I’m going to be honest. (Always.)
I wasn’t sure if, or when, I was going to share this post. My initial thought was to go radio silent for a while to let myself heal, and then come back and possibly share what I’d had done. Or, not. Maybe I would say I had needed a social media/blog break for my mental health. Or not explain my absence at all, and just keep it moving after a week off.
But, I don’t want to do that.
I realized this morning, a mere 24 hours before my surgery, that I want to be honest with you about it. After all, I’ve been honest about everything else. Honesty is kind of my thing, you know?
I’ve shared my struggle with Postpartum Anxiety after the birth of my oldest child. I’ve shared my entire sobriety journey. My partial hysterectomy a year and a half ago. My upper eyelid lift a year ago.
I’m in the business of sharing the hard stuff with the hope that it makes you feel less alone, and I’ve realized today that getting a tummy tuck falls squarely into that category.
My instinct not to share was driven mainly by two fears. First, that I would be judged for wanting my body to be different. And to be clear, I don’t want a “new body.” I love my body for all the ways it has provided and sustained, but mostly for growing and feeding my three favorite humans. I embraced all three of my pregnancies, trusting my body to to know what to do and how to do it. I gained much more than the recommended weight, the number on the scale increasing with each baby. And, I was OK with it. I knew that when the time was right, I would get eventually fall back into my routine of working out and eating to feel good. And, I did. When Gray, my last baby, was 3 months old, I was able to resume my pre-pregnancy workouts, which felt even more essential than ever for my mental health.
August 2019 – Three weeks before I gave birth to my last baby
So…why am I getting a tummy tuck? My midsection never fully recovered. And no, I’m not just talking about an extra layer of fluff. My stomach muscles were ripped apart and never found their way back. I overlooked all of the postpartum girdles and contraptions that are supposed to help with that sort of thing during the 4th trimester, and now it’s too late. My core feels weak and I struggle to activate my ab muscles at all during workouts, and my belly feels 3-4 months pregnant at all times. That has led to lower back pain and an overall feeling of instability. I know that it’s only going to continue weakening as I age.
The second reason I was hesitant to share? My fear that women will read this and I will influence them into having this procedure. I fear that this post symbolizes a metaphoric handing over a microscope to inspect your body and its humanness. I don’t want to plant a seed with this post. I don’t want my experiences in my body to overshadow you in yours.
Ultimately, I’ve decided to share because it would be unfair not to. I don’t want to emerge from recovery with a flat stomach and not disclose that science helped me achieve it. I don’t want to be held up as some ideal, when I know the behind the scenes. I want you to know the behind the scenes, too.
Also, if you have already been considering getting a tummy tuck, I want to provide real life experience for you. The good, the bad and the gross.
I took this photo this afternoon, 24 hours before my surgery. This is my stomach at rest, not flexing.
Thank you, as always, for your support as I choose to share my life on here. Please leave any questions or comment below. I’ll share an update post when I’m feeling up to it, probably Sunday or Monday.
Be sure to follow along in stories to see more of the BTS stuff.