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Normalizing the #momlife struggle. finding joy, humor + style in the chaos...

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Why Is The 4th Trimester So Hard? 5 Things…

April 10, 2017

I’ve been thinking a lot about that tricky 4th trimester. Partly because I’m smack dab in the middle of it (actually 2/3rd’s of the way through, but who’s counting), but also because a family friend is due to have her first baby in a couple of months.  

I’m going to her baby shower in May, and while I want to pour my heart out and let her in on these motherhood secrets, instead I will just bring a present, smile, hug her and say: this post is for you. 

When I was pregnant with my first baby, I had heard it would be hard. But I had NO idea what that meant. 

This post is for that new mama-to-be, filled with excitement at the blessing of having a baby and counting down to those first moments with her babe.

This post is for the during. When the family and helpers all go home and onto their own lives. When the rest of the world is sleeping and she’s awake – nursing and rocking and shushing and bouncing. And wondering why no one ever told her…

So, let’s break it down. What exactly makes those first months with your sweet new babe so hard?

Here’s my take…

 

LACK OF SLEEP  Let’s start with the obvious. Sure, you hear mamas always reminiscing about the days they were able to sleep. But, why? Google anything about newborns and sleep and you’ll learn they sleep 20 hours a day. Piece of cake, right? Not exactly. First, most of that sleep is during the day. The sleep at night is often very fractured, sometimes in 30-45 minute increments. The 4th trimester puts your sleep-deprived college days to shame. Sleep is essential for all of the life things, which you need when you’re taking care of a little human. Take sleep away and you can’t think straight. You’re in a fog and you feel like it’ll never lift. But, it does. (Here are some tips…)

YOU DON’T KNOW YOUR BABY…YET   It takes time for you to get to know that little bundle of complicated joy. After all, he’s a person. An individual. What works for your ex-step sister’s new baby girl may not work for your baby boy. It’s a game of trial and error, and it’s HARD. But, it’ll come. I promise. 

NO ONE ELSE (INCLUDING YOUR PEDIATRICIAN  + DR GOOGLE) DOES EITHER   Girl, it’s all a guessing game. I know that can be scary to read. I mean, Ped’s are like baby experts, right? Sure, when it comes to the black and white issues. But NO ONE will know your baby like you will. And as I mentioned above, even that will take time. You’ll turn to Google at 2 am for an answer to WHY YOUR BABY WON’T SLEEP LONGER THAN 40 MINUTES AT A TIME, and you’ll get a bajillion responses. And none will help. Why? Because no one is talking about your baby. And yes, you will soon become an expert at your sweet babe.  

IT TAKES TIME  You’re going to hate hearing this, especially when you’re wrestling with the car seat and baby is wailing his little heart out. He’s not used to this bright, loud, cold world. And he’s definitely not used to being strapped into a weird contraption. But, even if he doesn’t like something right away, that doesn’t mean he won’t like it in 4 days. Slowly, he’ll get used to the stuff. And you will, too. Soon you will pull that stroller out of the back of your car and swiftly transform it and be on your merry way. Maybe not today, but soon. 

YOU DOUBT YOURSELF. CONSTANTLY.  Here’s that existential struggle. In an instant, you’re transformed from feeling like a capable woman who has pretty much figured out this whole life thing to one who feels lost and overwhelmed and completely incompetent. Rest assured, sweet friend, this phase doesn’t last. You will once again start to feel the ground beneath you and enjoy life. You will once again take deep breaths, sleep deeply and feel human.

 

You may not remember who you were before this baby came in and rocked your world, but here’s the thing: YOU WON’T WANT TO. Because now? Now you’ve survived the hard season, and you’re stronger for it. Now…you’re a warrior.

 

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by suzanne 
12 Comments

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Comments

  1. Apryl @ heart, hope, & hustle says: April 10, 2017 at 8:16 am

    I love this. My cousin is due in September with her first and I e been trying to fill her in on this exact concept. Maybe coming from someone else she will get it a little better and not just think I’m blowing smoke lol oh, what she will learn! Haha

    Reply
    • suzanne says: April 17, 2017 at 8:45 pm

      Ha! Send her my way! 😉

      Reply
  2. Catherine Short says: April 10, 2017 at 10:06 am

    YES. While I immediately loved my baby it’s been a constant learning curve to understand his likes and dislikes and really only time helps with that.

    Reply
    • suzanne says: April 17, 2017 at 8:45 pm

      Yes, exactly. So well put, mama. Hang in there! xo

      Reply
  3. Ashley Millar says: April 10, 2017 at 7:05 pm

    I am glad I am done with the 4th trimester, but I agree- I’d never go back 🙂 beautifully written!

    Reply
    • suzanne says: April 11, 2017 at 6:28 am

      Thanks, Ashley! Congrats on getting through it 😉 xo

      Reply
    • suzanne says: April 17, 2017 at 8:46 pm

      It’s a tough one, that’s for sure. Thanks, mama 🙂

      Reply
  4. Melissa says: April 11, 2017 at 8:12 pm

    I love this post. Everything you said is spot on. I didn’t learn about the fourth trimester until after I had my baby so now I am sure to tell all my soon to be mama friends about it. I will share this post with them too!

    Reply
  5. Jessica Bradshaw says: April 12, 2017 at 9:46 am

    I was actually listening to the radio yesterday morning and they were talking about this. You are handed a person that you don’t know and have to love it immediately. Your tips and words are so true. I have watched all of my friends go through some or all of these immediately after. Thank you for sharing this!

    Reply
  6. Lauren says: May 3, 2017 at 10:00 pm

    This is such a great post. I’m about 7 months pregnant with baby #3 and am trying to mentally prepare for all of this to come. It is such a hard time, but also full of such sweet baby firsts. <3

    Reply
  7. Leah says: June 3, 2017 at 11:19 am

    Right on. ESPECIALLY the “you do not know your baby yet.” As a new mom, I was surprised by this at first. WE JUST transitioned out of 4th trimester. It’s definitely smoother now!

    Reply
    • suzanne says: June 4, 2017 at 6:26 am

      Yes! I’m glad you’re on the other side 🙂 Congrats, mama xo

      Reply

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HI! I’M SUZANNE…

After working as a fashion executive for almost a decade, I’m now a stay at home mama to 3 kids and live on the North Shore of Chicago. I spend my days shopping online, decorating my new home and trying to get in a good workout, all while trying to play with my kids and getting the baby to sleep. Mom life is hard, but it can be sweet… XO

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Sharing #momlife one outfit, cup of coffee + imperfection at a time.  Also home decor #mykindofsweethome +
@thesobermomlife bc wine doesn’t help. 🖤

suzanne
Does anyone else feel like a million pounds lighte Does anyone else feel like a million pounds lighter today?? It’s like the dark clouds have lifted and my anxiety has gone down to a 7 out of 10. (I mean, bc the pandemic and all. But still. Better.) 🙌🏻 💙
 
I shared our entryway decor (these faux cherry branches are GORG) + my fav cardigan today on mykindofsweet.com! Shop this post here —> http://liketk.it/36wPp + follow me in the LTK app for exclusive content 🖤 #mykindofsweethome  📷 @ironandhoney
Finally. I can exhale. 💙    I watched today Finally. I can exhale. 💙 
 
I watched today’s Inauguration of President Joe Biden and Madam Vice President Kamala Harris with tears streaming down my face and my 6 year old daughter at my side.  
 
She didn’t quite understand what was happening, but when I explained to her that Kamala Harris is the first GIRL Vice President, her eyes went wide with possibility.  
 
Our little ones are watching and for the first time in 4 years, I am so proud of what they’re seeing.  
 
It’s a new day.  
 
💙🇺🇸❤️
I’m one year sober today.     365 days alcoh I’m one year sober today.  
 
365 days alcohol free. And I’m so damn proud.  
 
When I first shared my story in June, I received some push back: 
 
“If you’re not an alcoholic, why do you feel the need to give up alcohol?” 
“ARE you an alcoholic?” 
“Stop spreading the message that giving up alcohol is easy. For alcoholics, it’s not.” 
 
As with all things I share, I can only write about my experience.  
 
I only had to ask myself one question when it came to alcohol: DID IT MAKE MY LIFE BETTER? 
 
In every single instance, the answer was NO.  
 
Alcohol didn’t help my anxiety. (It made it worse.) 
 
Alcohol didn’t make me more fun. (I’m already pretty damn fun on my own.) 
 
Alcohol didn’t help me connect with others. (How could I truly connect when all of my senses were dulled?)  
 
Alcohol didn’t improve my health. (Umm, it’s poison. It’s LITERALLY ethanol. Like, what we put in cars. And no. It’s not good for heart health.)  
 
It was clear. Alcohol just didn’t make sense for me anymore.  
 
Plus, I’d given alcohol 20 years of my life. Didn’t I owe it to myself to see what life could be like without it?  
 
A year in and I wake up grateful every single day that I broke up with alcohol.  
 
You don’t have to be an alcoholic to STOP drinking alcohol.  
 
It doesn’t have to make sense to your friends or your loved ones.  
 
You don’t have to have all of the answers or know how the story ends.  
 
You can just...start. Give it a chance. It might just be the best thing you’ve ever done for yourself.  
 
🖤
My caption game is weak tonight (I blame the kids My caption game is weak tonight (I blame the kids bc #momlife), so here’s what I’ve got:  One of my fav winter coats is on sale! It’s flattering and not bulky but super cozy + warm. 🙌🏻 I’m wearing XS.  ALSO (and more importantly), swipe to see Baby Gray tonight trying to say “I love you.” 😍😍  It really is all in the little moments, isn’t it? 🖤  Shop this pic here —> http://liketk.it/36d9Q + follow me in the LTK app for exclusive content 😘
Stop saying this is the “new normal.”     Stop saying this is the “new normal.”  
 
This is not normal. None of this feels normal. And it shouldn’t.  
 
It is not normal to be isolated, away from family and friends.  
 
It is not normal to carry the mental load of keeping our families safe from an invisible virus.  
 
It is not normal to work from home, while also taking care of little ones and trying to manage e-learning.  
 
It is not normal to have to choose between our mental health and our physical health.  
 
It is not normal to have our lives put on hold for 10+ months.  
 
This. Is. Not. Normal.  
 
If you are struggling through this time, THAT is normal. 
 
If your breakdowns are more frequent. If you feel overwhelmed. If you are bone tired. If your mind races with anxiety and if depression weighs you down.  
 
THAT is normal.  
 
We are living through a pandemic. Go easy on yourself and remember that survival is the goal.  
 
That’s it.
Literally the only surface of my home that is not Literally the only surface of my home that is not currently covered in toys or STUFF. See stories for real life 👀🤦🏼‍♀️  
  
It’s impeachment eve, y’all. How are you feeling?? I still can’t concentrate on anything else and my anxiety is at like a 16 (out of 10) but other than that it’s all good. 🙄 I’ll be glued to the TV all day tomorrow to watch history. Anyone else??  
  
(These cherry branches are the pink version of the ones I have in our kitchen.  They’re so pretty + a best seller. Shop our entryway decor here —> http://liketk.it/35NEu + follow me in the LTK app for exclusive content) 🖤 #mykindofsweethome
Anyone else finding it impossible to concentrate o Anyone else finding it impossible to concentrate on ANYTHING today?? 🤦🏼‍♀️ For real. Daily tasks. Work. Yoga. It was rough.  
  
But WAIT. There is one thing I’ve been able to waste time thinking about: How do they write off Samantha in the new Sex And The City??? 🤔 So, what you do think?? And will you miss her?? 👇🏻 
 
This lounge set is as soft as butter and I wear it at least once a week. (And by once I mean twice.) It’s less than $60 🙌🏻 Wearing XS. Also my slippers are back in stock! Hands down my favorite pair. 😍 Shop it all here —> http://liketk.it/35K4B
Sunday morning. Baby in a basket. 🖤     #my Sunday morning. Baby in a basket. 🖤  
 
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I’m sharing this post later than I thought based on the week’s horrific events, but I’m excited to finally share Baby Gray’s nursery transformation! It’s a wonder what a little paint will do.  
 
We used Benjamin Moore Black Jack and it’s the perfect warm black. The other walls are Benjamin Moore Paper White. All of the details + links are on mykindofsweet.com 🖤  Shop this post in the LTK app or at the link in my bio 😘
 
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Hi, sweet friends. Checking in. How are you doing? Hi, sweet friends. Checking in. How are you doing?  
   
My heart is heavy. My anxiety is high. I’m exhausted. But still...hopeful. It’s a rollercoaster, right?    
   
I’ve been sharing a lot on stories since the riots at the Capitol and while it’s scary to stand up for what I believe in, I ALWAYS end up feeling like it’s the right thing.    
   
And if you’re new here, HI! I’m so glad you’re here. Normally, I keep it a bit lighter (😉) and share my style, home and #momlife truths. But, I also don’t shy away from talking about the hard things...   
   
OK, off to take a break from the madness and catch up on Housewives.  
 
Will you let me know if they either invoke the 25th or impeach??? Thanks! 😉
Sometimes I like to keep my home decor simple, bu Sometimes I like to keep my home decor simple,  but sometimes it’s more of an over do it or do it over type situation. These cherry blossom branches are a choice and I’m loving them. 🙌🏻  
  
Also I’ve officially decided to say screw it to the IG posting rules and I’m share back to back photos of my kitchen. Who knows what I’ll do next?! 😎  
  
OK. Off to watch Steve Kornacki do the damn thing. 🤩🙌🏻💙🤞🏻 #georgiaonmymind 
  
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New year, new kitchen stools.   I love seeing h New year, new kitchen stools. 
 
I love seeing how just small adjustments can make big changes in our home. I swapped out our old stools (they are ivory, from our old house and just didn’t work with the white kitchen) with black stools and I love the difference.  
 
The only down side is that Gray can climb these. So, there’s that. 🤦🏼‍♀️  
 
Swipe to see the before 👀 Shop this post here —> http://liketk.it/35ekB or at the link in my bio + follow me in the LTK app for exclusive content 😘  
 
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