Spontaneously Sober.


June 25, 2020

I’m not sure where to start, so I’ll just start today.

As of today, I’ve been alcohol-free for more than 5 months.

I’ve been wanting to share this news, but I’ve felt so torn. Wasn’t I supposed to wait until I had more “sober time” under my belt? Wasn’t I supposed to be anonymous about this whole thing? Wouldn’t sharing my current sobriety journey be breaking the rules?

I’m not sure about the rules, but I do know that I want to be open and unashamed.

So, in the spirit of vulnerability, authenticity and a whole lot of courage, here I am.

Today, I’ll tell you how I got here…

In college and in my 20’s, drinking was a mainstay. My girlfriends and I were on the Thursday night to Saturday night ride and I was more than happy to hop on. It was socially acceptable, even encouraged, to binge drink on the weekends. Sundays were spent nursing our hangovers and collectively attempting to piece together the weekend. (Now I often look back on those years, wondering how we made it through unscathed, and how different things would have been if we’d been sober.)

Once I hit my 30’s, got married at 33 and had my first baby at 34 years old, I was more than happy to close that chapter. I welcomed the slower pace and the consistency and my heart was content and happiest at home with my family.

Drinking was reserved for date nights, dinners out with friends and special occasions. Even then, I was fine to have a glass of red wine or two and call it a night.

However, two or three times since becoming a mom almost 6 years ago, I had more drinks than I had intended. I’d wake up the next morning filled with shame and regret, my head throbbing and my heart pounding out of my chest.

January 18th of this year was one of those times.

Nothing groundbreaking happened.

I didn’t hit “bottom.”

But, I knew I was done.

The next morning, I told my husband that I was done. No more drinking. I just didn’t want to do it anymore. I wanted to be better to myself and my body. No more.

I didn’t learn this until a few Quit Lit book and a handful of sober podcasts later, but I was considered a “Gray Area Drinker.”

Gray Area drinkers fall in between the two extremes of a heavy drinker who is *this* close to hitting rock bottom and the person who drinks champagne only a few times a year because it’s bad luck to toast with water.

Almost everyone I know is a Gray Area drinker.

I certainly fell into this category and I had never considered quitting drinking before I…quit drinking. This is what Annie Grace, in her book The Naked Mind, calls “spontaneously sober.”

In Laura McKowen’s book We Are The Luckiest, she writes: Asking if you’re an alcoholic is “the wrong damn question.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Once I read that, it all made sense.

The term “alcoholic” has never resonated with me. Immediately, my mind goes to Nicolas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas.

That definitely wasn’t me.

I never drank in the morning. I could stop drinking after 1 or 2 drinks. Alcohol did not factor into my day to day life. I could go weeks without drinking or even thinking about drinking.

Still, I had times when I drank more than I had intended, and that didn’t sit well with me. Especially now…with so much to have and to hold.

I decided to ask myself a different question:

Would my life be better without alcohol?




So, I stopped drinking.

And so far, I haven’t looked back.

I have no plans to go to AA. I have no plans to stand up in front of a group of people, declaring myself an alcoholic. Counting days and being perpetually tied to alcohol doesn’t sit well with me.

Alcohol doesn’t have power over me anymore because I’m no longer drinking it. I’m not *this* close to having a drink. My life didn’t get smaller when I stopped drinking and I don’t feel like I’m missing out.

I’m not sure where this journey will take me, but I do know that today I’m happier and feel more fulfilled without alcohol.

I’ll continue to share my new sober life on here. I hope you’ll come along for the ride…


Note : I belong the The Luckiest Club, which is an online sobriety community. If you’re looking for support, I highly recommend it.


  • This Naked Mind by Annie Grace | Find out how we’ve been taught to believe that alcohol is “good” for us. This book will change how you think about alcohol – consciously AND unconsciously.
  • We Are The Luckiest by Laura McKowen | I will sing this book’s praises forever. The most beautifully written story of sobriety.
  • The Seltzer Squad podcast | A new find – I love listening because the girls keep it real and…gasp – they are still cool without alcohol.
  • Recovering From Reality | When pop culture and sobriety collide. Anyone remember the reality show Pretty Wild? Alexis from the show is now 10 years sober and has such a refreshing take on sobriety.

Find more updates on my sobriety here!

  1. Kathleen Finis says:

    This is great and it all makes sense! There is a lot of science behind the health of your brain and NOT drinking. Your brain appreciates you stepping away. Clearly, all of you appreciates you stepping away.

    Someone pointed out to me how much pressure there is on women to drink. Everything is about needing a glass of wine, vodka, etc. it’s on memes, greeting cards and so many references. I started paying attention and it’s true. Female, adult peer pressure.

    This was a great insight for you and your soul. Now you can take a few of those calories and eat extra caramel M&Ms!


    • suzanne says:

      Yes! Once you start realizing the pressure, you see it everywhere – even on tees at Target. Thank you for the support! And I like the way you think 😉 xo

  2. Kathy says:

    Your writing has a beautiful “voice.” You explain your heart so well. This piece will help people. Thank you.

  3. Mischel Larson says:

    I just started reading sobriety books too. I am right where you are. Love this and makes me feel like I’m not alone!

  4. Ella says:

    Thank you for sharing and being open about this. I’ve had similar thoughts over and over. I didn’t like when I started waiting till 4pm so I could have my glass of rosé because “rose all day” and I’m a mom and we deserve that glass of wine. It hit me one day that I may not be a full fledged alcoholic but my life often revolves around alcohol…in the evening, social outings, beach days…I quit in January and started drinking tea and then I don’t know when but fell back in the habit in April (prob mid quarantine) and I don’t like it, I think getting back on the seltzer and tea wagon in the evenings needs to be my jam. Just checked out the books you recommended, will listen/read for sure. Thank you again, Suzanne.

  5. J says:

    Lavender chamomile tea is so relaxing at the end of the night, you get that warm relaxed feeling!

  6. Petros says:

    I appreciate your candor and the resources you have on. I just would like to emphasize that in sober circles there are elements of systemic racism as well, just like the other side of the spectrum. Being sober and black has varied connotations. Most of the resources available are whitecentric other than AA which is international, but not for everyone. The journey continues.Sober.

  7. Miccaela O'Reilly says:

    Thanks for your imput & sharing your book. But, Alcoholism Is a Disease and Must be treated by attending Mtgs & Sponsorship.

    • suzanne says:

      Please don’t make hard and fast rules. Since this is my blog, I am sharing MY story. Everyone’s path is different and there are SO many areas of gray.

      • Breanna says:

        Well done! Alcoholism is hard enough, telling people there is only one way to treat their addiction is incredibly counterproductive . Suzanne, thank you for sharing your story!

  8. Amy says:

    Thx for this post. Life for me w/out alcohol is so much better. I love waking up every single day ready to go, not guilty from too much the night b/4.

  9. Sarah says:

    Thank you for sharing your story in such a vulnerable way! I decided to stop drinking in much your same way. I wasn’t addicted, didn’t need it, didn’t think about drinking really except when my friends would get together we would drink. Then one of my friends told me once when I was VERY tipsy, “my favorite kind of you is tipsy you”. Wow! I decided I was good enough and fun just as I am without alcohol. Haven’t looked back. I struggle to spend time with that group of friends now but I’m perfectly ok with that!

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