Ask Me Anything!


September 8, 2022

Our first AMA episode! In today’s episode, I’m answering your questions and sharing more of my sobriety experience. I’ll be sharing AMA episodes each month, so please leave your questions in the comments or message me @thesobermomlife on Instagram!

I think it’s important to say that when I speak about sobriety I am speaking from my own personal experience. What worked for me might not work for you, but my hope is to give you new ideas for life experiences that may help you on your sobriety journey!

Join The Sober Mom Life FB group – https://www.facebook.com/groups/1542852942745657

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Follow my on Instagram at @thesobermomlife


Speaker 1 (00:00):
I wish more people would listen to our podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
I know. I feel like this is why we need to do an ad. So this is an ad for brand new information, a pop culture and political podcast.

Speaker 1 (00:10):
We’re a couple Gen Xers who talk about pop culture and political stuff on the brand new information pop culture and political podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
Okay. But we’re not a couple we’re siblings. It sounded like you said we’re a couple . That was so gross. No, we’re siblings. That’s my brother. I’m his sister. Listen to us wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi. Welcome to the Sober Mom Life podcast. I’m your host Suzanne of my kind of suite and the sober mom life on Instagram. If you are a mama who has questioned your relationship with alcohol at times, if you’re wondering if maybe it’s making motherhood harder, this is for you. I will be having candid, honest, funny conversations with other moms who have also thought, Hmm, maybe motherhood is better without alcohol. Is it possible We’ll chat and we’ll talk about all things sobriety and how we’ve found freedom in sobriety. I don’t consider myself an alcoholic. You don’t have to either. And maybe life is brighter without alcohol. I hope you will join us on this journey and I’m so excited to get started.

Hello from my closet, you guys. I’m excited to do this. Oh, I need to stop saying you guys, I need to start saying ladies or moms or, I don’t know if you guys is a Midwestern thing, but it’s always my go-to greeting and I feel like it’s less accepted now, which I totally understand cuz I’m not talking to guys. I’m talking to those lovely ladies out there and the moms who are questioning their relationship with alcohol. And so this is not for men. Even though I have had men on here, I’ve had my brother and my husband, but overall this podcast is for the ladies. So I need to stop saying that. So if I do, just forgive me, but this is a bonus episode. I’m excited. This is the first ask me anything episode. I asked you for some questions that you had just about sobriety, either specifics or in general.

I asked you that on my sober mom life Instagram and I got some good questions and I wanted to just come on and chat through and talk about sobriety and just like what it is and what it means. And I, I know that I probably don’t have to do this disclaimer, but I’m going to, if you are a new listener, I I highly suggest that you listen to the past episodes. You’ll kind of get more of an idea of my story. And if you are not, and if you’ve been listening for a while, thank you. First of all, thank you so much. I’ve been loving doing this, but you know, I only tell my story when I talk on here. Obviously, I, I listen to other stories when they come on, but when I’m talking and when I’m behind the mic, I am just sharing my experience and what I’ve gone through in the last two and a half years of sobriety.

And you know, I I I’m not a coach, I’m not a doctor, I’m not a therapist. I’m not a an alcohol counselor. I’m, I’m none of those things. I am just a mom. And I don’t mean just a mom because that’s a whole lot, but I’m just a mom who really decided one day to stop drinking alcohol. I have had, you know, my relationship with alcohol has been fraught at some times it’s been nonexistent. At other times it’s probably been troublesome at sometimes I’m thinking of my early twenties and then even into my mid twenties. But yeah, I, I can only speak from my experience. So one, I do these, especially these ask me any things cuz a lot of it is like, how do you, you know, how did you get through this? Or how did you do that? I, I really wanna make sure to just underscore that I’m sharing my experience and you have to do what works for you.

What worked for me might not work for you. This could just be another tool in your toolbox. Or as I was talking to my mom who is actually, she is a therapist and she did specialize in addiction and alcohol. And so I was talking to her about not loving the term toolbox, the sobriety toolbox. I think she listened to that episode too and we were talking about it and she said that she would always say menu. I think that that’s a great way to kind of frame it, that you have this life menu or this sobriety menu and you’re gonna look at the options like what do I feel like today rather than this tool? You know, we need tools when we’re broken and I don’t feel broken. I feel more whole and more fixed now than I did when I was drinking. And so, I don’t know, something about the pejorative, I don’t know, tool to me just sounds a little bit negative.

So I like the idea of a menu and so just have this on your menu. Have the Sober Mom Life podcast on your menu. Maybe some of the things that I’m gonna talk about today will help you in your sobriety journey. If they don’t, maybe just skip over that one and, you know, say that one doesn’t apply to me or whatever. So you’re gonna have to use, um, I don’t know, just some common sense in this and whether or not this is gonna help you. I just wanna put that out there as a disclaimer. I, I think that’s important. I know that a lot of people are listening to this and I am so incredibly grateful for that. I just wanna make sure I’m being responsible and not, you know, I never wanna be spouting off these shoulds and shouldn’t and cuz I just don’t think that’s helpful.

Anyway. Okay, so I’m gonna just read through this list of questions, questions and I’m gonna ask, or I’m going to answer as many as I can, as honestly as I can. Um, this one says, Thanks for sharing. It’s helpful. How did you get past those cravings? So this one is a little bit interesting for me. You know, I stopped drinking when my son was three months old. And so I had already gone through nine months of not drinking. I, I wasn’t drinking a lot at the time that I stopped. I have had periods, periods in my life where I was drinking a lot more than I was when I stopped. So I didn’t necessarily have physical cravings. My cravings if, if I can even call it that, we’re probably more emotional and also just more ritualistic if that makes sense. Like having a glass of wine at night to feel cozy with a book, craving that comfort rather than physically craving the alcohol.

I didn’t have that. And so if you are physically craving the alcohol, I do want to encourage you to seek out support for that because I did not have that. I think that if you’re just talking about craving it, like you, you kind of want it and you always alcohol is your go-to at 5:00 PM I think there are a lot of things that you can do. What I did in those, and I’ve talked about this a lot in those first, I would say definitely that first month, every single night when I would normally maybe have poured a glass of wine when I was cooking or after the kids went to bed. So what I did was I, instead of turning to something to ingest, you know, some people replaced it with kombucha in a wine glass at night or tea that might help. But instead I really, I sought knowledge and so that’s when I was listening to this naked mind.

And so when I knew that I would either crave wine or that ritualistic kind of pouring the wine and then sitting down to drink it, that’s when I had that AirPod in my ear so that I could hear someone telling me how horrible alcohol is for me. And so I know that that’s probably not what you were looking for, but that really is what helped me stop looking at wine as something to be desired. I don’t desire wine, I don’t desire alcohol. Now I look at it like I look at cigarettes, but that’s only after I’ve really learned and kind of was un brainwashed about what alcohol really is. So, you know, if you’re talking about physical cravings, like I said, I would seek support for that. But if it’s just that ritualistic thing of turning to alcohol, when to wind down or to relax or after a long stressful day, I highly recommend listening to that audiobook.

You could read it, but I like listening to it because it’s very repetitive. It was in my ear right there, you know, it’s like the angel on my shoulder. If alcohol was the devil on my shoulder, then this naked mind in my ear was the angel on my shoulder talking to me about how bad that devil is and what he is really trying to do. So I highly recommend that. Okay, so moving on. Did you keep your wine glasses, cocktail glasses and keep using them for na drinks? So this is another one that’s really personal. I know that some people don’t like na drinks. I, I do think kind of the old school way to think about it, maybe an AA is to be like, no, like you can’t do na drinks because they’re gonna trigger you. I did not, I don’t find that at all For me, first of all, I don’t like a cocktail anyway.

I would always drink wine rather than a sweet cocktail, but I am not opposed to mocktails as long as they’re not sweet or you know, kombucha and a beer. Like I think I, if that works for you and like if it helps with those cravings, I think that’s great. We did keep our wine glasses and cocktail glasses I like, cuz I like fancy things. I, I’m not afraid to say it. And there is something about drinking even kombucha in a wine glass or I actually have these gorgeous like pink vintage kind of goblets that I got off Amazon. I’ll link them, I’ll link them in the show notes because kombucha in that vintage pink glass is so special. I love it. It makes me feel, I mean, who needs wine when you have that it tastes better. It doesn’t leave you the hangover. Like it’s, it’s so much better.

So yeah, I would say, you know, if they don’t bother you keep ’em for sure. I like it. I like to feel special. Okay. How long until balance of sobriety feels more positive than not? Less like work? This is a great question. Hmm. I’m thinking about it. My opinion might be a little bit different. Sobriety is my work now, but I know that’s not how you mean it. I always think that first year you’re just dealing with so many new situations, at least I was, I was confronted with a lot of new situations that I was like, oh right, I, this is when I would normally have a glass of wine. This is when I would normally have a drink that I wasn’t even aware kind of how often I was turning to alcohol to have a glass of wine until I was confronted with that situation while I was sober.

So I think that first year is probably for me was the hardest just to get those firsts under my belt, you know, so think of all the little firsts. I mean you can think of the big ones like vacation holidays, Thanksgiving, first stressful day, first date night, first girls dinner. There are all of those. And once you get one of those under your belt, I can’t tell you how amazing that feels. First of all, you, you’ve just given yourself a chance to see even just being curious, just to see if it’s better without alcohol. And then also you’ve really like allowed yourself to count on yourself rather than alcohol. Like you’ve allowed yourself to put yourself first, to put your health first, your mind first, your body first, your emotional wellbeing first. You’ve done that. Like once you get through those firsts and you see that you’ve done that, I think it’s so powerful and it can be such a, I don’t know, for me it was a way leads onto way kind of thing where I was like, oh wow.

Like I was not ashamed to say I’m so proud of myself that I got through my first sober vacation or that I got through, you know, my first girl’s dinner where everyone else was drinking but me, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. Which granted my idol, Kate Moss said that, but right now that’s very problematic. That’s not, that’s not a great saying, but a spin on that is like no glass of wine is as good as what it feels like to be able to count on yourself. There’s just nothing. Not even the best wine, the best champagne, the best Prosecco, I don’t care if it’s from France, I don’t care if I’m in France drinking it. There is just nothing that feels better than me being able to count on myself and for me to make a promise to myself and to carry through with it for myself.

I just don’t think that there’s anything better. And in my sobriety that is 100% the best part about it. I started my sobriety for me, I didn’t start it for anybody else and continually showing up for myself and being able to count on myself has been, I mean, it’s the way I show myself love. It’s the way I show, you know, the little girl who grew up with a dad who drank too much, it’s the way I show her love. It’s the way I show the girl in college who was drinking too much because she just felt like she was never good enough. It’s the way I show her love. It’s the way I show love to the girl who always thought she had to be drunk to sleep with someone because she was so confused about her body and ashamed and sexually just uncomfortable.

It’s the way I show all these versions of me that I thought were failures. It’s the way I’m able to say, no, no, no, no, you’re not a failure. You are worth love and you are worth showing up for. And so that’s what my sobriety has been. And you know, those little acts of love are just that they’re little decisions every time I make the decision not to drink and to be able to count on myself, that’s what it is. And so it’s not this giant problem and this giant decision that feels overwhelming. It’s every single time I’m showing myself love. I know I got off track. But I think that when that is the focus, when your focus is how can you love yourself and how can you show all those past versions of yourself, How can you show her love? I think that that makes sobriety way more meaningful and easy.

You know, it’s no, no alcohol can even touch that feeling. Okay, moving on. When does sugar craving subside? Oof girl. Day 61. And it seems worse than in the beginning. Here’s what I’m gonna get say about sugar and I am gonna have some experts on who actually know why we crave sugar when we stop drinking. But here’s what you need to know. You will crave sugar. It is a thing. And I thought I already had a sweet tooth when I stopped drinking. I, I turned right to sugar. I also didn’t feel bad about it because I was like, okay, well I’m not drinking empty calories, I’m not drinking my sugar. I would much rather eat sugar than drink it. That’s just in life. Like you give me either a bar of chocolate or a milkshake, I’m gonna eat the bar of chocolate because I would rather eat sugar.

So I just kind of went with it. Um, you guys just right now actually I think I’m on day five or six of tackling my sugar addiction and I can honestly say yes, that is an addiction. I have . I was not addicted to alcohol, I was addicted to sugar. I, I know it’s hard and this doesn’t help but just set it to the side for now. Day 61. I, I think that you’re still trying to figure out what life without alcohol is and what it feels like. And so many feelings come up when you stop drinking alcohol that let yourself have some sugar. I mean, let yourself have it, It’s not the time to also try to quit sugar. It’s not the time to worry about it. You’re gonna have a lot of feelings come up that you didn’t even know you were drinking to kind of quiet those other complicated feelings.

Those are all gonna come up. So let’s just work on what comes up and let’s deal with those feelings and let’s not worry about sugar right now. You know, I would, I don’t know my advice and I’m, I’m 2.5, 2.5, I’m two and a half years in and, and I’m just now being like, okay, maybe we need to re it in on the sugar and you guys, I’m a health nut. I don’t like to eat meat. I’m, I eat so much veg, so many vegetables. I work out all the time. I am a health nut and yet sugar has always been my Achilles heels, you know, and I’m just now tackling it two and a half years in. And so if you’re not there yet, fine, fine. Don’t, don’t do it yet. If you’re not ready, work on, work on living a full and happy sober life first and then worry about sugar later.

I always laugh when I get some pushback about, you know, either caffeine or sugar on my Instagram when I, cuz I share a lot of coffee photos and treats and stuff like that too. And people, some people are like, Oh, right, okay, so you give up alcohol, not caffeine or you give up alcohol, but sugar is horrible for you. I’m always like, you know what, I’ve never blacked out from too much sugar and like I, I haven’t met one person who has like lost their family, their children, their car, their house over too much sugar. So I think we’re okay with the sugar right now. There are bigger things to tackle. You’re tackling them. Focus on that and eat some chocolate. It’s okay. Okay, Why is it so hard to break the 5:00 PM witching hour cycle? It literally takes over me. Ugh. Why is it so hard?

Oh, it is. Why is it so hard cuz kids? Because kids, because by 5:00 PM you guys, we are done. I am done by 5:00 PM No one can touch me. I don’t want anyone touching me hanging on me. I don’t even wanna hug. I don’t even wanna hug at 5:00 PM I know that about myself. I know a lot of moms are like that. So why is it so hard to break that cycle? I think it’s so hard because we’re so tired by that point. We’ve, we’ve done it all day and I, I don’t know if the answer is to break it because I don’t think, at least at five o’clock, I, I’m not strong enough to do anything. And so I plan, and this is what I did in early sobriety. I make a plan when I’m actually a fully thinking human earlier in the day because I know five o’clock is going to be hard and I’m not gonna let it surprise me.

I am not gonna be surprised by the five o’clock witching hour . I probably have been many times. And then finally I was like, oh, this is gonna happen every day. Okay, I’m gonna be prepared. And so maybe in the morning, why don’t you think about what you’re going to do when it hits five o’clock? Whether that’s you guys, if, if that’s you need 10 minutes in your closet by yourself with a bar of chocolate, that is fine. Whether that’s you put in AirPods and you tell your kids, you can’t talk to me right now, , I need five minutes. You put them on their iPads, you let them watch tv, you listen to this naked mind or your favorite podcast while you are making dinner, you do whatever you need to do to get through it because that’s all you gotta do is just get through it.

And it doesn’t last forever. It’s not gonna be all night. They’re not gonna be crazy all night. Well maybe they are, some nights they are. But once again, until you give yourself a chance to see that you are actually strong enough to withstand that witching hour without alcohol, you won’t know that you are. And I’m here to tell you that you are now, it doesn’t mean you might not cry for three minutes in the pantry or you might not need to go out into the garage and scream for a second and then come back in and say, Okay, sorry, did I scare you? Okay, well mommy just needed a little timeout too. You know, that doesn’t mean that that stuff isn’t gonna happen. It is, it is. I still cry in my closet at like five 30 sometimes when I’m just overwhelmed and flooded and I can’t think straight.

We’re human, we’re human raising tiny humans, like we need breaks. But I think to prepare for that five o’clock witching hour when you can think straight in the morning is crucial. And so whether that’s a treat, maybe you give yourself a treat that you look forward to all day long. And then when those kids start to go bat shit crazy, you grab that treat and you, you find solace in that treat. Whether it’s, sometimes I make a decaf coffee, I put all of my sweet creamer in there and my half and half and my foam and I foam it all up and then I make my coffee because coffee in the morning makes me happy. Why can’t coffee at 5:00 PM makes me happy? It does. It makes me so much happier. Whatever it is, whatever that looks like for you, I would plan to do that and then make that be the ritual.

And you will see that alcohol didn’t do a damn thing. It’s just didn’t. And you are so much stronger than you think. And you can, you can get through that I promise you. Okay. Just wanna say thank you, new listener and I love it. Oh my gosh, thank you. Thank you guys. I can’t tell you guys, See I have to stop saying guys, sorry, I can’t tell you how much I love this community. Are there any friends that you don’t connect with anymore because you don’t drink? Hmm. This is a good one. I think. Yes. Not any of my good friends. So my good friends who, you know, we’ve connected without alcohol before, whether that’s like over coffee or play dates or just life walks working out. Any of those friends who I already had that connection with outside of alcohol are good. Like we’re, we’re solid.

We continue to, they know that, that we’re good, we’re solid. Those peripheral friends who, you know, I would call them more acquaintances that you really only did see them at get togethers where you were drinking. Yeah, I think I’m invited to less stuff like that, which I’m not gonna tell you doesn’t hurt it. It does. I don’t think just because I’m 42, of course I still feel like sometimes left out I feel like, oh man, am I not one of the cool cool kids anymore? I have all of those feelings when I’m like left out of a party because someone assumes that I don’t wanna go because I don’t drink. But I also know that my good friends know me well enough to know that I still wanna go. And so then they still invite me and we still have a lot of fun. So yeah, I I think that’s a hard one.

I think social, yeah, the social situations can be tough. I just wanna say like, if you’re not connecting with friends because you’re not drinking, keep reaching out to sober communities and you will find your people like you, you will find your people if you haven’t yet, keep going because you will and your good friends should continue to support you. And if they don’t, then maybe the relationship was based more on alcohol and it wasn’t as great of a friendship as you thought, which is a hard, that’s a hard realization to come to, but your people are are out there for sure and come, um, come to the sober mom life Facebook group. We have about 500 moms now who are all over the country, even all over the world. Who, um, maybe someone’s in your neighborhood and reach out. Like if you’re a sober mom, you know, another sober mom, go for a walk, go for coffee, work out together.

Um, have a play date with your kids because I know that a lot of sober moms, that’s what we want. That’s like the number one thing we want is connection. So I get it. Okay. Do you still get cravings for alcohol? No, I don’t. I don’t, I don’t. Like I said, I, I look at alcohol like cigarettes. I smoke cigarettes in college and uh, I don’t crave cigarettes now and I don’t crave alcohol now I look at, like, when I look at a glass of wine, it’s so funny cuz when I look at it, I see a headache . Like when I look at a cigarette, I see coughing. And when I look at a glass of wine, I see a headache. And so then it’s just easy for me to say, Oh, right, no. So no, I don’t this naked mind, that’s what changed that for me.

And also just learning about what alcohol is and what it does. Let’s see. Do folks ever think they missed the taste of alcohol? I’m not sure. I thought, I thought for sure I would miss the taste of red wine, but it’s funny, it doesn’t taste good. . Like, I think when you’re away from alcohol, you realize like alcohol really tastes like a toxin because it is like, it does not taste good. There’s a reason that like your first sip of alcohol was probably pretty wretched and you had to, you know, like acquire the taste. That’s because your body is like immediately saying like, Ew, no, don’t ingest this. Like, this is not supposed to be ingested. And so, I don’t know, I know that there are like red wines and some champagne that people could, and some people like scotch or I don’t know. I, I’m just not one of those people.

I used to love red wine. I definitely thought I would miss the taste. I’m telling you, I do not, not even a little, I don’t want this episode to go too long. You know, I could talk about this forever. I’m gonna do these bonus. Um, ask me anything episodes once a month. And so yeah, feel free to drop a question. You can come over to the sober mom life on Instagram and ask me there. Be sure to join our Facebook group. Um, it’s the Sober Mom life on Facebook. I will put a link for that in the show notes too. Oh, I have merch, you guys. Um, I have some mugs, of course I have a sober mom mug. And then a no more anxiety mug along with some cute shirts, silver mom shirts, a sweatshirt. What else? If you have been loving the podcast, please share it.

Share it with a friend, share it with a mom who is maybe sober curious, wondering what this is all about. Wondering if she has to go to aa. No, you don’t. You don’t have to. There’s no one right way to do sobriety. So yeah, share the podcast rate and review it. That is how we can make sure a lot of people are finding it and we are helping as many moms as possible live a full and happy sober life. I am so thankful for all of you. I can’t say it enough. I will continue to say it every single time, so I’m so glad you’re enjoying it. I love connecting with you. Come and say hi on Instagram. All right, Have a good day. And we got this witching hour. Okay. You got this. We can do it. Bye. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of The Sober Mom Life. If you loved it, please rate and review it wherever you listen. Five stars is amazing. Also, follow me on Instagram at the sober mom life. Okay, I’ll see you next week. I’m gonna go reheat my coffee. Bye.

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