Today Megan, the creator of Sobah Sistahs, is on the pod! Megan hadn’t always been a big drinker, but after she had kids she found herself sucked into mommy wine culture. Her drinking took a troubling turn during her divorce, and after blacking out alone on Christmas, Megan knew she needed to find a way to stop.
Her sober journey has led to an inspiring reinvention of self. Megan is now a certified health coach who helps other women cut their dependency upon alcohol, and she runs a free weekly Zoom call to provide a space for sober women to connect.
Today, you’ll hear Megan’s advice on handling the holidays, medication, books to check out and more!
Find Megan and Sobah Sistahs online:
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https://www.instagram.com/sobahsistahs/
Website – www.sobahsistahs.com
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Transcript:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I wish more people would listen to our podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I know. I feel like this is why we need to do an ad. So this is an ad for brand new information, a pop culture and political podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
We’re a couple Gen Xers who talk about pop culture and political stuff on the brand new information pop culture and political podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
But we’re not a couple we’re siblings. It sounded like you said we’re a couple <laugh>. That was so gross. No, we’re siblings. That’s my brother. I’m his sister. Listen to us wherever you get your podcasts.
(00:35)
Hi. Welcome to the Sober Mom Life podcast. I’m your host, Suzanne of my kind of suite and the sober mom life on Instagram. If you are a mama who has questioned your relationship with alcohol at times, if you’re wondering if maybe it’s making motherhood harder, this is for you. I will be having candid, honest, funny conversations with other moms who have also thought maybe motherhood is better without alcohol. Is it possible we’ll chat and we’ll talk about all things sobriety and how we’ve found freedom in sobriety. I don’t consider myself an alcoholic. You don’t have to either, and maybe life is brighter without alcohol. I hope you will join us on this journey and I’m so excited to get started. Okay. We are here today with Megan from Soba Sisters, which that is the cutest name. I’m guessing you’re out east.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Yes. Boston. Yeah, exactly. <laugh>.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Okay. Okay. Thank you so much for being here.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Thank you for having me. I’m excited.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I don’t know a whole lot of your story, which I’m excited to learn about it on here. I think your presence on Instagram is amazing. Your videos are always so just light and uplifting and fun. You definitely show that side of sobriety. So I’m excited to hear how you started in all this. So before we talk about sobriety, let’s go back. Let’s do it first, who you are, and then your drinking story. Let’s get that out of the way and then we’ll talk about the good stuff.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
<laugh>. Exactly. All right. So yeah, my name’s Megan. Yep. So I live in Boston and I work in healthcare. I work in an emergency room here in radiology, couple overnights a week.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Oh wow.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
I love my job. And now it’s just so funny because I thought that that’s where I would just be forever. But now with sobriety, things have just opened up and I feel like anything’s possible now.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Yeah, I know. It’s interesting to hear you have a quote, real job. You know what I mean? Because a lot of people like this does influencing takes on a life of its own and then it becomes a job. So the fact that you’re still doing that too is amazing.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Yeah, absolutely. And so I guess to go back really, so I’ve been sober, it’ll be two years in December.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Oh, nice.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Pretty much drinking, I guess in my younger years was like normal for somebody in their twenties. I could go days, weeks without drinking and I wouldn’t think about it in between those times. But I do have to say when I did drink in my younger years, it wasn’t good. I never could handle my alcohol. I guess you could say. I would, yeah, black out. I would behave in ways that just wasn’t me. And then I had my first son at 25, so I feel like that kind of slowed me down. I didn’t really drink, I didn’t go out.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Oh, that’s interesting. Okay. So your son slowed you down in your drinking rather than A lot of times moms, especially new moms in motherhood, their drinking does escalate because it’s like, what the hell’s going on? What is this? So yours slowed down
Speaker 3 (03:56):
At first when my kids kids were little, I mean, they’re 13 and eight now, my boys. So this is going back 13, 14 years ago, and I was pretty much a stay at home mom for a while. And just alcohol really wasn’t a thing in my life. I hadn’t discovered wine yet. And that was kind of when wine comes into the picture,
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Everything changes change. Change when wine comes in. So does mommy wine culture.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Exactly. And that’s kind of what happened. I got sucked in around the time when my youngest son went to school at kindergarten. I started hanging out with moms in the town, getting invited to girls night out and play dates that involved alcohol. I got invited once to a sledding play date at somebody’s house. This is at 10:00 AM and they’re poor mimosas. I didn’t know. I had no idea. I was like, okay, this is what we do. All right. So also
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Sledding and drinking. That doesn’t sound like a great <laugh>. It doesn’t sound like a great combo. Exactly.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
And luckily it was more the kids that were
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Yeah, that funny.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
And the moms were just hanging around having mimosa. So it didn’t get outta control until really when I was going through my divorce in 2017, and then I completely turned to alcohol to self-medicate during that really hard, hard time.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
And you look back at that and it’s like, yeah, of course that’s understandable. And that’s not rare.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Exactly. And it’s really just a natural human response to wanna soothe our pain. And I was definitely in pain for sure. And I was scared. And my family all lives in New York, so I don’t have any family around here. I had to start over, support myself, pay bill, it’s real life adult stuff. But I was married and I had stability, I guess you could say, when it came to that stuff. And so I remember just when we moved out, the kids and I was drinking wine basically every night that I wasn’t working my hospital job, which was three overnights a week. So all those other nights though, I was drinking to the point, I would drink a bottle of wine pretty regularly and I would black out. Most of the times. I would just not remember going to bed. I would end up falling asleep, crying. It made it all so much worse, everything that I was going through.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Yeah. It’s so interesting when you say it wasn’t until you discovered wine. I think wine, we have been taught that wine is this fancy, elegant, some can be organic, just this great drink. And it’s like, no, it’s the same poison, just in a different package. And so when we think about blacking out and all this stuff, you don’t think of wine,
Speaker 3 (06:56):
You don’t. And it’s funny you you say that about organic wine or healthy wine. Yeah. Because probably two years before I got sober, I was selling organic, organic, healthy wine. I literally
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Like,
Speaker 3 (07:10):
Oh my gosh, it was just so funny now to, I have all these photos I took with me holding the organic wine and yeah, it’s just so funny to me now.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
But still, Cameron Diaz has her organic wine line and it’s like, that’s still going on. It’s like, well, yeah, sure. Organic poison. Okay. Right.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Alcohol’s alcohol. It doesn’t matter what form it is, if it’s in vodka, if it’s in whiskey, if it’s in wine at the end of the day, it’s still all alcohol. But I think that’s kind of why we get sucked into it as moms and women because it’s just wine and it’s good for your heart, they say. And so it’s just made to be normal and that we deserve it after our heart day like being a mom and it’s gonna help us unwind. And I’ve totally bought into that for sure. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Until
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Of course, until my life was pretty crazy. I would say the three years after my divorce, I was emotionally just all over the place. I was just erratic kind of. And I know it was had to do with the drinking and I didn’t even know where my baseline was. I couldn’t heal properly from my divorce because I just kept numbing the pain and just pushing it down, pushing it down. And so I found myself at the end of 2020 just completely in a really deep depression. I had tried at this point to moderate, make all the rules for a long time, which never worked. Only drinking on the weekends, drinking water in between, just taking a break. But it would never last more than three, four days. And so yeah, I definitely was depressed. I called my brother one night and who I was, I’m really close with, he’s in out in the West coast. And I said, I can see how people wanna end their lives because that’s just how I felt I was. So, I felt no purpose or anything. And it was really bad at the end of 2020.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
So I’m sorry you went through that. What happened to make you say, okay, maybe there’s another way.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
So I’ll never forget this night, and so it was the day after Christmas,
(09:26)
I didn’t have my kids, so that was the triggering time. And I didn’t have family, so it wasn’t like I was around all these people and everything. I was alone. And of course what I do when I was alone, I go get wine and I go get sushi. That was my go-to evening. And I sit on my couch in the corner. And so I drank a bottle of wine that night. And it usually wasn’t more than that. I bought every time I bought a bottle of wine, I didn’t keep alcohol in my house. That was my way of controlling it, I guess. So yeah, I remember passing out and waking up at 3:00 AM which was so typical, you know, think you drink. Yes. And then you get sleep, but you pass out and then you are gonna wake up a million times.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Oh yeah. It’s not sleep. No,
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Definitely not. So I woke up at 3:00 AM so sick already, head pounding and just, I remember sitting up in my bed crying and being like, my God, somebody just give me a sign. Please help me. I cannot do this anymore. What is wrong with me? I did it again, but this time was just different. I literally was begging just somebody to help me. And at that time I had never been to a meeting or anything like that. I
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Don’t know. So an AA meeting you’re talking about?
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Right. Okay. I had never been, and I had a friend through Instagram who, he was an aa and I happened to live in Boston, although we had never met through our Instagram food pages. And I had told him over the years about my drinking and then I wanted to stop. And so I was like, let me look up some meetings in the area. And this was actually during Covid, so there weren’t any in person meetings. So I had joined the luckiest club.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Oh, me too. Yes. During covid. Yeah,
Speaker 3 (11:09):
Exactly. And cause I loved the, we are the luckiest book,
Speaker 2 (11:13):
So good.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
So I love her. I got to meet her in real life. So anyways, I had joined the Luckiest Club, but I never went to the meetings. I was paying for the monthly membership. So I’m like, let me go through my emails, let me see if there’s a meeting tomorrow. I just, let me just check it out. So I find it. But I also find at the same time, I won a scholarship to her sobriety course. I had applied one night and I was like,
Speaker 2 (11:39):
So you just discovered that you won on that night? Yes. Oh wow.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
I was searching my emails and it had come a week prior, but I didn’t see it. And it was basically, if you don’t accept this by such and such date, then you’re forfeiting it. The date was the next day and it was a $750 course, which as a single mom, I didn’t have that kind of money. I had applied and said, I work in health healthcare. I’m a single mom. I really just need help and I would love to win this. And I had forgot that I had applied for it, so won it. And that changed everything. Honestly, that opportunity that I was given changed it all. So then I called my little brother up at 3:00 AM and now I’m crying happy tears. And I’m like, I just won this thing. And it, it changed me because I started, the next week I started going to Zoom meetings and that’s when I realized, oh my God, I’m not alone. I thought it was the only person, the only mom, woman that was struggling with alcohol. And when I went to these meetings, there was hundreds of people on them. And I was like, oh my God. And so that’s when everything just started.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
And especially in Covid, like of course you felt alone because first of all, we were alone. And of course you felt like you were the only one because our village is gone. You don’t see anybody, you’re not out. You’re not seeing anybody else’s drinking habits. I think a lot of moms started drinking at home because of course they were struggling and freaking out and scared. I totally understand. The feeling alone part scary.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
And I do have to say that my drinking definitely ramped up during Covid because they were like, everybody go out and stock up on your alcohol. And I bought a handle of vodka. I don’t even never drink vodka at home. I just thought I had to do it because they were
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Calling a paper and alcohol.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
Right, exactly. And that doing the homeschooling and my, oh God, my older son has learning disability. So I’m like, I literally gave up on the homeschooling. I was like, don’t even worry about it buddy. Yeah. So I noticed that my drinking did ramp up. I always said, well, I don’t drink in the morning, so I must not have a problem. But to be honest, I was coming home after my overnight shifts. So stressed from doing, working with Covid patients and everything. Oh man. I was drinking in the morning when I got home from work. And really that’s just the end just escalated so fast for me. I felt like I was either drinking, recovering from drinking, or scheming my drinking. Yeah. How can I work this into my kids’ activities and how can I, I gotta wait cuz I gotta pick my kids up at seven so I can’t start drinking till after. Yeah, it was just constant.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Yeah. Okay. So then you found the luckiest club and started going to those meetings and then it was that it then you kind of never looked back
Speaker 3 (14:37):
Basically. I mean, yeah. So I end up doing a hundred days on my own and that was the longest I had gone in forever. I did feel different. Within two weeks I started to feel alive again. Slowly started to feel live again. I was starting to journal in the morning and meditate all things that I had learned in the sobriety course that I was taking with Laura. And I just started implementing a morning routine, a nighttime routine, trying to keep myself busy. So I did a hundred days and then the course ended and I was kind of like, oh, what do I do now? At this point I still didn’t really connect. I didn’t have a sober buddy or a friend or really anyone that I’ve talked to outside of anything. So I end up actually going on medication at this point, which I’ve talked about. I’ve recently opened up about using naltrexone and I was on that for a few months, maybe three to four months.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
So what is that? Cuz I’m not familiar with that.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
So my psychologist, I had gotten a new psychologist, one who I was using another one for years and I kept telling her I wanna stop drinking. This is a problem. And I feel like she didn’t know anything about it, so nothing happened. So I got a new one. I started working with a psychiatrist. I started taking Wellbutrin for my depression and she suggested at the time Naltrexone. And I was like, oh, I don’t need a medication to help me. And she’s like, well just go look it up, see if maybe it’s not for you. And I’m like, okay. So I went home that night and I researched it and I found out that basically it’s a medication that helps you with cravings. It’s not an abuse where you’re gonna get physically ill and throw up if you drink. Yeah. This one’s different. Literally you don’t desire alcohol, you used to. Okay. It literally works the first day that you take it. I’m
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Not kidding. So I guess that’s interesting for people who are really struggling to get out of that early sobriety state where you’re still craving alcohol. Cuz you do get out of that. That doesn’t last forever. But when you’re in that, talk to your doctor about it.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
Yeah, yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
And so you found that it worked for you?
Speaker 3 (16:50):
Yeah, it really did work for me really well. It’s actually used a lot with Wellbutrin for people that either wanna quit smoking, people with overeating, binge eating problems and also with alcohol use disorder. And wow, it’s just,
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Wait, does it work with sugar <laugh>? Honestly, that’s what I need it for now, <laugh>,
Speaker 3 (17:11):
Honestly, I feel like it does. Cuz it’s all that same dopamine problem and yeah, probably would. Yeah. So it really did start working right away. And now I do recommend it to people. So I’m not someone that’s like medication. Medication. I definitely, it’s a last resort for me, but at this point I work in a hospital, I see what happens to people, young people, women especially, that are coming in with liver cirrhosis and alcoholic hepatitis. And I’m seeing, and it is just horrible. So I’m like, you know what? The benefits outweigh the risks. I’m gonna temporarily use this medication to help me. And so I suggest it to all the ladies that come to my group. If I see them relapsing a lot or just not being able to get past a week, I’m
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Like, right. If they can’t get past those first hard weeks, how long are you on it? Or is it because it’s just a temporary thing?
Speaker 3 (18:09):
Yeah, it’s based probably whatever. I think you could be on it for a while. I was on it, maybe it was four months.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Okay. So to get past that hard solo sobriety days. Right. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
And I literally have been seeing people, ladies use it and then getting to 30, 60, a hundred days and then they, it’s taking the training wheels off. Totally. And then you go and it’s not a quick fix. You still have to do the work. You still have to connect with people and go to therapy or do things.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
It’s not just you take it and that’s it. Yeah. Figure out what’s under there to begin with. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
Yeah. So I, that was the next step in my journey was I did do that for a little while and then in June of 2021 I started my Instagram page and I had no plans for it to become what it did, but my page, I’d say saved me. I don’t think I would’ve gone this long had I not created my page. And then I started hosting meetings because I just felt like we needed them. And so in October of last year, so over a year ago, I started doing support meetings for women.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
That’s amazing.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
It’s just been incredible.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Again,
Speaker 3 (19:26):
If I didn’t have meetings, I definitely wouldn’t have stayed sober. For sure.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Yeah. It’s just incredible to see women creating these platforms in these groups and support groups and what they needed when they were getting sober that wasn’t necessarily there. I mean, you had Laura’s group, which was amazing and I’m sure that inspired you to be like, oh yeah, this helps. Cuz it
Speaker 3 (19:51):
Really does. And I think I wanted something smaller because her groups were very large and I never got a chance to talk. So I was like, I want a smaller, more intimate one. But I mean now some of these meetings last night we had 35 of us, which is pretty standard on the Wednesday night meeting. But everybody’s just so close now the same, once you start coming, you keep coming.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
And so it’s just over zoom. Right. <affirmative> And do, are you hosting it or how do the meetings work? I’m always interested in this. I have a Facebook group and I haven’t delved into the meetings thing people have been asking, but I’m like, I don’t know what I’m doing. I never know what I’m doing. I just wait and see how things go. So yeah. Do you guys, do you host it? Do you have speakers or how does that work?
Speaker 3 (20:39):
So I host it. I’ve had speakers. I had some just people that I enjoyed and they would come and share something, but for the most part it’s just me hosting it. Oh yeah. And so I do it three times a week for an hour every week. And
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Wow, that’s a lot.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Yeah, it definitely can be a lot. But it’s one of those things when you have to go to the gym and you’re like, oh, I don’t wanna go. And then you get there and you’re like, I’m so glad I did. Every time I’m like, yeah, I’m so glad I came. You guys are the best. And just seeing everybody comment. I’ve seen it so many times where people come to me on day one, they come to a meeting, they’re crying, they’re at their rock bottom. And then I see the transformation and now they’re like, I’m 54 days sober. And it’s just like, oh god, this is so amazing. Totally. And I didn’t know what I was doing. I did go and get my health coaching certification last year and
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Okay, what is that?
Speaker 3 (21:37):
I have my holistic health coaching certification. I always wanted to be a health coach even though I work in radiology. And so I went to, it’s called iin, the Institute of Integrated Nutrition. And I went and got that certification. So they do kind of teach you how to run groups.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Okay. Oh cool. Look at what you’ve done in sobriety. <laugh> amazing.
Speaker 3 (21:58):
It’s, it’s unreal. It really is. When I think about it. And then I’m just finishing my professional recovery coaching certification. Almost done with that. I just have to do the hands on portion. So I guess the meetings are really just, I facilitate them. Everybody just will go around and they’ll share their story. A woman last night celebrated three years sobriety, so we kind had a party for her and people sent her all these gifts from the group and we stepped her a big thing of flowers today and Oh, it’s just a great community. Yeah, it’s amazing. We have a group chat on WhatsApp that has 150 of us on it that’s going off all day long. I can’t even keep up.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Oh my God. Totally.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
The things that have happened in this short time, not even two years, my life is completely different. Yeah. I am completely different. I don’t even know that girl that was in the end of 2020. That is just so far away from where I am. The opportunities now. I work full time for the sober buddy app. I do all of their social media,
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Not just,
Speaker 3 (23:07):
Yeah, I didn’t know do social media.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Yeah. Is that a sober tracking app? Right? It is tracking the days. Okay. Oh cool. <affirmative>. Oh, that’s a good tool for sure. I don’t count days, but I know some people are really into that day and checking that all the time, so that’s amazing.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
Yeah, especially in the beginning, I kind of forget too. I’m like, oh, let me look. I don’t know, I lost track. But in the first hundred days I definitely was tracking it very closely.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Yeah. That’s so cool. And so I can imagine holidays are, how do you feel about holidays? Just giving some tips for if this is somebody’s first holiday, first sober holiday, it’s scary cuz. Drink and be merry and all that. And so what do you feel about sober holidays and how has that been for you?
Speaker 3 (23:58):
Yeah, I would say especially Christmas is what I have such a history with my drinking. So yeah. I mean between having that moment, which was when I drank on that Christmas and then two years before that, no, a couple years before, that’s when I was going through my divorce. We went out as a family drinking and then I proceeded to go out drinking that night, passed out at a friend’s house and almost missed Christmas morning with my kids opening their presents. They were two and seven. And I made it home in time, but I didn’t get to put the presents under the tree. I was so hung over on the couch. I wasn’t present. So yeah, so holidays now, I mean, I would say be prepared. Bring your own drinks wherever you’re going. If you’re going to your mom’s house or whatever, just yeah, bring your own, that’s gonna be the biggest thing. Put it in a fancy wine glass with ice so no one knows. And no one cares really. If you think that they do what
Speaker 2 (24:55):
They it’s they do. No, it’s so true. You think that they do. I think that with everything though, we, I’m the starring role in my life. I’m not the starring role in anybody else’s life. They don’t care about me. <laugh>. Right. You don’t like, and so yeah, you could just let yourself off the hook with that. No one cares. Maybe for the first two minutes it might feel a little awkward, but then they’re gonna forget because then they’ll be drinking. Okay, so then they’ll forget
Speaker 3 (25:19):
<laugh>. Exactly. And we always talk about in the group to just play the tape forward. How do you wanna feel the next morning? Yeah. How do you wanna feel later that night when you get home? Just think about it as one night, not forever, not every Christmas now for the rest of our life or every Thanksgiving, just one. And you can do anything for one day
Speaker 2 (25:42):
And kind of play it side by side. Think back to if you’ve had those moments of drinking too much Christmas Eve and then waking up late and forgetting to fill the stockings or I’ve heard that story and all of that. Think of that.
Speaker 3 (25:57):
Yeah, I do that a lot. Even if I’m still once in a while it’ll be like, I wonder if it’ll creep in my mind. And yeah, I think about my worst hangover, I think about my most cringy moment and I just sit there and think about it and picture it in my mind. And then I’m like, okay, I don’t wanna go back. I don’t wanna go back. It’ll end up there. I can’t drink.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
And you gave it how many chances We tried that. We’ve tried that so many times and it generally ends the same. So I’m not gonna be tricked anymore. So you know, were going through your hard time with your divorce, which I can’t imagine how hard that is. And that you were drinking to numb those feelings. Have those now come up in sobriety?
Speaker 3 (26:47):
I feel like I’ve worked through them all. For the most part, they’re much better. I have done a lot of work since that day. I got a life coach who helps people that
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Really,
Speaker 3 (26:59):
I had, and I had never used a coach, but I had Google searched people dealing with toxic relationships, which even though I was divorced, I was still dealing with a toxic relationship. And she helped me just gain confidence. It was, I don’t know, we only met five times, but I saw her, she had escaped or whatever, was thriving in life and came from a dark place. And I just saw that and was so empowered. So I did that. And then I also took a divorce course through a church that I don’t even belong to, but I was just wanted to work through those feelings. So I did that. I had gotten a new therapist, so I feel like I’ve really worked through a lot of those feelings.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Yeah, it sounds like you were like, yeah, let’s see what’s going on and working through it.
Speaker 3 (27:51):
Yeah, I just feel like a completely new person. I had mood swings all the time. I thought for sure I was googling an and quit like a woman. She said she had diagnosed herself with borderline personality disorder and I was like, oh my god. Cuz I thought for sure I was bipolar. I was Googling it, the symptoms and I’m, but I didn’t have it. It really was the alcohol. Cuz I can regulate my emotions so much better these days. And you don’t realize how much alcohol is affecting you until you take it away and you get to what your normal is.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Totally. And it takes a while to even figure out what your normal is. Because if most of us you’ve been drinking since you’re in high school, <affirmative>, you’ve never had to figure that out as an adult. W how do I self soothe? I don’t know. All that stuff. Figuring that out I think takes a while. I always, I get slammed sometimes for making sobriety look easy and all this and I’m like, well sure. It’s not all that. It’s easier than life with alcohol. Sobriety is hard because you have to feel stuff and you have to figure out how to do that because a lot of us don’t know that.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
Exactly. And I think I always try to put a positive spin on things and I try to make it look, I want the sober life to look good from somebody who’s still struggling. And yeah, I’m not saying it’s all rainbows and sunshine, but
Speaker 2 (29:25):
It’s way better. It that is not a lie when we say that it’s way better. You know what I mean? And I’m also, I’m like, well if they’re gonna glamorize alcohol then I’m gonna glamorize sobriety because
Speaker 3 (29:36):
It’s
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Just, yeah, let me do that. I think just a lot of people get caught off guard in early sobriety when they’re like, well, cuz either it’s that pink cloud of everything’s good or it’s like, holy shit, my anxiety’s worse. I’m not sleeping as well. Even though you weren’t sleeping before you were just passed out. But I think it just takes a while. You gotta give yourself some time and sobriety to figure it all out and you still aren’t gonna figure it all out. But <laugh> get there.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
I always say too, parenting is hard enough. Why make it harder by being hungover or being hating yourself? Because the self loathing that comes with it is crippling.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
Ugh. And the guilt <affirmative>. I think that with moms too, we put enough on ourselves and we have enough guilt. Even when we’re doing all we can, I mean we’re still gonna screw up, which we should because that’s fine cuz we’re human. But the guilt that also comes with drinking, that extra layer of guilt, you could just do away with that. That really just goes away. Then you’re not waking up guilty anymore or feeling guilty.
Speaker 3 (30:53):
Right. And that’s what some people do say, well why don’t I feel better yet? And I’m like, you didn’t do the damage overnight. So you gotta think. You just woke up for the last three years of your life telling yourself you suck before you even get out of bed. I mean that was something I struggled with too, was I didn’t even like myself. I didn’t love myself. I couldn’t even look in the mirror. So I started putting post-its everywhere, telling myself,
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Oh, what did
Speaker 3 (31:17):
They say? So they
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Would say, I wanna know, there’s
Speaker 3 (31:19):
A couple. One of ’em was, and I learned these from the course I was taking, but one was, I am not my past. I am a person of dignity and honor. And I love that one because we’re not defined by the worst things we’ve ever done. The fact I almost missed Christmas morning one year doesn’t define me as a mom. Well,
Speaker 2 (31:37):
Because that wasn’t you. That was the alcohol. Right. If not for the alcohol, you would not miss Christmas warning. That was the alcohol. Yeah,
Speaker 3 (31:46):
<affirmative>. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. So I just loved it. But it took a while. And then now I’m one day I remember just walking by the mirror and being like, oh hey, I like you. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
You’re like, wait a second, you’re cute.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
Yeah. Pretty much
Speaker 2 (32:03):
<laugh>. Totally, totally. Yeah. The self-esteem comes back because you’re who you truly are meant to be and there’s none of that noise and nonsense and distraction.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
Yeah, it’s unbelievable. And even my relationship, I’ve been in a relationship for the last four years and that’s completely changed. Oh gosh. There were so many nights. We would go out to dinner and we would have the greatest time. I would spend so much time getting ready and try to look all pretty. But by the end of the night I would be either crying, I would, we’d get into the bed after this wonderful dinner and I would end up crying and falling asleep, crying. I would pick a fight. Yes.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
The
Speaker 3 (32:47):
Fight from something that bothered me from a month ago. And I’d be like, you remember that time a month ago?
Speaker 2 (32:52):
And he’s like, what are you talking about? Yeah. He’d be like, yeah. And then the fights, the unnecessary fights, those are just eliminated. I mean, my husband and I still fight, but it’s not nearly as much. And it’s also just about real stuff.
Speaker 3 (33:08):
Yeah. Yeah. I can fight, I feel like in a good way now. Yeah. Where
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Before
Speaker 3 (33:12):
Productive. Yeah. I was afraid to fight because I was, felt so crappy about myself that I would just be like, okay, I’m okay, whatever. But now I’m like, I usually will, I’ll stand up for myself so much more because I’m not questioning what I really did the night before. Cause sometimes I would forget or I wouldn’t remember half of our night. So I didn’t wanna fight about it. Cause I’d be like, oh let’s see, I don’t even want, what did I
Speaker 2 (33:34):
Say? And then you just feel like you’re in the wrong, no matter what you’re like, oh, I was drinking, I must be wrong. And it’s like, even if there are issues to work out, it’s that not trusting yourself. And now you can trust yourself and your feelings and you know how you feel.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
That’s the best.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Oh, it is the best. And does he drink?
Speaker 3 (33:53):
He does drink, but we don’t live together. I just live here with my kids. And so when we’re together, he doesn’t really drink. Although it was funny, last weekend we went out and he ordered a martini, which I don’t care cause he doesn’t really have problem with it. But we ended up talking about alcohol the whole time, about how the horrible, the health benefits are, how horrible the health issues are. And I’m like, I probably ruined his drink. But I mean
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Oh wow.
Speaker 3 (34:20):
Definitely. I feel more conscious now because I’m always subtly trying to be like, did you know that it’s linked to seven different cancers and things like that. So yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
That’s the thing, we’re sobriety influencers. Even in our house. Cause even with my husband, he had never thought about stopping. He’s fine, he’ll have a couple beers when he golfs. But just hearing all this stuff that I say and he’s like, oh wow. And then it is the thing, once you know it, you can’t unknow it. <affirmative> and alcohol and wellness spaces, that’s my big kick now. And he’s like, can you believe that at mial? Like, yeah, I know. This is what I’m say he’s learning it as we go too. So I like that. It’s just slowly it’s sinking in.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
Yeah, exactly. And so can’t make other, I would never want him to feel like he can’t drink in front of me or force it upon ’em. But it’s nice when they are just listening and maybe even looking at their relationship and just changing their relationship a little bit or second guessing that random drink that’s like, do I really, is it worth it? No.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
Yeah. And even just being mindful about what it does, most people don’t know what alcohol is and what it does. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
I honestly, no, I had no idea it was directly linked to breast cancer and colon cancer. And even though I work in healthcare, I knew there was liver cirrhosis and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
But the extremes. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Yeah. I had no idea in esophageal cancer. And years ago when I started learning about it, it would make it less enjoyable cuz then I was picturing the wine going down my esophagus and burning it and causing
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Cancer and yeah. Okay. You guys, there’s a visual for you right there. If you are struggling to just get those cravings gone and the witching hour and you’re like, God, I just want that glass of wine. If you’re romanticizing wine, here’s what you think about. Think about just when we see cigarettes and we think of black lungs, when you see wine, think about it burning down your throat. That’s pretty powerful.
Speaker 3 (36:30):
Yeah. Cuz you’re lining your eso, your esophagus lining is so delicate and so you’re putting ethanol down your asso like it over time. So the more I learned, the more I was like, wow, this isn’t totally me. This is highly addictive. It’s a poison. And so I recommend anyone who’s wants to quit. And first of all, follow your gut instinct. If you feel it’s a problem than it is, don’t listen to Susie down the street that tells you that it’s normal because everybody’s doing it.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
Cuz she just wants a drink with you. She just wants a partner in drinking.
Speaker 3 (37:05):
Exactly. That’s Susie. But I say start with reading and learning about it. That’s where I started. And that was a game changer for me reading different books. And
Speaker 2 (37:14):
What was your favorite book other than We are the Luckiest by Laura McCown, which you talk about on here a lot. But what was, what one that really changed it for you?
Speaker 3 (37:23):
I would say quit like a woman. I really liked how she talked about how women are of targeted by big alcohol companies. And I was like, wow. I was pissed when I read some of it. I’m like, that is so we’re totally being targeted and and how we think we’re this health conscious generation of people. We yoga, soul cycle, we keto juice cleanse, and we’re drinking effing rocket fuel. And I was like, that is me. I thought I was so healthy and I was except for that. So I loved Quit like a woman. And this Naked Mind was super helpful too, to get the science kind of behind it and the cravings. And after we have one drink and we said we are only gonna have one, why do we end up thinking it’s a great idea to have more than that. And learning the science behind it was very interesting.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
I think. I feel like you and I had such similar journeys to sobriety. I stopped January, 2020 after a brutal hangover. And I didn’t go to meetings or anything. The word alcoholic freaked me out. And I was like, well, I’m not that. Whatever that is. I don’t know. I still don’t know. And I still haven’t answered that question. <affirmative>. And I just started listening to audio books like This Naked Mind Quit Like a Woman. We Are The Luckiest Blackout is a really good one. Just I brainwashed myself.
Speaker 3 (38:39):
Yes, exactly.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
I couldn’t look at it the same again.
Speaker 3 (38:43):
Totally. That’s exactly what I feel like. And the same thing for me. I don’t consider myself an alcoholic, but I do feel like after researching and learning that I definitely had alcohol use disorder, I feel like that connected with me and it kind of helped me to realize it’s a scale in the whole gray area drinking. And I think it holds people back from getting the help that they need because they don’t think that their rock bottom isn’t what you think it is, so therefore people aren’t getting help. So when I learned alcohol use disorder and looked it up and researched it, I was like, that’s me. I’m still doing all right in life on the outside. I look good. I didn’t lose my job. I actually was highly performing in my job. I didn’t get a DUI ever. Thank God.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
I know. That’s why I always say just by the greatest of, I don’t know how I did it. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3 (39:33):
But it was completely affecting my mental health a hundred percent in that when I went to go stop, I couldn’t. So yeah. Therefore I used that term and I think it’s helpful for people.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
And that’s such a good reminder just to find what’s helpful for you and what makes you feel strong in your sobriety. And it sounds like you’re such a researcher and you like knowledge and you’re using all of these resources and tools, which is so cool. You’re like, I’m gonna use the health coach for this. I’m gonna use the pill to help me stop my cravings. I’m gonna use this church group. You know what? That’s so cool. You just created your own program.
Speaker 3 (40:10):
Yeah, basically. Yeah. And now that’s just trying to help others share what has worked for me. And I feel like it’s working for a lot of women that I work with or that come to my meetings and I’ve been doing one-on-one coaching and I’ve had several people re-sign up again to work with me. And so that’s really validating. I’m like, okay, this is my calling now. I feel like
Speaker 2 (40:35):
You could tell you’re in, you’re doing the right thing and you’re in the right place because you guys go to her Instagrams Sova sy, which is just so cute. I’m telling you, I love that name because yeah, your message is just, it’s so inspiring and we need people like you creating different programs. We need something other than aa. It’s not a binary question, not do you have a problem with alcohol? If yes, proceed to aa. If no, keep drinking. That’s not what it is. Alcohol is highly addictive and it’s really fucking bad. And so drink it long enough. Yeah, it’s gonna become a problem. And you don’t have to wait until it is
Speaker 3 (41:16):
Right. You don’t and don’t wait. And we’re in 2022, so we’re lucky that there’s so many options and different things available than there was even 5, 10, 20 years. Totally. There wasn’t really sober coaches. There wasn’t Zooms, there wasn’t all these women’s groups. Groups.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
That’s the thing. Women sober, women are taking over the world. You guys, <affirmative> we are. We’re taking over. So watch out. That’s what I love that we just create what we needed.
Speaker 3 (41:42):
Basic. And I think I noticed too, I had met up with some girls in New York that were all sober and I hadn’t really been out with women that were sober and in person. And I noticed a difference though. Our conversations were so different than my drinking friends where we would just either sit around and bitch or talk or gossip maybe about so and so in town, this group of women, we were talking about our goals and just things that we’re doing in life. And I’m like, gosh, this is so much better. You’re like, oh
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Yeah, it’s like a little therapy session. I have a group of sober moms just right in my community, and we meet every couple of weeks and it’s like we just talk about the real stuff. We talk about our struggles. It doesn’t have to be sobriety. A lot of times it is just because I get to talk about sobriety all the time on here, but in normal life, people don’t get to just talk about sobriety. And so finding that group of people that you can just talk about the challenges and the wins and all about sobriety. It’s so good.
Speaker 3 (42:49):
Yeah, because they get it. It’s like, oh, okay. I can share this with you because you know how difficult it can be sometimes. And
Speaker 2 (42:57):
Yeah, for sure. Oh, I could talk to you forever. Okay. Tell us where we can find you so they can go look at your Instagram and then sign up for coaching and the Zoom calls. You have so much. Okay.
Speaker 3 (43:08):
Yeah. So yep. You can find me at soba sista. My website is sosta.com. Send me a dm, say hi, say that you listened to this podcast. I’d love to hear your feedback, and I’ll give you the information to come to my free meetings and you can join our free WhatsApp group and all of that. And it’s a game changer. So if you’ve been struggling or you’re sober already, but you’re not, you’re kind of miserable, this will change that. So
Speaker 2 (43:35):
Sounds like a great community. Yeah. Oh, Megan, thank you.
Speaker 3 (43:40):
Well thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it. Thank you.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
We’ll keep in touch. Okay. For sure. Thanks. Bye Bye. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of The Sober Mom Life. If you loved it, please rate and review it wherever you listen. Five stars is amazing. Also, follow me on Instagram at the sober mom life. Okay, I’ll see you next week. I’m gonna go reheat my coffee. Bye.
