Today recovery coach Shay Mitchell joins me on the pod! Shay’s journey with alcohol is a story of extremes. She grew up in a religion where alcohol was strictly forbidden, yet addiction and partying were secret staples of her parents’ home lives.
It wasn’t until after high school that Shay began drinking, though. But when she did? Everything changed. Alcohol became the crutch that she relied on through a young marriage, a divorce, and postpartum depression. With each passing year her dependence grew more and more severe, landing her in rehab multiple times over the course of 8 years.
Shay is now over 900 days sober, and she’s starkly honest about how hard the journey has been to get here. Eventually, it was her own commitment to herself that got her to stick to sobriety, and she is so glad she did.
Shay is now a recovery coach helping others navigate the challenging waters of getting sober. You can learn more about her offerings at www.shaysober.com!
You can also find Shay on Instagram.
39:33 life does go on and life is hard still….40:34 damn it now I need something.
36:30 it’s true..give yourself grace…..36:52 and then it will survive
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Transcript:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I wish more people would listen to our podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I know. I feel like this is why we need to do an ad. So this is an ad for brand new information, a pop culture and political podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
We’re a couple Gen Xers who talk about pop culture and political stuff on the brand new information pop culture and political podcast. Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
But we’re not a couple we’re siblings. It sounded like you said we’re a couple <laugh>. That was so gross. No, we’re siblings. That’s my brother. I’m his sister. Listen to us wherever you get your podcasts.
(00:35)
Hi. Welcome to the Sober Mom Life podcast. I’m your host Suzanne of my kind of suite and the sober mom life on Instagram. If you are a mama who has questioned your relationship with alcohol at times, if you’re wondering if maybe it’s making motherhood harder, this is for you. I will be having candid, honest, funny conversations with other moms who have also thought, Hmm, maybe motherhood is better without alcohol. Is it possible we’ll chat and we’ll talk about all things sobriety and how we’ve found freedom in sobriety. I don’t consider myself an alcoholic. You don’t have to either. And maybe life is brighter without alcohol. I hope you will join us on this journey and I’m so excited to get started. Okay guys, we’re here with Shay and her little pop stop. So cute. Is it a boy or a girl?
Speaker 3 (01:39):
This one’s a girl. This is Miss. Oh
Speaker 2 (01:42):
My god.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Little mini golden doodle. Oh, so
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Cute. We have a medium Australian Labradoodle puppy and she is, I love her now, but it took about seven months for me to love her
Speaker 3 (01:54):
<laugh>. They need the training, but once they’re trained, yeah. I feel like the doodle breed is just, I know that’s my favorite.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Like now she’s great and I feel like she’s so smart. Like no accidents inside. Like that’s what, yeah, but it took a while.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
<laugh>. Yeah. Well,
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Hi Shay. I’m so glad you’re here.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
Thank you for having me. It’s so nice to see you and get to talk to you today.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
I need too, I see you all the time on Instagram, but it’s nice to actually talk.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
I know. It’s fun to actually get a connect, like, you know, face to face, sorta. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Kind meet in real life kind of. Yeah. Okay, so why don’t we just start, just tell us about yourself and then let’s talk about your drinking story before we get into your sobriety story.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Okay, cool. So about myself, I am 37. I live in Utah. I’ve been here my whole life. I’ll probably be here my whole life. Yeah. I’m a mom. I have two girls ages. They’ll be turning 11 and seven this year in November and December. So good ages. Yeah. They’re independent. Like I’m past toddler and kid.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Yes, yes,
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Yes. But, and they haven’t hit the teenage teenage years yet, so I’m just like soaking this time up so much. Cuz I know it’s pleading.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
I know. How is 11? Cuz my girls, my oldest is, I have eight, five, and then my boy’s three. So how’s 11? Is 11 good?
Speaker 3 (03:13):
She’s still good, but she got rid of all of her stuffed animals the other day and we, me and oh <laugh>, her dad were like, this is big. Like this is big.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Yeah. That’s like a milestone that you don’t think about. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
So I mean, no boys yet, you know, but yeah, it’s all right around the corner and yeah. But she’s fun. She’s still very, they call it tween for a reason. Right. Cause it’s so at push and pull <laugh>.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Totally. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Wanna be kid, wanna be a kid. Still wanna be older.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
I feel like even my eight year old has that, like she’s still trying to figure it out. I’m like, just don’t rush it. You have so much time to be old. You know what I mean? Like, just don’t
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Rush it. If we could tell all, tell ourselves that. Right? Like probably at every age. Like stop trying to rush. It goes so fast.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Yeah, so fast.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
I know. So, yeah. That I’m a mom. Um, that’s, you know, my big thing right now, when I got sober I started a spray tanning company. So that’s what I do. What?
Speaker 2 (04:08):
That’s
Speaker 3 (04:09):
Amazing. Yeah. That’s my day job. I, I’m a mobile spray tan artist. <laugh>.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Okay. I, I need that. I feel like we might have their that around here. And I saw something like that the other day and I was like, wait, I, I need, that’s perfect for moms, for busy moms and there’s something that a spray tan does, right? Like it just makes us feel so much better
Speaker 3 (04:28):
If you’re gonna go to an event, you know, you gotta show your legs when you’re not used to showing ’em or whatever. Like it’s just, yeah, it helps. It’s fun. It’s been fun to just kind of build something, you know? And that’s awesome. That came with sobriety. But we can get into that later <laugh>.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
So, okay. I’m excited. So yes, before we talk about sobriety, let’s talk about, we gotta go back, talk about alcohol and your drinking past. What was that like?
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
I know. This is always the part where we’re like, okay, we gotta gather ourselves. You
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Do. You kind of like get into that. You go back into it and you’re like, where do you even, like, where do I even start? You know? Yeah. Um, cuz for me, I grew up in a religious household.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Okay. So are you lds because you’re in Utah? Is that
Speaker 3 (05:11):
I was raised lds, yes. I’m not now. <laugh>.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
This is so interesting. I wanna hear about this because I wasn’t raised lds and I only know about it through some research in the blogging world and in the influencing world, a lot of big influencers are lds. And so that started me on this journey of like researching what it was and what they believe. And also, of course the real housewives of Salt Lake City. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
<laugh>
Speaker 2 (05:38):
That like, yeah. So how was that
Speaker 3 (05:41):
Hard? Because I was told, you know, by my church, by my parents don’t drink. That was part of the word of wisdom is what it’s called, which is a set of rules that the members have for themselves regarding, you know, what they’ll take into their body. Like no smoking, no alcohol.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
No coffee even
Speaker 2 (06:01):
You can’t have hot beverages. Right.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
It’s convoluted. This is why I don’t, I’m not in the church <laugh>. Um, you can have tea, you can have hot tea, but you can’t have hot coffee, but you can have energy drinks and soda. Okay. So a little bit of, it’s a very confusing kind
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Of thing. Okay. And diet Coke tends to be big,
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Right? It’s my mother-in-law’s favorite and she is a very die hard member. <laugh>. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Okay. Okay. Yep. I’ve, I’ve picked up on that like the big gulp, the Diet Coke, the LDS tends to love, I don’t wanna generalize, but I’ve just noticed Diet coke is big. I know.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
Okay. It’s what they can have. Okay. So it’s like, it’s what’s accepted in the religion is Coke. So caffeine in that way, um, is accepted. And so that’s how they get their caffeine fixed. Which more power to ’em, right? Oh, like can go for
Speaker 2 (06:43):
It. Yeah. Okay.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
So yeah, it’s this word of wisdom that they, they preach, you know, and that they, it’s no tattoos, uh, no sex before marriage, different things.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Okay. I would’ve been kicked out along. I’m about all of those things I would
Speaker 3 (06:57):
<laugh> Yeah. Can see why I’m not a part of it. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Well, yeah. So how was that like growing up under that set of rules? I tend to think, especially as a rebellious teenager, I, I think all teenagers have that mm-hmm. <affirmative> in them and to rebel and question, I mean, that has to be extremely hard. And also just such a source of shame when there’s all of these rules that it’s almost impossible to follow.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
Right. And like, there’s this all knowing God that sees you break all these if you break up, right? Yeah. So like, oh, they’re like, ah, like you’re scared to death of
Speaker 2 (07:31):
The judgment. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Who knows what, but, um,
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Oh God. And then are you in the outer darkness if you, something like that. Right?
Speaker 3 (07:40):
It’s not like, I don’t know if you’ve heard of the Flds church, where that’s a little bit more where they believe in like the polygamy a lot more like, uh, sect oriented. A lot of people probably would go into cultish behavior there. Okay. I’m not a part of that. It’s a, it’s a sect of the LDS religion where they still believe some of more the fundamental flds, the F stands for fundamental. Got it. So you’re not like shunned, like where if you leave them they like shun you? No, it’s just Right. But I think some families maybe probably still do in a different way. Just not like so outward and like the whole community does it. Yeah. There’s a, there’s a spectrum probably just like any religion. Yeah. If you go against what your family does.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Yeah. There’s levels of shame. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
Yeah. What was hard for me Okay. Was my dad is a drug addict.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Not like well known, but, but I knew the family knew. Um, and then also preaching, they also drank on the weekends. They would have poker parties on the weekends. Gambling was also against the rules.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Okay. So your family was in the church and your parents were married. Yes. And yet you were seeing this happening,
Speaker 3 (08:42):
But they were breaking the rules.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
<laugh>, we’ll go to church and we’ll preach all of this, but then we’re gonna break, like Yes. Yeah. Okay. Very confusing. And
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Church is boring, right? So I, it’s not fun at church, but you guys look like you’re having hella fun at these poker parties and drinking. So I wanna do that when I get older.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Yeah. So like two extremes.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
When I think back, that’s where it all kind of like, fuck this. Just excuse me. Like I’m not doing, like, that’s not cool.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
You know, you could swear,
Speaker 3 (09:08):
I don’t know what the protocol is for choice,
Speaker 2 (09:10):
But it’s also, it sounds like it’s like, yeah. It’s like two extremes. So it’s like absolutely nothing. No. Even like hot caffeine, no alcohol, no this, and then like, the extreme of like drugs and alcohol and gambling. Right? Yeah. So it was like one or the other.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
My young child when I, you know, I’ve done all this therapy now in sobriety, I can go back to like my inner young child and be like, what was going on there? And I really believe like that’s where the turmoil started of like, well, I can clearly see what I would like what I want. I’m going for fun. Yeah. And I’m a rebel at heart. Like I even feel like a rebel being in sobriety nowadays, you know? I love it. Well, that’s the thing. It’s, yeah. Um, and so I just knew that I wanted to do whatever anyone told me I couldn’t. So like, I’m gonna do that. Yeah. Yeah. So that’s kind of where that really started, um, <laugh>. But then, but I stayed good. I stayed good when I was under like, my parents’ roof. Right. Because I was just like, that was me.
(10:04)
I was a rule follower still, even though I wanted to be a rebel. Yeah. The rebels didn’t accept me <laugh> because like, for whatever reason, I don’t know, little tiny blonde girl not, doesn’t really look and, and goes to church every Sunday. And so I stayed good. But I feel blessed for that and lucky for that now. Cuz I think it probably saved me from some of the maybe harder core things that I might have decided to do with a younger brain that didn’t think things through. Yeah. So like, I’m actually really, really grateful for that. Now. As much as I resented it, I’m now like, okay. Like it got me through high school
Speaker 2 (10:41):
That you had that kind of foundation mm-hmm. <affirmative> of not doing that. So during high school you really didn’t dabble into any of that?
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Yeah, I had a really great group of peers like that. I’m, I’m still good friends with a couple of them today, like, that are still in the faith, but just really non-judgmental, but just fun, good group of girlfriends, luckily. Um, so we just got through high school not drinking. Yeah. Um, it was amazing. But I got married young and me and my young husband started drinking. Okay. Right away, like 19 years old, like out of the, outta the house, you know? And so that kind of started the path. It was like, yes, college days, but I was married young. I didn’t go to college. So like, our house was the party house because everyone had like these small dorms or like whatever. Yeah. We were the only ones that had a house where you could come back. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
You guys were like the grownups. Yeah. Yeah. You were like the grownups and you were like, cool, now I can make these decisions and I’m going toward the fun.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
Absolutely. And so that just kind of became the thing. It felt absolutely normal. Everyone around me was doing at my age. I actually felt like I was part of the cool crowd now because Yeah. Some of the kids from high school that I couldn’t hang out with because I wasn’t cool enough. You know, the party scene now. I was, yeah. It just kind of, it really got going. And what actually ended up happening unfortunately, was I ended up experiencing some flashbacks during that marriage from abuse when I was a child.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Oh, okay.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
And so that young marriage fell apart because of that. Yeah. So like you can attribute that to alcohol, you know, but I’m, I’m thankful for it because I had to do therapy around it, blah, blah blah. Yeah. But then the divorce was really where things spiraled because of the shame of a young, you know, the shame of a divorce and a religious community is also another
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Right. I guess we’re not supposed to call it Mormonism, are we?
Speaker 3 (12:29):
They’ve changed it. But I mean, how can you, how can you keep up with it all?
Speaker 2 (12:33):
I know, I know. Yeah. Because in in that religion, it is about family is first, right. And a woman’s role is to be in the home and take care of her family. And it’s all about like pleasing your husband and having kids, right?
Speaker 3 (12:47):
Uh, yeah. I would say so. I would say that spot. I don’t know that baby, everyone in the church wants to feel that way, but that’s what I see Right. As a person that was in it and as an outsider, I think you got it. <laugh>. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Okay. Yes. Cuz I’m totally an outsider and I, this is not a judgment on lds. No, but it’s a little, it’s just from an outsider looking in, it feels very, like, it’s a lot of pressure on,
Speaker 3 (13:07):
Oh, it’s a lot of patriarchy. Right. I feel like there’s a lot of, a lot of focus on a patriarchy and like a, a system of patriarchy. And I have a hard time with that. Like the rigidity and even like the dogma of it is, is yes, I could, like, we could have a whole discussion on religion, but
Speaker 2 (13:23):
<laugh>. Right. I know that’s like a whole other podcast. Well, yeah. But I can understand then the shame that you felt like in this quote unquote failure when your marriage fell apart. Yeah. And that’s a lot. Like you’re young. How old are you at that
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Point? Barely. 21.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Oh my God. Like, I, I can’t even imagine how to process that at such a young age when how, with how you’ve grown up.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
Yeah, it was, it was a lot of, I mean, that was the spiral. I think that was the very first spiral of, I, I wasn’t gonna feel the shame. Right. I was not gonna feel those emissions. I would Yeah. Those feelings that I felt as a child in the religion. I was not gonna feel those things when I became an adult, even though it was based around a different thing maybe. Right. That feeling of shame was something I was just really desperate to not feel. And that’s when I really think I started coping with alcohol to not feel my feelings.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
I mean that makes complete sense. Yeah. Like why, why wouldn’t you at that point? You know? Because the feelings of shame are, I mean, oh God, they’re soul crushing.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
It’s the ickiest feeling like in Yeah,
Speaker 2 (14:26):
It is. And so you turn to alcohol and how did that go?
Speaker 3 (14:31):
It’s weird because the longer I’m sober now, I’m two plus years sober. It’s so funny the things you find out in re in recovery that you, you know, thought were one thing and they turn out to be completely different. But I thought I was hiding it really well for a really long time.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
So I moved back home after that divorce and I was in the restaurant industry, the service industry, which if anyone knows is a cesspool for drinking and like Yes. Addiction and all of that. Right. Substance use. So that was, it helped amplify my drinking. It gave me a schedule where I could drink because I could sleep until three. Go to work, party all night, sleep, go to work party all night. Yeah. It became a habit. I didn’t, I felt like all the people my age around me were doing it because at the time I didn’t know I was coping. I just thought that I was partying. I just thought I was living my life.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Totally. Well and you’re in your twenties, right? Like I, yeah, I can relate to that. In my twenties, I didn’t even know what my issues were.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Yeah. I didn’t know they were issues. Like I had, I thought I was great. I thought I was a flight for the party. Yeah. So fun. <laugh>.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
Totally. Like, and that’s generally the goal of your twenties is to have fun. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, like the goal of your twenties is not to like soul search and figure out what the hell, you know what I mean? Like, that just was not my goal. I don’t know anybody’s, you
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Get there and you’re like, oh, I’m 20. I know me. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
I’m an
Speaker 3 (15:50):
Adult. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
<laugh>. Yeah. You don’t, no. You don’t know.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Sorry to break it to you <laugh>. Yeah. So like, I just thought that I was, that’s, you know, I didn’t realize I had a problem at all. I, yeah. And I wasn’t hiding it in the beginning. I wasn’t daily drinking, I was just doing it like everyone else was doing it. But it was, when I look at it now, it was insane.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Well it’s when you’re around, when you’re in that community, when you’re around people who are doing the same thing you are, it doesn’t feel weird. Yeah. It doesn’t feel different. It feels like, of course we’re doing this, this is our lifestyle and it’s fun and it’s great until it’s not.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
That’s how it had to stop for me, is I had to get to the point where it wasn’t fun anymore. But again, that’s like years and years, right? Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
So, right.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
So I met my current husband really quick actually after I, I got divorced. I met him really young. I moved in with him when I was 22. My current husband today that I, that I am married to now, you
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Moved in with him right away. Oh wow. Okay. How, how was that?
Speaker 3 (16:49):
How did, how are we still together? I dunno.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
I know that’s, I mean, that’s amazing. And was he, LDS two grew
Speaker 3 (16:56):
Up lds but when we got together we were both drinking. We met at the bars. He picked me up at the bottom of a flight of stairs. That’s how he met me.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Okay. Yep. Got it. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
Yep. Um, our life was centered around partying. You know, that was, that’s what we did. So that didn’t seem abnormal. Yeah. But yeah, he was a good kid too. He didn’t really start experimenting with that stuff until he was like 18. So we had very similar stories, but he also never drank like I did. Yeah. And we realized, you know, when I became sober that he only ever drank as much as he did to deal with me drinking as much as I did. Wow. Like it was never like about the alcohol for him, it was just like dealing with my ass. Holy crap. Cuz now he can take it or leave it, he’ll have two sip of a beer. And I’m like, why do you even open? It’s still to the same. I’m like, what’s the point? <laugh>? Right. So he ne he didn’t know how much I was drinking from the very beginning. He didn’t know that, know that I was pre partying at my house, driving to his house thinking I was sober. Right. Stuff like that. Yeah. So from the very get go, I was, I was
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Hiding it. And so from the very get go drinking equal shame for you.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
That’s a good question actually. I
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Know. It just struck me. If you’re hiding it already then.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. It must have been <laugh>. Sorry, I’m like process this, like processing this. Because for me I felt like it was more like, yeah. I didn’t want him to know that what is that, that shame of course. How could he understand that I needed as much as I did to get to the level that I would want to be at. Right.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Right.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
At such a young age too and such a little person, how could I put that much in and still be at this level of consciousness? So I was like really pulling the wool over his eyes for like majorly. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
Yeah. I mean it just all makes sense. Like this drinking for you was rooted in shame because of how you grew up and how you can’t hear for your entire childhood and growing up that this is against god’s will and God’s plan for you. And that this is the, what is it, words of wisdom or
Speaker 3 (19:02):
What is that? The word of wisdom. Mm-hmm
Speaker 2 (19:03):
<affirmative>, the words of wisdom <laugh>. That you can’t, this is you know, forbidden. Like, I just don’t know. Dunno how you can hear that your whole childhood and growing up and not look at that and feel shame. And so maybe part of it is drinking to deal with your drinking. Right.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
Yeah. It’s a stacked on top. Right. It just stacks. Absolutely. Yeah. You got it
Speaker 2 (19:25):
<laugh>. Yeah. No, it just makes total sense. So you guys partied together. So then how did that go over the years?
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Yeah, so he didn’t know because we partied so much together that it, he couldn’t distinguish. And he met me at a personality that was basically always somewhat buzzed. Like I just always had somewhat of a buzz going on. So yeah. He didn’t really know the real me and that played into fears later. But anyway, so we got married in 2009 when I was 24. We had been together for two years and then right before our one year anniversary, I got a letter from my sister saying, I am worried about you. Like
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
She knew something was going on. Yeah. I thought I had been hiding it well, but that letter actually was the first time I was able to like kind of say, okay, I have a problem. Mm. And I admitted it to my husband and I went to rehab.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Okay. So that letter didn’t cause you to put your walls up and put your spine up and be like, what are you talking about? It really was able to hit you where she wanted to in your heart of, and then look at your drinking. So
Speaker 3 (20:28):
That’s like three years from like when I met my current husband to like, when I got that letter about. So I mean there’s, there’s some things that happen. You know, family trauma, my mom got divorced, uh, you know, like just some, some more trauma stuff going on. Yeah. That I think. And yeah, I was partying harder. I was starting to black out out. I think that she, I was saying things in a drunken state that was worrying her that I was not remembering. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that it was like the letter hit home and I was like, shit. Like I’m found out.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Okay. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
And so it was like more like, okay, I’m gonna go to rehab to get better so that I can drink again. That was where my head was at that. So
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Kind of like to reset.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Yeah. Okay. I’m an alcoholic but I’m not really an alcoholic. I’m just gonna go get better and figure out how to cope with whatever. So I was like, okay, so I’m using alcohol to cope with all my stuff. So I’m gonna go to rehab, learn how to cope in a different way with all my stuff and then I’ll be able to drink like a normal person. That was my idea.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Totally. So you won’t use alcohol to cope, you’ll just use it for fun.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
Bingo.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Got it. I got the plan.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Yeah. I went to rehab. I graduated rehab. I’m an achiever. I like, if I’m gonna go do something, I’m gonna graduate. You know?
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Yeah. How was rehab for you? What was it? Good was rehab. Good
Speaker 3 (21:43):
Rehab was a shit show. Okay. Because I went to a rehab that was like under legal scrutiny. <laugh>, I felt like after I graduated and they were shut down.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Oh, okay. <laugh>. Okay.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
I’m glad I did it cuz I needed it at the time. I needed 90 days away from alcohol to actually do have a reset. Right. Yeah. I did get some good therapy there. I had some good therapists, but like,
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Not nothing. <laugh>. <laugh>.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
I graduated. I did 90 days.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
You
Speaker 3 (22:13):
Did? Yeah. And I remained sober for 22 months after that.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
That’s amazing.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
And I had a baby during that time. So I mean that was, that was cool after, you know, I was able to do that. But that also convinced me I was cured. Like
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Yeah. Right.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
22 months of sobriety, graduated rehab therapy. I really, really thought like, oh, okay. Like for sure I can do this now.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Yeah. Like that was in your past. Yeah. No more. You’re not, that was just your twenties partying past and now we’re gone. We’re done with that. I’m
Speaker 3 (22:43):
A mom, I have to take care of this kid. I’m not gonna let myself get to a place where like that. Like that’s definitely not gonna happen.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Like, it’s definitely not the alcohol,
Speaker 3 (22:54):
But it was all the other stuff that happened to me and now I’m better. Yes. I truly, truly, that’s where I was. Yeah,
Speaker 2 (23:01):
No, I, I get it. Yeah. Yeah. You’re not alone in that. I think there are many, many moms listening to this who have been there or who are there now. Yeah. Thinking like, no, I can moderate this highly addictive substance. It’s not, it’s not the alcohol, it’s me.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
Yeah. And they’re gonna try because, because they’re not me and they have to know for themselves. Right. Yes. <laugh> and I, like, I had to know for me, no one was gonna tell me any different because I wanted my alcohol and I was going to figure out a way to get back to
Speaker 2 (23:29):
It. And so you did. So you had your first baby. Okay. You went back to, it was, and the goal was to moderate and just be like, let’s just work this into life. Yes. We’re not going back there.
Speaker 3 (23:39):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
What happened?
Speaker 3 (23:41):
I think I did okay for a minute. You know, having to wake up. I, my baby was seven months old. I was up. Yeah. It was a different lifestyle. Alcohol didn’t fit in the picture the same way that it did before it. I was like, right. So for a few years I think it was okay. But then, you know, it, it’s progressive, it doesn’t matter. Um, yeah, I started to use it to deal with the parenting woes to deal with the sleepless nights. And so then mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I had another baby, you know, because, so like I was doing okay. And then, yeah, I had another baby and then, uh, two babies. It was hard. It’s a
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Lot.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
It’s a lot. It’s freaking like, yeah. And I, I suffered with undiagnosed postpartum depression. Ugh.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
For so long that, that I thought was the alcohol. So I was using the alcohol to cope with the depression that I was feeling to be a mom. Just to be a mom, just to get outta bed, you know? Yes. I spiraled for, um, 2011, had my second one in 2015. And then in 2019 I was running away from the house. So I was running to the busiest street almost every night, threatening to throw myself in front of my car. My husband was scared to death like it was, I had spiraled. That’s a long time. Like, you have to understand, this is a really long time. 2011 to 2019, eight years. But this is where I got to. Okay. Yeah. With that postpartum depression, not being treated, continuing to drink, spiraling, just hiding alcohol, always having alcohol hidden. Waking up, drinking, putting it in my coffee to suicidal to, to a suicidal place. So I ended up in the behavioral health unit against my will. Okay. Wake up call for sure. Yeah. Didn’t wanna be there. By the end of the time I was ready to be home. I was not suicidal anymore. I was ready to be sober. Felt good.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
And so you had tied that you wake up in the unit and you tied alcohol to this in your mind,
Speaker 3 (25:36):
Finally tied alcohol. Okay. Yes. Yes. And over these nine years, you also, like I did have these bouts of sobriety of people telling me, you need to stop. And I would stop for thir three months. Yeah. 30 days, six months, then be like, look, I’m fine. And I would always have a justification and a reason to come back or whatever it was. So, yeah. Okay. This, this is a short podcast. I have to skip through through him so much. But
Speaker 2 (25:57):
I mean, I think that’s important to note. It’s not just this like, you know, spiral crash landing into this place. It’s, it’s a, it’s a break from alcohol and then feeling great and then trying to moderate mm-hmm. <affirmative> moderating for a little different rules and then drinking. Yeah. What would some of your rules be like? What would your moderating rules be?
Speaker 3 (26:17):
My husband brought up this one the other day cuz it just kills him because he’s like, do you remember the time? And I was like, can we just please wait until 7:00 PM And I’m like, uh, okay. You know, and he’s like, end up by the next fucking weekend you’d be like, it’s 5:00 PM and you’re home from work. So like
Speaker 2 (26:35):
<laugh>,
Speaker 3 (26:35):
Can we just start now? Cuz you’re home. And it’s like, God, like
Speaker 2 (26:39):
When I said seven, I meant five.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
Yeah. Cause you’re here. Like you’re back. We’re together. Let’s go. Why do I have to wait two hours? So stupid.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
I’ve heard like all and I get it. It’s like, well, okay, no hard liquor because that’s like really alcohol, but like, let’s just do wine cuz that’s just alcohol ish. You know? Which is not true. Cuz that’s alcohol too. And it’s like, well, wine, maybe not champagne. It’s the bubble. <laugh> the bubbles. Give me a headaches.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
Not red, white.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Yeah. Yeah. Not red. Red gives me a head. Let’s do white. Well let me try this. Organic, just the organic wine. It’s the, something’s going on with the, I’m like you guys, it’s just the ethanol, that’s all it is, is the ethanol
Speaker 3 (27:19):
Always breaks sound to ethanol every single fucking
Speaker 2 (27:25):
<laugh>. So true. But I think that story’s very relatable of, you know, it’s those in between times
Speaker 3 (27:34):
You convince yourself you’re better.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
Yeah. And you convince yourself that you can moderate mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And because you do sometimes because moderation, it’s not impossible all the time. Whenever I ask somebody like how their moderation went, it’s always, and I wanna say like 100% of the time, the answer is, it was great. I did
Speaker 3 (27:58):
Great at first.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
You know, and it’s always like, at first it was great and I’m like, yeah, of course. Because you can, you know, that’s willpower. But like willpower runs out. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And like then it’s just that you’re in a battle with a highly addictive substance that you’re ingesting more and more. You’re just not gonna win that battle. I don’t mean like you’re not gonna get out of it cuz you can get out of it. You could take yourself out of that battle. You could decide not to fight that battle. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But like to moderate that,
Speaker 3 (28:29):
I mean, it’s harder to, it’s harder to moderate.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
It’s harder to moderate than to be done with the battle and take yourself out of the war and say, I am no longer gonna fight you. Like fine. That’s
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Where the freedom really comes. Like,
Speaker 2 (28:43):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
And I, if I had that, whatever that is for each individual person, because it’s not the same for each individual person, I would be a multi-billionaire.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:52):
What is that? Now, you know, it’s time for you. What is, when is the time for you? So, ugh.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
Right. And it is, okay, so you 72 hour hold what happened?
Speaker 3 (29:02):
Yeah. Yeah. Right. Okay. So this is kind of an important part of this story.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
<laugh>. I know I’m very invested in this story. This is a great, okay.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
So we actually are in the middle, kind of a, we had planned to move at this time. So it was actually a really good time for me to be sober to help with this move. Um, and also I needed, it was a good, good for me to have a change of scenery, change of living environment, like a fresh start, a reset. And so we moved to this house where I’m at currently. And so that was in August. I stayed sober through the holidays of 2019.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Good. That’s hard. Holidays. This is coming out in the, you know, time for the holidays. Like holidays can be triggering for a lot of people.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
Super hard.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
Yeah. That’s hard. Hard. But
Speaker 3 (29:41):
You know what, I’m an alcoholic <laugh>, so I thought I was cured again.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
So I did, I relapsed again on January 1st, 2020 New Year’s Eve. I wanted to drink on New Year’s Eve.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
Wait, wait, so December 31st or January 1st?
Speaker 3 (29:56):
December 31st, 2019. Okay.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
I was like, what? I’m like, wait, I’m like, you got through to New Year’s Eve.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
I, I get that. Right. Okay. So I, I drank, I relapsed then. Um, and I just thought, okay, I’m better. I don’t know. It’s the same. I’m better again. Same. I’m better again. Yeah. So then what happened was Covid hit. Yes. April of 2020 was the lockdown. My husband went out and bought probably 40 bottles of Captain Morgan. They were gone in 30 days.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Wow. Okay.
Speaker 3 (30:25):
So that’s how fast I spiraled. Right. From December 31st to April four months. Yeah. To more than a bottle, a day more in lockdown. So of course all the justification. My husband’s even day drinking. Right. But he doesn’t know that I also have shit hidden and that I’m, you know, drinking more than him. Yeah. Still, you know, after all this time, all these years, he doesn’t know how much I’m hiding it. He doesn’t find all this out until sobriety <laugh>. Yeah. So I’m, I’m in a desperate place. I’ve gone to the ER twice because of drinking in the height of covid. In the height of the lockdown. That’s really, really scary. Okay. Yeah. So then single to Mayo is May 5th. I ended a three day bender that night. Okay. So May 6th, 2020. I woke up, ill, you know, just as Ill as I always was when I was hungover, which was almost constantly, but like, I probably needed to go to the hospital again. So, you know, another er visit another five grand out of my pocket. Right. Yeah. Something happened, I, I don’t know how to explain it. People call it a click. People call it a whoosh. People call it a realization. People call it fucking, I don’t know, I’m just, I’m fucking powerless. Like it just, you get there. Yeah. It’s there. You
Speaker 2 (31:33):
Do,
Speaker 3 (31:33):
You’re like, oh, oh, okay. I’m done. I am, I’m done. I’m done. Yes. That was it. I was like, okay, I’m an alcoholic, I’m done. And that was it. That was last day. Like that was my acceptance point. Yeah. So I haven’t drank since then. May 6th, 2020 was my, is my sobriety date.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Wow. Wow. Okay. <laugh>. Okay. So what did you do? May 7th. So May 6th, you were done.
Speaker 3 (31:56):
Good question. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
What did you do? May 7th?
Speaker 3 (31:59):
Gosh, I, I was really sick. I don’t think I did much. I think I was curled in a ball, sweating and shake shaking and desperate and just trying to get through the day. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz that first day I was in withdrawal so bad that I was shaking. So on day 20, I still couldn’t write my name. I still couldn’t put mascara on on day 20. So that’s how severe my withdrawal was. Wow. In my brain, I was starting to think of every single possible thing that I could do to stay sober. That’s what I was doing. I was like, okay, I need to get a psychiatrist, I need to get a therapist. I need to get into an outpatient program. I need to get back into aa. I need to find a community. Like I, everything I need to, I need quit. I think I was on Amazon, I need the quit lit. I was, yeah. Like literally I’m the type of person, like once I am in, I am all in and I’m like I told you with the rehab. Yes. Like I’m gonna do it. Like, once I’ve decided, once I’ve made that decision, I’m clear on it. It’s like, oh my god, you can’t stop me <laugh> like this. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Yeah. You were determined because you were done
Speaker 3 (32:57):
Because, because I had finally made the decision for myself. No one else had told me, go to rehab you, you have a problem. Right. It was not for anyone else. This time it was for me and I knew it and I knew I was done and it was different this time. And so I knew I needed the tools because I was also not going to live this life miserable because I thought that alcohol was the only thing making my life fun.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Right.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
Too still. So like, oh shit. So I have to get rid of the only thing that makes my life worth living. Right. So like I better figure this out. <laugh>, I
Speaker 2 (33:29):
Just, yeah. The thing that is killing me does feel like the only thing that makes your life fun and worth living. Yes.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
Still, even though I knew I was done, I still felt like I was letting go of the one thing that was helping me survive.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
Yeah. You believed that lie cuz we’re all tricked. We’re all tricked by it. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, did you then go to AA or how does AA fit into your journey?
Speaker 3 (33:52):
Yeah, so I already had a therapist that I’d been working with since the suicidal ideations, which I’m actually really grateful for. Cuz she kind of saw me through that relapse and then I got, got real honest with her. I told her, you know, I was like, okay, I admit it, I fully accept it. And then we were really able to start working on more indepth stuff too. Yeah. So that helped. I got honest with her. I got a psychologist because I needed to get on meds for depression, anxiety, some of those things that I was really using alcohol to cope with that I couldn’t get out of on my own. So I was on all those meds for about 15 months. I like to say that because I like people to know that that’s okay and that also is possible to get off of them.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Totally. I’ve been on it for like almost seven years and I’m almost off of it and I’m like, terrified.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
And if you don’t ever get off, that’s okay too. Like whatever you need.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Yes. Whatever you need to be. Okay. And that’s the thing I always say, like if alcohol helped anxiety, like I’d be like, okay, yeah. That’s in your toolbox. It doesn’t mm-hmm. <affirmative> not only does it help anxiety, it makes it so much fucking worse. Like, so it’s causing anxiety. Yes. Like it makes it so much worse.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
People don’t believe it and it’s hard to believe until you’re out of it and you have to be out of it for a while. Exactly.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
About
Speaker 3 (35:06):
30 days to get back to baseline. And so like, you don’t even know the benefits of it for a minute. So you’re like, this is bullshit. This is bullshit. I just want my alcohol. I just want my alcohol.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
Yes. Even longer than 30 days. Like sometimes it, it takes as long as it takes, you will totally get there. Yeah. You just have to find your feet. Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 3 (35:24):
Yeah. And I needed craving medication too because that was the thing that kept on getting me, like, I felt like all the prior times, like, it’s hard to explain, but I just finally was like, you know what, I need a craving blocker. Like I really want that assistance. Yeah. And so I, I took it like good, I’m, I’m taking that assistance. So I did the Vivitrol shot monthly for about 14 months too. And that was really just freaking nice to not have cravings for alcohol, to not have that. Yeah. I don’t know, like I still didn’t leave the house for a year. Covid helped, but I think even if I wasn’t in Covid, I wouldn’t have left the house for a year because I just needed to not be around anything.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
Yeah. But I like what you just said, that you didn’t leave the house for a year. Like the idea that like we have to test ourselves in new sobriety to see if we can like, no, no. That’s bullshit
Speaker 3 (36:14):
Over the place. <laugh> and you’re not here for me. Don’t spit on your face. Just my screens <laugh>.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
No, but you don’t like, say, say no. Like say no, you don’t have to go. It’s okay. Because
Speaker 3 (36:29):
You will be able to go next year when you feel stronger.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
Yes. If you take the time to nurture your sobriety, you’ll be able to go. Now I love going to parties where everyone’s drinking because it’s so easy for me to romanticize alcohol when I’m not around it. <laugh> dude, give me a front row seat to alcohol and I’m like, oh my
Speaker 3 (36:50):
God. Remember you’re,
Speaker 2 (36:52):
Yeah, you’re awful. Alcohol is awful. But I mean, that’s almost three years in, you know, it, it takes a while. So just say no, just hole up.
Speaker 3 (37:01):
It’s true. Give yourself grace. And people that don’t understand then don’t, they don’t need to understand and the people that need to understand will.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
Totally.
Speaker 3 (37:11):
You need to protect that sobriety. Like, like a tiny little infant like you would an infant for the first year. Like let it grow, let it, let it get stronger because Yeah. Then you can take out into the world and let it survive.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
I love that. Yeah. Nurture yourself. Take care of yourself. And so what’s been the most surprising thing about sobriety for you?
Speaker 3 (37:30):
Early sobriety versus now It’s different.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
Okay. What about in early sobriety? What surprised you most in early sobriety?
Speaker 3 (37:38):
So earlier sobriety, it surprised me just how much myself. I actually was still like, I thought that alcohol was making me fun. I thought that alcohol was making me crazy. I thought that alcohol was making me the wild, you know, fun, like be out there or whatever. But like I could still do that sober in the right environment and in the right feeling safe enough to do it. And just wanting to, because I authentically wanted to, not because I had this substance artificially motivating me to,
Speaker 2 (38:11):
Ugh. I love that. Yeah. Alcohol wasn’t making you better. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
Yeah. I noticed that. I was on a 4th of July parade, so it, June July, two months sober and I was like just dancing and like with the audience, I was like, holy fuck, I’m sober. Like I thought that’s where myself was like, I’m sober. And I’m like, I didn’t think I could do this. Yes. I thought I only could do this with alcohol. And like, I like literally was like, oh my god, I’m okay. <laugh>.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
Yes. That’s so funny. I have this vivid memory of my first sober New Year’s Eve and it was this, we had a dance party with our kids. We were dancing to like one direction on the coffee table, my eight year old and me, she was maybe no six at the time. Yeah. And it was just like letting go and just dancing with joy and everything. And I thought to myself, God, if I had even had one glass of wine this moment would be more rooted in shame. Yeah. Because it would be like, oh, how could you let yourself, you know, like it would have colored everything for me.
Speaker 3 (39:08):
It would’ve been too crazy. It would’ve been you’re being too crazy and wild because you’re on, you’re on, you’re drinking instead of just authentic fun.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:15):
Happy mom.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
It would’ve been me judging. Right. Instead, it was just this very innocent, joyful experience that I will remember forever and I, ugh.
Speaker 3 (39:26):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
Yeah. I do too.
Speaker 3 (39:29):
And yeah. And those things, like, those hap they happen and you’re like, oh I can do this. Those are like the keep the pushes to keep you going through it too. Cuz like, it feels so hard. You know, I was 60, 60 something days in feeling so like, this is hard, hard, hard. And then it’s like, oh my God, I just did this. So it gives you like motivation. I can keep going. Kay. Next thing. Like
Speaker 2 (39:46):
It propels you. It, it really does. Yeah. It really does. Yeah. What surprises you most now in your sobriety?
Speaker 3 (39:54):
So this isn’t as fun, <laugh> of an answer, but
Speaker 2 (39:57):
That’s okay.
Speaker 3 (39:58):
It’s honest because I’m honest. And that’s, that’s I think key about sobriety too, is staying honest, that life does go on and that life does get hard still.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (40:07):
Because I thought, like when I was sober, like you do live in that pink cloud for a while and like you do, like you propel on these big good moments in milestones and like, you’re just, you feel good. Yeah. You’re like, I am sober. I am running my shit. I am actually living life. Yeah. And you feel good about it and like you get momentum and then you’re like, whoa. Like, oh God, yes. Wait, wait.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
Totally Shit. Still happens.
Speaker 3 (40:32):
And it could be anything. Right. So many things. So, um, like, yeah, God, it’s gonna make me cry because it’s not a bad thing, but it’s also realizing, but I can get through it. Like, I still like Yes. And a drink isn’t gonna solve it or make it
Speaker 2 (40:47):
Better. No. Right.
Speaker 3 (40:48):
And that takes a minute to get to because like for the first year or two years, you’re like, I’ll take a drink, I’ll just go take a drink. And I, it’s still like my first thing, like, oh, lemme just go take a drink. <laugh>.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
Yeah. Like out
Speaker 3 (40:57):
Of habit. Very first instinct. So it takes like to like two plus years for me to, I was like, but a drink won’t solve it. Okay. Damn it. What am I gonna do? Like now I need something. So
Speaker 2 (41:07):
Yeah. So what are those, some things, like what’s in your toolbox when like shit gets hard and life still happens, life is still going on. Like what do you turn to now?
Speaker 3 (41:17):
Therapy is so underrated. I’m, I still have my same therapist, you know, I was meeting her, I was meeting with her at twice a week to now like maybe every once every two months. Yeah. But I, I’m so grateful to still have her and like that I can call on her kind of like when I need her, when something does pop up, just so that I have someone to bounce stuff off of. Yeah. I feel like when I just say it out loud, no matter how hard it is, that’s the e that’s the best way for me to process things is just like, puke it word. Vomit it.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Oh, totally. There’s such a release. Yeah. We have, especially as moms, like we have to absorb so much shit all day long from our kids, from like the house. Like, we have to take all of that shit on mm-hmm. <affirmative>, but there’s no room for our shit to come out during the day. You know what I mean? Like, our kids don’t care, nor should they about like our emotional, what we’re going through at the time. I mean yeah, sure. Empathy and all of that, but they’re not there to take care of us and so yeah. We need that.
Speaker 3 (42:15):
Or our spouses or our significant others like you. So only so much, you know, you can’t put everything. And what if it is your significant other? Like who do you talk to about that?
Speaker 2 (42:23):
Like Yeah. Totally. And they have their own biased opinions. So like, you need someone to go to,
Speaker 3 (42:29):
If therapy isn’t an option a, a sponsor, finding a mentor, a counselor, there’s coaches that are well priced.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (42:37):
Something like that. Just someone that can support you in your sobriety and, and, and your feelings. Like lift you, right? Like help lift you and validate how you feel. Even
Speaker 2 (42:48):
Like a good friend, like a good friend you trust who is not gonna judge you. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, like, just to have someone listen. Like sometimes I don’t even need, like, I don’t even need someone to say anything. I don’t need like advice I don’t need. I just need someone to listen to me vent and cry and like that’s, and then just be like, okay, and then gimme a hug. And then I’m like, cool. I feel so much better.
Speaker 3 (43:11):
So community, so, and it’s not therapy. Find community that you can just like,
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Oh my god. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (43:17):
So you asked about AA earlier. That’s right. So like in the beginning I did AA for five months religiously. Like religiously. I just needed community. I needed to be around people that knew what I was going through. I needed the stories, but then aa just, just didn’t kind of fit for me anymore. That some of the dogma, some of rigidity. Yeah. No, nothing against it. My belief is whatever works for you, works for you. Do what works for
Speaker 2 (43:41):
You. Totally. Yes.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
So I took a step back from AA and that’s when I found sober Instagram. And that was the community that worked for me because I was able to just kind of put out there my own experiences and people related to it. And it was nice to know that people related and I didn’t feel alone. Yeah. So that was the other thing that really I always suggest to people when they ask is like, find community. There’s Facebook groups, there’s so, I mean so many, you know? Yes. There’s <laugh>.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
Yeah. It really is like a tool. Now I’m just looking up yours. Okay, so you’re at Shaa Sober. I love all of the, you post a lot of these like quick little bites that you can read, like little memes, <laugh>. They’re just really inspiring. Thank
Speaker 3 (44:23):
You.
Speaker 2 (44:24):
Yeah. Alcohol was suffocating my soul. Like yes.
Speaker 3 (44:28):
Yeah. Thanks.
Speaker 2 (44:30):
Oh, this okay, this, I saw this one earlier. There’s something about being around a bunch of drunk people and having no desire to join them. That gets me every time,
Speaker 3 (44:38):
Every time,
Speaker 2 (44:39):
Every time. Hmm. Yes.
Speaker 3 (44:41):
Three years ago you couldn’t have paid me enough money to believe that. Like, and so I want people to know like,
Speaker 2 (44:46):
Yeah, right.
Speaker 3 (44:47):
That’s possible.
Speaker 2 (44:48):
Yes, it is. It’s so possible. It’s, it feels impossible. It’s it’s not. No, it’s not.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
And you get there and you’re like, I’m so glad I’m not you <laugh>. It’s so funny. That’s
Speaker 2 (45:01):
The thing.
Speaker 3 (45:03):
You’re like, I’m having the time of my life and I know that you think you are, I know that you think you are so we can have fun together because I know you, I’m gonna meet, I meet you where you’re at and we’re gonna, we can have fun together. But like, yeah. I also have one other, but because like what used to be jealousy is like now kind of pity. Like, and I, like, I’m not pitying people. I’m not going around. Oh, pity you. Like I’m not that like no, no, not me. Not judging anyone, nothing like that. But it’s just like,
Speaker 2 (45:27):
No, no, no. That’s not the vibe you give off. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (45:30):
I just wish you could feel like me. Like, I just wish you could feel like the authenticness on this side too, that it’s, I
Speaker 2 (45:36):
Don’t know. Yeah, well it is. That’s like the whole point of this podcast. I’m like, I just want, like, I don’t think everybody knows this. I just want everyone to know all of these things.
Speaker 3 (45:46):
It feels like a secret because we’ve been fed this lie since we were ad advertising. Yes. On, you know, commercial. Every TV show, every movie is glamorized. That this is the fun, this is the party, this is how you have fun. How would we know any different?
Speaker 2 (46:01):
Right. Especially when all of us, I would say at least the majority of us started drinking in our, you know, late teens. I mean, our brains weren’t even formed.
Speaker 3 (46:13):
I knew how to fun, have fun in high school. And that was the thing when I got to Alco, like to the point where I knew alcohol was a problem, I was like, how come I can’t have fun like I did in high school? Like, why can’t I do that? You know? You can, you just have to be sober. Who
Speaker 2 (46:25):
Know? Yeah, exactly. Now you can. And it’s like real fun. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (46:30):
<laugh>
Speaker 2 (46:30):
Shay, I just, I love you so much. I love your vibe, your energy.
Speaker 3 (46:36):
Oh, I love you too. Thank you.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
I’m so glad we did this. I’m so glad we got to meet over, uh, the podcast.
Speaker 3 (46:43):
Yeah. This has been fun.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
Yeah. Thank you so much. I’m gonna put all of your, so Shay sober is where they can go and follow you. Anything else? Any like other,
Speaker 3 (46:53):
You know, I, I’ve kind of taken a step back as far as like, sober support or anything. I’m just on Instagram right now because life happens.
Speaker 2 (46:59):
Yeah, that’s good.
Speaker 3 (47:00):
You know, my my kids are getting older. I’m really trying to be there for them. I’m still really trying to figure out what path I wanna take in life.
Speaker 2 (47:08):
You don’t need to do anything else. You’re doing enough with all the stuff.
Speaker 3 (47:12):
Thank you. Instagram. If anyone you know, ever has any questions are welcome to DM me. I try to, I try to stay on there and, um, as long as people are polite and respectful and it’s about sobriety. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:22):
<laugh>. If you’re not, then you’re being blocked.
Speaker 3 (47:24):
I just, you know how it can get sometimes on there. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
But,
Speaker 3 (47:27):
Uh, I bet, um, yeah, if you, you have a serious question about sobriety, I and I can help you. Happy to chat with you. Yeah, yeah. I just try to let people know that it’s cool on this side of the bottle. It’s, it’s a cool life.
Speaker 2 (47:38):
It’s totally cool. And you guys, we are cool. Okay. <laugh> sobriety is cool. Sobriety is rebellious and we are cool. <laugh>. Hell yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah. <laugh>. Thank you Shay. Thank you so much. Bye Bye. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of The Sober Mom Life. If you loved it, please rate and review it wherever you listen. Five stars is amazing. Also, follow me on Instagram at the sober mom life. Okay. I’ll see you next week. I’m gonna go reheat my coffee. Bye.
