most of the time she had to like in case I was asleep or you know, I’m slipping off the wine. She had to step in. And that was so emotional. So sometimes when we are doing these things, we don’t realize the significance. Even just that little significance you can have on our kids. Yes. Cause they know us when you’re sober. They definitely know us when we’ve had a few drinks.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Oh it’s so true. And it’s so like kids are so vigilant in mm-hmm. <affirmative> just knowing when their mom, I think moms especially cuz we, we are the anchor. Right. And so
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Yeah. Exactly.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
They can tell when even we’re just a little off. Like they sense. Right. And then it’s scary. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
And it’s scary for them. It’s anxiety producing. She was very, she was a very anxious kid. Cause she did not know what to expect. Today. I’m alright. I’m not drinking. And during the week when I’m working I’m fine. Yeah. But then every single time I’m home and I don’t have work, the next day I have a glass in my hand. So that’s what she knows. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Right. So I bet that was really healing you. Oh yeah. And doing that so early. I, I think that had to be so healing for you on that last like as the hangover was dissolving and you were like talking with your kids. I love that.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Yeah. And healing and scary because I was like, this is it. You can’t go back now. You’ve just had this conversation.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Right. It, you were kind of holding yourself accountable. Right. That was, I get it. Yes. Like that was a way for you to be like, yeah. So that
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Was my accountability. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Yeah. It was like your testimony to them. And it’s like you can’t go. Okay. You see it, you hear it. There it is. That’s kind of like when I told my husband, like I think just saying the words out loud, that’s terrifying. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> where it’s like, you can think in your head like, I, I wanna stop, I’m done. But there’s something about hearing yourself say those words. It’s like you can’t take them back.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Yeah. You can’t. Especially to your children. Oh yeah. You can’t take them back. <laugh>. Yeah. Right.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
And so then how did it go? Like what was the next day like? What was your first day of sobriety like?
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Most of my, since then it was a solid rock decision. I am not going back. Yeah. And I think based on Annie’s book, so I picked up a’s book again. So I read it for the second time. Okay. And so from then, like I’m doing this. Yes. I had those times of the craving where Friday night camps, you know, the trigger of what we do every week. Totally. So the Friday night and I had planned ahead for that. I was anticipating it was going to happen. Yeah. Cause you know, I think I read a book a few years back about how triggers happen and then there’s the behavior that happens when you get the trigger and then there’s the response. You reward it. Yeah. So I was aware of that and I had planned ahead. And so
Speaker 1 (18:43):
What would you plan? So
Speaker 2 (18:45):
I would plan activities that were outside with my kids or my husband and they were fun. Something that was, that was engaging my mind. Yeah. Something new. A love new thing. Uh, traveling or being around places I’ve never been. And being in the movie theaters, we saw so many movies
Speaker 1 (19:02):
At some point. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
We went every, we traveled so much at that point. And it’s not even like money. It was free things. It was all free things, parks, you know? Yes. And when I got home, I turned off my TV for a long time. I didn’t watch tv Cause TV was a trigger for me to, when I saw people drinking, it made me want to drink. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Yes. That’s such a good point. Like especially in those evening hours, like the kids are in bed. Uhhuh, we generally like sit down and watch, but Yeah. Yeah. You’re gonna watch tv. They’re gonna like be drinking red wine probably. Yeah. That’s such a great point. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
We want some red wine. So I didn’t watch TV Tan.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Right. Cause they romanticize it. Yeah. They don’t show what really happens when you drink Red wine
Speaker 2 (19:48):
<laugh>. Right. The next <laugh>.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Yeah. They don’t show the next day. Day. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
<laugh>. Yeah. Yeah. And then I got into, I started a bunch of new habits, you know, started taking care of my lawn. It’s just easy stuff. Like things that I had never done before. Started taking care of myself. Wait,
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Tell me about that. I love, I love that idea. Taking care of your lawn.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Yeah. My grass. This is July that I quit. So my grass was horrible. Yeah. I’m thinking, huh. I’ve never really had green grass during summer. I what? I <laugh>. <laugh>. That’s funny.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
<laugh>. That is amazing. That, but to me that feels big.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Yeah. It was.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
Yeah. You nurtured your lawn along with yourself in your early sobriety.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
I did. No, I’ve never actually thought about that. Yeah, that’s true. That’s nurturing. That is a
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Nurturing thing. Oh, for sure. I mean, you had to nurture. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Yeah. I looked up everything online. I went to Home Depot, got a whole bunch of stuff and I started taking care of my lawn and it a couple of weeks. It was great. So that was really like, wow. Totally.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
I changed
Speaker 2 (20:58):
That I can do things, you know what else I can do. That’s when I started losing weight because I was still about 30, 40 pounds overweight at that point. That, well I wonder how I, what I can do for this too. I had heard about intermittent Fast and I know a lot of people hear that one and they’re like, oh my gosh, no.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
I cannot do that. Right. But for me, it’s worked. It’s worked great. And that’s how I have been able to lose all of the 40 pounds and kept and maintained my weight.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
That’s amazing.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
My, I was researching and I was doing that took care of my face. I set goals. So like 30 days I went for shopping. Yeah. 60 days. I went for even bigger shopping for myself and my clothes started doing, going to have facial shields done and my nails done. I was taking care of myself. Yeah. Doing things that make me happy.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Yeah. And all of those things that can like seem trivial aren’t like, they’re just not. Yeah. They’re a signal to ourselves that we’re worth it. Yeah. We’re worth that time. We’re worth the attention. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
<affirmative>. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Like I love that. And it is so true. Like when you’re drinking, that stuff kind of just isn’t on the table. It’s not even like, it’s not like you’re washing your face when you’re passing out. You know? Like,
Speaker 2 (22:16):
Exactly. Right.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
I wasn’t. Yeah. Yeah. And so like, you don’t realize how those little things add up when you’re drinking. But then also in sobriety, those little things add up to make you feel so like cared for.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Cared for. Yeah. Like loving your own self, supporting your own self, having your own back and listening to the little clip that you put on your page about honoring your word. You say you do something, you’re going to do it. Yes. And that has made all the difference to me. I think it’s just that the relationship with me or knowing me, finding me again, that has been the best part about sobriety, is knowing me again. And not just knowing me, but loving me. Yeah. Because I don’t think I would be able to say that two years ago that I actually knew what it meant to love me and get my own back and honor my word and stand up for me. And now I can a hundred percent say I can do that and I’m still working on some stuff. Of course.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Yeah. Of course. Bradley
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Doesn’t fix everything.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Right? Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
But it gives us the time to actually go, you know, like get down into the things that we don’t wanna feel. And a lot of those things for meals, just feeling worth thing. Feeling like I belong, feeling like I deserve good things. And that’s what I’ve been working on right now, is just being feeling worthy. Feeling like I, I am enough. This is me. This is what you
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Get. That’s right. And
Speaker 2 (23:42):
I am enough. You know, and that’s how I show up to the world. Yeah. That’s my work. And that has really changed my mindset about everything and how I do everything. I am worthy and I am enough and I am deserving. That’s my work.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
I have chills. I just love so much that, you know, you got to that place by removing something from your life. You didn’t have to add anything. Right,
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Right. I didn’t. I
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Didn’t. Yeah. It was already there. It was already there. It’s just an uncovering and like getting rid of the alcohol and like mm-hmm. <affirmative>, all of its lies. And then what are we left with?
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Right? Yes. It’s finding you again. And in that process, because then the other question that comes up for me is, does your husband still drink? Right. And the answer to that was a few months ago, he was still drinking and he’s never really struggled with it. He’s like, <laugh>, he takes a glass and he puts it down. And I used to think like, how is that possible? Yeah. Like you just live it.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
Are you just gonna leave it there? Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
Right. You’re I’m gonna finish that. I’ll finish that for you. Right. No problem. But I’ve also noticed with him, I never talked to him. That was for me. I never talked to him. I never talked to him about I wanted to get sober or leave alcohol free. Okay. It just kinda discovered it when I was no longer drinking. Yeah. And I have noticed that he doesn’t drink anymore at all. Like, you sure I’m not stopping. You don’t have to do this cuz I’m doing it. But I think he sees that and he feels that and he notices something is different about her. And I want to keep up with that.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
I think that’s what he’s thinking. Because we’ve never had that. We, sometimes we have the conversation and he is like, yeah, I, I totally see what you, cause he reads my post to it is like, I totally get it. You know, I don’t wanna feel like crap tomorrow morning when everybody is awake and just me, my bear. Right. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
It kinda just now is, uh, rolling over to him and I’m just so excited for him as well. So
Speaker 1 (25:50):
That’s amazing. I feel like that is a com That’s my story too. It’s, it’s a common Yeah. Theme that I’m hearing about mm-hmm. <affirmative> like the husband still drinks here or there, whatever. But then slowly it’s like we influence and, and we do as moms and as wives, we’re the center of the home. Yeah. And we influence our environment. Like we set the energy, we set the tone. I really think we do. Yeah. It’s the stupid, like I think the happy wife happy life thing is the stupid saying, but it’s kind of true.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
We had the rock.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
Yeah. We’re the se we’re like the nucleus of it all. Yeah. And then our energy just like expands out. And whether that’s positive or negative.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
So true.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Like, you don’t even have to say anything. I didn’t have to actually, it was better if I didn’t say anything to my husband about anything. Anything. Because then he’s just gonna be like, what? I don’t, it’s fine. Like, I’m fine. Like he would just dig his heels in. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> instead It’s ju it is like a, just a living it and then setting the energy by how you’re living. And then he’s seeing that mm-hmm. <affirmative> and he’s like, wait a second. And that’s so like captivating and you know, it’s like, I want some of that like
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Right. Yeah. Yeah. I can feel the temperature and the energy in my home is become so calm and quiet and peaceful and not quiet. Like there’s no noise. Three kids is always noise. But the energy is so different. Yes. Because when I wake up, I’m ready to go. I’m ready to rock. I’m like, let’s go. What do you wanna do today? Let’s go do it. I have time and I’m be, I’ll be here. You know, it doesn’t matter. I may be tired. I feel sometimes I still, you know, I work. Yeah. And so, and my husband works outside of the home a lot. He’s always gone. But I still, I feel like I can, I do this because I’m sober because I do not drink. That’s the only way I’m able to keep up with all this and still be so present and still be so happy and still feel so good. Even when I get in my bed and I’m crawling in my bed super tired, I feel so great. I feel like, yeah, I did it. You know? Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
It’s like a good tired, right? Yeah. It’s, it’s like you could be bone tired but it, it’s still, I don’t know. I just think removing alcohol from any situation, it’s just lighter. It doesn’t mean it’s like easier, you know? It doesn’t mean you’re happy all the time. It just is a lighter feeling where it’s not that blanket.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Yeah. I just, I love how you said I didn’t have to add anything to my life. I just removed one thing. That is so true. I’ve never thought about it like that. That’s true. Because everything was right there in the mess. Yeah. And figuring that mess out and uncovering and packing everything that ha we have going on. That’s, yeah. That’s wonderful.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
Yeah. And it was you, you know, like you’re just, it’s just a returning back to you. Yeah. And a lot of us, like when did you start drinking? I started drinking in high school. Like how old were you?
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Probably 18. Maybe. Like,
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Right. So think about like, not knowing who we are without the substance, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, like as an adult. Like, we don’t know. Like Yeah. It’s just, it’s been a constant. Whether it’s, you know, you take some breaks that’s here or there, but mm-hmm. <affirmative>, it’s kind of a constant in our lives. And so like when I stopped drinking, I was, I had not turned 40 yet, so I was 39. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Yeah. And it was like, hold on
Speaker 2 (29:19):
<laugh>. Right.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
I don’t know, like what do I need? Well I don’t know. Like Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
A whole different person. Like who am I really?
Speaker 1 (29:27):
Yeah. I’m like, oh, now it’s just me. Like, oh, okay. Yeah. So it’s like a learning. Yeah. Yeah. You’re just like a little infant trying to figure out what you need
Speaker 2 (29:38):
The game. Yeah. Without any influence. Yeah. Because I’d just start to be an adult. And that’s the one thing also with alcohol is for me, when I think about my past, I never saw my parents drink. They’re very religious and so they did not Yeah. Allow that at all in the home. Now that doesn’t mean that we didn’t sneak out or here and there to try something.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
Yeah, of course.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
But my childhood was great. I don’t have anybody that I know of in my family that would say that they’re an alcoholic. Right. So that’s the thing though, with alcohol, you don’t need, we, it’s not always where you have all these things that make you more like more of a risk factor towards over drinking.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
Right.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
Sometimes it just happens to all of us. Any of us. It could happen. Right.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
So true.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
And there’s, so there’s a a lot of shame too when you think like, is this a problem? Like, should I really stop drinking now because there’s nothing in my past in my history that makes me a risk factor. Right?
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Yeah. I like how you put it. A lot of your posts talk about that life is just better without alcohol. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> like that your life is, you’re living your life without alcohol and it’s so much better. So why would you go back? Like a lot of it is mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Yeah. It’s about this brightness of sobriety.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Yeah. Oh gosh. And it’s the time. It’s like, wow, it’s so much. You gained so much time with sobriety. We were laughing with my husband the other day. Cause when he comes, he’s a truck driver and he comes home and he has a few months back. And so he drinks, he was drinking, he is having fun, he’s having a good time as he thinks. And then it’s the day of work and he’s completely unprepared to go back to work for another two weeks. Yeah. And so when he stopped drinking, he was able to do everything that he needs to do in the home and outside of the home. And so when he got back in the road, he’s like, huh, I wonder what happened. I was able to do so much, so many things this time around. I’m like, huh? You think Yeah. Cause you were not drinking
Speaker 1 (31:42):
<laugh>. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
You have time. You didn’t have moments where you were in bed or you’re not, or you think you’re having fun, you’re actually getting stuff done. Yes. You have time to do it.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Yeah. Yes. And then when you’re not getting stuff done, you’re actually getting rest. Like and you’re actually sleeping. Yes. When is, if you were passed out or if you drink, that’s not good sleep. So then you’re, yeah. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So how do you think motherhood has changed for you in sobriety?
Speaker 2 (32:14):
That’s my best part. That’s my best part. I feel like it’s changed everything. Removing alcohol has just made motherhood so much. I was gonna say so much easier. <laugh>. Something about motherhood that is easy trying to Yeah. To parent. But so much more manageable. This is a true story. My kid, the my 12 year old who had a lot of anxiety before I stopped drinking just this past year where I was, the whole year I had not had anything to drink. She got so many awards in school really just for showing up in school as a different, it’s like she was a different kid.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
Oh my gosh. She
Speaker 2 (32:55):
Got, we counted her certificates. I think it counted like eight or nine that she got at the end of the year. School assembly. She was a different kid. And I believe a lot of that had to do with, she had almost a different mom. Yeah. I was there with her every step of the way in school. I was there to help her with her homework. I was there to help her with so many. She used to have that. She’s a pretty, so many issues going on with girls.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
Yeah. 12 is so hard. Oh my god. I know. And
Speaker 2 (33:25):
I was there all the time. She needed me. I was able to take her to school sometimes. And we had, we have talks and we engage. That made her a different person. But like I can see her starting to become a whole different girl. She’s confident, she smiles and she doesn’t have so much needing to be, to be looked at. You know? Wow. Cause I think I, she knows now I got her back and I’m right there and we are going. And I think she also watched me turn to be a different person. Like I told her, I’m going to stop drinking. Yeah. I honored that word. I’ve kept that word and she’s seen the repercussions of that. I think that has made her life so much different. So
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Yeah. That’s huge. That’s, everything
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Is huge for me. And so why would I go back?
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Right.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
Oh wait, yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
Oh my God. I, I love that. You know, cuz my kids are still little. I mean she, my oldest is eight, so I love this perspective of having older kids and like
Speaker 2 (34:26):
Yeah, they get to see us.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
You can see it already. And that’s, that’s just a year, right? Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
<affirmative> just, just a year. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
I mean that’s incredible. Like the change that that makes. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
And so I also think about pride. I think about them too. Like her, if she ever grows up and maybe she gets into a situation like that. Yeah. Hopefully, you know, hopefully is that she knows that she can come and talk to me about anything or any of them. They can come and talk to me about anything. Especially one right now that involves drugs or alcohol. Yes. Because I know about, I’ve been there and you can be able to remove yourself if you wanted to. You know, we can talk about that. And that’s just being raw and honest and being vulnerable with her too. And also knowing now I have the capacity to be vulnerable with the rest of my kids. Like I’m not perfect and they don’t have to be either. Totally. Just have to make mistakes and recover from them and just keep moving on.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
That’s so much more powerful of a message than not showing our kids our mistakes.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
Right? Yeah. I think so.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
Right. Yeah. Or making mistakes and then just not following up.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
Mm-hmm
Speaker 1 (35:42):
<affirmative> the power of vulnerability and just showing our kids that we screw up. Mm. I mean in sobriety I screw up all the time. Like you, I’m, I’m fully sober and I will still screw up, you know? Yeah. But at least it’s now, it’s not rooted in so much shame and Yeah. There’s not that like dark cloud of that like self-loathing of you did this to yourself, you know? I think that is where mm-hmm. <affirmative> we get tripped up. Of course. Cuz that’s a horrible feeling. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But yet to show our kids that we were human and they can be too.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
Yeah. We make mistakes and if we want to, we can fix them together. We will. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
And speaking of being vulnerable, you guys, you have to go to, okay. It’s the silver brown queen, which I love that name. Cause you are Queen. Oh my God.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
<laugh>. Thank you Suzanne. You are
Speaker 1 (36:35):
So, thank you. You shared a video of you drinking on your birthday. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> of you dancing and you were drunk. I
Speaker 2 (36:45):
<laugh>.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
But I think that was such a brave and vulnerable post and will help so many people because you are not alone and like you are not alone in that. I can’t tell you how many times I danced and thought I looked good and I did not. Right. Because I was drinking. Right. And so, and that’s what the Post said. You thought you were having fun on your birthday, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Yeah. How do you feel like where you are now looking back at that, what would you tell her?
Speaker 2 (37:17):
That girl?
Speaker 1 (37:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Oh, that girl felt so lost. That girl felt like she was an accomplished person. So she has all the boxes checked. She has great kids. She has a great husband, she has a great job. She has a great career. But she carries so much sh she, cause she carried so much unworthiness. She carried so much disconnects with herself. Like she really didn’t know who she was. Mm. And so I think that girl was just looking, was just wanted to feel valued or feeling, wanted to feel something. Yeah. And something she was feeling was horrible. So removing alcohol. So I was turning 34 then when I turned 35 hours sober, those were two, like we just said a few minutes back, those were two different people. A 35 year old. I was only about five months alcohol free at that point. But it made all the difference in the world.
(38:19)
Yeah. I had hard time. I really, when I got sober, I really was intentional about it. I wanted it for myself. Yeah. Not for anybody else. For me, I wanted to know what it means to know me, to leave alcohol free. To have an amazing life, to love, to have joy, to have pleasure. Yeah. Without alcohol, without drugs or anything. Just being me. Yeah. Having an amazing life like that. That’s what I wanted. And so at five months when I was turning 35, I had begun to see a few of those things. So excited. Yeah. That video is just, oh it’s just, and well that’s one of my things that kept me in check too in all sobriety is having little clips like that. Cause Yeah. <laugh>, I didn’t ever wanna see those clips. But sometimes, you know, when you’re drinking and my husband would tell me like, oh my gosh, you were outta control yesterday. Look at this. Like, no, no, no, no, no. Don’t show me down.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
Oh my god. I, yes.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
No I don’t wanna see it. It’s so shameful. I don’t wanna see it.
Speaker 1 (39:25):
Yeah. And the bright light of day.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
Mm-hmm <affirmative>.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
I just thought that that was such a brave and powerful post for you to put out there. And I think it’s, you guys gotta go look at it because I think it will help. I think it’ll help a lot of people. I do. Cuz you’re just not alone.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
Yeah. And considering at that time it was 7:00 PM wasn’t
Speaker 1 (39:47):
Late. Look at that one. But look at all of her posts. The energy that you put out is so positive and you can really tell that sobriety for you is freedom. And that it’s like, it’s not a cage. You’re who you were meant to be always.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Exactly. Yes. I just want to normalize not drinking that. It’s okay. You do not have to hit rock bottom. Yeah. You do not have to have a horrible thing happen. You don’t have a special date. You do not need to have a special occasion. Yeah. You can stop drinking today. Cause you want better for yourself. You just wanna feel better. Yeah. You wanna know yourself as an adult who does not drink. It’s the most it has been for me. Yeah. The most free thing ever. I can tell that from you too, Suzanne. I always look at all cause like yes it
Speaker 1 (40:42):
Is. Yes. <laugh>
Speaker 2 (40:44):
Yes, yes. Confidence. You’re like Yes. Yes. <laugh>.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
Its though, it it’s so true. It’s like all we need. We were here all along. We didn’t need that. We were here all along and now we’re back. It’s so good. It’s
Speaker 2 (41:01):
So good. Yes. Yes. Because bumps. Yes. I know.
Speaker 1 (41:04):
Me too. Me too. Lucy. Oh my God. Thank you so much. I I just love that conversation. I want, uh, we need to check back in. You need to come back on so we can just talk more. Thank you.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
I appreciate. Yeah. I feel so honored. Thank you so much for having me. I had a good time. Thank you. Thank you for the work that you do. It’s because of people like you. For me now in my alley sobriety that I was always checking it. Oh, I wonder what Suzanne has to say today because I would always go to every page that I was following and just look at the post and read and just receive encouragement. Yes. So that my mindset can, you know, you, you still have be. The last thing that I’m gonna say is that even after you stop drinking is you still have to do that thought work. You still have to do that mindset work of
Speaker 1 (41:50):
Totally
Speaker 2 (41:50):
Knowing that this is okay. What you’re, do the sobriety thing works and looking at other people doing that. Yes. And so I still always check in at all my sobriety pages. Cause I need that too. It’s my work too.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
The nourishing continues, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative> like
Speaker 2 (42:06):
It does.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
It’s still good for the soul and the mind and the body and Yeah. All of it. Yeah. Well you’re glowing. You are just a bright light.
Speaker 2 (42:17):
You too.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
Thank you. Yes. And my three year old let us finish. I’m, I didn’t have to bribe him anymore. <laugh>
Speaker 2 (42:24):
And none of my kids
Speaker 1 (42:26):
I know. And yours are still sleeping. Yay. And
Speaker 2 (42:30):
Get to have a conversation. I get to have a conversation with you at o’clock in the morning on a flight five in the morning.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
Ok. You guys, this, we have to tell them cuz when we were scheduling this cause So Lucy’s in California. You’re in California, right? I’m
Speaker 2 (42:45):
In Seattle. Same time zone.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
Oh, you’re in Seattle. Why did I think California? Yeah. Okay. And then when we were scheduling this, she was, it was 10 o’clock my time. Cause I’m in Chicago and she was like, oh my God, how great is it that I can schedule a call at 8:00 AM my time and not be worried about how I’m gonna feel? Or if I can make it like that is freedom.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
I’ll be worried if I’m gonna make it right. I put it in my calendar and I know for sure I’ll be there and I’ll be ready. I’m now going to be feeling like, oh, unless something, you know, extraordinary happens, but I know I’ll be
Speaker 1 (43:21):
There. Right. There are no guesses. I l you know mm-hmm. <affirmative> like yeah. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. I mean, sure. My voice sounds like shit, but I mean, that’s just life. That’s just, that’s just a cold. Yeah. No, I’m so glad. Well, thank you. Thank you for getting up early and go have hot coffee while your kids are asleep, <laugh>.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
Yes. I’ll
Speaker 1 (43:40):
Apply
Speaker 2 (43:41):
To. Thank you, Suzanne.
Speaker 1 (43:43):
Bye. Thank you. Thanks, Lucy. Bye bye. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of The Sober Mom Life. If you loved it, please rate and review it wherever you listen. Five stars is amazing. Also, follow me on Instagram at the sober mom life. Okay. I’ll see you next week. I’m gonna go reheat my coffee. Bye.
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