This is How You Are Designed to Feel

Interviews, Mindset, Podcasts

June 27, 2022

This is the first ever interview episode of my Sober Mom Life podcast. I truly enjoyed my conversation with my friend, Katy Rexing regarding all things parenting, partnering, and living as a sober mom. 

Her sobriety wasn’t planned. After announcing unexpectedly that she was going to stop drinking in 2020, Katy surprised herself by actually committing to going sober. The results of this choice have left her feeling so much more clear and present in her daily life and her relationships. Or, as she says, feeling how she was designed to feel. 

She’s a great reminder for me to be present, to take what we need from the moment, to trust, and take chances in life. 💛

To connect with Katy Rexing, follow her @katyrexing on Instagram or check out her website Grace and Crumbs.  

Katy and Suzanne recommend the book:  Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol by Holly Whitaker 

Announcing the Sober Mom Life Cafe! For $15/month, join other sober moms inside the cafe for weekly meetings, bonus episodes, a Discord chat, a monthly book club and so much more! Learn all about it here: https://mykindofsweet.com/sober-mom-life-cafe/

Join The Sober Mom Life Facebook group!

Click here to follow The Sober Mom Life on Instagram


This is How You Are Designed to Feel

Hello, welcome to the second episode of the sober mom life. I am so excited. You guys, this is the first interview episode. I’m gonna be doing a lot of these along with the solo episodes, but I wanted to share our first interview with you.

So I talked to Katie Rexing today of Katie Rexing on Instagram. Her website is called Grace In The Crumbs, and she also has Katie Rexing Wellness.

So I have known Katie for a few years and she is sober, I think probably about a year and a half. I think you guys will really love her. She’s just a breath of fresh air. She’s so authentic. And what she puts out is just so what Instagram and the world needs. I think she’s a great reminder for me to be present, to take what we need from the moment and just really take chances in life to trust. I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation and I hope you do too.

So here is my friend Katie Rexing:

Okay. And we’re here. I am so excited. You and I connected first on Instagram. Yes. And I think it was probably, was it in 2020?

Speaker 2: 2:18

I think so.

Speaker 1: 2:20

I think we were both kind of politically…

Speaker 2: 2:23

I think that’s what it first was, was like, we were both like in our political, like being a little more vocal. Yeah . And then it was like variety thing. It was like a lot of things, but it all happened really around then.

Speaker 1: 2:33

Yeah. I think it did. Like, I think that’s when you were really on my radar and then we got to meet up and I just fell in love with you right away.

Speaker 2: 2:41

You know ?

Speaker 1: 2:41

I think it’s just, you know, you find these people online and like, then they become like actual, real friends, even before you meet them. Like, you feel like, you know them. And then when we first met for coffee in real life, I was like, this is crazy that this is the first time, because I feel like, I know you

Speaker 2: 2:59

It’s so surreal that way, where I feel like the internet and like Instagram, social media gets such a bad rap. And yet, so many ways I feel like I’ve met some of my like closest friends. And you feel like you already know these people because you share these like really personal things about yourself. Yes . Um , and you just connect faster. I think.

Speaker 1: 3:15

Totally. I think so, too. Especially being moms and just being like in our homes, especially in 2020. Yeah . Like that was our, that was our village.

Speaker 2: 3:23


Speaker 1: 3:25

Instagram is our, is our village. Even though that might be sad. I don’t think

Speaker 2: 3:28

It’s sad. <laugh>

Speaker 1: 3:31

I’m tight there with you. I’m right there with ya.

Speaker 1: 3:33

I’m like, I don’t have friends in real life. I have friends online.

Speaker 2: 3:36

Oh no 100% . I’m always like, sorry, can’t hang out also because I feel like I become socially awkward. And so I know I’m actually like , become like, like a hermit. I always consider myself an extrovert and like post COVID now I’m the most awkward person in social settings. So I actually only do well. And like, like I can do a podcast, no problem. You put me in a group of like moms at lunch. And I am like, I don’t know what to do with myself.

Speaker 1: 3:58

Oh my God. Terrify . No terrifying.

Speaker 2: 4:00

And yet I can pour my whole heart out, like to the , to the public with no problem.

Speaker 1: 4:03

But see that is so, okay. That is so interesting because, and that brings us back to your whole, okay. So your whole page, if you guys have not checked it out, you need to check out grace in the crumbs. Your whole vibe is just so open and authentic. And like the serenity that I get when I visit your Instagram page and your web and , and your site is just like, it , it’s so calming. You’re such a calming presence and you’re just so vulnerable. Like what you share online is just, I love it. I mean, I’ve told you that before, but I just, I , I have to tell you that again.

Speaker 2: 4:38

I so appreciate you saying that, you know, I think like when I first started it, it was like , and it didn’t like intend it to be this way, but I sort of feel like I was making it for like the younger me, if that makes any sense. Like I years ago, like I really struggled with like lots of things from like my own self worth , like what I was doing and my purpose , um, to like how to take care of myself, marriage, motherhood, all the things like I was, I struggled in so many ways and I didn’t really always know where to go. And I sort of feel like the things I share are the things that I wish, like someone would’ve told me years ago to be like, it’s gonna be okay. And here’s why I know that, you know? And so for me, it’s sort of like, it’s, it’s almost like I’m writing to like the younger version of myself, if you will, to be like, I got you and you’re loved, and I got you, we got this.

Speaker 1: 5:22

And you could totally feel that. Like, I feel that yeah, every time I see anything you post and because you are, you’re a busy mom of four, your kids are a little bit older than mine. Yep . But I mean, four kids, like that’s a lot . Yeah .

Speaker 2: 5:37

No joke. It’s no joke. And so , and I’ll be honest, like what was not the plan? I feel like I should have been a mom of like one or two. Like I naturally am a high anxiety person. And like, I really like order. And I like things like really clean, like, listen, I have all white couches and I refuse to buy anything other than white sofa . So me mix more kids that , and that does not go well. I feel like God has a really, or the universe has like a wonderful sense of humor cuz you’re like, let’s give the woman who is like, so tightly wound like four children.Speaker 1: 6:07

I mean, it looks like you’re like nailing it though. No . And you

Speaker 2: 6:09

Are no, but the thing is, I feel like actually like having those, having four kids has been the thing, the tool that has kind of forced me to really look inward to be like, okay, you can’t control all this chaos. Something’s gotta give, what are we gonna change? And they’ve really been like my biggest teachers. I’m sure the same for you. Like yes . Motherhood has been my biggest teacher. Um, and it’s totally shaped me. You know, the woman I am now, my oldest son is 13. The way I parent and the way I handle even myself or my marriage, all the different things is so different than when I first started. I wish I would’ve given myself like the grace, even to my kids to be like, none of this matters.

Speaker 2: 6:50

I feel like it’s, you know, it’s changed over the years and um, I wish I would’ve given myself some of the free passes and the grace. I give myself now. I wish I would’ve done that years ago.

Speaker 1: 7:02

Totally. I know you almost don’t you don’t know the forgiving nature of motherhood when you first start. Like I thought I had to just nail it and be perfect and so much pressure. And I was gonna screw up this little perfect little being, you know, just by making a one wrong move. And it’s just too, that’s too much

Speaker 2: 7:21

Mean it’s too much.

Speaker 1: 7:23

I am gonna screw up. But hopefully in like small ways, <laugh> , you know what I mean? Like we’re all gonna screw up.

Speaker 2: 7:29

Well, I think we always think that things that we’re screwing up are the things that don’t actually matter. You know, it’s so funny.

Like I used to always have like the big birthday parties. I always had the thank you notes. Like the kids had yes food pajamas that matched for Christmas morning. Like I did all the things, you know what I mean? And I was like, on the outside, had it all together on the inside, it was like a duck with her like feet swimming, underwater, like they’re going so fast. You know what I mean? And that was like my, like, I didn’t really enjoy it. Do you know what I mean?

I wasn’t like in the moment I was always worried about what’s next or like what email for school did I miss? And like when’s parent teacher conference?

Like I feel like I was always worried about making sure everything was okay. And I feel like now in motherhood, it’s the first season and listen, my kids are spread out in ages. So I feel like I I’m always getting like a do over with my younger too, but I feel like I’m really allowing myself to just be present with them and enjoy it and say like, the thank you notes. Okay. Yes . Like, forget that , like I don’t, the kids do not get cute lunches. They make their own and they literally look like a monster made it. Yes . And I’m like, it’s fine. It doesn’t actually matter. Have the times relate to school and I’m like, it’s fine. It’s like the first grade. Like it’s all. Okay. Yes. I put so much pressure on myself before to be like on time kids. Well behaved my house organized and how I’m like. Nope. No, thank you. Unsubscribe to that version of motherhood, unsubscribe.

Speaker 1: 8:45

And that’s so healthy, I think for your kids to see like you let yourself off the hook, you know what I, I think that’s such a good message for our kids to be able to just be human for and enjoy for and to, and that’s what you’re, you know, you’re reals, I’m loving your reels. Are you getting no words to reels? You’re not come

Speaker 2: 9:06

Over. You have make me do them. I literally like, I like look at the audio. So I think about, I’m like, oh my God, I can’t even, I don’t even know

Speaker 1: 9:14

What no I’m telling you. Cuz I remember when you did not wanna do reels. And I said, I

Speaker 2: 9:18

Still don’t want to

Speaker 1: 9:18

Just start doing reels and they’re so it’s just like, it feels like you are very present.

Speaker 2: 9:24

Yeah. I mean, I’m trying,

Speaker 1: 9:26

That’s what comes across though. And like you meditate every morning. You do your yoga every morning. Totally. Like it’s just so amazing. Okay. We also have to get into sobriety.

Speaker 2: 9:35

Can we please, can we please, can we please talk about the elephant in the room? I

Speaker 1: 9:39

Know. Okay . We talked about motherhood. So in order to kind of understand your sobriety, I think it’s important to understand your relationship with alcohol. Yes. And so like where, where were you with it? What’s your alcohol story before we get into your sobriety story?

Speaker 2: 9:54

Yeah, totally. So I will say this , I grew up in the Midwest and with like a typical like Midwest family. And I use that word very cautious because I don’t even know if there is such a thing as typical mm-hmm <affirmative> but like we had alcohol at like, you know, like the birthday parties at holidays. I never really thought twice about it. It was just always around. It was like how we celebrated like milestones. My parents were never that strict. I just didn’t think that much about alcohol, but it was definitely like something like in college for sure. Had my like party days.

Speaker 1: 10:25

Yeah. Did your parents drink growing up? Did you see your parents drink

Speaker 2: 10:28

100%? Which is why? I think, I thought it was just like what you did at dinner. You have a black wine. Totally like that. My parents, my mom would just have a glass of wine after dinner and I just felt like doesn’t everybody, like, it didn’t seem like that big of a deal to me. Right. I don’t think they had necessarily. I hate even using the word like drinking problem for sake. Cause I even hate that even language, but just the sake because I have no other language to use. I wouldn’t consider like anyone into my home to have any type of problems for sake, but I don’t even know what that, what that even means never stood out to me. It didn’t affect my relationship with them. I always felt safe in my home. Mm-hmm <affirmative> but I will say the more as I, you know, post college years, I definitely started probably drinking a little bit more like during the week it wasn’t just like one or two glasses, probably three or four glasses, you know, on the weekends. But at the same point in time, it’s what I saw all around me. I still had like a great job. I was holding down. I was still like, I had great friends. I was for the most part from an outward perspective, like really healthy. Like I was mm-hmm <affirmative> thin tall girl. Like I seemed to have like have it all together. And everyone around me, at least in where I was in Chicago was like really boozing. We were in our twenties. Like it was just kind of what everyone did. So again, it was one of those things, like I just assumed isn’t that what everyone does.

Speaker 1: 11:42

Yeah. Because it is

Speaker 2: 11:43

Right. I never thought of it as like being like a problem per se, because I , like, I held on my job. Like nothing seemed to be affected fast forward . I had a couple babies and I was, became a little bit more mindful of my health and wellness, really like my mental health. Um, I think motherhood kind of forced me into that. Like just becoming aware of how I take care of myself. Mm-hmm <affirmative> and I started being more conscious of what I ate. I started being more conscious of just like movement and meditating and I was practicing yoga and it was so interesting to me because on one aspect of my life, I was leading this like really healthy, mindful life, like really intentional with all of my choices. And yet alcohol was still a part of it. Right . And I jump for whatever reason was that one thing that I just didn’t question, it was like, I mean, I would question whether I ate a piece of pizza, like the cows came home with like, I’d have a glass of wine with no problem. I would eat like a vegan slice of pizza <laugh> but with a glass of rose, do you know what I mean? It was like , it was weird. I just gave alcohol a pass and it took me a while . I , you know, I did done a , a lot of cleanses over the years where it take like a month off of drinking and I would feel so good. And it wasn’t the month off of drinking. That was the hard part. It was that reentry back in. Totally . And then it would like feel, I don’t know. I would just like have like a really bad hangover after like one or two lessons of wine. And, and you would feel like

Speaker 1: 13:09

You have to get back. Like I just have to get past this hard part.

Speaker 2: 13:12

Yes. And like you go out to eat and people will be like, oh, why aren’t you drinking? I’m like, oh, I’d have explained it . It was always this like weird thing, but it actually wasn’t like the month off of drinking, it was everything else around it that felt hard. And I had done this for years where I had seen other people like stop drinking it and it felt so radical to me. I was like, wow, why did you know? That’s, that’s crazy. I , I can never, I couldn’t picture myself. And yet there was a part of me that was kind of envious, like jealous almost of like, I wish I could do something like that. Right . But it just didn’t seem , it seemed overwhelming. Totally. Like not an option even like not an option, not an option. And I had toyed with the idea of, you know, just going for like , maybe I do like two months where I don’t drink. And I , it was, it was weird, Susan . It wasn’t like a planned thing per se. I just like, remember this, we had gone to California over COVID and when we were in California for two months, I think I probably drank, I’m not gonna say every day , but it was at least every other. And it was just a glass of wine here or a glass of wine there. And I came home and I felt like. Yeah. And I just felt bloated and puffy. And I was like, you know what? And it was right around the holidays. I was like, this is it. And it was new year’s Eve. We’re at my parents’ house in Ohio. I was drinking a warm glass of Chardonnay that wasn’t even good. Yeah . And it was like this glass . And I was like, why am I doing this? I just, why am I doing this back and forth? I’m like, I knew in the back of my mind, it wasn’t doing me any good. And I looked at John Paul and I like it wasn’t premeditated. There was no like thought behind it. And I just looked at him and I was like, I’m done. This is my last strength . I poured it down the glass , down the drain. I set the glass down and I went to bed. Never thinking that that was actually gonna be my last strength . Right.

Speaker 1: 14:51

Never being like, what did I wait? What , what did I just

Speaker 2: 14:53

Say? Yeah. It wasn’t that like premeditated, I think had I thought I was never really gonna drink again. It would’ve felt too overwhelming. I just totally in the back of my mind, I meant like, well for this month or maybe for

Speaker 1: 15:04

A weeks, well, cuz how could you ever say, you’re not gonna do anything ever again. I don’t know how yeah. Anyone can kind of wrap their minds around that.

Speaker 2: 15:12

Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, and then I can get into the whole thing of like then what happened? Like after that? Um , cuz it’s , that was a year and a half ago.

Speaker 1: 15:21

I can’t believe it’s been a year and a half.

Speaker 2: 15:23

Yeah. Yeah. And it’s listen, I’m I feel the healthiest I’ve ever felt in my life. This is something I wish I would’ve done years ago. It felt the first month. I don’t think I understood the gravity of it. It was just like, I’m just not gonna drink. It was almost kinda like my body was like puffing, just getting back to like, it really took a couple of months to feel like back to like equilibrium, if that makes any sense, like back to a good balance. Mm-hmm <affirmative> and once I felt that I was like, oh, so this is what it feels like to wake up with energy.

Speaker 1: 15:53

Yeah. Like this is how I’m designed to feel.

Speaker 2: 15:55

This is how I’m designed to feel. Yeah. But I had never felt that in my adult life, because even if I went like, I mean, I think the longest I’d ever gone without alcohol was a month. Right. And so I really had never lived my adult life without it. And then having like a completely clean life. And so it was really powerful.

Speaker 1: 16:15

That’s amazing. And I , I think those months off, because I think people do that, right. Like sober October. Yes. Or like dry January or whatever it is. I , you know, you could see the benefits of that, of like, okay, I’m gonna just stop this and kind of detox, but then you kind of don’t reap the benefits of sobriety. It’s like you do that first. I’d say probably the first month is just the hardest as far as like habits and kind of getting out of the idea about having , grabbing a glass of wine after dinner or something like that. Yeah . Like you just have to get out of those habits and then you go through that first hard month and then you go back to it and you’re like, no, like just, if you keep going,

Speaker 2: 16:54

No, I could not agree more. It’s almost like, had I known, I would’ve been like, why are you been doing this? Because it really was like, you were just getting to the good stuff at that 30 days. Like , and then you get to the good stuff and you’re like, oh, now I get it. It really was like a huge light bulb for me as the months went on. And, and that’s one of the power started snowballing and I felt empowered. I felt more confident in , in myself. And it’s funny cuz it was really like after like four or five months, I stopped thinking about it. Like it wasn’t, it’s not even on my radar now. And it’s so funny. Like, you know , we’re moving now and yes

Speaker 1: 17:30

We’re you’re to California,

Speaker 2: 17:32

To California, but the best part is it’s like, it’s been a really, I hate using the word. Like it’s been a stressful time because this is such a privilege that our family’s able to do this. No one is dying. No one’s lost. Like we, this is a beautiful reason that our family’s allowed to do this. Yeah. But it’s still with a lot of logistics on a moving part. So it’s funny because I’ve had a lot of comments from people like don’t you wish you could have a drink or like, oh gosh. And it’s funny cuz like, as we’re closing up this chapter of our lives, like we do have this like wine cell for all this like wine that we bought, like from trips to Italy or different things. And JP and I talked about it and I’m like, I don’t even feel an urge like got , and I was like, I would not wanna miss this moment and miss this. Like I’m not ruining it for a sip of that red wine in our, in our basement. Like no, thank you. I’ll pass off to someone. But it’s funny because these are the monumental like moments in your life when you’re making these huge changes. These huge celebrations where I would’ve had like a glass of wine or two, even if it’s just like you , my mom was like, just have a glass don’t you want just one glass before you move in your , in your house . Yes . And it’s like , I’m wait don’t you like encouraging me not to drink , but

Speaker 1: 18:38

You’re fearful pressuring

Speaker 2: 18:39

Me. But again, I think it’s because it’s our society’s way. Like that’s how things that are marked and so old me would have done that. And so it’s interesting how, you know, it’s only been a year and a half and I , there’s not even an ounce of me that wants to do that.

Speaker 1: 18:52

Isn’t that amazing? It’s like the blinders are

Speaker 2: 18:54

Off, the blinders are off and I will say it doesn’t make it any less special. It doesn’t make it any more , less like amazing or relaxing. Like all the things I thought wine added to or whatever it was. I’m now seeing didn’t add. All I did was cloud my judgment. All I did was make me miss the moment. All it did was make me feel like it did not add anything.

Speaker 1: 19:16

Right. That’s always what I wanna like shout to the, just to everybody. I mean, that’s kind of the goal of this whole podcast. It’s it’s the goal of everything is , is just to say like, no, we’ve actually just been tricked all along.

Speaker 2: 19:30

Dreaded ,

Speaker 1: 19:30

Wait a second. Oh, wait wine. Doesn’t make anything better. Yeah. And , and it’s not anything to celebrate. It’s actually just like ethanol that will yeah. Make you cloudy, make you forget, make you feel like the next morning. Like make you miss those little moments. So that’s so cool that you like are getting to like pack up your home and kind of close this chapter and really welcoming the new one with a clear mind.

Speaker 2: 19:55

Yes. And I feel like really present for it. And I feel like it doesn’t mean that I don’t have moments where I’m like the same feeling I had when I used to reach for a glass of wine at the end of the day, you know, like, remember when it was like the whole like mommy, like mommy wine or like five o’clock for still , it was this whole ,

Speaker 1: 20:14

All over Instagram. Mommy wine culture is

Speaker 2: 20:18

100% . Yeah . Yeah . And like there was, I remember that feeling of the end of the day after the kids would be crying and I got everyone down, you importance of a glass of wine. Yeah . I’m not saying I still don’t have that feeling of like, I need to switch it off. I just have different tools now to like to go to that . I’m like that actually serves me so much better.

Speaker 1: 20:34

Yes. And what are those tools like in your sobriety toolbox? When that, that five o’clock even, even in that like witching hour, which I know your kids are, are business witching crazy . Right ?

Speaker 2: 20:44

If they’re 13 or three witching is , is like a real thing it’s oh God,

Speaker 1: 20:48

The switching hour is here to stay. You heard it here first. It’s not going anywhere.

Speaker 2: 20:52

Yeah . Breaking news kids . It ain’t getting easier. You know? I think there’s, there’s a couple of ’em but the number one thing for me, and I think I read this in quit , like a woman. I think it was there that I read this, but she talks about the power of like that one minute. And it really is like, you have this urge, right? So this feeling comes up of like, I need something. I need your body just wanting to escape. Right? Yeah . So whether it’s the glass of wine, that’s gonna help you escape. Whether it’s the cigarette, whether that’s the food, whatever it’s , you’re just like, Ugh , like you can feel it inside of you. And all we wanna do is escape that feeling. And so our vices help us get out of that. And so what’s helped me is like that, knowing that feeling is just a feeling and it will pass. And so the thing is, but they , she talks to this idea of like, you have to sit with it, like it’s a wave and it’s gonna wash over. You stay in it. Like, don’t go anywhere, just stay in it, give yourself 60 seconds. Yeah. And so even if I’m in the kitchen and I’m like, I’m like, oh , I just go , like my kids are driving crazy. And you know, I’m a , I have a , a salty food, like vice . Like I , I would like grab like potato chips. And so it’s when I’m feeling that like where it’s not from a place of nourishment, but from a place of like stress or like intuitively I know this isn’t good for me. I pause. I’ll like put my hands on the countertop or put my hands on my belly and one on my heart and just give myself that 60 seconds to be like, you’re just feeling this mom . You’re just feeling this it’s okay. You’re safe. It will pass. Yeah . And honest to God. It’s like every single time Suzanne it’s like that . After that 60 seconds it’s like that emotion no longer has control over you. And instead I feel so much more empowered to be like , okay, okay. It’s okay. Now I can make a smart choice.

Speaker 1: 22:30

You know , you were strong enough to survive it. Yeah . Like that 60 seconds. That’s amazing. I mean, that’s a really good tip because think about all the things we reach for and not to feel those 60 seconds, you know what I mean? And all it is is 60 seconds.

Speaker 2: 22:44

Oh . 100% . And I do it in the car . It’s so funny. Like, there’ll be times like we on RO we rode trip all time with the kids and I’ll like , just like the drive crazy. And I’ll like reach for like a good bar. And I’m just like eating it . Like totally . I know what I’m doing. Like , okay , set , set it down, set it down, just like breathe. And it’s, it’s wild to how like you can really apply it to anything but that there is , especially in the beginning of like for sobriety, I think for people, like sometimes you have to ride that wave a couple times in a row, every hour. You know what I mean? Yeah . Like there’s gonna be times where there were times, like when I first went out socially and like people were drinking and I like really was like, should I just have a beer? And it’s like, I would find myself just be like, just wait at 60 seconds, just give it 60 seconds and then make a new decision. And it’s like, if you can just take it min , sometimes it literally is just like minute by minute and saying like, I’m gonna make a healthy decision for myself right now. And I’ll reevaluate how I feel in a minute.

Speaker 1: 23:31

Yeah. That’s so good. Especially in those social situations, like going into a social situation, especially like 4th of July is coming up all the summer parties. It’s just that first couple minutes of just feeling uncomfortable of choosing not to drink, choosing your favorite mocktail or whatever it is. Right . And then sitting in that discomfort and it goes away and then everyone else , like you feel like everyone else is gonna look at you and be like, what what’s going on with her? Why isn’t she drinking? And they might for like the first couple of minutes, but I promise you, they will forget

Speaker 2: 24:06

For sure. I think the thing is, is we’re so trained to like, not want to feel uncomfortable. Yes. It’s like, we want the baby to stop crying. We want like, for people not to like, don’t look at me, like when we walk into a social room, you’re like, oh, it’s that first moment of walking in. It’s like, we just hate feeling uncomfortable, like by human design. And I think it’s one of those things. Like we just have to , like, we’re not gonna be able to avoid that. So it’s gonna be uncomfortable no matter what. So you either have a choice, like wake up tomorrow and feel really miserable and uncomfortable or deal with this 60 seconds. Like either way you’re gonna have a hard choice. Like life is not easy. And so I , I don’t wanna like minimize this, like, oh, it’s so easy for me. I just quit drinking 18 months ago. Like, it’s hard. Like this is hard. Yeah . And it’s gonna be hard. And, but it’s also like, you can do it. And I think it’s like, you just have to get honest with yourself. Like, there’s gonna be moments of uncomfortableness, but I am stronger than this emotion and I am I’m worth it. This is I’m . This is worth it.

Speaker 1: 24:59

Yes, totally. And it, and it builds on itself too. You know? It really does. Like once it’s like a muscle you have to train. Yeah . And then, and then it way leads on way. Like you can get through it. You will get through it. Just keep making that next right. Decision for yourself. Yeah. That’s so good.

Speaker 2: 25:17

I think too, when the more you practice that muscle, you become more connected with your own, not to get like too , like woo or cheesy, like your own , but like your own knowing and your own intuition. Yeah . You know? And so it’s like, you take your own power back instead of having it be in like alcohol or like in other people in social settings, you feel so much more empowered in your own self and like so much more rooted and connected to like your own self worth that like you can walk in true and be like, I don’t give a what you think about me?

Speaker 1: 25:48


Speaker 2: 25:49

I know, oh , I’m the jam. And like, I don’t need to have a glass of wine. So ask your silly questions away. And it’s not gonna phase like phase me because sobriety does make so many people and you, and I’ve talked to us , it makes the world so uncomfortable. It’s gonna make other people uncomfortable. But once you get to a point, like it’s not my job to make you feel okay. Ugh . And I believe in myself, I know myself worth enough. I know, I know my choices and I feel grounded and rooted in my choices and confident in them. It makes everything so much easier,

Speaker 1: 26:17

So much easier. And, and it really is true that like anyone’s reaction to your sobriety is 100% about their relationship with alcohol and how they feel about their drinking.

Speaker 2: 26:30


Speaker 1: 26:31

You know, that’s not for us to figure out or judge or anything like that. But that’s just so important to remember that it’s , it’s not anything about you.

Speaker 2: 26:40

Yeah. It’s not about you.

Speaker 1: 26:41

No , not

Speaker 2: 26:42

About you. And just as like, we are relearning, I think so many of like our , so are the people around us. And so I think it’s like we, as we have to be like gentle and compassionate with ourselves in this process, same with those around me. It’s funny. Like even, I feel not bad about saying that how my mom was like, you should ever drink, but it’s , she also like , does it know she’s learning too. And like she grew up in a different world. And so I try to remember that, like she’s learning too and exactly passionate with them to be like, okay, it might take everyone a hot minute to just recalibrate to like some new norms. But I think for the most part, like it , thank God is becoming something that more people are talking about. And hopefully everyone’s becoming a little more

Speaker 1: 27:25

Aware. I know. And, and the cool thing is that your husband decided to stop drinking shortly after you did. Totally. I always get that question about my husband. And if he still drinks, he still does a little bit, like I’m a golf course. We kind of have this boundary or it’s my boundary. And he’s very accepting of it is like no more than two drinks or two beers. Yeah. I just feel like then I still wanna be able to connect. And I think if someone has more drinks than that, it’s just, you’re not on the same level anymore. Like it’s very uncomfortable for me. Um , and he’s totally fine with that . He’s like, yeah. I just like at the taste of a beer on a golf course, I’m like, cool, go, you know, go golf.

Speaker 2: 28:05

But I think that’s so important. And I love that. Like, you set that boundary for yourself and I think it’s amazing that Russell is like, yeah . On board . Yeah . I also say like , as it should be, right. Like we all want that, like that’s what a true partnership is. Yeah . I think sometimes like, we’re afraid to ask for that or some partners aren’t as responsive and that’s really unfortunate, but I think that that’s also like then a factor of like really where your relationship is not really about the alcohol thing. Right? Yeah . It’s like, of course we’re gonna support each other.

Speaker 1: 28:31

Right. And that’s so cool. Like , okay. So tell me about JP. Not , not to like go into his story. I mean , he can hop on too , you know ,

Speaker 2: 28:41

Loves stuff , but he loves this stuff . It’s so funny. I think maybe it’s the first like six weeks or so. So I had like gone through that first month and JP, we always love, we have a record player in our living room. Like we love to put on records and like, we used to like, sit, I’d have a glass of wine and he’d have a cocktail. And so , oh, I love that . I like heard like a record playing and he’s like, Hey, will you come down? And I’m like, sure. He’s like, I have a present for you. I was like, oh my gosh. Yes . I like literally thought it was gonna be like jewelry,

Speaker 1: 29:04

Like diamonds. Like , thank you . Oh ,

Speaker 2: 29:06

That’s the best husband. And I went down and it , I , I was like , he gave it to me and I didn’t wrapped this box and it was the book quit like a woman. Oh . And I was like, okay , first of all, you’re the cutest. I did not think it was. And I was like, wait, because I wasn’t even that a hundred percent committed to, like , I was just kind of testing it out. And he, he said to me, he’s like, I’m really inspired by what you’re doing. I think it’s incredible. He’s like, I’ve heard people talk about this book. He’s like, I think you should keep going.

Speaker 1: 29:30

That’s amazing. It’s such a small token. That means so much,

Speaker 2: 29:34

Honestly, Susan, I think that, that was like one of the catalysts that things said to be like, I gotta do this. And I like devour that book in a couple, couple of days. Highly recommended if anyone , um,

Speaker 1: 29:43

So good . Put in the show notes. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 29:45

But , um, you know, at that time, like he was still having a drink here or there mm-hmm <affirmative> um, my birthday’s in February, end of February and his is as well. So we always celebrate our birthdays together. We went , um, to no boo downtown and like had a night away and we went out to a really nice dinner. And I remember saying to him like, well, you can have like a cocktail. And he was just like, you know what? Maybe I’ll have one. Like after we order mm-hmm <affirmative> and it kinda, it was one of those things, like the night just kept going on. I wasn’t drinking. And then he just did it. We actually ended up having, but I was, well, I first start off by saying I was a little bit nervous about it because it was our first like weekend. Like without the kids, it was like our birthdays. And it wast my first time being like, I don’t know, like , is it gonna be like, I feel as sexy? Is it gonna be as romantic? Am I gonna be as fun? Like, is this gonna feel as cool? Like, I’m sorry, like drinking sparkling water. Isn’t the same as the glass of wine. So let’s not pretend. Yeah. And that’s okay. And now, now I don’t even think twice about it, but that was like my first time, like really doing that with him. And he ended up just kind of like not drinking and then it just ended up being like, he was like, I think I’m gonna do this with you. And then it just snowballed. And I thought maybe he would do it for like a month or two. Yeah. And he’s the one now, like, I’ll say to him, like, do you think when we’re in California, we’d ever like drink and he’s like, are you kidding? I’m never drinking again.

Speaker 1: 31:03

Wow. Really? So he’s just like, he’s, he’s good to go.

Speaker 2: 31:07

You know, I think it’s opened both of our eyes. It’s like how much of our life we were not even necessarily missing, but like a lot of good things have happened in our life since we’ve stopped drinking. And we both equate that from like, he’s gotten a new job, I’ve launched a new business. We’re moving our family across the country. I truly, from the bottom of my heart will say, I don’t think any of those things would’ve happened. Had we still been drinking? Wow. 100% . Like, I think this move to California is because we’re sober. And I will say, it’s not even the alcohol, but it’s the fact that like, because we’re clear headed and we’re really aware and like present and mindful, like how we’re living our life. Because we’re really in the moment I feel like we are leaning into the people we are always meant to be. And we’re like stepping into the shoes we should have been doing years ago.

Speaker 1: 31:50

Oh my God, I have chills.

Speaker 2: 31:52

No , but I’m sure you feel the same way. It’s like, when you really are like, oh, this is who I am . And you can like , you really get to step into like all the amazing stuff that’s waiting for you, but that’s not gonna happen when you’re waking up hungover on a Saturday morning. It happens when you’re waking up feeling energized. And I’m not saying you have to wake up at five in the morning, like us, cuz we’re crazy early morning people. Yeah. But when you like start living your life and like really like leaning into things and taking risks and making big decisions because from a place of like true , um, authenticity and not based on like cloudiness, it’s a totally different way of living. And I think our world has changed and opened up because of it.

Speaker 1: 32:33

That’s incredible. Also I think like there’s just something about being able to trust yourself. Yes. Like being able to trust that you can, first of all, handle anything that comes, being able to trust that you aren’t gonna escape in alcohol and act some way that you are wouldn’t normally act like there’s just something being, being able to trust that you’re gonna read the signs of the universe. Yes . What they’re telling you and your direction like that’s so huge.

Speaker 2: 33:04

Yes, yes. Yes. That like being able to trust yourself 100%. I totally agree with you. There are probably so many signs that like the universe has given me for certain things and I have been like, no thank you. Or like totally ignored blown right by. And I do feel like just being sober has allowed me to like see it. I feel like I’m seeing things clearer now. So

Speaker 1: 33:26

Totally. I love that.

Speaker 2: 33:27

Do you feel that same way?

Speaker 1: 33:29

Yes. Oh my God. You know, my day to day is still a little bit crazy, cuz I’m gonna blame the two year old . Now

Speaker 2: 33:35

You’re in a different,

Speaker 1: 33:37

I’m like , oh, I’m still a little bit in the, but yeah, like that comes through. Like every time I look at, like I was saying, like everything you’re saying and like this whole living authentically and just being true to who you are and really like trusting yourself, trusting the universe, trusting your partnership with JP. Like you guys are clearly like so strong. It’s incredible. Like it’s, it’s been incredible to witness and I’m like so excited to continue watching. Like you’re so sweet. I am. I’m very selfishly bummed out from me. <laugh> that? You’ll be across the

Speaker 2: 34:13

Country. You just drew LA with us . Someone

Speaker 1: 34:15

LA . No . Oh my God.

Speaker 2: 34:17

But I have to say I’m so grateful for you for even like doing this podcast and sharing things because you were one of those first people that I saw that was like, oh, this is a girl. And I hate you using the word like, like me, but like I could relate to you. Yeah . I was like, oh, she’s a local mom. She had kids. She just goes out like, and you were like, I’m not drinking anymore. And here’s why, and so openly sharing your story. And I personally found that to be so inspiring. And I was like, wait, if she can do that and you’re sharing it like publicly on social media, I was like, I can give it a try for a couple weeks. I could tell this for six weeks. And I think it’s so important because we, these things feel so , um, grand or like not possible. It feels really unattainable. Yeah . Until someone who you can relate to shares your story. And so I think it’s so important that you’re doing this and thank you for other people out there who are like, if you’re listening to this and you’re like, somewhere along the journey, even if it’s just like two days in, or whether it’s two years in just making sure like, be vocal about it and be proud about it and talk about it because we need more people to be sharing that like, yes, I didn’t have, I’m not an alcohol . I hate you language . I didn’t have a problem. But like I’m choosing to live my life without alcohol.

Speaker 1: 35:28

Right. Like I decided to look at my relationship with alcohol and, and see what it really provided me. And when, yeah, when you, you realize, oh, it might have taken away more than it gave me. Yeah . Try something else.

Speaker 2: 35:41

Yeah. But I think we can’t get , be afraid of like saying that or talking about it. I shied away from talking about it for a while and I, I just, you know, I , I regret that and I’m just so appreciative that you shared your story and I just hope that you it to , and I hope everyone who’s listening to this, like similar out there, like continue to like, be vocal about it, share how you’re feeling, talk about it. Don’t be afraid like in social circles to be like, actually I’m not drinking. And here’s why, because I guarantee there’s someone else out there or in that social group, who’s thinking the same thing. And it was like, actually I didn’t wanna drink on a Tuesday night either, but you know, and so I think the more we can give each other a pass, I don’t know . We just need it.

Speaker 1: 36:20

We do. And I think, thank you so much for saying that. And you , you have always been like so supportive and that’s what makes it easier to speak up is, is when there are people who will, like, I always say it’s, I mean, it’s so much easier to jump when someone’s gonna catch you. Yeah. And like, that’s what it felt like. You know, when I first started sharing, I think I first started sharing in like June 20, 20. So I had like probably five months , you know? And I was like, okay, I think I’ve, I’m getting the hang of this kind of , let’s talk it through. But yeah. Being able to like know that I would be supportive and feeling that support from people like you and you’ve always been so supportive and you were the one who encouraged me to , to start sharing sobriety more on my kind of sweet , rather than keeping it on the sober mom life. And so like kind of bringing it more toward just normalizing it even more in the bigger audience and everything like that. Yeah . So yet , thank you. I mean, you know, I adore you.

Speaker 2: 37:17

No, likewise, likewise.

Speaker 1: 37:19

It’s so funny. I was thinking about our coffee chats and it’s like, we really do just sit down and like get right into it. We’re like , what emotional issues are you dealing with today?

Speaker 2: 37:29

I’m like telling me your deepest, darkest secret. Like let’s not even waste any time. Horrible at small talk. I can tell you my , all of my like deep, darkest secrets though . It

Speaker 1: 37:36

Is . I think that’s what sobriety does though, too, because I, when I was drinking, I would think like, oh, let’s just all get some drinks in us and then we’ll connect. Right? Yeah . And then we’ll be open, but that’s, that’s. You just, you , you just get sloppy and then like, forget what you say. And you’re like, what’s your name again? Totally. And sobriety is like so much of a better of a connection where you really do just like, see like soul to soul . Yeah . Okay. Let’s talk this true . I just, I love it. I

Speaker 2: 38:02

Love it. Yeah . Ditto Dito . Oh

Speaker 1: 38:04

My God . I love our chat here. Like I want you to come back on.

Speaker 2: 38:10

Oh my God. You’re so sweet. I know. I feel like there’s like so many things that we could still dive into and I don’t like , there’s so much more, especially, it’s just like around like the social aspect of people’s reactions. Yeah . And I think that’s the thing that people always struggle with the most and that like, but we’ll have to do that, like a part two or something. And

Speaker 1: 38:26

I know we will, for sure. The only thing I’ll say is if , uh, if something’s not fun without alcohol, it’s not fun.

Speaker 2: 38:33

<laugh> um, a hundred percent like, just a hundred percent .

Speaker 1: 38:37

Let’s just, don’t get it twisted

Speaker 2: 38:38

A hundred percent, a hundred percent. If

Speaker 1: 38:40

You need alcohol to like, be able to hang out with your friends, they probably suck.

Speaker 2: 38:44

They probably Aren’t your

Speaker 1: 38:45

Friends <laugh> they probably aren’t cool .

Speaker 2: 38:47

No, it’s true. It’s true. I always feel so awkward for people to be like , um, do you wanna get tea or go for a walk? And they’re like, wait, what? I’m like a , and

Speaker 1: 38:56

They’re like, what? No weird. OK . You’re obviously not for me then. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 39:01

You know, but I have to be honest, like I’ve always made me feel like a weird, like, as such like, I was so strange, like what’s wrong with you? Yeah. And I’ve, and I’m sure you feel the same way. The more I share about this or talk about this. It is the number one thing. People always like me too. I’m the same way. Me too. Like even in friends, like I don’t wanna drink anymore either. Like it’s yes. I actually feel like there’s so many of us who are like, really, I done, I’m kind of over this,

Speaker 1: 39:23

Especially I think after COVID moms were drinking more than ever. And now just coming out of it being like, wait a second. Like, I don’t think that made it easier. Yeah .

Speaker 2: 39:32

You know, I actually think how we feel is the majority. Yeah. And like, I think that people are like really like holding down to like, no, I’m gonna be a drinker every day . Right. That’s like less and less, especially. It’s funny. Like with my kids, like they see it and they’re like, they always say like, we like it so much better that you and dad don’t drink anymore. And they’re like ,

Speaker 1: 39:50

I was gonna ask you, like, how did, how did sobriety change motherhood for you?

Speaker 2: 39:54

Oh, it made mean it’s so much better. It’s a hundred times out. First of all, my patience, I feel like has grown so much more. Yes. I feel like I’m just handling things. Like there’s even most I’m like, wait, did I just say that? Like, I’ll be really calm. And I think that is I to be very reactionary in motherhood. And now I feel like this is really helped me to, um, I don’t know. I’m just parenting in a way that I cannot always wanted to. Oh. But never really had like the capabilities to, but the kids really love it. I think they feel more included in our life cuz it’s not like JP and our like sneaking off to like, not that we sneak off, but like, we’d go to another room and have a bottle of wine. Like yeah. They’re kinda included like when I make mocktails, I’m like, you guys want one and I’ll make them like a little drink and I’ll put some sparkling water with the mint in it and they’ll come sit with us, you know? Yeah.

Speaker 1: 40:37

It’s just so nice. You’re such a good mom.

Speaker 2: 40:40

No , no. I just feel like I don’t feel the way I used to where it had to be like me and JPS separate and the kids separate now I feel like it can just kind of be us. Like I’m enjoying it more.

Speaker 1: 40:51

That’s so nice. But

Speaker 2: 40:52

I feel like they also, because I give them that don’t want it as much. Does that make any sense?

Speaker 1: 40:57


Speaker 2: 40:58

They’ll like sit and have like a drink. Like can we go now? Like can we be out of here? Like they’ll like , yes . I’m like, that sounds great. That sounds great. Cause this was fun, like later.

Speaker 1: 41:06

Yeah. That makes such perfect sense. And what’s your favorite mocktail ? Like what’s your go to mocktail .

Speaker 2: 41:12

Okay . So I’m super boring. I like always go with like a Tobo Chico with min and lime . And I just like, I , I like, listen, I’m not gonna like make up some like pair thing or like juice , something like let’s I don’t have the time or the energy for that.

Speaker 1: 41:26

Everyone always asks me like mocktail stuff. And I’m like, you guys, I don’t really do. I don’t like sweet drinks, like overall. So I’m feel boring too. So that’s why I decided to ask other people . I’m like, I dunno , like literally I live on sparkling water, so totally.

Speaker 2: 41:40

And I feel like Topo, Chico. Isn’t actually good for you for some reason. I don’t know why, but I’m actually sure . Really people have said like Topo Chico’s in the best. I’m actually kind of devastated. So I need to find like a better sparkling water. Okay . I

Speaker 1: 41:51

Also just bubbles. Ooh . And yes, I did have a partnership with them on Instagram, but this part is not sponsored. <laugh> that’s really

Speaker 2: 41:58

Good. Like the ki not the kind you make at home.

Speaker 1: 42:01

No, no, no, no. We have that too. <laugh>

Speaker 2: 42:02

Oh, you do do like that.

Speaker 1: 42:04

It’s good. I mean, I just it’s too much work.

Speaker 2: 42:08

I less is more. I’m also over like, yeah. Just where I’m like, no, thank you.

Speaker 1: 42:12

I know. I’m like, I don’t wanna make now I have to make water. Yeah . Like I just buy one .

Speaker 2: 42:17

You know what I like too ? Are those, I think it’s hay. Well , it’s like those like, oh , those drinks and a can. And I feel they sell them kind of all over, but I can’t tell you right now list if you’re listening, like wet grocery stores. But I feel I’ve seen ’em all over. I think it’s just like hay. Well like H E w H E Y w E L L . Okay. Yeah . We have a couple different players, but it has like adaptogens in it. Ooh . Which are like, and like, I don’t like some like herbs, I I’m making this up. As I’m saying you

Speaker 1: 42:40

Are , you’re making , you’re making up.

Speaker 2: 42:42

It’s like Blackberry, ginger or something. But I feel they like kind of calms me a little bit. I don’t know what the adaptogens do. Like I don’t know what that word even

Speaker 1: 42:50

Means . I mean, it, they sound good. They sound like I need them .

Speaker 2: 42:53

It sounds fancy, but I will , for all the cooking stuff I do. I don’t know what they do. I can’t tell you. But um, I do love those drinks.

Speaker 1: 43:00

Okay. Well good.

Speaker 2: 43:01

That’s all I

Speaker 1: 43:02

Got. That’s all you need. Yeah. Literally all you need. Just take out the ethanol and then just drink whatever.

Speaker 2: 43:07

Yeah. Oh my gosh. This was so nice. Thank you for letting me catch up with you.

Speaker 1: 43:12

Are you kidding me? Thank you so much

Speaker 2: 43:15

For sure. But you have to like keep sharing and keep doing this and I’m just so inspired. And I know there are so many people listening who, who need, you know, people like you to like, kind of like lead them . So thank you.

Speaker 1: 43:26

Thank you so much. I love you. And I’m going to miss you.

Speaker 2: 43:30

I know I’ll send some sunshine your way when it’s like

Speaker 1: 43:32

Yes, please. To summer January year . Ah .

Speaker 2: 43:37

All right , well please. Um , I love you so much.

Speaker 1: 43:39

Much. I love you. Bye.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the sober mom life. If you loved it, please rate and review it wherever you listen. Five stars is amazing. Also follow me on Instagram at the sober mom life. Okay. I’ll see you next week. I’m gonna go reheat my coffee. Bye.

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