I am so grateful for the opportunity to share the journey of sobriety with so many of you through this podcast. I never dreamed that it would become all that it has become and I am so excited about what we can achieve together in the new year!
One of my big goals for 2023 is to change how influencers and celebrities portray mommy wine culture online. People need to be held accountable for false and inaccurate posts about alcohol. I want to replace the term ‘mommy blogger’ or ‘creator’ with marketer. Because that is what their content is – It’s smoke and mirrors that cover up the dark truths about alcohol.
That is my goal for the new year, and I’m so glad we’re in this together.
We now have a Patreon! Please consider supporting the show by becoming a patron. Learn more here: http://patreon.com/user?u=84021397
Check out Dear FoundHer Podcast with Lindsay Pinchuk.
Listen to “Grief Sucks But Not as Much as a Hangover” here.
Join The Sober Mom Life FB group – https://www.facebook.com/groups/1542852942745657
We have merch!!!! Check it out here!
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hi, welcome to the Sober Mom Life podcast. I’m your host Suzanne of my kind of suite and the sober mom life on Instagram. If you are a mama who has questioned your relationship with alcohol at times, if you’re wondering if maybe it’s making motherhood harder, this is for you. I will be having candid, honest, funny conversations with other moms who have also thought, Hmm, maybe motherhood is better without alcohol. Is it possible we’ll chat and we’ll talk about all things sobriety and how we’ve found freedom in sobriety. I don’t consider myself an alcoholic. You don’t have to either, and maybe life is brighter without alcohol. I hope you will join us on this journey and I’m so excited to get started.
Hello and happy holidays. This is just a quick check-in. It’s a grab bag of an episode. This you just have me today, so you’ll hear me talking in a second. But I wanted to hop on first and just say, first of all, happy holidays. Merry Christmas. If you celebrate, happy Hanukkah. Happy Kwanza. If this is your first sober holiday, come over on Instagram on the sober mom life because I’m sharing a lot of tips and inspo just to get through. Also, I would suggest you go back to the sober Thanksgiving episode that applies to all holidays and I give just real life tips that you can use so that you can not only survive, but hopefully thrive in your first sober holiday. I now, this will be my third sober Christmas. I now look at it like there’s no way I would drink and miss these magical moments.
So if you’re not there yet, you will get there and just cross off the first. We’ll be talking a lot about counting the firsts in the new year, so stay tuned for that. But I just wanted to hop on and tell you the exciting news that I launched a Patreon account. So I have kept the podcast ad free because I don’t know, it just makes for an easier listening experience. There’s no fast forwarding through ads, but it does take time and resources to create this space. So please consider supporting the Patreon. So we have three different levels. For $5 a month, you will get all of the bonus episodes. So I’ve already shared a few on there. I’ll do just casual check-ins, A lot of like sober tips and just stuff that doesn’t make it to the podcast feed. They’re shorter episodes, kind of bite-sized to get you through, I don’t know, just tough times and to give you some more support and inspiration.
The monthly Ask Me Anything episodes will be over there. Conversations with my mom, who’s a retired therapist that’s gonna be be over there. We’re gonna do like a mental health moment every few weeks and just cover some mental health topics. So it’s gonna be a lot of stuff that’s at that first $5 a month level. You can cancel at any time. So if you wanna just try it out, do that. That’s called the Sober Curious level. Next, we have the sober Mom level. That’s $7 a month. So you will get all of the bonus episodes, plus you will get to see videos of all of the podcast episodes. So if you like to watch, you know, your favorite sober influencers talk all about sobriety, this is for you. And then, like I said, you will also get everything that the sober curious level gets. And then the top tier is a sober mom lifer tier, and that is $10 a month and you’ll get all of the bonus episode, all of that, you will get all of the videos, so everything that the sober curious and sober mom life tiers get, but then you will also get, so I wanted to make this a little bit more interactive.
So we’re gonna do live q and a sessions. You’ll get to have access to exclusive polls and voting power. So you can tell me what you wanna see, what kind of content you wanna hear on the podcast. And then I’ll also shout you out on each podcast episode. And that is $10 a month. And like I said, you can cancel at any time, just, just try it out. You know, $5 gets you a cup of coffee or bonus episodes. So I truly appreciate it. And now I’m so excited because I’m gonna shout out the sober mom lifers. So thank you so much to Megan and to Erin, to Elena, to Dana and Susan. So thank you. Those are my sober mom lifers. I appreciate you guys so much. I appreciate everyone who joins the Patreon, but I’m gonna, I’m gonna shout out the The Lifers because I really, really appreciate the support It, it is going to just enable me to continue creating content for you guys. So I really appreciate it. Also, the link to join and to a Patreon is in the show notes. Okay, thank you guys.
Hi moms. Hi Sober and sober Curious moms. This episode is a little bit different, and that’s not just because I am all relaxed on my closet floor instead of having my perfect podcast setups and I, I don’t feel ready. I feel kind of all over the place. I don’t have notes, I don’t have an outline. This is just me sitting and talking to what has quickly become my favorite group of moms. I have felt so honored and so lucky to have this space to connect with just lovely and brilliant, sober and sober curious moms. And the idea that I get to do this kind of just blows my mind sometimes. And I kind of just sit back and I’m like, wow, I don’t know it. I would’ve never guessed this two years ago, definitely not three years ago when I wasn’t sober yet, or maybe not even a year ago.
I didn’t know that this was possible. So first, I just want to extend my heartfelt gratitude to all of you. I see your comments all the time in the Facebook group. If you’re not in there, it’s a sober mom life on Facebook. You’re just so supportive of each other. And it warms my heart every time. I also see your comments and your ratings on the podcast. And that has blown my mind. Oh my God, I have to tell you, you know, my mind is very analytics driven just because of my retail background. And I was a manager at Bloomingdale’s for years. And so my mind is just very like, okay, what are the stats? What are the goals? What can we hit? And so I did start this like that. I’ve kind of fallen off because I’m like, who cares about all that? You know, I, I just wanna be reaching as many moms as I can who don’t realize that examining their relationship with alcohol doesn’t mean that they have to label themselves an alcoholic and go to aa.
That’s real. That’s really what it comes down to that an examined relationship with alcohol just means that you take a step back from being in it and being swept away by it. And you look at what it is and what it does and if it’s helped or if it’s hurt more than it’s helped. And if it has helped, how if it’s given more than it’s taken. And that’s really just what I wanna talk about on this podcast. And so that’s why I created it. So I kind of took a step back from the analytics and I was like, you know, whatever, it’s growing. I know it’s growing and that’s great. And I know that it’s reaching a lot of moms and I feel honored. One of my friends has another podcast. It’s called Dear, found Her, my friend Lindsay. And if you haven’t checked that out, definitely do.
It’s all like very inspirational and business and women in business and I love it. Anyway, she told me about this. I think it’s listen note to where you can look up podcasts and just see kind of where you rank. And I was like, Ooh, that’s scary. Do I wanna know where I rank? But guys, I just saw that we are in the top 1.5% of podcasts in the world. What does that even mean? What does this mean? So I guess there are like, are there 3 million podcasts or 300 million? This is where the facts kinda, they just drop off and they take on a life of their own. Anyway, there are a whole lot of podcasts in the world and this idea that we’re in the top 1.5%, I can’t, I really can’t even fathom that. I don’t know what that means, but it sounds great and it sounds like something that we should be proud of.
And so I’m gonna let us be proud of that. I’m proud of that. I’m proud of all of you first, because it takes courage. It takes so much courage to take the first step into examining your relationship with alcohol and how it affects your life and how it affects your parenting and your children and all of that stuff that we talk about here. So that takes a lot of courage to do. And so I’m really proud of you and all of you who have decided to take that first step because I know it’s scary and we’ve talked a lot about you don’t need to have the answers. You don’t need to have the answers to that right now, and you probably won’t for a while. And that’s okay. You’re gonna have way more questions than answers when you start your sober curious or your sobriety journey.
And that’s okay. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong, it just means you’re figuring it out. So I’m proud of you, I’m proud of all of my guests who have been brave enough to come on and share their stories. I’m forever grateful to the influencers and the sobriety influencers who have built their platforms and have made their voices loud enough to reach the moms who need to hear them and then who decide to come on here and share their stories with all of you. I’m so proud of them and I’m so grateful. And I’m also really grateful for our real sober moms series on Friday at the bonus episodes. I’m so grateful and proud of you guys who are real moms trying to figure it all out. And your stories aren’t polished and you haven’t told them a hundred times. Some of you are still in it and you were still open and vulnerable and you came on here and you shared your story because you knew it would help another mom.
And I just can’t thank you enough for that. I am gonna continue that series into the new year. We might take a little break from it at the end of the month. I’m not sure stay tuned for that. But we will be continuing that. I have a lot of fun stuff planned. We’re gonna continue to work with my mom. She’s been on here and if you guys have joined us for our Zoom meeting on Tuesdays, she’s been joining us for that. That’s been so much fun. I’ve never gotten to work with my family before and now I have a podcast with my brother. If you miss that. It’s called Brand New Information and that’s where we just get to talk about pop culture and politics and the nineties and being Gen X kids and just how fucked up that is <laugh>. And then, so I get to talk to him every week and then I get to have my mom on here and we get to talk about sobriety.
And she’s also going through that too. So this has been a turn that no one was expecting and I’m, I just, I love it so much. We’re gonna create some more stuff with my mom who’s a therapist and just knows a lot of stuff about this space. And now she’s also experiencing it for herself. Her reason is a little bit different. Um, she wants to live forever. And so she’s on that quest. Yeah, so I’m really excited for the new year. I also have big dreams of guests that I want on here. It feels foolish to say dreams, doesn’t it? Like I wanna share who I want to have on here and then I’m like, Ooh, are they gonna think I’m a fool? But that’s what vulnerability is. So you guys, I want Chrissy, Tegan on here. I wanna hear why she decided to stop drinking.
I want Drew Barrymore on here. I want Blake Lively. I want these celebrities you guys even want, how about, can I get a Luann? Can I get Luann on here? Can we talk about some frozen and maybe uh, Lindsay Hubbard for those summer house bands? Can we bring our Bravo love to the Sober Mom Life podcast? Ooh, I thought about another one the other day. Oh, Leah, Leah from Ronnie. I think she would be a great one because we saw her, you know, she came into the first season of Real House waves of New York and she was sober and after, I think she was sober for like eight or nine years and then she decided to start drinking and we saw that happen. And now she’s sober again. So I think that her journey is just fascinating. So if anyone has any connections, guys, I’m working at it on my end.
But you know, if anybody wants to hook me up, I’m very willing. Those are dreams and goals. I don’t know if they’ll happen, but it’s exciting to think about. I’m also in the, uh, this is scary. I’m in the early stages of writing my book and you guys, I’m gonna tell you something that I sent out my book proposal. I sent it out to one agent. Cause I was like, I don’t know if I’m ready. Let’s just try it. Let’s just kind of see what happens. Well, if this isn’t a story for the book, because I got the rejection letter on Thanksgiving, <laugh> on Thanksgiving, I was rejected. And I fully expected, I expected to be rejected because I keep hearing it’s a, you know, it’s just a brutal journey and it’s a rollercoaster and rejection. I, I don’t know, I’ve always been pretty okay with rejection. So I, you know, I was expecting it. Was I expecting it on Thanksgiving? No, I was not expecting to read that email on Thanksgiving at 4:00 PM but they’re Canadian so I guess that makes it better. Like it wasn’t Thanksgiving for them. But didn’t she know it was Thanksgiving for me? <laugh>,
I’m still working through that one. I feel like that’s gonna be in the book. Anyway, I’ve made huge leaps forward in this process just within the last week and I just, I’m terrified. Oh my God, I’m terrified. And that’s how I know it’s the right choice, because I’ve always kind of been that person that if it scares me, that means that I’m doing it right. And I don’t mean like scares me, like obviously not in a bad way. Obviously if I’m scared, if something inside is telling me, no, this is wrong, it’s terrifying, scary, and don’t do it, then I won’t do it. But this is terrifying in a, a really wonderful way. And so I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna start that process and work with someone who I’m really excited about. She’s gonna help me craft the book proposal. It’s like a thesis.
Oh my God, it’s like a 50 page thesis and I need help and I know when to say I need help. So she’s gonna help me with that. And then we’re gonna just hit the ground running. I’m really excited and I will keep you updated. So there’s a lot of things about the new year that I’m looking forward to. I actually was writing about this this morning about the passage of time is really hard for me. And so there’s definitely a melancholy that I feel every December and every, you know, new Year’s Eve, it’s another year gone by and it, there’s a grief that’s attached to that for me, especially in motherhood, especially as I’m grieving my dad. Still, if you are grieving this holiday season, I did share a whole episode about grief. That was a while ago. That was, I don’t know, that was a couple months ago when I first started the podcast.
So if you need some support in your grief journey and, and with sobriety, I know that could be a tough, tough thing. Go listen to that. Hopefully it helps. But when you’re grieving around the holidays, it fucking sucks and it’s really, really hard. I am struggling with that through this holiday season. So if you are too, just know you’re not alone and know that just because we feel like this right now doesn’t mean we’re always gonna feel like this. And let’s just let ourselves cry when we need to. I feel it. I’ll be just driving in the car and a Christmas song will come up, man, have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas by Judy Garland gets me and I think it gets me because of the family stone and that’s the moment with the dad. But man, that gets me. And I heard it last night after we were driving home from a holiday dinner at one of our kids’ schools and I just started crying, you know, just silently crying in the front seat while my kids were playing and talking in the backseat.
And uh, that’s just what I needed to do. And then it passed and I was okay and everyone was okay and my husband reached out to me and held my hand cuz he knows and it was okay. And then I felt, you know, I felt a little bit lighter when I got home and that’ll happen again probably 25 more times before Christmas. And that’s okay. So if you’re grieving, hang in there. You’re not alone. This is kind of an episode that is all over the place. And I wanted that to happen cuz I wanted it to be just like I’m sitting down and talking with you. We’re gonna have a lot more new listeners as January comes and as people decide to try life without alcohol. So if you are new here, I’m so glad you’re here. Go back and listen to some episodes, get your feet underneath you and just, you’re not gonna have it all figured out and that’s okay.
I do wanna touch a little bit on what I’ve been battling on Instagram. Ugh man, you guys Instagram, I love it. I love it because I love the community. I love connecting with moms and just being able to, I don’t know, I just love it. But it’s also, it can be the pitted despair, <laugh> and mommy wine culture has a lot to do with that. So you guys, I’ve kind of been on a tear with mommy wine culture over on Instagram and I’m calling people out and it’s not comfortable because I do know some of these people, I’m not gonna say I’m on here, but if you wanna, you can go on Instagram. I actually, I called one big mom influencer out and she has over 300,000 followers and we’ve actually, we are friends on Facebook, we’ve supported each other way in the beginning. And I deleted her on Facebook before I called her out because you know, I have morals <laugh>, I don’t know what I don’t know, but I am so tired of mommy wine culture and it is so fucking dangerous.
And I’m so tired of these huge influencers who have hundreds of thousands of followers like Molly Sims, who I’ve called her out before and I will because ugh, I’m so tired of them treating alcohol. Like it’s a cute little joke and that it will help us cope with motherhood. So I’m calling it out you guys. And I want to talk a little bit just about influencing because anytime I do call these influencers out, I get, I mean 99% of the messages I get are so supportive and like, thank you for doing this. Which is why I do it. I would not do it if it wasn’t landing with people. I mean I’m not, you know, this isn’t in a vacuum. I also do it because I see messages on Instagram and on the Facebook group all day every day about moms who are struggling with wine.
And it’s wine guys, it’s not Jack Daniels. It’s wine. And I think almost everyone we’ve talked to on this podcast, I think that I can almost say everyone, they did not struggle with hard alcohol. They, it was wine Mommy wine culture does this thing where they think that, I don’t know if they think it, but they portray this idea that wine is innocent and it’s different. It’s different than hard alcohol. It’s not hard alcohol, it’s wine. Look at this bottle. I mean it’s so pretty. It’s got a pink label. How bad could that be you guys? It could be really fucking bad because it’s alcohol. It’s the same damn thing. And so these big influencers who decide to do this thing where they’re pouring a whole bottle of wine into a Stanley Cup to show you that it fits and that that’s how they drink to get through daylight saving time or oh my God, there was one who she actually posted, she said the quiet part out loud.
She said, if you’re a mom and you’re not an alcoholic, I don’t trust you. <laugh>, you guys, can we just take a second to think about how fucking dangerous that is? 99% of the people who reach out and the moms who reach out say thank you. I fell into this. I’m not in it anymore or thank you. I still drink and I still do have wine sometimes, but I hate mommy wine culture or thank you. I was in this, I saw your post. I didn’t even realize that I’d been tricked by marketing and now I’m not in it. Cuz you guys, that’s what it is. It’s marketing, all of it. I wanna replace the term mommy, blogger, influencer, all of these creator, all of these things with marketing and brands. Because a mom who has 350,000 followers on Instagram and like four different businesses, she’s a brand and she’s probably making close to a million dollars a year.
That would not shock me. There’s a lot of money in social media marketing and moms have capitalized on it cuz we’re really good at it. And that’s great and I love it. And I want moms to be able to work from home and to create their own businesses and influence. But I’m gonna do anything I can just to put a stop to mommy wine culture on Instagram because they still have this way of doing it in order to be relatable and to have you think, isn’t this cute? I’m just like you. I’m gonna drink all day long to deal with my kids too. And this is dangerous for a few reasons. Obviously it’s dangerous because it’s normalizing drinking alcohol to help you cope with motherhood, which is just a flat out lie. It doesn’t help. And if it did, I’d be the first one to say, yeah, let’s do it because moms need help and moms need support.
And if it helped, I would be like, yep, let’s do it. Well it does not, and that’s been proven. It’s scientific, it makes anxiety worse, it makes our sleep worse. All of these things that we always talk about on here. So it does that. But here is where the marketing part really comes in, is when you see this mom, blogger, creator, influencer brand, when you see her pouring a whole bottle of wine into her Stanley Cup and saying that’s how she deals with daylight saving time. Oh by the way, this is her wine too. This is her branded wine, which she doesn’t disclose, but it is, when you see her doing that to a cute little trending audio of a five second clip, I am going to bet everything that she does not drink that whole bottle of wine to help cope with daylight saving time.
She doesn’t, cuz there is no way she would be able to run her businesses and be a mom after drinking a bottle of wine. That’s the marketing. So she shows you this clip so that you assume that she turns to wine to help be a mom and to be a successful business owner and all of that. But she doesn’t. And I know this because I was hired by an alcohol company when I first started influencing, I think this was in either 2016 or 2017. And I was hired by Kettle One botanics and this was when they were kind of everywhere and it was like, you know, it’s a way to make vodka girly. And it’s like, hey, vodka’s pretty now vodka is, look at it, it’s botanics, it’s botanical, it means it’s better for us. Which it’s not. That’s bullshit. It’s ethanol. And I was hired by them.
And this was way before sobriety. This was also way before I had an idea about what influencing is. And it was, uh, when I was new in it, I was like kind of taking whatever because I was like, oh, you’re gonna pay me a thousand dollars to post this picture. Okay. You know, I, I sold out. I was a sellout as a lot of influencers are in the beginning and even in the middle and the end. That would never happen today for me. I do not take any sponsorship or campaign if I don’t believe it in the product. If I don’t use the product, it’s not gonna happen. So anyway, this was back in 2017 and I took the pictures and I promoted their vodka. They’re pretty flowery vodka. And I didn’t even take a drink cuz I hate vodka. I don’t like vodka. I wasn’t gonna drink vodka.
I took the pictures by the pool in the middle of the day. I wasn’t gonna do that. But I took the pictures and I posted them and I encouraged people to buy the vodka and I poured it down the drain, but no one would have known that. So, so much of what we see online is smoke and mirrors. And I had someone reach out to me today and she’s like the VP of marketing for some company and she’s like, wait, don’t these moms know this is marketing? And I’m like, no, that’s the point. Marketing is good when you don’t notice it, that’s when it works. And she was like, oh, I don’t know how they could be so dumb. And to that I took offense because you are not dumb. It just means that it’s working and then it’s really fucking good marketing. You’re not dumb if you’ve been tricked by something that is trying to trick you.
And that’s what mommy wine culture is, it’s a trick. So I don’t know guys, I’m fighting the battle and every time I’m not an activist, I don’t have an activist’s like heart, maybe I have an activist’s heart, but I don’t have an activist’s head. I want to take on these things. And I do, I do that with politics too. I get very outspoken because I can be, I can afford to lose followers. I can just stand up for what I believe in. It takes a toll on my mental health though. And so then I do these things and I call people out and yeah, she did message me by the way, and she said, I wish you would’ve reached out to me first before blasting it all over the social media. To which I reply, um, oh, oh, did you not know it was wrong?
And a total bullshit what you were doing? Oh, well now that you know, I I hope that you will, uh, never do it again and remove the reels. Or is that not gonna happen because you didn’t like my mode of communication? You guys, I can get pretty, uh, I can get pretty snarky <laugh>. Anyway. I feel this responsibility to protect all of the moms in my Facebook group who I see day in and day out posting about struggling with stopping drinking wine. And to all of the moms who reach out to me on social media and say, thank you. Oh my God, this saved my life. Or I’m struggling. Posts like yours really helped me. And so I feel this responsibility to be the outspoken one cuz I can be. That said, I will then turn around and then share, you know, a cute holiday outfit because I do need to escape from it a little bit.
Then I’ll get right back to it. I also, if anyone has a contact at Meta or at Instagram, I think it’s astonishing that you can report somebody’s post for like anything, right? You can like, which is great, bullying, hate speech, violence, a scam, a fraud if they’re selling something that is a scam. Eating disorders, that’s a newer one that I saw pop up, which is amazing. You should be able to do that. They need to be held responsible. But promoting alcohol and even like the one that mentioned being an alcoholic as a thing that you should strive to be, there was no category for me to report that, which I think is astonishing. You guys, I I wanna change that <laugh>, I want the influencers and brands cuz that’s what these mommy bloggers are, they’re brands to be held responsible and held accountable for the message that they’re sharing.
I don’t think that’s too much to ask. I don’t think it’s too much to ask to have brands and mommy bloggers. Same thing. They’re synonymous. Okay? I don’t think it’s too much to ask to have them not push alcohol as a solution to motherhood because you substitute alcohol with any other addictive drug and it would not fly. They couldn’t push cocaine to moms. They couldn’t push heroin. They wouldn’t even push cigarettes to moms. They can’t do that. They can push alcohol because there’s a lot of money in alcohol, but it’s dangerous and it’s life-threatening for some people, for a lot of moms. So guys, that’s, that’s sort of just what I’m doing in my free time <laugh>. I’m just trying to change the whole culture. We have to, we have to try, right? If we don’t try, I cannot just turn a blind eye to these posts and I don’t see them because I’ve curated my feed so that I don’t see them, but people send them to me, which I’m grateful they do because I want to be able to call them out.
That said, if you have someone in your feed who is doing that, block them. Block them. You do not need to see that because it’s a lie. It’s marketing and you’re not gonna fall for it. Block them. Get rid of them. You don’t have to follow them. All right guys, I’ve rambled, but I, I just wanted to sit down and just talk through this because I just fresh off of kind of ranting on Facebook or on, um, Instagram and posting reels and everything, and I just wanted to come to my people and talk to you about it and see where we’re at. So let me know in the comments. Let me know if you were, you fell into mommy wine culture. Also, I want to make sure this is clear, is that I’m not judging or blaming or shaming any mom who has fallen victim to mommy wine culture.
If you have been tricked by something that tried to trick you, that’s not a weakness in you. Who I’m judging and shaming and blaming are the people who continue the lie and they need to be held responsible and accountable for the message that they’re putting out to moms. Woo. What an episode. I don’t even know what I just said, you guys. I always say this, I don’t black out. Now in my regular life, I do black out when I record a podcast <laugh> because I don’t know what the hell I just said, but I hope it helps. All right, let me know. Check in with me, check in with me on the Facebook group, leave me a comment in the podcast feed. Also, if you haven’t yet, just write and review it. It helps so much. It helps to make sure that we’re discovered by more moms who need us and need to hear the message that it’s okay to question your relationship with alcohol. It’s okay to examine the role it’s played in your life and it’s okay to want better for you and for your family and for your future. All right guys. I love you. Bye.
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Silver Mom Life. If you loved it, please rate and review it wherever you listen. Five stars is amazing. Also, follow me on Instagram at the silver mom life. Okay? I’ll see you next week. I’m gonna go reheat my coffee. Bye.
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