It’s like The Real Housewives, but without all the booze and craziness!
Today is our first episode with a “real” mom! Jayme started drinking alcohol to overcome social anxiety, yet in the end she found it was only making matters worse. Today, Jayme shares about her path to sobriety, navigating social situations, and the healthier activities she’s now added to her life.
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Transcript:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I wish more people would listen to our podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I know. I feel like this is why we need to do an ad. So this is an ad for brand new information, a pop culture and political podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
We’re a couple Gen Xers who talk about pop culture and political stuff on the brand new information pop culture and political podcast. Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
But we’re not a couple we’re siblings. It sounded like you said we’re a couple <laugh>. That was so gross. No, we’re siblings. That’s my brother. I’m his sister. Listen to us wherever you get your podcasts.
(00:35)
Hi. Welcome to the Sober Mom Life podcast. I’m your host Suzanne of my kind of suite and the sober mom life on Instagram. If you are a mama who has questioned your relationship with alcohol at times, if you’re wondering if maybe it’s making motherhood harder, this is for you. I will be having candid, honest, funny conversations with other moms who have also thought, Hmm, maybe motherhood is better without alcohol. Is it possible? We’ll chat and we’ll talk about all things sobriety and how we’ve found freedom in sobriety. I don’t consider myself an alcoholic. You don’t have to either, and maybe life is brighter without alcohol. I hope you will join us on this journey, and I’m so excited to get started.
(01:33)
Hello, We have a different sort of episode for you today. This is something that we’re starting in October, and I am just thrilled to bring you real stories of real moms who are living sober lives, who are struggling with sobriety, who are newly sober, who have been sober for years. Maybe some are sober curious. These are real stories from real moms, and they’re all part of the sober mom life group on Facebook. I’m gonna bring you these episodes every week. We’re gonna have a new real mom every week. Not that the moms that I’ve been talking to aren’t real, but there is something about hearing real stories, raw stories. It’s just true and real and raw. They don’t have talking points, they don’t have anything to promote. They really are just sharing their drinking and sobriety stories and what they’ve learned and what they’re searching for, what they’re still learning, what they’re questioning. I’m thrilled about this, so I really hope that you enjoy these new bonus episodes. Today I speak with Jamie, who is a mom in Arizona, and I, I think that, that you’ll really relate to her story and parts of her story. She, you know, this is not a rock bottom story. This is about her wanting to feel her best, and I definitely relate to that too. So I think you will will love this story. So I hope you enjoy Jamie.
(03:12)
All right. This is our first, I’m calling this the real mama chat. Even though like all of the moms that I’ve talked to are real moms. So I don’t know what I’m calling this. This is our first chat with someone who is a part of the sober mom life Facebook group. She is a real mom. This is not her job to, um, talk about sobriety, which I think that’s the only people that I’ve talked to before now. But you guys wanted more stories and more Yeah. Just real conversations from sober moms and that’s what we have today. So I have Jamie here. Hi Jamie.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Hello. Good morning.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Hi. I’m so glad you’re here. I’m excited to hear your story. So let’s just jump into it. Tell me, you know, before we get to the sobriety story, we gotta talk about alcohol. Well, first tell me about who you are. Like where are you coming from? Where are you a mom? Obviously you’re a mom, <laugh>, Tell me a little bit about you and then tell me about your drinking past.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
Yeah, so, um, I’m a mom of two toddlers, three and five. In the past, I feel like alcohol was sort of a social lubricant, if you will. I think a lot of people feel that way, right? Like being more social. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> or outgoing. I was really shy growing up and people always told me, you know, you need to like be more outgoing. And I realized that I’m really not shy. That a lot of it was just kind of these social expectations of acting a certain way or being outgoing in a certain way. That just wasn’t the way that resonated with me. And so, you know, as I got into my twenties then alcohol became a really easy way to, you know, be like, Oh, well they’re drinking, I’m drinking. You know, kind of look more fun. Right? I’m a fun person. Look at me out, you know, drinking with you and being your friend and
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yeah, like, Oh, this is how you’ve wanted me to act, like now I’m acting how you want me
Speaker 3 (05:05):
To, Right? Yeah. And I think that really ultimately backfired for me. I think it brought on a lot of anxiety and a lot of not positive friendships, you know, not the kind that I really needed to thrive as a person. So mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I eventually kind of got away from that and started getting more into my, you know, I’ve worked in healthcare for a long time and as I was seeing all these negative things with alcohol, I thought, you know, let’s reexamine my relationship a little bit. And that’s kind of where it started, the slow examining, but it’s been a very long kind of process examining alcohol and benefits and negatives and, you know, is this really a tool that is helping me with my, you know, social anxiety or is it making it worse? And mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I kind of started looking at it from that healthcare, healthcare lens, um, of, as being a healthcare worker and seeing the detriments on people. And that’s kind of where I started to examine things.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Okay. So that’s where you started to examine your relationship with alcohol. And were you, so you were using it to kind of, to help with your social anxiety as an adult then? Correct. As you know, while you were a mom, were you still drinking when you were a mom? How did you find that affecting motherhood?
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Yeah, so when my son was born, uh, six years ago, that was a time that I had already lessened, I guess the amount of alcohol I was in taking because I was sort of shifting in my career and my friend group and finding other moms. And luckily most of them weren’t heavy drinkers, but I did notice always that pressure of, Oh gosh, we really need to get a drink. And, you know, being invited to happy hours as a mom. And so it still was there, but I was definitely drinking less than I was, you know, prior to having my son. But then I realized, you know, if I did go out drinking to a happy hour, it just like coming home and you’re just like, I’m not, I didn’t sleep well. I already had a baby, you know, I woke up, I didn’t feel energized. Yeah. You know, it didn’t help with, you know, the social anxiety really as much as you would think. Right. Uh, you think it’s gonna relax you, but it,
Speaker 2 (07:11):
And so did you notice that
Speaker 3 (07:13):
<laugh> Yeah, it
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Does not. Did you notice that while you were drinking? Like did it help for a little bit, It helped for a while, Right? Did it help you kind of feel comfortable in social settings where you normally wouldn’t? Like, did you notice that?
Speaker 3 (07:26):
Yeah, I think definitely initially. Right? Just like, Oh yeah, thanks. Like, you know, people, that social interaction of like, Yeah, yeah, I’ll have a drink with you. And just kind of a way to, you know, relate, um, like what’s your favorite drink and let’s make cocktails together and Right. Um, people used it, you know, it was very much like a way to meet other people and so I didn’t wanna lose that aspect of it.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Yeah. So then when you were drinking, did you realize, Oh wait, this might not be helping my social anxiety as much as I thought it would.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Yeah, for sure. I think then as I, you know, started to feel the effects of alcohol, right? You have one drink, you’re like feeling pretty normal, but then as you start to drink more, especially I feel like as a mom you’re usually not eating very well or maybe you’re not nourishing your body as well. Yeah. So I think you are affected, I feel like you’re affected by it more in terms of, you know, how much alcohol it might take to impact your, um, so then, yeah, I felt like I started getting, you know, I couldn’t remember people’s names as well in conversation. And so it became not helpful because these people you’re meeting and trying to, you know, be like, Oh, we’re moms. We have something in common. You’re missing out on important details like about their kids and their job. And then you’re like, Oh, did I really build a connection because I didn’t catch important things about this new friend of mine?
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Yeah. That’s so interesting. It is so true. We think that alcohol is a great way to connect when really it just makes everything fuzzy and then you don’t remember things you’re like, Oh, I probably opened up way too much too early. And also I, I don’t even know that I can’t remember their name. So that kind of, that hurts.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Okay, so then your son was born six years ago and you were still drinking, but not quite as much. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Did you find yourself turning to alcohol to kind of help cope with motherhood because it is so damn hard? Like did you fall into that
Speaker 3 (09:14):
<laugh>? Um, a little bit. You know, when my son was nine months old, um, my mom was actually diagnosed with cancer. Wow. So we ended up going through a lot, you know, with her healthcare and things like that. And so, you know, people would just be kind of almost feeling bad for you. Like, Oh, let me take you out to get a drink. And, you know, trying to be supportive, but it wasn’t maybe the most supportive. So I think, you know, for my husband and I, that was like a way to relax then like have a drink with dinner or you know, drinks with friends. And it just became sort of an expectation. Maybe not daily, but several times a week. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and when you’re dealing with, you know, the new stress of having a baby who’s under a year old and having family with health issues in your career, it definitely seems like something that’s going to help you relax what we’re told by society. Right. But ends up really being more of an energy drain is what I felt.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Oh, definitely. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
And I think I felt like the physical, you know, even from, not a large quantity, but a couple drinks a day, I think I started feeling the digestive changes and anxiety when you wake up and fatigue things that, you know, I already kind of was dealing with in my health that flared up got worse. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So that was kind of once I sort of was just like, this is not, not the best. So I did tone it back and was successful in doing that.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Okay. So that was your first step to say, Okay, I’m not gonna quit. Yeah. Because who knows what the hell that means. Right. Let me just lessen the amount of alcohol that I’m drinking. So how did that go and what did that look like?
Speaker 3 (10:46):
So for me, um, a lot of it was just switching my focus to more meeting with moms in the mornings at parks and places that maybe you’re not gonna be encountering alcohol as much. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And I was very fortunate that the moms that I did encounter and meet when my son was little were not super heavy drinkers. They were also more healthcare focused, worked in healthcare like me, so Okay. It wasn’t as much pressure. And that really helped because I think finding, you know, people that that wasn’t your only link to, like, they also were interested in, invested in their own health and knew that maybe that wasn’t the only activity to, as a way to connect with people. Um, so that helped a lot. Just, you know, finding something that wasn’t like a happy hour or a party. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> as a way to connect with people. Um, definitely helped. So was less pressure. And then just at home, just kind of just had to put my foot down with myself. Cuz my husband, he’s not a heavy drinker, but definitely, you know, likes to drink while he is cooking dinner or after work, that kind of thing. And I just had to say, it’s just not for me. Like, he didn’t peer pressure me either way. But
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Yeah, that’s great.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
Just kind of how to had to put it on myself, like a responsibility to myself.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Yeah. And so then did you stop then just, you just stopped cold Turkey stopped drinking? Or was it kind of a pulling back and then seeing how life and how you kind of were feeling, how everything got better? Or how did, are you sober today or do you consider yourself sober or Yeah. Where are you at with that?
Speaker 3 (12:21):
That’s a great question. Yeah. I do consider myself sober now. I don’t feel the pressure to drink when I’m at dinner with people and things like that. I think it took some time. So I never really had a day that I was just like, this is the day I’m never drinking again. Okay. I didn’t ever wanna hit that point. That was a big thing for me was like knowing with my health and yeah. Some of my underlying health conditions that it wasn’t serving me. And so I would always, up until my daughter was born, kind of test the waters. Like, if we were out, I’d be like, Okay, I’ll have one drink. And a lot of times everybody’s like, Oh, come on, but you need to have another drink. So I’d always find that I would always end up having at least one more drink than I was like intending to have or hoping to have. Okay. And that just didn’t sit well with me. You know, it wasn’t necessarily heavy pressure, but it was always like, Oh, we’re getting another drink of a round of drinks. You know, you need another drink. You, you haven’t drank in so long. And people knew that, you know, I was invested in my health at the time and Yeah. Um, I was really working on my nutrition and some other, you know, getting back into physically exercising and so they knew that, you know, I’m working on all these things.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Yeah. Isn’t that so interesting?
Speaker 3 (13:28):
Yeah. And so they kind of were like, Well, you need to reward yourself. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
People are like, Yeah, just have another one.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
Yeah. So they were kinda like, Well, you’ve earned it. And then I found that, you know, I would come home and I didn’t sleep well, you know, I had digestive issues the next day that I didn’t normally have. I felt like I couldn’t eat. And that was when I had longer gaps between those differences became more apparent. So the longer I would take a pause, you know, if it was three months or whatever, I wouldn’t necessarily keep track. Right. And then I would go to a social outing and be like, Oh, okay, yeah, I’ll, I’ll have a drink with you. Then the effects were much more apparent the longer the gap was.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Yeah. That’s so interesting. I think that that’s so true that the longer you give your body a break from this toxin, the more the toxin then affects you even just a little bit. I mean, your tolerance is so gone. Everything that your body’s had to absorb in the past is probably, you know, it’s out of there, it’s done. Your body’s back to homeostasis and now it throws it off again. Just even a little amount. That’s so interesting.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
I mean, and just thinking about like, you know, the brain and all those neurotransmitters we have going on, like the serotonin and the dope meat. Um, Yeah. In effects not only from, you know, people always talk about sugar and food. I know you’ve talked about, you know, sugar and that’s a tough one. Yeah. You know, it, it kind of, that’s sugar’s always been a battle for me as well. I feel like I’ve been, you know, a more of an addictive personality to that than alcohol. But I almost feel like that’s because the effects of sugar are just maybe a lesser not as drastic when you come back and then you add more in versus alcohol. I felt like it was a very drastic mm-hmm. <affirmative> difference I could see. So it’s easier to stop something that you see a more quick and drastic improvement in.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Yes. That’s so true. Even though even this break, I mean, I, I’m trying to do breaks from sugar a little bit. I never say like, I’m never gonna cut sugar out completely cuz I’m not an animal, I’m not a monster. Right. But, um, I don’t know, like any sort of breaks and then I go back and I really do feel it. It sounds like you are as in tune. Like, I, I consider myself very in tune with my body and like, how am I feeling? How are things making me feel? I think yoga does that really where it makes you think about it’s just your body and how you feel. And so it sounds like with alcohol, like you were very in tune. You saw that you were able to connect like, Oh, it’s making my digestive issues worse and it’s really giving me like, it’s affecting my sleep. Like I, I think a lot of people don’t connect those dots as quickly as you did because even it, and it probably does take a pause to connect those dots. Right? Absolutely. Because if you’re just always imbibing the substance, you don’t know that it’s the substance that’s doing that. Like, your body is not meant to feel like shit. Like it’s the substance that’s making it
Speaker 3 (16:19):
<laugh>. Yeah. I mean that yeah. That sentiment of like, why do I feel like shit this morning? Um, people always, Yeah. You know, uh, in my current, I went into nutrition after kind of having this evolution of like becoming more in tune with how my body feels and started my own practice to basically to help women get more in tune with their body because it was just all this crazy advice out there. Like, do keto, do intermittent fasting? And um, yes. All these extremes. And what I found was really yeah, tapping into how does this make me feel? But in order to do that, you have to take it away for a little bit mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And that’s hard in finding that balance of not taking away too many things, but just start with one or two things. Yes. And so alcohol obviously can be one of those things. And I find that when I talk to my clients about that, that’s always one of the harder subjects because people feel, well I’m not, I’m not addicted to alcohol. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, like, why are you sober if you’re not an alcoholic? And I’m like, because it doesn’t make me feel well, you know, just like if someone has celiacs disease, you know, they don’t feel well when they eat gluten so they don’t eat it. Right.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Right.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
Um, you know, alcohol can be the same, but it took a step away from it for me to see that.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Yeah. So what made you finally decide, I mean, where you sit today? Like are you able to think, Yeah, I’m never gonna drink alcohol again? Or are you just kind of taking it, you know, it’s always that question. Yeah. Because I think that does scare a lot of people. This idea of never again, which I understand. It doesn’t scare me because like I I do replace it with cigarettes. Like yeah. I can confidently say I’m never gonna smoke a cigarette again cause I don’t want to. Like, I just, Yeah. I don’t like it. And so I feel the same way about alcohol, but I understand this idea of never again is so scary. So where you sit today, how do you feel about the never again idea?
Speaker 3 (18:16):
I think that’s such a personal choice. So depending on how it’s maybe impacted your life. Right. Yeah. For me, alcohol wasn’t something that, you know, I didn’t see a detrimental impact on my life around me. It was just the way that it made me feel physically and mentally. Yeah. So I don’t feel that need to have like a, a strict line of like, I’ll never again cheers at a wedding. Right. Right. But I have found when I go to a social event, like a wedding, if I’m handed a glass of champagne, I take a sip at the toast and I usually don’t finish it. I just don’t have that desire. Right. Um, and I think that for some people, right. Yeah. That can be a really triggering thing. So I think there’s a spectrum and people need to find what their edge is. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And some people it’s more on that addiction spectrum. And I feel that way a sugar almost. If you give me a dessert, I’m going to eat all of it. Yeah. You
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Know?
Speaker 3 (19:15):
Oh my god. Um, name. Right. And even if it makes me feel terrible, if it’s a dessert that I’m like, Oh, this has my
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Dairy, Oh would you will. Which it does. I know which
Speaker 3 (19:24):
It does. I know. And as a nutritionist I’m like, What am I doing? But then I’m like, Okay, come back and have a little bit more. Yeah. And by the end of the day, I’ve just eaten this big dessert and I’m like, Oh, you know,
Speaker 2 (19:33):
I know
Speaker 3 (19:34):
For me, I can’t say, you know, like I’m never gonna drink a sip of alcohol again in my life. But I do know that the longer I’ve been away from it, the less desire I have to do it. The more I know that there’s other coping. M if I’m having a really stressful day and I’m like, man, I need to connect with a friend, I’m like, Hey, let’s go to yoga. That’s another really helpful venue. And I know that. Yeah. Oh, it can be intimidating for some people, but I just find that with myself, my friends and my clients, if I can encourage people to go to a yoga studio, get out of their house, not do yoga in their house, but go to a studio, even if you don’t know anyone, it’s
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Just Oh yes.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
It’s a physical presence that I feel like you can’t really describe. And I think it’s very helpful for people. And if that’s not their cup of tea, they can try something else. Physical. Right.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
<laugh>. Yeah. There is something about yoga that is so, it’s so special. I think yoga is about failing in the most beautiful way. So it’s not about like, you’re never gonna master yoga. That’s not the goal. It’s called a practice for a reason. And like, you continually just learn everyone on the mat is learning, so no one’s looking at you and being like, Oh, well she’s obviously failing. It’s like, no, no, no. We’re all, we’re all practicing and getting to our next level. And that always takes failure. I mean, we don’t get to the next level without falling out of crow 5,000 times <laugh>, you know? Yeah. So, yeah, I think yoga is such a special thing, especially in sobriety. And I think if somebody is freaked out by this idea of never again, then don’t think about never again. Yeah. Like, just push it off. You don’t have to, you just don’t have to answer that question.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
Yeah. I think that’s a perfect way to look at it. I mean, trying to find an alternative for that trigger. Right. And I know you’ve talked about Yeah. Like what’s triggering you sometimes the 5:00 PM toddler time, especially, you know, for anybody with the younger kiddos, Right? Yeah. I mean everybody’s like, What do I do?
Speaker 2 (21:37):
What do you do at witching hour? Like when your kids are just like, Yeah, what’s your go-to?
Speaker 3 (21:43):
For me, I tend to stay away from food and ingesting things because that
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Oh,
Speaker 3 (21:49):
Okay. Can sometimes be a, a distraction. I feel like, you know, if it’s, Cause that’s usually around kind of dinner time. Right. And then I feel like it kind of, the kids see you snacking. Snacking, I feel like then that kind of gets them on that. And you’re trying to either cook dinner or your spouse maybe is helping or you’re ordering takeout. You don’t wanna get into this whole, you know, snacky thing. And that for me is a difficult thing. Yeah. So I’m like, let’s get outside. Um, I’m lucky I live in Arizona. Yeah. So it, you know, it can be hot, but I, I’m just usually like, you know, either round the kids up, I’m like, get in the wagon. I’m dragging you down the street for a five minute walk or Oh yeah. Get in the backyard and you know, let’s do something in the garden or let’s, you know, feed our tortoises or just finding something, um, to do outdoors for just a
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Few. Oh, feed the tortoises.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
<laugh>. Yeah. So for just a few minutes. That’s
Speaker 2 (22:42):
So cute.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
Um, just something to distract them, especially if they’ve had a rough day. You know, we don’t know. Kids come to us with their emotions. Right. And we’re might be not always ready to like take on their emotions mm-hmm. <affirmative>, but we’re the one that gets them as the mom.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
Yeah, for
Speaker 3 (22:57):
Sure. And emotional regulation is tough for kids and it’s tough for us too. Emotional regulation is, and for us Yeah. A struggle. Yeah. So I’m like, I’m already, if I’m already feeling anxious or if I’ve had a really busy day, I’m maybe not always ready to take on their emotional energy that they’ve brought home. So for me being like, Okay, I’m feeling this way, you’re feeling this way, let’s do something different. Even throwing on like the kid yoga on YouTube or something, you know, just getting them moving also.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Oh yes. And I, I think a change of scenery goes a long way for our mental health and for our kids. Like just literally getting out of the kitchen, getting out of the family room, wherever they’re watching iPads or whatever they’re doing, go somewhere else even for you. Like if you’re having a hard, hard time in that witching hour change of scenery, I think that’s huge. And I think it’s often overlooked because it doesn’t feel like it would make a big difference, but for me it definitely does.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
I would agree. I think yeah, definitely a change of scenery,
Speaker 2 (23:57):
<laugh>. Yeah. And so what about your husband? If you’re comfortable talking about like Sure. Is he still drinking? How it, how has your sobriety affected your marriage?
Speaker 3 (24:05):
You know, my husband was not willing to give up alcohol, but he doesn’t drink, um, an amount that I feel is concerning to me. Yeah. In terms of, you know, maybe a drink or two a day if he’s cooking dinner or going out with friends. But I don’t, as a, from a health professional perspective, I always am sort of nagging him like, you know, maybe you don’t need those two drinks a day. Like Yeah. So I’ve encouraged him, obviously maybe to do some different stress deduction. I’ve actually had success getting him back in the gym and you know, getting him out running a little bit.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Oh, that’s great.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
So he has made some changes and I do see that he’s not drinking with dinner daily. And I appreciate that. But I think sometimes when you’re dealing with, you know, wanting to encourage people not to drink as much or as often, it’s really tricky because you can come across as being kind of a, I don’t know, know it all or Right. Like, Oh, you’re better than me cuz you don’t drink. Yeah. And that’s really, he would tease me about that sometimes in a, in a way that I’m like, I understand like, not everybody is going to appreciate the health benefits of not drinking. Um, same way that mo some people still drink, drink their leader of soda a day. Right,
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Right, right. I
Speaker 3 (25:20):
Mean, we all know that soda’s, not, soda’s not great for us, but like some people are like, eh, so he gets it. But I think he’s gonna do his own thing and I have to respect that. I think if it was more triggering, he would tone it back more.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
Right. That makes sense. And I, I think the most important thing is you finding what’s comfortable for you. Like you decided, you know, it’s kind of like what I, with my husband, he does still drink. He knows that my boundary is two drinks and if for some reason he’s gonna have more than that, we, we discuss it. Like it’s never, I don’t ever want it to be like a surprise because then that’s triggering, uh, in different ways. And so yeah. It’s, it’s finding what’s comfortable for you and then really having a, a nonjudgmental talk about it, which can be hard because I think you’re right. I think sometimes we do come across, you know, as someone who drinks their, they’re gonna defend their drinking. Right? Yeah. That’s the first place they go is they’re gonna defend it because it’s like, No, I don’t have a problem. So yeah, it, it takes, it takes a lot I think to set the ego aside and, and, and set set boundaries, which it sounds like you did. So that’s awesome.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
And I think she’s been, you know, respectful of that, but at times pushes the boundaries. So I have to kind of yeah. Um, hold my own boundary that, but he doesn’t ever ask me to drink or push me to drink. So I think that’s where in lie, that boundary, he knows like, Okay, I’m not gonna ask her to drink with me. That kind of thing. So as long as that boundary is upheld, then I’m okay with him having his drink. And same with other family members. There’s no one, people really don’t offer me drinks anymore. And if they do like a friend and I say, No, I’m good today, it’s really ends there. Which is nice. There’s not a lot of like, Oh, come on.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Like, Yeah, yeah. That is nice.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
You, you, you haven’t drank it so long. Like Right. So really surrounding yourself by people who are gonna respect your boundaries has been a huge thing for
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Me. Definitely.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
And I think for anybody, wherever they’re at in their journey, they have to find those people, the right people to support that.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Yeah. I think that’s with everything, not just sobriety. I mean, Oh yeah. If you have people who aren’t respecting this like huge thing in your life, then what else are they not respecting? And I think that that’s, that can be a hard question and a hard, a hard realization to come to. But it makes a huge difference to have support in sobriety. I think it’s, it’s monumental. Okay. The last question. What is number one in your sobriety toolbox?
Speaker 3 (27:46):
Number one. Okay. So I would say probably physical activity. It’s the number one thing that we don’t utilize. Right. As a society for depression, for anxiety, which is rare. A lot of our need or desire for alcohol stems from we get kind of feeling sad or Yeah. Our mood is not great or we’re feeling anxious about something. Move your body. Like that’s what I was my Yeah. Yeah. That’s it. I mean, instead of going happy hour, I’m like, Hey, let’s go for a walk. Take our kids, grab ’em, let’s go walk around the park. There’s other ways to socialize with people other than happy hour and drinking alcohol basically. And once I came to realize that, like, yes, if I invite someone and they’re like, No, I’d rather be at the bar. I’m like, then that person’s not for me.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
Right.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Especially with mom friends. Cause I feel like we are modeling the behavior for our children. So if we’re demonstrating that like we have alternative coping mechanisms for our kids, like meeting up with another mom and you could vent. Right. You can vent without alcohol.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
<laugh>. Yes. Oh my god. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
<laugh>. You can let the kids run crazy in the backyard and you can sit and you can vent. You can make a mocktail if you want. Or I know people have gotten into the CBD drinks mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, I’ve, you know mm-hmm. <affirmative> tested those. And those are effective at being relaxing as well. Obviously don’t have those addicting qualities like alcohol or negative effects. So maybe people find mm-hmm. <affirmative> an alternative or tea that’s another go-to like connecting over physical movement. Yes. Or like, Hey, let’s go for a walk and then let’s have a cup of tea on the patio or have a CBD mocktail or something. So just finding those alternative and the people that are willing to do that. Yes. I’ve been really fortunate to find those people pretty easily. And I know some people aren’t, you know, as lucky. So it’s really just putting yourself out there and finding people in your community that, you know, are in a similar place. And sometimes it takes a little time to find those people, I think.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Yeah. No, I think that that’s great. Yeah. I, I think if your people want to go drink, then they’re probably not your people and that’s okay. I mean, if they don’t wanna meet you where you’re at in sobriety, that might change. You know, maybe they’ll come back around. So. Yeah. Well, I, I love this talk so much. I, I wish, you know, I always wish I could just talk to everybody all the time forever. Cause I could talk about this stuff all the time. Yeah. Is there anything else that you wanna share or anything else that, that we missed?
Speaker 3 (30:17):
Um, no. I mean, I just really appreciate what you’re doing from the perspective of that you don’t have to be rock bottom addicted to alcohol. It’s ruining my finances and my marriage and my relationship with my kids to be sober. Yeah. That’s the big, that’s the biggest thing that resonates with me really, is that I feel like there’s such a push to like, if you don’t have this rock bottom, then why not drink? And I’m like, yeah, not everybody needs to hit a rock bottom to see that there’s benefits to not drinking.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Right. Yeah. I like that you said benefits of, of not drinking too, because you still reap the benefits of not drinking even if you didn’t have a quote unquote drinking problem. Absolutely. There are still so many benefits that you will find in sobriety. I think that’s huge. Well, thank you so much. Thank you so much. I loved this first conversation. It will continue. I’m sure you guys come and join us on the Sober Mom Life group on Facebook. We have all of these. Don’t you just love that group? I love it. It’s
Speaker 3 (31:21):
Great. Yeah. I
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Love, we have these conversations all the time, like all throughout the day. I love the check-ins of just, it’s just all of these sobriety stories and check-ins and support and it’s just a light. So I’m so glad you’re there and thank you. Thank you, Jamie. All
Speaker 3 (31:35):
Right. Yeah. Thanks so much. It was great to talk to you. Thanks.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of The Sober Mom Life. If you loved it, please rate and review it wherever you listen. Five stars is amazing. Also, follow me on Instagram at the sober mom life. Okay, I’ll see you next week. I’m gonna go reheat my coffee. Bye.
