Mindy appeared to have it all: a great relationship, a successful career, and wonderful kids. Yet behind her picture perfect facade, Mindy was struggling, and she was increasingly turning to alcohol to mask her unhappiness.
After countless nights lost to hangziety, Mindy had a breakthrough. She wanted to be truly present in her life and with her teenage kids, no matter what it took.
And so, six months ago, she left alcohol behind. Mindy wants you to know that if she can do it, so can you!
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Transcript:
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hi, welcome to the Sober Mom Life podcast. I’m your host, Suzanne of my kind of suite and the sober mom life on Instagram. If you are a mama who has questioned your relationship with alcohol at times, if you’re wondering if maybe it’s making motherhood harder, this is for you. I will be having candid, honest, funny conversations with other moms who have also thought, Hmm, maybe motherhood is better without alcohol. Is it possible? We’ll chat and we’ll talk about all things sobriety and how we’ve found freedom in sobriety. I don’t consider myself an alcoholic. You don’t have to either, and maybe life is brighter without alcohol. I hope you will join us on this journey, and I’m so excited to get started.
(00:59)
Hello, welcome to another episode of The Real Sober Moms. You know, you guys, it’s like the Real Housewives, but without the booze and the craziness. Um, today I talk with Mindy, Ugh. She is like a ball of energy. I, I want, like, I I want one-tenth of Mindy’s energy. I loved it. It’s contagious. She made me smile. Also, just, she was so vulnerable, and I really thank her for that. She talks about there wasn’t a rock bottom. Her story is not one of hitting rock bottom, but rather, I love how she puts it as it was an accumulation of not loving herself. And I, I related to that so much. I know a lot of you do too. And she just talks about sobriety as a way of showing up for herself and loving herself, and that if there’s anything at the core of my sobriety, it’s that, oh, I, I love this episode. Just a reminder, go and join us on the Sober Mom Life Facebook group. We have a large community of women who are supportive and vulnerable, and oh, it’s just a joy. It’s the best place on the internet. Also, follow me at the sober mom life on Instagram and sober mom life pod on TikTok. And if you’re loving the show, follow it wherever you listen, rate and review it, all of the stars. Share it with any of your friends who you think, um, would love it. And enjoy this conversation with Mindy.
(02:38)
Okay. Hello. We’re back with another real sober, so sober curious mom. I don’t know. We’ll see. We’ll listen to her story. Hi, Mindy. Hi. How are you? I’m good. How are you? Told you I’m hiding in my bedroom. Yes. And I’m hiding in my closet. Well, right now I’m only hiding from the dog, but still, I mean, she’ll hunt me down. So <laugh>,
Speaker 2 (03:01):
I think, uh, the ironic thing is my 16 year old knows that I quit drinking, and I think he has a big part of, uh, why I did. And it was, it’s crazy how many things can happen and sometimes it’s a really small thing. Um, so I am an executive director for a local rescue mission in my town. Okay. And, um, gosh, I have listened to Rachel Hollis, Mel Robbins, I have the journal. Yeah. I write all the things down as if they’ve already happened. I’ve accomplished a bunch of things that I wrote down, like, purchase your own house and have an 800 credit score and have a healthy, amazing relationship. Run a half marathon all while drinking a bottle or two a night.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Wow. Okay. So you are big into goal setting, visualization, all of that. And then yet there was this other part of you.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Right. And even thriving in my career, things were going really well. As you can imagine though, working in a place where there’s homelessness, where there is I, ironically, addiction. Yeah. And seeing the impact of that on people seeing me wanna drink when I got home.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Which isn’t lost on me. How kind of mind blowing it was that that was a solution to me being upset about other people’s problems. <laugh>, when I, myself obviously had one, and I, um, I laugh at my boyfriend about the fact that he thought I had a superpower because, uh, women are gonna be upset when they hear this, but I don’t get hangovers. I don’t, I don’t.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Wow, okay.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
What you’re talking about, uh, I guess one time when I was 30 in Las Vegas, I can say that, uh, I, I went all in <laugh> and it was terrible. Yeah. Other than that, though, I’ve never had a hangover. I,
Speaker 1 (04:46):
I really? Yeah. That is that like, it must be like a certain enzyme or something you have like that’s crazy. I’ve never heard that.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I think I would’ve quit sooner if I would’ve felt crummy when I woke up. Right? Yeah. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Yeah. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But the reality is I felt terrible in the other ways. And I did that 3:00 AM thing, the anxiety and the waking up. And I don’t know exactly how I got to bed, and I don’t remember the conversations I had last night and or waking up on the couch. I mean, ladies, can I get a witness? I cannot be the only person who’s woken up on the couch two o’clock in the morning. Your man’s already sleeping and you’re like,
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Totally your makeup still on. Like,
Speaker 2 (05:26):
You’re, I’ve been here. Yeah. I dunno. And then my son says something like, yeah, thanks so much for, you know, being willing to pay for that. I don’t even remember what it was.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Oh, no. Yeah,
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Of course. Yeah. That’s great. And then I’m like, what questions should I ask to try and figure out exactly what I said yes to? Yeah. Because I was very nice. I was very positive and loving and kind and giving. And I mean, we could go into that because definitely codependency is something that I’ve worked really hard on, so wanting to always be pleasing. Yeah. But when that happened, I was like, I don’t wanna not know. I don’t wanna know, not know what happened in my life. I don’t want to know. I do wanna know the conversations I had with my kid and my,
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Like, the guesswork that’s, that’s
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Like,
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Produces so much anxiety. Right,
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Right. And, and it’s just not the person I wanted to be. Yeah. And my oldest son, uh, unfortunately, or fortunately, I don’t know, he’s 20. Yeah. He’s at the University of Washington. He’s a junior in an engineering program. He’s getting great grades. My youngest son has a 4.0. He’s in cross country Wow. Wrestling, I mean, telling you life is good, but I was not, not, yeah. I was dealing with childhood trauma that I still had never worked through, uh, divorce. That was heartbreaking. And a lot of, um, infidelity and, and feeling of not being good enough. And so I never took the time to sit in it. I just set a goal, reached a goal, went to work, kicked some butt, came home. Yes. And forgot all of it. And so I didn’t even get to enjoy the wins. Uh, I didn’t because it was always what’s next. And, um, and I didn’t allow myself to find joy in it. I just numbed out and then set another goal.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Yeah. You seem like a real go-getter and that really propelled you forward. Like that worked. You were killing it in work, in life and, you know, all of the, I I don’t know much about Mel Robbins and Rachel Hollis. I, I know that they’re like, get up and go. Right, right. That’s kind of the message. It’s like, I
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Mean, I turned myself into a morning person because I felt like I’d get more accomplished and I’d be able to Yeah. You know, become this woman that I wanted to be. And outwardly, honestly, I looked like that, but inside I felt ugly and fat and sad. Mm-hmm. And lonely. And, and so yeah, I would, I would even after work, go have drinks with girlfriends at the local pub and, and then, you know, drive home after that, pop open a bottle of wine, make the dinner, do the things,
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Get back up to the day, but wake up at three o’clock in the morning and I would just spiral this, uh, imposter syndrome. And you’re not worthy of this life that you’re living. You’re not worthy of these amazing children that you have that are thriving. You don’t deserve this career where you get to help other people with their sobriety when you’re drinking. And again, like, I kind of wish I would’ve had hangovers cause I think I would’ve quit sooner.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Well then it sounds like you, it sounds like you did have hangovers in the, the mental health aspect of
Speaker 2 (08:58):
It. Right? Oh
Speaker 1 (08:59):
My. You didn’t have the physical, all of the physical effects of, but that waking up at 3:00 AM
Speaker 2 (09:06):
It’s the work
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Like just spiraling anxiety going like Yeah. That is, that’s a hangover from alcohol.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
It, it, you’re right. That’s a really good point. It, it really is. And it is. Oh man, it is this most self-deprecating heart. Yes, I am worthless, useless. Not, not all these things. And I can’t get any time back. I mean, none of us can, but when the, these women posting on, on the Facebook and they have littles, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I just wanna like, reach through my computer and hug them and say, do it now, right now. Because I feel like I missed out on a lot of things. And I don’t know if my kids would say that, but I, I did. I, I brought my wine to the soccer game. I, I had <laugh>, I had a mimosa in my cup at the band concert, you know? Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Yeah. And
Speaker 2 (10:05):
I didn’t get to really fully experience a lot of things. And I think if anything has been difficult in this process, is that Yeah. The fully experiencing stuff, it sucks. And it’s awesome.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
<laugh>. Yeah. Yeah. It is true that like in sobriety, there is a morning, like, there’s a morning period of all of the shit that went down when we were drinking and kind of a like wishing you could do it over. That’s part of it. That’s so hard. It’s like, and then you feel all of those feelings. There’s nowhere for those feelings to go except to feel them in
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Sobriety. Right. And then all through, so this only been as of, gosh, last Saturday it’s been six months.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Okay. What? Don’t say only in front of front of that there’s,
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Sorry, only it’s been Yeah. Just, I’m so completely done. I will not be going back. I also don’t consider myself an alcoholic. Yeah. Absolutely. Was utilizing alcohol to not participate at the end of the day in my life. Yeah. Have a good time. Have a good time. Yeah. And, uh, that’s also been difficult. My boyfriend was also drinking with me, and I have a tendency, if someone’s drinking with me, they’re taking a shot, I’m gonna take a shot. Well, when I’m 130 pounds and they’re 230 pounds. Yeah. You know, I, I keep up <laugh>. Right.
(11:25)
But could I, because again, 3:00 AM it, it hit. And so I think about a week into me not drinking, it wasn’t even, like I said, oh, I quit. I just hadn’t had alcohol in like a week, which was unlike me. Yeah. And I remember sitting down with my boyfriend and saying, um, I quit. And he goes, what? And I said, uh, I quit drinking. And he goes, oh, right on. You’re gonna do 30 days again, or are you gonna do a 90 day challenge? And I was like, no, I’m just, I’m just not gonna drink anymore. And he is like, ever. And I said, yeah, no, I’m done. Completely. Yeah. And he goes, I don’t know what he, I mean, honestly he was supportive, but I think he was like, oh no. Like, what are we gonna do for fun?
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Right. Like, what does this mean?
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Yeah. What are we gonna do on the boat? I don’t even know. What are we gonna do at the football, uh, you know, party? What, what are we gonna do at dinner? Yeah. It’s everywhere. It’s everywhere. Everywhere. And I just said, um, you know, obviously you decide what you wanna do and this isn’t about you, but I got this anxiety. I was on Trazodone, I was taking propranolol for like panic attacks that I was having. Yeah. And I just was like, I’m gonna go to the gym. I’m gonna move my body 30 minutes every day, which I was trying to do anyway, but I’m gonna be more consistent with it. And I quit and I did. I just quit. And each day that went by, I just felt better and better. And within a couple weeks I was sleeping through the night. I wasn’t having the, the hangovers.
(12:53)
I wasn’t having the 3:00 AM hangovers <laugh>. Yes. Yes. And it was a huge difference. And it shifted also my friendships. I mean, I think that was one of the hardest things. I stopped by that local pub after work and I brought my iced coffee with me and I sat down and I’m chatting and I could, I could hang for a good 20, 30 minutes, but I realized that their words were already slurring. It’s like, fuck, I’m judgmental. I was judgmental. I’m like, what are they doing? They’re gonna get in their car. I can’t believe cuz I read this naked mind, like they’re putting poison in their bodies. What are they thinking? So I had to remove myself because I did not wanna be that person. I did not want to be the judgemental human being that I was feeling, you know? Yeah. And I was also jealous. I was like, they can, they can do this and live this way and be fine. And you know what the, the reality is, it probably weren’t actually
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Fine. Yeah. I think that’s the, that’s I do, I, I have been struggling with this idea of like, yeah, people who we think are like normal drinkers, quote unquote, like we think that sure, they’re fine. But just like, I think you’re a perfect example of this. Like, outside you were killing it. Like everyone would think that you were, you were fine. Like you were a normal drinker, whatever that is. But inside, like no one knows that 3:00 AM except you. You know, no one knows you were going through that except you. So we don’t know what other people are going through and what, what their drinking story is, what their relationship with alcohol really is.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Right. I, it was pretty terrible. And so then for the next six months, I navigated, I navigated the 4th of July.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Yeah. How was that? I was gonna say, okay, well, so was there anything that, before we get to the 4th of July, just when you stopped, was there anything that made you stop or it was just kind of an inner knowing? It was just another day, but you knew inside you were done. Done.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
It was just another day. I didn’t have a crazy thing that happened and except, except that my son was like, oh yeah, thanks for paying for and doing that thing. And I’m like, awesome. Yeah, that thing. Right on. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Yeah. I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you’re welcome. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
No, it wasn’t, it was just not loving myself. Yeah. A simulation of showing up really, really well for everybody else.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
And I remember reading somewhere, if you make and follow through on promises to other people, and if you’re good at that, you’re capable, you make a promise to your mom, you’re gonna go do something. You promise your child that you’re gonna, you know, get a to whatever practice they need to be to. And then you make a promise to yourself that you’re gonna not drink that day or that you’re gonna go on that three mile run. Yeah. And then you talk yourself out of it. You’re not showing up for you. And if I can show up well for other people, can you imagine how much better off even they would be if I could show up well for myself?
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Totally.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Yeah. And so it became a, I deserved better, I deserved a life that was better. And so I just quit.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Yeah. Yeah. Your story’s so much like mine. That’s, I I like how you said an accumulation of not loving yourself because it’s not like something crazy happened. It’s not a quote unquote rock bottom. It’s just those little, those times of like chipping away at yourself, they accumulate until you, you finally say it’s enough.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
It was terrible. And I guess even it’d be interesting if anybody wants to go to our Facebook group and they can even look at some of the stuff I dealt with with my boyfriend. I mean, he continued to drink and to a 0.1 night that he came home, gosh, I hope he doesn’t listen to
Speaker 1 (16:33):
This. Oh, I, okay, I remember, I remember this post. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
He came home trashed. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he Ubered home. Yeah. You know, it wasn’t like he drove so I, there wasn’t that, but he was angry and he was slurring his words and he doesn’t remember anything. He said, oh, you’re just perfect cuz you don’t drink. He doesn’t even remember any of it. Yeah. And I was just like, I can’t live like this. Like, not only have I made this choice for myself, but, and he’s an amazing partner. Really loving, kind. It was funny, someone yesterday was like, you guys, you and Nick her like a Hallmark movie. And I was like, we kind now are.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Yeah. Hallmark. That’s nice. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
We have an interesting backstory, but we have, things didn’t work out, but we basically have been in love with each other since we were 17 years old. And then we both carried other people and had other lives. And now we’re finally here getting to Oh
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Yeah. And so I sat down the next morning and just was like, this is not the life I wanna live. I get that I’m speaking from somebody who was behaving like you not that long ago. Yeah. But this is triggering to me. Yeah. And this isn’t healthy for me and this isn’t how I want to move through the world. And it turns out you can’t ask somebody to, to see this better life. And he wasn’t about to to tell me he was gonna quit. He’s like, if you’re telling me that I need to quit, uh, or else, then I’m not gonna quit. Like
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Right, right.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
You just have to, either you decide you can handle this or not. And I just said, I just don’t want you getting trash and being the way you were. You know? Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Gosh. I think he’s had one drink since then.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Wow. Okay. That’s great.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Anything in the last month. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, we go to restaurants, he orders water. I didn’t even, we never had a talk. He never said he quit. I don’t even know honestly if he’s quit how long or what, but I keep quiet and I’m just so grateful. And he said the other day, um, I just feel really good about the man that I am. And I feel really good about how we’re living and our wholesome life. And I’m just really thankful that I get to be myself and genuinely live this beautiful life with you.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Aw, wow.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
That that has to do with his choosing to not, to not be drinking and partying. And we were absolutely doing that. And it’s just so much better now. And yeah. And I see someone again talking about what do I do? My partner’s still drinking. And I, I think when I read people saying what I’m saying now, I rolled my eyes, oh sure. He’s gonna stop or he’s gonna cut back significantly and he’s gonna see how it’s impacting you and he’s gonna be different. And I’m, oh yeah, sure. That’s what your life is. That’s not mine. Well that’s what my life is now too. Yeah. And
Speaker 1 (19:25):
He, yeah, it’s amazing the influence that we have in sobriety that we don’t even, and like you said, you can’t make somebody stop. You just can’t. No. That’s not, that’s a losing battle. And and, and they almost are gonna dig their heels in more if that’s the route you go. But just living by example and then setting boundaries and communicating, I mean Right. That does a lot.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
I think. Um, I just chose me and I had to come to a place in, in our relationship and in my relationship with this new healthy version of myself. Yeah. Which is really uncomfortable relationship because we face everything. We don’t numb anything. Right. I have to sit with myself and be like, well this sucks and here we are gonna feel it, we’re gonna feel all of it. And I had to come to the realization that even if he chose to continue that behavior, and even if this kind of sober or mostly sober, not getting drunk, lifestyle wasn’t for him. I had to choose me. Yeah. And I had to show up for myself first. And if that meant losing this otherwise really beautiful thing that I had, then I was not gonna abandon myself one more time. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> for someone else.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Yes. Yes.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
And I didn’t, I didn’t abandon myself and in showing up for myself, he watched me become this, this authentic person that I never got to be. Um, because I think in my past, in all my past relationships, unfortunately, it’s hard to admit I did whatever it took to be what I thought was the version of the lovable person that was gonna get me affirmation, attention, affection, love. And ultimately I did. I mean, they loved me. Yeah. I have two ex-husbands and I think they both take me back.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
But the reality is it wasn’t me that they loved, they loved this construct that I made to be pleasing.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
And I remember going grocery shopping after, um, my first divorce and I’m putting all this stuff in the grocery cart and I look down, I’m like halfway around the outside because you don’t go on the inside cuz you get all the junk you don’t need. Right. Yeah. So I’m rules, I’m eating healthy. And I was just like, I don’t even think I like hummus. Why? Why do I have home in my car? Like what? I had all this food in my cart.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
That wasn’t for you. You
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Didn’t like it. I didn’t even know what I wanted to eat. I got married 21. I didn’t even know. I was just like, I’ll put everything back. And I was like, all right, why are we getting girlfriend? I don’t even know. We’re gonna buy whatever we want. We’re gonna eat it. And I didn’t know because I spent so much time liking what they liked, doing what they wanted to do, watching what they wanted to watch wearing what they thought was cute on me. Like Yeah, yeah. Seeing my hair, wearing it curly depending on which one was more attractive that they believed it to be. Yeah. And I lost my identity. But man did I morph myself into something that was super lovable and ultimately lovable at all because they were in love with somebody that wasn’t me.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
And that just can’t, you can’t you yourself, that takes a toll on you. You know? That takes
Speaker 2 (22:43):
A toll. It’s exhausting. And so I did, I said to my boyfriend, I said, you’re about to take a while ride with me because I’m gonna figure out Yeah. In midst of, hopefully in the midst of this relationship who I am and what, what I want to be and who I wanna show up as. And it might be kind of hard cuz I’m gonna tell the hard truths and I’m just gonna be raw and authentic. And he was like, I’m here for it. Oh,
Speaker 1 (23:05):
That’s amazing. That he is such a great partner and that you have that together. Um, uh, okay. So I do wanna hear about how was the first 4th of July? Cuz we have the holidays coming up. And so that was your first holiday sober, right?
Speaker 2 (23:21):
It was. And how was it? It was at the beach with his friends and family and his ex-girlfriend also stayed the entire weekend. Oh,
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Other maybe a different podcast. <laugh>
Speaker 1 (23:33):
<laugh>
Speaker 2 (23:34):
And, um, everyone’s drinking. I mean, they started off the morning with jello shots. Oh yeah. And don’t jello shots fool you. Those can creep a promise.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Totally.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
And um, so I’m drinking my soda water. I mean I had like, I don’t know, I think Nick bought me like eight cases of soda water <laugh>. Yeah. Drinking my soda water. And he created this like whole bed cozy nook with my favorite books in the back of his truck so that I could Oh, I wanted to hide. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
That’s that’s so nice.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
I’m like, I need a place to go if you all get crazy. Yes. Like a place to hide out from the drunken madness. Yes. And so he created this whole space and then he showed me and he’s like cringing. He opens the door at the back to the back of his extended truck and he shows me and he is like, and I go, oh my gosh. And he is like, okay, good. Oh my gosh, you’re bad. Oh my gosh. Like, am I in trouble for creating a little heidi hole for you or are you happy? Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, no, no, no. I’m, I’m happy. So we hung out and I walked to the beach when it got to be too much and I legit hid in my Heidi hole and read a book <laugh>.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Yes. That’s so good to create a safe space like that and, and have a plan of, okay, where am I gonna go? What am I gonna do Right When it gets to be too much?
Speaker 2 (24:47):
And that’s what I said. He said, how can I be supportive of this? And I said, if you could just not get trashed, that would help. And yes, he drank, but he really did not get to that point. I felt like I could always communicate with him. Yeah. I said, I just wish I had somewhere to be if I didn’t wanna be around it. And so he created, uh, somewhere from
Speaker 1 (25:02):
So Nice.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
And it definitely, it helped, but it was still hard. Yeah. The smell of alcohol still bothers me. Yeah, totally. The smell of it breath would really bother me. Yes. It, it just, ugh. It, it’s weird cuz I drink it all the time, but now, I mean, someone even walking by that had whiskey or something. Yeah. It just cringey to me mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, but then I sat by the fire and then I remembered my why and I realized I’ve got a couple more years with my 16 year old that I get to really fully be here and hang out. And what if he calls and he needs something and I’m an hour and a half away and I can’t even get there. Yeah. Well, guess what? I could get there. I could get there any given moment. If something happens, I am capable of showing up a hundred percent. Is it gonna be easy? Maybe not, but am I gonna remember the whole thing <laugh>?
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Yeah. But you can do it. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Yep. And that’s important to me. So I made it through in that way, but I did, I applied myself with soda water and I created a safe space. And I do see a lot of people talking about, well, I have to go to this or I have to go to that and I’m gonna say this, I challenge you do, do you? Yeah. Right. Do you have to? And if you do, you can leave
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
And tell your partner that, Hey, you know what, if you wanna stay, that’s cool. But if it’s, if it’s okay with you or even if it’s not, I’m gonna take your home and I’ll see you, I’ll see you at home. I hope you do too if you keep drinking. But this isn’t a place that’s safe or good or healthy for me right now. Yes. And
Speaker 1 (26:34):
There will al there will always be parties, you know. Yep. There will. Of course. Yeah. And they’ll wait, they’ll wait for you. You’ll be invited again. And if you’re not then those aren’t your friends, but Right. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
But I, no, I hid out in my heidi hole in the truck. That’s sounds good. Book and drank my soda water. And was it a bummer to not feel like I was participating? Yeah. But the next morning when everyone else was like, shit. Yes.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
That’s what it’s about too.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
I was like, I did a little self-righteous. I’m not gonna lie, <laugh>,
Speaker 1 (27:03):
It’s hard not to. It’s hard not to in that morning, that morning glow. Yeah,
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Exactly. So, well, so honestly, Susette, even yesterday I was like, gosh, you know, a glass of wine with dinner would be really great. Yeah. I, I even, I still, now I’m like, this’s just one, it’s just one glass. It’s not that big of a deal. And then I’m like, Mindy does not drink just one glass. Right. Mindy will want a bottle and then Mindy will like convince herself that she can go get another bottle. Cause it’s really close down the street, not that far. And who cares? It’s not that big of a deal. I’m just gonna go to sleep. I’m not hurting anybody. And the fact is I am hurting somebody. And that somebody most of the time was me.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Yeah. That’s such a good reminder. And, and you said that your 16 year old is downstairs mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And so, and he knows, he knows that you’ve stopped drinking, you said,
Speaker 2 (27:53):
Right? Yep. And I told my 20 year old too. I sat down with, Hey, I decided to quit drinking. And he was like, that’s awesome, mom. <laugh>.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Oh wow. I mean, it’s cool having older kids and that you can communicate that with them and you can get their feedback. And so what does your 16 year old say about it?
Speaker 2 (28:10):
I just find he spends a lot more time with me now, and I find that he sticks around and he wants to, he’s like, Hey, do you wanna go do something? Hey, do you wanna ride bikes? Hey, do you wanna go on a hike this weekend? Like, he wants to participate and do things with me. And that is, I, I mean yes, every time.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
So he might not say it with his words, but he’s definitely saying it with his actions of wanting to be around you more. That’s amazing.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Right. And my, and my 20 year old is definitely saying it with his words. Yeah. But he’s, he’s, so, he’s been around for more of realizing, oh, mom’s, mom’s been drinking. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And they would take advantage of it too. Yeah. I promise They would be like, oh, she’s been drinking, what can we ask for?
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Right. Because she’ll say yes. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Yeah, yeah. But my 20 year old, I said, Hey, your, your birthday’s coming up, you’re gonna be 21. And that was a weird thing too, thinking about not having a drink with my son for his first drink. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. I know that’s, but I was like, that’s kind of weird. It’s not something I’d ever thought about until I couldn’t do it. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And I asked him, I said, what are you gonna do for your 21st birthday? And he’s like, oh, we’re gonna go skiing. I said, well, you know, do you have a drink that you wanna try or are you gonna, and he’s like, it’s poison. No,
Speaker 1 (29:16):
Thanks. Wow. I do think that it does seem like Gen Z has it more figured out than we do.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
He just doesn’t want it. Yeah. And I said, well, you don’t even wanna try. And he’s like, what’s the point? It smells terrible. I, I’m not interested. I see how people behave when they drink. You know, he’s at University of Washington. He’s like, I’m good. I’m doing really good. He’s in the marching band. He is like the happiest
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Oh, that’s amazing.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
College kid on the planet and Yeah. He just doesn’t
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Want you to do it. Yeah. Good
Speaker 2 (29:42):
For him. So I hope that a whole lot of that wasn’t seeing how I went through it, but if it was at least he’ll, uh, avoid some of the big mistakes that I feel like I’ve
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Made. Yeah. And now you’re showing them another way you’re show, you know, that I think that that’s the best thing we can do as moms.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Yep. I picked him up from UDub a couple weekends ago, I guess a weekend ago, and I said, Hey, I’m almost at my six months. And he was like, mom, that is awesome. Aww. And I said, consecutively. And he goes, <laugh>, I was hoping that’s what you meant. Aw.
(30:12)
Said, I’m just trying to keep it light. And he goes, mom, you don’t have to keep it light. It’s a really big deal. Oh. And it’s okay for you to, to know that it’s a big deal and it’s good for you to be proud of something that you’re doing. That’s a big deal. And I was just like, oh, I, I just, I uh, told him I was sorry for the stuff I missed, you know? Hmm. And, uh, he was like, mom, you’ve always been a great mom, but now you’re just really completely here for it. So.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
Oh my God. Well, he sounds amazing. You are amazing.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
I’m, yeah, they’re pretty great. And now I get to be great too.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
Oh, Mindy, I’m sad that our time is up. I could talk to you forever and, and hear your story. I can tell how proud you are of yourself and you should be. And I’m so proud of you and thank you for being so vulnerable and opening up about your story.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
Yeah. Ladies, if I can be of help, I promise I’m here for it. I would love if my story resonates with anybody that matters. And I’ve been scared to tell it, but I’m glad I did. It feels really,
Speaker 1 (31:13):
I’m so glad it’s gonna help so many. Cuz I think your story’s co more common than we, than we think
Speaker 2 (31:20):
It. That’s what I love about this group is yeah, see all these women and I’m like, oh my gosh, they’re all so wonderful and normal. <laugh>.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Yes. Yes. Exactly.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Ugh. Uh, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Oh, thank you, Mindy. Thank you so much. I’m proud of you.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Okay, I’m gonna go celebrate my birthday tomorrow for the first Oh,
Speaker 1 (31:38):
Happy
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Birthday. Remember the entire thing?
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Yes. Oh, I wanna hear all about it. Tell us about it on the group. Thanks. Bye. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of The Silver Mom Life. If you loved it, please rate and review it wherever you listen. Five stars is amazing. Also, follow me on Instagram at the silver mom life. Okay. I’ll see you next week. I’m gonna go reheat my coffee.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
Bye.
Speaker 4 (32:12):
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Speaker 1 (32:13):
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