For me, the firsts were always the hardest when it came to sobriety. The first summer… The First New Year’s Eve… The first terrible day…
So if this is your first sober 4th of July, then this episode is for you.
Today I’m sharing tips that you can follow so that you feel supported and confident on your first sober 4th of July. It’s possible that today will be more than just bearable – it might also be so fun!
I’m proud of you today, sober mama. You’ve got this.
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Transcript:
Your First Sober 4th of July
Hi, welcome to the sober mom life podcast. I’m your host, Suzanne of my kind of sweet and the sober mom life on Instagram. If you are a mama who has questioned your relationship with alcohol at times, if you’re wondering if maybe it’s making motherhood harder, this is for you. I will be having candid, honest, funny conversations with other moms who have also thought, Hmm , maybe motherhood is better without alcohol. Is it possible? We’ll chat. And we’ll talk about all things sobriety and how we’ve found freedom in sobriety. I don’t consider myself an alcoholic. You don’t have to either, and maybe life is brighter without alcohol. I hope you will join us on this journey. And I’m so excited to get started.
Hi guys. Welcome back. This is the third episode I have to say. Thank you to everyone who has been listening. I’ve received some messages and comments. The support as always is amazing. And you guys just , um, make it so easy to open up and share and be vulnerable and put myself out there. Take a chance. That’s what this is all about. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. If you are liking the pod, please , um, yeah. Rate it, rate it all the stars you can and then share it with some friends. I would really appreciate it. Let’s get this out into the world.
All right . So I really wanted to do a 4th of July episode. If you’re listening to this the day it comes out, it is 4th of July. It is a day of celebration and parties. And I think what could be probably a pretty stressful day for you, if you are newly sober.
If this is your first sober 4th of July or your first sober summer, I wanted to do an episode just for you. I want to just talk through some tips to get you through the day to have you feel comfortable in your sobriety, confident that you can make it through today without drinking. I want you to be able to give yourself a chance to see what this holiday can be without alcohol, because chances are you’ve.
You’ve probably had a few fourth of Julys with alcohol invited to the party. I know I did before I stopped drinking in 2020.
I think it’s not, it’s not rare to have alcohol on 4th of July, right? I think that that’s kind of what we turn to as a society to celebrate. I mean, we turn to alcohol for all of the things to celebrate commiserate for pretty much everything.
So if this is your first sober 4th of July, this whole episode is for you. And I just want to go through some things with you that I have found made it easier when I was going through my firsts. I always say that the firsts are the hardest. So the first summer, the first vacation, the first holiday, the first horrible day, all of the firsts are the hardest and were the hardest for me in sobriety. And it wasn’t until I got through the firsts that I was able to kind of, it felt like I was like laying new neural pathways in my brain. I am not a scientist. I don’t even know if that’s a thing. I think it is though. I’m pretty sure that’s what happens when we divorce alcohol from situations. And when we give ourselves a chance to live those situations without alcohol, we kind of teach ourselves and we teach our brain that alcohol doesn’t have to be a part of that equation. It doesn’t have to be invited to the party.
And what I learned when I stopped inviting alcohol to the party, I learned that actually, things are so much more fun when alcohol’s not there. You guys so much more fun. It’s insane. How much fun alcohol stole from me? Like all that time. I thought that alcohol was the reason I was having fun. When it turns out I was having fun. Despite alcohol, because alcohol did not make stuff more fun. Maybe for the first 20 minutes, like we’ve talked about before, but you guys, after that, it doesn’t, it clouds everything. It makes everything just murky and not crystal clear.
It makes it, I mean, it gives me a headache.
Also the idea that you’re just drinking and drinking and drinking and you’re not thirsty is bad . crazy. If you just think about that, like you guys, we just drink, like you would have five drinks of something, but you’re not thirsty and you don’t really want it. Like you’re not doing it for the taste.
Isn’t that insane? I think when you just think about that, that’s crazy.
Okay. So it is 4th of July morning, Monday morning. And if you have a party to go to, if you have a big day of celebrations ahead of you, I am talking to you. If this is your first sober 4th of July, and you need just a little bit of support, maybe some tips you’re scared. You’re not sure how this day is gonna go. I got you.
All right.
So my first tip is, so we’re gonna make the decision.
We’re gonna make the decision we aren’t drinking today. We’re not gonna do it. The decision has been made. I have found that especially early on when I didn’t know what the hell was going on. I didn’t know what the plan was. I didn’t know if I was gonna stay sober. Like I just didn’t know what the was happening. I found it so much easier when I made the decision. No, I’m not drinking today. I’m not drinking at this party. I’m not drinking for the 4th of July celebrations. I’m not gonna have a red solo cup full of alcohol at the parade. I’m not drinking at the beach. I’m not drinking at the barbecue.
I just took it off the table. When I took alcohol out of the equation that freed up my mind so much, I was no longer in this kind of, Ugh, should I shouldn’t I, this tug of war in my head felt so not only was it exhausting, it felt really confusing.
And so when I just decided, no, I’m not going to. And when it was a promise, I made to myself and a promise, I kept to myself. I just don’t think there’s a better feeling in the entire world than being able to keep a promise to yourself. I really don’t you guys.
I think that that is a lot of what my sobriety is, is being able to trust myself and relying on myself to come through and to do what I said I was going to do.
So we’ve made the decision guys here, 4th of July morning. We’re not drinking today. We’re not gonna do it.
We are going to, instead of turning to alcohol today, what we’re gonna do is we’re gonna get curious about what is 4th of July without alcohol, okay?
Because chances are, you’ve known 4th of July alcohol. You’ve known that it can be fun, and then you can have too much to drink. And then you can say things you don’t mean you can do things that you wouldn’t do if you weren’t drinking.
You know what it feels like to wake up on the 5th of July with a raging hangover, with a horrible headache. Or maybe even if you don’t have a horrible hangover, maybe you just feel off. You feel icky from drinking. You feel bloated. You feel gross. You didn’t get a good night’s sleep. Maybe the night became fuzzy. Maybe you missed those special moments with your kids watching fireworks, maybe things aren’t clear. You can’t quite remember what you said.
So you we’ve been there. We’ve done that. That’s tired. We know how that story ends, right? So today we’re gonna get curious. We’re gonna be like, all right, so alcohol, I gave you all those other fourth of Julys. Now you’re gonna off. And we’re gonna see what a sober 4th of July means.
And so this doesn’t mean that we’re gonna go into 4th of July thinking that we wish we could drink. This means that we are actually going to take in those small moments, that alcohol has stolen from us, but it’s not gonna steal from us today.
We’re gonna be grateful for a clear mind. We’re going to notice everything around us. We’re going to celebrate and truly celebrate being free from alcohol. Okay? So what’s the best way to do that. Okay? So we’ve decided we’re not gonna drink now.
We’re gonna have a plan. Okay? So the plan is going to be, I know that there’s gonna be alcohol at this party. I know I’m not gonna drink it. What am I gonna drink?
So I want you, if you’re going to a barbecue, if you’re going to the beach, if you’re going to a parade, I want you to come armed with whatever mocktail ingredients you need in order to feel like you’re having a special drink. If it’s just sparkling water, that’s fine. Bring your sparkling water. Maybe it’s non-alcoholic sangria. If you like a sweeter drink, maybe it’s just kombucha in a pretty glass. Maybe it’s sparkling water with some fruit in there with cranberry juice. Maybe it’s spindrift with a little juice. Anything that you need that is going to be your drink. That is your drink for the day. And that’s gonna be a drink that you can turn to so that you’re not going to be reaching for that wine, cuz you’ve already decided the alcohol’s not invited to the party.
Right? Okay.
So you’re not gonna rely on your host to have the mocktail ingredients. I think that that can be a little bit tricky generally. I would think unless the host is sober or kind of understand sobriety, they’re probably just gonna have sparkling water, which is fine for me. Like, dude, I will down like 12 sparkling waters at a party cuz that’s, that’s my jam. That’s what I love. But if you want it to feel a little bit more special, my suggestion is for you to bring whatever you would like to drink today.
All right. We’re going to the party. We’re going to the barbecue. Okay. I think a lot of the times we to avoid feeling uncomfortable and I’m going to tell you that the first, probably five to 10 minutes at that party is going to feel uncomfortable. Probably chances are you’re gonna feel uncomfortable. I’m also gonna tell you that that’s okay. You can expect that you can survive that discomfort.
You are stronger than those five to 10 minutes of feeling uncomfortable.
When everyone around you is drinking and you have decided not to you are stronger than those five minutes. Okay? So you’re going to feel like everyone’s looking at you wondering why you’re not drinking.
You’re going to maybe in the back of your mind question, I don’t know if this is the right choice. Am I going to miss out? Am I going to regret not drinking?
You’re probably gonna feel those things. And that is all okay. That is all normal.
You are strong enough to feel those feelings, to think those thoughts and then just keep it moving. And you’re strong enough to say, yeah, this is a little bit weird right now. I feel a little bit weird. It’s weird because it’s new. It’s new. Like go easy on yourself. This is your first sober 4th of July. Like of course, of course it’s new.
This is all new for you. So don’t expect yourself to be comfortable with it right away. It’s okay if you’re not okay.
So you’ve decided not to drink. You have your mocktail ingredients in hand, you get to the barbecue and you’re feeling a little bit uncomfortable.
I want you to be prepared when someone says, Hey, can I get you a glass of wine? Can I get you sangria? Can I get you champagne?
I want you to be able to say, no, I’m good. I’m not drinking today. Thank you though. Or something to that effect, whatever makes you comfortable, however you wanna phrase it. And then when they say, why aren’t you drinking?
You know, some good responses are I I’m actually trying it out. I’m trying to see if I feel better without alcohol. And so far I do or, oh, I just, I’m getting over a cold and I feel horrible. So I’m just going to, I’m just gonna not drink today. Whether it’s no I’m trying sobriety out. Whatever’s comfortable for you.
I want you to kind of have that in the back of your mind, what you’re going to say. So you’re not caught off guard because people might ask and that’s okay. You also don’t owe them anything. So if you don’t want to say why you’re not drinking, you don’t have to say, you can literally just say, oh, I’m not drinking today. Thanks. Or, oh, I’m driving. Thanks. That’s fine.
Keep it moving. You don’t owe them anything. I want you to remember that anyone’s reaction to your sobriety and you are not having alcohol has nothing to do with you. This is a really hard one. Especially when you’re new in sobriety and social situations, there can be snide comments.
Sometimes not drinking tends to make people uncomfortable. I want you just to take a beat and remember, okay, this is not , this isn’t about me. It’s just not about you guys. It’s it’s just about them.
Generally when we choose sobriety, it makes the people around us who have also questioned their drinking. It makes them uncomfortable. And we’re just not gonna take on their discomfort today. We’re just not gonna do that. So we’ve got our own discomfort to deal with. They can deal with theirs.
You don’t have to feel the fill the silence. You don’t owe them anything. Okay? So I want you to let yourself off the hook with that.
All right. So you’re at the party. You’re gonna get through that first five to 10 minutes. That is uncomfortable, but you’ve already made your decision. You’re gonna go with it. It, you’re gonna get curious about what a sober 4th of July looks like. And then you’ll see. And this is what always happened with me. That people forget that you’re not drinking. It’s no longer the topic of conversation. They are already in their cups. Like they are having their, their alcohol. And, and it’s so interesting to see as a sober person at a party, the change that occurs when people start drinking, this is always the part that I enjoy because I, I think it’s such a, for me, it just validates why I don’t wanna drink. When I see someone who’s had 2, 3, 4 drinks, and then you could see that they’re completely different. They’re acting so different than they were when they first got to the party.
It’s always pretty eye opening for me to be like, oh right, okay. You could see alcohol on display. And that’s always, that’s always a good reminder, like, okay, right. That’s why I don’t wanna drink. Not as a judgment, but just as a reinforcement of my values and what I value now that I’m sober.
Okay. So through the party, you’re going to remember that this is probably the hardest 4th of July sober. You’re gonna have the firsts are always the hardest for me in sobriety. So as you’re going through the party, I mean, I think what you will see is that it’s so much fun. You’re still gonna have so much fun. You can still be goofy. You can still laugh. You can belly laugh. You can, you can do all of the things that you might have thought you needed alcohol to do.
And once you remove alcohol and you realize that you can still have so much fun and probably even more fun and be present and be a safe space for your kids. If they’re at the party too , I mean, you guys, I , I just don’t think there’s anything more rewarding. I know there’s been nothing more rewarding for me to be able to live life fully and to find that freedom and sobriety.
And so I , I hope that that’s what happens for you today. I think that as long as you have the tools going into today, as long as you remember that your sobriety, even if you don’t know exactly what it is or what it means or what it looks like next week or the week after that today, where you sit today, your sobriety is important to you and being sober on 4th of July is important to you.
And so give yourself a chance, give yourself a chance to see what that feels like.
Also remember tomorrow morning <laugh> as you go throughout the party, remember tomorrow morning. So whether that’s, you know, you do yoga in the morning, you go for a run in the morning, you have coffee on the balcony in the morning. Anytime you kind of find yourself. If there’s a longing for alcohol, if there is a thought about, should I have a drink? If there’s a questioning, I want you to go to tomorrow morning. And I want you to think about how rewarding it’s going to feel to wake up feeling amazing. You’re gonna wake up feeling exactly how you feel right now with a clear mind, no headache, no hangover, no, no cloudiness that I think if there’s a gift of sobriety, as far as physically, how we feel it’s that it’s the mornings and I , it doesn’t get any better.
So you guys, I just wanted this to be a quick episode. I know you don’t have a lot of time. I know you gotta go make a fruit salad or get those mocktail ingredients together for the barbecue later today.
But I hope you remember, you’re strong enough to do this. You’re strong enough to do this and you are brave. Liquid courage is not courageous. You are courageous going into 4th of July, giving yourself a chance to see what sobriety feels like on 4th of July. And I really, really, really think you will find that it’s caused for celebration, true celebration celebration that you can remember, and that you can be present for. You can have a clear mind for, and really welcome with open arms.
And I am so proud of you just in case no one else tells you today. I’m so proud of you. Okay. Let’s meet back here next week. Okay. And I wanna hear if this is your first sober 4th of July, I wanna hear how it goes. So tip me up on Instagram at the sober mom life. I wanna hear how you did because I know it’s gonna be amazing.
Okay. Bye guys. You got this. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the sober mom life . If you loved it, please rate and review it wherever you listen. Five stars is amazing. Also follow me on Instagram at the sober mom life. Okay. I’ll see you next week. I’m gonna go reheat my coffee. Bye.
