Hi! Starting a new series – Coffee Talk with Suz. And if it’s bringing up memories of Mike Meyers and Linda Richman, YAY. (“Coffee cake: it’s neither coffee nor cake. Talk amongst yourselves.”)
I’ll be doing this on a regular basis, so if you have any questions you’d like me to include in the next post, please leave them in the comments below! It can be about anything – sobriety, motherhood, life, style, skincare, etc…
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ALL OF MY GIRLS AND MOM FRIENDS PLAN EVERYTHING AROUND DRINKING. HOW DO I STILL BE SOCIAL?
This is probably, aside from if my husband still drinks, the question I get asked most often. I stopped drinking in January 2020, just weeks before the world shut down. So, I didn’t have to deal with the social pressures. They just weren’t an issue. Instead, I was able (forced) to stay in my cocoon and focus on my sobriety.
Looking back, that was such a blessing in disguise. My biggest advice to anyone in early sobriety is to create that cocoon for yourself. That doesn’t mean you have to cut yourself off from the world, but you do need to cultivate a safe space for yourself away from the noise and the pressure and the opinions and the questions. That means you RSVP no to parties. It means you turn down invites to girls nights out. For now. NOT forever. I promise, even if it feels like it will be forever, this stage won’t last forever. And in the meantime, focus on figuring out the truth about alcohol, how you’ve used it to cope in the past, and new tools that will actually help you.
Be gentle with yourself, and remind yourself that you have nothing to prove. You’re changing. You’re healing. That takes time. Also, reach out to people online who will support you in your journey. Never underestimate the power of an online community in early sobriety. We’d love to have you join The Sober Mom Life Cafe.
WHAT’S YOUR NIGHTTIME SKINCARE ROUTINE?
I will be sharing a post all about my nighttime skincare routine very soon! I’m obsessed with skincare, and that obsession has only grown in my 40’s. I invest in quality products that show results, so all of the items I share I’ve been using for at least a year.
My biggest tip is to invest in an LED mask. I’ve been using this one for 5 years – the price tag can be a shock, but it’s made a huge difference in my skin. I struggled with redness and uneven skin tone after my 3rd baby and this mask helped tremendously. It also helps with fine lines and little breakouts.
I’ve been using Tretinoin cream for the last 6 months and that’s a game changer, too.
HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH BOREDOM IN SOBRIETY?
Ahhh, yes. Boredom.
I want you to take a second and think about your kids. What happens to our kids when they get bored? Why do all the parenting experts tell us to let our kids get bored? Because when our kids get bored, they get creative. They discover new activities. They become self-aware and more self-sufficient. The same is available to us in sobriety.
If you’ve been drinking alcohol for your entire adult life, chances are you don’t know what you enjoy doing. Isn’t that wild to consider? When every single activity involves alcohol, the reality is that we’re numbed and escaping, not actually present to experience the moment.
Being present and aware after numbing so long can be overwhelming. And it doesn’t mean that you’re suddenly going to write the next great American novel or go climb a mountain. (Not yet, at least.) Take some time to discover what you actually enjoy doing, and what feels nourishing to you. Maybe that’s a bubble bath. Maybe it’s running. Maybe it’s resting. All are WAY better than turning to alcohol out of boredom. I promise.
New habits and activities will soon fill in the void that alcohol leaves behind. You’re in the discovery phase right now, and there is nothing more exciting…
WHY DO I FEEL SAD AT THE IDEA OF NOT DRINKING ANYMORE?
Because you’re changing.
Change is sad and scary and maddening and exciting. And you can’t see up ahead, and you don’t know what life free from alcohol can be.
Be gentle and give yourself space to mourn alcohol and drinking. It’s OK.
Meanwhile, keep learning what alcohol is, how it affects your physical and mental health, and how you’ve used it to cope. Keep discovering new tools that will actually nurture you and help you heal.
WHAT QUIT LIT DO YOU RECOMMEND FOR EARLY SOBRIETY?
Oh, there are SO many! I’ll be sharing a lot more, but here are a few of my favorites.
Also, join The Sober Mom Life Cafe! We have Book Club on the first Wednesday of every month at 7pm CST, and a conversation with the author a few weeks after. Meg Geisewite, the author of Intoxicating Lies, is joining us tomorrow night at 7pm CST!
WHAT ARE SOME TIPS FOR EARLY SOBRIETY WHEN YOUR PARTNER IS YOUR TRIGGER?
Oh, man. I get this question a lot, and it can such a complicated and frustrating situation.
I had my mom, a therapist, on the podcast to talk about navigating sobriety if your partner still drinks. I hope this helps.