Casey was always a “good girl” growing up. When she went away to college she continued to be a straight “A” student, but she also ended up taking a crash course in drinking. Alcohol became an increasing part of her life as she built a successful career and started a family. Year after year, she became more dependent until she finally sought the help of a sobriety coach to stop.
Today, Casey is a Certified Life Coach and a Master Practitioner in Core Energy leadership. She is passionate about helping other successful women reevaluate their relationship with alcohol. .
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I wish more people would listen to our podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I know. I feel like this is why we need to do an ad. So this is an ad for brand new information, a pop culture and political podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
We’re a couple Gen Xers who talk about pop culture and political stuff on the brand new information pop culture and political podcast.
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Okay. But we’re not a couple we’re siblings. It sounded like you said we’re a couple <laugh>. That was so gross. No, we’re siblings. That’s my brother. I’m his sister. Listen to us wherever you get your podcasts.
Hi. Welcome to the Sober Mom Life podcast. I’m your host Suzanne of my kind of suite and the sober mom life on Instagram. If you are a mama who has questioned your relationship with alcohol at times, if you’re wondering if maybe it’s making motherhood harder, this is for you. I will be having candid, honest, funny conversations with other moms who have also thought, Hmm, maybe motherhood is better without alcohol. Is it possible? We’ll chat and we’ll talk about all things sobriety and how we’ve found freedom in sobriety. I don’t consider myself an alcoholic. You don’t have to either. And maybe life is brighter without alcohol. I hope you will join us on this journey and I am so excited to get started.
Hi, sober and sober. Curious moms, I am so glad you’re here today. I am speaking with Casey. A Hello Someday podcast. You know, it’s funny because a few of the moms in our sober mom life Facebook group mentioned the Hello Someday podcast and that’s how I came to be aware of Casey and everything She’s doing. All of the awesome sober tips and coaching and inspiration. I think you guys will love this episode. We talk a lot about motherhood and being new moms, just how damn hard it is. And that of course, moms turn to alcohol because it’s so hard and we are taught that alcohol will help. So I think you guys will really enjoy Casey’s story, um, and everything she’s doing for the sober community is so inspiring. Um, yeah, I I just loved this talk so much. So I hope you enjoy this episode with Casey. Okay. My guest today is Casey from Hello, Someday. I’m so glad you’re here. Yeah, I’m so glad to be here. It’s really nice to meet you. We were just talking about like a lot of the people I’ve had on so far, I’ve, you know, followed them for a long time. We’ve kind of connected online and you and I are like new friends online, so this feels really special. It’s like we are really meeting for the first time right now.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
Yeah. It is fun. I mean, one of the things I love about podcasting is meeting other cool women on the sober path. Yeah. I mean, I think you have an instant connection with people who’ve decided that alcohol isn’t working. So
Speaker 2 (03:18):
I think so too. It, it does feel like we’re kind of taking over the world, doesn’t it feel <laugh>? Yes.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
It feels like, oh my God, there is a huge sober curious movement and I love it.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Yeah, it really is. It feels like this is something, I know you and I were just talking about, like how podcasting, it’s gaining steam, like your podcast Hello Someday. Which I love that name by the way. That’s brilliant. Yeah. You’ve been, you’ve been doing this for a while. You’ve two and a half years you said, right? So you’ve been in this
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Yeah, I’m on like episode 130, which is Wow. Amazing to me.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
That’s, And, and it, it’s still just as fun cuz I’m having fun doing this, but I think we’re on episode what, like 12, 13, 14? I don’t even know.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Oh my gosh. Yeah. It’s so fun because the coolest thing about it, I mean, a, I feel like I get free therapy every week. Totally. My podcast is a coaching approach. I’m a sober coach, so I bring on a lot of coaches and authors and experts on different topics like yes, relationships and perfectionism and anxiety and burnout, but also your first year sober and how to quit drinking and the fears women have. And so, you know, I just literally, people who I’m interested in, I or I read their books and I love it. I just get to reach out to them Yeah. And be, and have an hour long conversation. And I mean, it’s amazing.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
I know that’s so true that you just get to connect like that. This is what we get to do all the time. We just get to talk and we get to talk with interesting people and then we just get to learn all this stuff about sobriety and life and women and I, I just get inspired over and over and over. So I love
Speaker 3 (04:57):
It. I just interviewed someone who’s amazing on boundaries and I literally was trying to get her, which I did a free therapy session on, like, so this is what’s going on with my husband and his job. Yeah. And I wanna do this. And she was like, Yes. Giving me all the like tough love that I needed, you
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Know? Good. Yeah. Yeah. That’s good. Okay, well I need to listen to that episode because boundaries are, especially in sobriety, I think they’re essential, but they’re tough. Ooh, boundaries are tough. Yes. Um, okay, so I wanna talk about all of everything you’ve done in sobriety, but first let’s go back and let’s talk about alcohol and your relationship with alcohol. So tell us a little bit just about you and then about your drinking story.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
You know, I always was a big drinker. I didn’t drink in high school because I went to a boarding school and my parents actually lived overseas. They were in Brazil and Africa. There are diplomats in the foreign service. Oh wow. So I was a, a really good girl cuz I was like constantly trying to please my parents cuz they were not around that much. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And then also like at my boarding school, you know, a lot of the kids did drink. Um, they were, you know, sort of rebels and all that kind of stuff, but I thought if I got suspended I literally would have nowhere to go, you know.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Oh, wow. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
And the government was paying for my boarding school and so I was just like, I am not gonna do
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Anything. You had to be on the straight and narrow. Yeah,
Speaker 3 (06:28):
Absolutely. And so I got to college, I went to a small liberal arts school in Maine and all of a sudden I was like, this is the answer. Right. Because I got there and I, I’d moved so many times. I was like, I have two weeks to meet everyone and become friends with everyone. Like I was driven like the movie Animal House. Have you ever seen that?
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Yes. Oh my God.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Were the guys going in and he is like shaking everyone’s hand and he is like, Hey, I’m Casey Davidson, I’m glad to meet you. Like, that was me. I was on a mission.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Yeah, you were like the mayor.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
Yes. And I love, you know, started going to these keg parties and I was like, this is amazing. Like,
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Totally like animal house.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
I was extroverted. Oh my God. I was like moving everyone. I had great conversations. I didn’t remember them all, but that’s, you know, that was just part of the process.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Speaker 3 (07:21):
And then I joined the women’s rugby team. I’d played sports all through high school. Oh wow. But I didn’t wanna do the like 6:00 AM wake ups and all that stuff for like an actual field hockey or lacrosse team in college. Yeah. So rugby was amazing and like a crash course in problematic drinking.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Wow. Okay. Tell me about that. Cause I don’t know anything about rugby. Like what is, is the culture just like binge drinking?
Speaker 3 (07:45):
So it is over the top. Um, basically what you do is you play a game.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
Speaker 3 (07:51):
And then the women’s teams. And the men’s teams, if they there all four teams come together and have a huge ritualized drinking party where there are literally songs that you sing. And I’m talking like 20 songs that in retrospect are total rape culture and like not okay.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Oh my god. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
But you know, if you held your drink in your right hand versus your left hand, they would just chant at you and you would have to chug it. If you scored a point you had to chug out of a muddy cleat. Oh my god. <laugh> There were songs where like the boys would get naked and you’d pour beer all over ’em at the end of the thing.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Okay, well that sounds fun though.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
<laugh>, right? Like <laugh> it was, you know, the goal, you know, this was a thing where you got celebrated for booting and rallying, which is puking and then drinking again. Oh. So I learned how to drink and I learned that it was really fun. Like keg stands the whole deal.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Yeah. I’m from the Midwest so I feel like this is like a little bit like I, I familiar. I can relate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Well and the crazy thing is I’m like a straight A girl, you know, like I am a good girl, which yeah. I think is what appealed to me. Cuz I got outta my head. I stopped being hypervigilant, I stopped worrying about what people thought. Totally. And I still like did God’s straight A’s in college. Like it was good.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Yeah. Cuz you can rally when you’re like, when you’re like 20, like a hangover doesn’t is nothing you can rally. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
Yeah. And everyone else is drunk too, so they’re just like, Oh my God, that was so funny.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Exactly. And nothing really bad happened to me. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, it was a small community. I think I was incredibly lucky. I didn’t really, other than some truly brutal hangovers didn’t have any negative experiences. And so went on to my first job and I was, uh, very, very stressed. I happened to work in the consulting world. I, my first assignment was like calling Germany in the middle of the night about air purification respirators. Oh wow. Cause I’d like put on my, this is probably too much information I’d put on my resume that I speak German. I stopped taking it freshman here in college. <laugh>. I just, you know, when you’re writing your resume after college and you have nothing there Totally.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
You’re like, I’m German speaking adjacent. That’s fine. I,
Speaker 3 (10:09):
You do not know how bad my imposter syndrome was. I mean that’s, so I literally didn’t really speak German <laugh> and um, I didn’t wanna fail. And so, you know, drinking a bottle of wine a night alone in my basement apartment mm-hmm. <affirmative> was somehow a thing. Right. I was lonely. I didn’t have all my friends. My dad got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, um, that year and told he had six months to live. I mean, which he ended up living for six more years. But it was, Oh wow. It was a really stressful time. I desperately wanted to quit my job and go home and my mom told me no. And so I switched from like chugging beer to like going out for cocktails and dancing with my 20 year old friends. And then we moved out to Seattle. I met my boyfriend in the consulting firm. We lived on a floating home on Lake Union, like total sleepless in Seattle.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Oh my God.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
It was so romantic and awesome. And so we used to bring a six pad a beer out in our kayaks every night and have dinner parties with friends who also lived on floating homes and then get drunk in kayak home. Like,
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Okay. Is that what they’re called floating homes? Like is that like a houseboat, is that like the same thing or not?
Speaker 3 (11:24):
Well, they’re houseboats that you have a motor that you can actually drive, which get a little tippy. And then we lived on floating homes where they’re whole communities on docks where you’re on logs.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Okay. So you’re not, you can’t like drive, you can
Speaker 3 (11:37):
House drive it.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Okay. Okay. But it’s still in water. Wow.
Speaker 3 (11:41):
Which is way better. Um, not being able to drive it.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
For sure. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That sounds amazing.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
Yeah. So it was romantic, it was fun. I was drinking every night and then it just transitions. Right. You have work stress and you drank at happy hour or lunch breaks with your coworkers and Yeah. You, you know, have dinner parties with all your friends before you have kids with like two bottles of wine for every person. And then had kids and I got totally absorbed in the mom wine culture because I no, no longer had the ability to do all the things that was sort of mitigating my drinking throughout my twenties. I no longer went to Pilates. I no longer took guitar lessons. I no longer went to the workouts cuz I was just Yes. Worked. Picked up kid at daycare, come home. It’s humbling. It’s exhausting. Yeah. It’s, they’re adorable. But like, I loved my son most when he was snapping, you
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Know, so damn hard. Oh God. Yeah. Especially those early years of having like, if anyone’s in those, those early years, even my youngest is three now and it’s, it’s like we’re kind of just getting out of that. Like now I am able to do some things for me and just, How
Speaker 3 (12:57):
Many kids do you
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Have? I have three. So I have 8, 8, 5 and three. He just turned three.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
I have 14 and eight. Oh wow. They’re out of the hard
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Part. Yeah, you’re out of
Speaker 3 (13:08):
It. Which is amazing. Except for my 14 year old son who was like my little sweet little whatever is now 14 and six foot and he, oh
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Speaker 3 (13:17):
God. You know, he’s bench pressing every night. He’s still sweet, but I’m just like, like literally I have to beg him to cuddle wee. Like we negotiate. Like you don’t have to go to the grocery store with me if I get significant cuddle time. He’s like, Fine mom. <laugh>
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Fine, I’ll cuddle you. He like holds you. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
And he like puts his elbow on top of my head. I’m like, God,
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Oh my God, I see my future. Just wait, see it. I know. But I feel like it’s those early days of motherhood, those early years of motherhood, you’re just trying to survive. Yes. Like that’s all you’re doing.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Yes. It’s so hard. And I, you know, when I was an early mom, I completely bought in to the mom wine culture. Like literally there were these books back in the day that were called Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay and Nap Time is the New Happy Hour. And they were written by this woman, Stephanie Wilder Taylor, who was a comedian. Okay. And this was her shtick. Right. Mom, wine culture. And then this is actually part of my story. My son was six months old. Like I used to buy these books, I gifted them to my girlfriend. I was like, Yep, she’s still cool. She’s still a badass.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Right. I still got it. She’s
Speaker 3 (14:32):
Still fun, Mom. Life is hard. And then I was down in my office, um, when he was like six months old and getting a coffee and on the cover, and I can’t remember if it was the New York Times or the USA Today was an article and it was heroin of mommy Cocktail Hour gets sober and it was her, it was about her really. And I bought the newspaper like surreptitiously. Right. I went up into my office and it basically was about her and her books and she put it on her blog and she’s so brave. Literally the, the Monday after the Friday night that she decided was her last night, she basically was like, I have a problem with Al alcohol and I need to stop drinking.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Wow. And she was the one who, I mean, I mean that makes sense, Right?
Speaker 3 (15:22):
She literally still had a book coming out about oh my god, drinking. Wow. You know, like next. Yeah. And I read it and then I went to her blog and clearly it resonated with me. I was worried about my drinking. And I don’t think any woman who drinks too much is not in some way worried trying to moderate, trying to get a handle on it. You’re not telling anyone about it. You’re not talking about it out loud. Right. But if you’re waking up at 3:00 AM there is no question that you’re not oblivious. If you’re listening to this podcast, you’re not like, Yeah. Oh it’s all good. You know,
Speaker 2 (16:01):
<laugh>, that is something that has resonated with me with everyone that I’ve talked to who found herself drinking too much. She knew it. Oh yeah. Somewhere deep inside. Like we know, even if, like in, in my case it wasn’t, I, you know, I, I had periods of drinking too much and then at the end when I stopped, I, I wasn’t. But it, you still know if your relationship with alcohol is troubling to you. Yes. Whatever that means. Like you just know. Yeah. And so you knew and so then you read that and
Speaker 3 (16:33):
You, I knew I kept that. I mean I was so far in fear and denial. I copied the article offline. I put it in a word doc, I titled it something else. Okay. And then I wrote myself a note being like, I think I have a problem with alcohol. I need to stop drinking. You know, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah. That was Tuesday. On Thursday I came back over the top of the exact same word document. It’s like just kidding. Nothing to see
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Here. Right, right, right. Like, nope, take it back. I take it back.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
I obviously don’t have a problem.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
<laugh>. Yeah. What was I thinking?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
I just overreacted that article. Yeah. And so held onto that red drinking a love story like on my
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Kindle. Oh my God, that’s so good.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
The first paragraph I was like Jesus Christ, this is me. Cuz I love drinking so much. On the cover is a glass of red wine. Yeah. I read it while drinking red wine. Yeah, of course. And I would on my Kindle, like read the book and then open up six other books afterwards so it would like push it down in my Kindle queue. Yeah. So like if my husband randomly picked up my Kindle, he wouldn’t see it. I mean clearly I was paranoid. Yeah. And yet no one would’ve known I was playing it off. I was having the best time. I was pushing other people to drink and holding it together like nobody would know.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Yeah. And they thought you were Yeah. The good time girl. Right.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
So as things went on, I used to like walk into the office on, on the morning and grab my Starbucks like breakfast sandwich because I had a brutal hangover and walk in and be like, I need to get my shit together. Do I actually, you know, this was back in the day when I thought it, it was black and white when I thought you were quote unquote an alcoholic or you were not. Yeah. And I desperately didn’t wanna be in that category so I was like, am I actually an alcoholic or do I just abuse a alcohol? Cause if I just abuse it, like I can get a handle
Speaker 2 (18:29):
On that. Yeah. You’re like, well we can work with that but I can’t be an alcoholic.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Right. And then I went back to Stephanie Wilder Taylor’s blog and she was actually the founder of one of my absolute favorite, I’m still a member private secret, not drinking groups called the Bfb, the Booze Free Brigade. Oh. I have a guide on my site on how to find it. Oh
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Speaker 3 (18:50):
Awesome. Cause it’s hard to find, but amazing. And you know, she had a blog that she put out every Friday called Don’t Get Drunk Fridays. And this was nine years ago. Yeah. I’m six and a half years sober. If that tells you how long it takes. Right. It helped me. It was store, you know, this is before podcasts like yours or mine. Right. And it was all these women just like me telling their stories. So I joined the group and I tried to take a break and I did about four months and then I got pregnant. Okay. And so when a year alcohol free, but I was sort of like sliding back, like doing that slow slide back from like again. Uh, it was situational. Right. I can handle it now. I’m better. You know, I’ll just have two glasses on a date night in no time at all.
I was back to a bottle of wine a night, 365. Okay. Waking up telling myself to get myself together promising I wouldn’t drink. It took me 22 months to stop again. Okay. And when I did, I didn’t know it was gonna be my last time, but I was worried about my drinking. Like for real. I was like, I am gonna screw up my life and my marriage and my kids and my health and it’s gonna be my own fault. Mm. And I felt like I couldn’t cope with my job. I felt like resentful and angry. Which is crazy cuz I had a really good life. Still do. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I knew it was the alcohol because it had gotten me to that breaking point twice. So I knew it wasn’t situational. Yeah. I knew it wasn’t my job. My boss, my husband, I knew it was the alcohol.
And so I hired a sober coach. Okay. Which is kind of why I’m a sober coach now. Yeah. And you know, signed up for a hundred day challenge. I couldn’t get past day four at that point. And she literally held my hand through my first weekend, my first work happy hour and my first date night. And when I, I was bored. And when my two year old, I quit when my daughter was 22 months old, was screaming. Yes. And when I randomly had 45 minutes after a photo shoot and thought about going to a bar, which I was like, what am I doing? I’m not drinking. I went to Alta instead and bought like all the makeup. Yeah. You know, which probably was the same amount of money as like drinking that week.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Way better. <laugh>.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
Yeah. And then I just took it, you know, went to a hundred days, felt so much better, you know. Yeah. Was working out again, Ran a 10 k, wasn’t hungover, felt happier. And then I was like, all right, I’m gonna go to six months. Okay. And I, during those six months I went to Italy in Croatia with my family, which I mean I’m a red wine girl, I didn’t drink in Venice. Yeah. And then I had my 40th birthday. Those were like the two big things that I didn’t drink through that. Yeah. And then I was like, I think I’m done. I think I’m done.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
I feel like that makes sense though. Like you made it through, it’s almost a blessing in disguise that you went to Italy so early on in your sobriety because if you could do that, like that’s the mecca of the alcohol you loved.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
Yeah. And what works for me in that process was really focusing not on, oh my god, I’m a teenager who’s grounded and lost my car keys because I drank too much. You know? Right. But this is an experiment. I’m curious mm-hmm. <affirmative> and just constantly re doing the sort of split screen of if I was drinking or if I’m not. Like cuz clearly you’re missing out on some drinking highlights. Right. Like there’s no question. Right. That parts of it are hard. A lot of it is really better. You know, I no longer Right. Put on my makeup an eyeliner hating looking in my bloodshot, watery eyes. Right. I no longer woke up at 3:00 AM I mean, sober sleep is amazing. Amazing. I didn’t get boozy drunk on wine in Italy, which is hard. And I woke up at 7:00 AM before anyone else did and went walking on the canals doing amazing photography before it came alive. I mean yeah. The difference is incredible and a lot of it is really good. And I think that what shifts people from doing this in a really positive and empowering way versus being sad about it.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Yeah. And like deprived. Right.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
Having internal shame is being like, oh my god, Yes. This part was hard. Going to the barbecue was hard, but after 20 minutes, once I had a drink in my hand, once everybody kind of settled in these four things were better. You know? Totally.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
I, I do think the idea of a sober or an alcohol free party or holiday or vacation, I think the idea of it is really so much scarier than the actual doing it and the actual being there. Yeah. And yeah, that doesn’t mean it’s like all joyful and that it’s not hard at some points, but I think that you can’t feel that joy in the hypothetical sense when you’re thinking about it. Yeah. When you’re, when you’re kind of thinking about, oh God, what is this, you know, Thanksgiving sober, what is that gonna be like? Yeah. Like, and you kind of think of it in a lens of depriving yourself of alcohol, but when you’re in it Yeah. There’s so much good there.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
Yeah. And I mean I think being realistic about the good and the bad Yeah. Is really helpful. I remember my first Christmas Eve was incredibly hard to not drink. I mean I, you know, you’re lovely dinner and there’s a bottle of red wine on the table, which by the way now I’m like, fuck that. There’s no wine in my Christmas dinner. But the, I was trying to be cool. Yeah. And it was really hard, but a couple years before I had drank so much on Christmas Eve that I don’t even remember going to bed. And I woke up the next morning with my kids so young and so excited and waking us up and I had not filled the stockings like my husband had. Oh, okay. But he only had like a quarter of the stash. Right. Because I filled his stockings and I was the one Right. Who had grabbed all the stuff for the kids and had hidden it away so they wouldn’t find it and he couldn’t wake me up. So I went downstairs, hung over. My stocking was full cuz he did that one. The kids were like a quarter full at best and my husband’s was empty.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Speaker 3 (25:33):
And that shame so brutal. And it’s not, I wasn’t drunk driving none of that. But like Right. So many little, and that one I consider somewhat big cuts, you know, it’s like death of a thousand cuts.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Yeah. I think so many of us, especially moms, can relate to that shame of that’s not you and that’s not the mom you are. Yeah. Or the mom you were. Right. Like you would’ve never done that if not for the alcohol.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
Yeah. And I still like one thing, it’s like I wasn’t a bad mom, I was a great mom and I got drunk.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Right. And it was, it was alcohol
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Things slipped like little things and big things. Yeah. And I was making my life so much harder than it needed to be. And I was just in complete denial about the fact that alcohol was hurting me rather than helping me.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Yeah, yeah. Of course. Because we’re, we’re taught, we’re taught that alcohol helps everything. Yeah. That alcohol helps motherhood, that alcohol, e everything. If you have a problem turn to alcohol. Yeah. And it’s like of, of course that’s what we thought. Especially this mommy wine culture. Like you even, even back then the mommy wine culture was like in full swing. Oh
Speaker 3 (26:52):
My god. It was huge. It was huge. Oh. And I was like on board, I was like driving the boat. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Because it helps excuse everything. It’s like, oh well I’m not alone in this first of all. Yeah. And like, oh other people are doing this too and oh this must help. Yeah. Because otherwise why would they be telling us that
Speaker 3 (27:12):
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Speaker 3 (27:13):
It’s like, no, nobody talks about that. You go from this completely independent woman to really not being independent at all. Yeah. You know, you have to almost ask permission from your husband to do something on your own because this child needs care. So if you’re not gonna be there, someone else needs to. And it’s sort of, you wanna rebel against that and that is human.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Yeah. It’s like it’s soul crushing. Yeah, it is. And it really is a fight to carve out time to find yourself again. Cuz you’re overnight, you’re different. Yeah. Overnight from before you were a mom to then becoming a mom. You are a different person but yet your needs are the same. I mean, you still need everything that you needed before that baby came. And so I always joke with my husband, it’s like, I’m like, do you know that you could just like, you just come home with a haircut? Yes. Like you, you go to work and like somewhere in there you get a haircut and then you come home and your hair is cut <laugh>. And I’m like, what does that feel like? Yes. I have to move heaven and earth to get a hair, my hair cut in collar. Yes.
Speaker 3 (28:29):
<laugh>. No completely. I mean I remember at one point my husband came home with a latte for himself and I like almost lost my shit. Oh my god. My favorite story And he hates this story. So I, before, before I had my first child, never would’ve let this happen. Second child. I was like, oh hell. To the no again trying to be cool. Right. Which trying to be like relaxed about it all. Like I’m not that mom. Right. Yeah. Who has like the sign on the doorbell, like I’m not that mom. So no offense to the moms who do that. You’re smart now. I’m like, you got it. Take that damn baby. Yeah. My husband had a fishing trip, like an annual fishing trip for a week that I told him it was okay to go on six weeks after my first kid was born. Oh my God. My sister came to help me and you know, he was 32 so they, they drank, they were in the hot tub, you know, five guys
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Living it up.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
Yeah. I told, you know, he was telling me about this and I was like, if you come home fucking tired and tell me you’re tired, I’m gonna kill you. Literally kill you. My god. Because like you were taking this baby. I love him but you’re taking him.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
Speaker 3 (29:42):
Yes. And so picture this, he came home with hot tub folliculitis. Right. Which is like,
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Wait, well well I don’t even know what that is, but it sounds horrible.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
I need to look up what it is, but it’s like something you get skin thing from a hot tub that is not clean.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Speaker 3 (30:00):
No. And you know, I don’t know what it does, but he literally said to me, Okay, my son’s 14, I’m still pissed about this. Yeah. Do you have any idea how much a nipple can hurt? And I was like,
Speaker 2 (30:13):
And you have a six week old baby
Speaker 3 (30:16):
<laugh>. I had mastitis I, oh
Speaker 2 (30:20):
My gosh. One yes
Speaker 3 (30:20):
Mistake. My, no offense to well everyone that listens to this is a mom, right? Yeah. Yeah. Like my nipples were hard and bleeding and I literally was like, go fuck yourself. Like I was so angry. Oh
Speaker 2 (30:34):
God, of course I’m mad for you. Oh my God. Like I would even get mad at my husband if he said he was tired. I’m like, no, no, no. Fuck this. You are not tired. You don’t know what tired is unless you’re like getting up four times in the night to nurse a baby <laugh>. Like you can’t say you’re tired.
Speaker 3 (30:52):
Which who won’t latch. She won’t do. So like of course you’re gonna drink. He’s on a fucking vacation and you’re Yes. You know, I mean I used to do the like feed, have a glass of wine feed, you know, and then eventually pump and dump and whatever. But yeah, I was angry. I was resentful. Oh cool. You know, all the shit. It was humbling.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
I just think we should allow all moms to be resentful because we are, we are. Even if our husbands don’t come home with hot tub folliculitis. Right? Is that what it’s called? Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:25):
It’s crazy. Well, I told my girlfriend, she had a baby four months after me and I said, just so you know, and you can disagree with me or whatever, anyone listening, I said, Every woman wants to divorce her husband when her kid’s six months old. Six weeks old. <laugh>
Speaker 2 (31:40):
Speaker 3 (31:40):
Weeks. And she was like, That won’t happen to me. Maddie’s amazing, he’s wonderful, blah blah blah. And I was like, okay, just if it happens, it’s not
Speaker 2 (31:49):
No, it’s the normal. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:51):
You know, it’s normal. She called me at like six weeks. She had taken off with her baby to go to her parents in Arizona and she’s like, if I fucking knew I was gonna be a single mom, yada yada, yada <laugh>. And I was just like, Yeah. Right
Speaker 2 (32:05):
There it is. <laugh>. Yeah. Because I, I think it all comes down to us and Sure. Not 100% of it, but like most of it comes down to moms because I think it has to
Speaker 3 (32:19):
And a lot of times, like obviously moms get maternity leave and they stay home and oh my god, you need that? Oh yeah, you need that so much. But the assumption is, hey, I’m going to work so you stay up cuz I have to get a good night’s sleep. Like as if sitting in an office Right, Right. In a meeting is harder than being with an infant for a 10 hours straight.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
It’s so true. Which
Speaker 3 (32:42):
Is all to say like, yes of course we drank cuz we don’t, we aren’t getting what we need. Which is help and support and time to decompress and time to work out. Yeah. And understanding. Right. All those things you had to support your mental health before you had a kid. Yeah. Kind of go away and you’re just at the beck and call of someone who really needs you, but it’s like, oh my god, I can’t satisfy you ever.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
Yeah. It’s all so new and it’s so scary to be so in charge and Yeah. Of someone else. Like I said, my, my youngest is three and I’m just now feeling like my body is mine again. Yeah. You know, after being pregnant and nursing three babies and like, just like getting to know this new body again. Like what? All of it. I, I think we, we just have to normalize that motherhood is hard and it’s okay for us to complain and vent and say it fucking sucks sometimes. Yeah. You can say that in the same breath and love your child endlessly. Yeah. Like we can do both because we have to be able to.
Speaker 3 (33:50):
Yeah. And not only that, we need to stop being pushed to drink as a solution. Like the, the old joke is like, yes, the safest thing for a man to say when a woman is exhausted, angry, frustrated, whatever is here honey have a glass of wine. Right. I think of it like a pacifier that people tell us and that we tell ourselves to shut us up.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Oh my god. That’s so true. It is like a pacifier. It’s like, don’t feel just like focus on this escape in this and like, we’re only saying this because it doesn’t work. No. Like if it worked, if it actually like was an escape and was healthy and helped de-stress and helped, you know, help us sleep, help us like been great. Like Yes. But that’s the thing is it’s a trick. Like we’ve been tricked and so that’s always my, my thing is just to be like, Yeah you guys, if it worked, Yeah. Yeah. Guess what? It doesn’t, it actually makes all of this shit harder.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
It’s addictive. Like the substance is working as designed. You do go into withdrawal. Yeah. When you’re not drinking, you do feel worse. You do lower the dopamine in your brain so that you are not physically as happy, like chemically as happy as you would be if you didn’t drink. So it’s pushed on us. The substance works as designed and it increases your anxiety and messes of your sleep and, and we’re brainwashed to not discuss that that happens.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
Yeah. We’re brainwashed to think that we need to wait until we are Meg Ryan in when a man loves a woman. Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (35:35):
Speaker 2 (35:36):
When we’re just clearly losing it and, and we need to be to go somewhere. We need to wait till that until then. It’s not a problem. It’s like that’s, that’s not it. That is not it
Speaker 3 (35:47):
Anymore. Yeah. Well and that’s changing, which I love. That’s, I mean I do too. I love sober October. I love dry January. I love dry July. I love that. Yeah. Vogue UK wrote an article that started with has everybody stopped drinking and it was like, oh, all these ex boozers friends of mine are like going Tito for like ridiculously annoying reasons like saving their marriage and their health and you
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Know. Yeah. Why?
Speaker 3 (36:18):
I mean sarcastic. Right. Completely sarcastic. And she’s like, so I got peer pressured into not drinking and I’m like, that is incredible. Vog UK is talking about getting peer pressured into not drinking.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
Yeah. It’s a thing like this. This is a thing I, I feel it even like in my circles of moms just being like, Oh wait a second. Like this. I might be on to something here. When I say no to, to that glass of wine
Speaker 3 (36:44):
I love, like I’m always like soberist and new black, all the cool people <laugh> are not drinking anymore.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
It’s we’re making sober cool. Yeah. That’s the thing. It’s like rebellious and cool in a world where everyone drinks, let’s not Yeah. Let’s be cool and not drink. Okay. So tell me about your coaching because I’m always curious about like sober coaches. So you had a sober coach who helped you get sober, which then makes sense. You’re like, Yeah I wanna, You saw the power of that.
Speaker 3 (37:12):
Well you know, once you stopped drinking, you by definition do a lot of internal work. Like it just, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Speaker 3 (37:20):
Happens. Alcohol glosses over so many things that you just push down because you don’t wanna deal with it because women are conditioned not to have difficult emotions. Yeah. And it a thousand other reasons. So I stopped drinking and 60% of my life got better pretty quickly. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Right. My anxiety was down, I was happier, I was working out and then I was left with the shit underneath. Yeah. Which was at four months I had a serious anxiety, panic attack about work stuff. And I went to my doctor and I was like, I cannot go back to drinking, but I also can’t feel this way anymore. Like I feel like I’m the jump outta my skin. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And so I found a great therapist and I also got some medication that really helped. I am mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I am pro figuring out if you’ve been self-medicating. Oh you know.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
Oh yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:12):
Which a lot of women do. And so I did a neurotherapy and oh my god, it helped so much and at the end of it I kind of figured out that I’d been a square peg in a round hole for 20 years in the corporate world. Like
Speaker 2 (38:26):
Speaker 3 (38:27):
Yeah, I was a gold star girl. I climbed the corporate ladder. I, you know, hyper-vigilant, afraid of disappointing people, really like the security of the big salary and the ego and yet it stressed me out. Yeah. And I didn’t love it. And every time they wanted to promote me, I like had this visceral reaction like, Oh my god no. But I had a lot of limiting beliefs about could I make money and I’m the breadwinner, my husband works in education and you know, all these things. And my therapist helped me work through that. And she was like, I had a sober coach. She was like, You should be a coach. And I was like, you know, I’m in the sober world. I was like, Oh my god, everybody’s fucking coach. There are a million coaches out there. Like, and she was like, nobody is a sober coach.
She was like, I have seven women who work at Microsoft and Amazon. I live in Seattle. Okay. Who I would refer to you tomorrow if you got certified. Wow. And qualified and all that stuff. She’s like, cuz I see them 50 minutes once a week. Yeah. And they will not go to aa. And she’s like, I completely support that. That is not for everyone. You know, she was so supportive of the model that I went through, which was online courses and Yeah. Sober coaching and support groups that didn’t label you and looking at it as a health choice. So she was like, these women all drink too much. Way too much. Yeah. And seeing me for 50 minutes once a week is not, is not that. And so she held my hand step by step. I went back to a big coaching school. Um, I did it for nine months. I actually didn’t originally wanna coach sober cuz I didn’t want to define my life. I was like, yes, I quit drinking that’s here. But I am so much more than that. Yeah. I’m sure. I also had some hesitation. Shame didn’t want everyone to know. And I started coaching basically 40 year old corporate women with kids who were dissatisfied with their life and thought they’d be happier. Which basically is every woman I knew, you know <laugh>. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
I’m like oh that narrows it down <laugh>.
Speaker 3 (40:33):
And I found that a couple people sought me out because they knew I’d quit drinking and they were worried about their drinking. Yeah. And then I coached a bunch of other women who were like, I wanna change my job or I wanna lose weight or I wanna do X, Y, z. I found that coaching women, high-achieving women, cause that’s just mm-hmm. <affirmative> what I’m sort of qualified to do, who needed to stop drinking were so gratifying. And it was so much fun because there is this presenting problem, which is you drink too much. I feel like these women like me and like you we’re like trying to run a marathon with a ball and chain tied to their ankle. Hmm. Yeah. I hate where we think that we don’t have willpower or you know, motivation when we drink too much. Cuz do you know how hard it is to hold your life together when you’re constantly like drinking and hungover? So you remove that for sure. And by the process of removing that, you have to get honest about everything. Your marriage, your work, your fears, your self-esteem
Speaker 2 (41:35):
And your drinking past. Like that’s what really came up for me. The stuff that I didn’t, that I was like, oh, holy shit.
Speaker 3 (41:42):
And so what I found was when I coached women with other things, there was still this level of posturing. They didn’t wanna talk about the stuff. They wanted to be like, I think this is my problem, let’s solve this problem versus mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, I drink because when I don’t, I have to deal with the state of my marriage or I drink because yeah. I don’t like my job and yet I’m terrified to leave it or whatever it is. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And once you get to, cuz those are all triggers, you dig into them and then they go along their way happily. And, you know, it’s not that you don’t need support, it’s not all that stuff, but I figured out that sober coaching was something I’d love to do and I did all that stuff in my free time. So I started doing that and it’s been amazing.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
That’s incredible. And it’s not a surprise because that, like you, you were those women, you were that like high-achieving, like Yeah. Like you said, like you climbed the corporate ladder, you were an a plus student, like everything like that. But there, alcohol was the problem. I I think that that’s so common too. It’s not these like
Speaker 3 (42:55):
Speaker 2 (42:56):
Bottom Yeah. It’s not these losers. Right. And it’s now losers who are, it’s, it’s the high achieving, high functioning women who feel so much pressure to keep everything together and to, you know, not let their cards show. Yeah. And, and to achieve. And it’s just like, you can’t, you can’t, something’s gotta give. And a lot of times it is their mental health.
Speaker 3 (43:22):
I used to be like, the way I’m drinking is unsustainable. I knew that. And what really helped me Yeah. Was, I mean, I knew it didn’t get better and I, my son was eight and I pictured, I sort of projected out 10 years in the future and I saw thought, okay, I’m drinking a bottle of wine a night. I’m not sometimes remem I mean it wasn’t every time, but I’m not remembering the end of shows. I’m waking up hungover. Yeah. Sometimes I’m quote unquote falling asleep on the couch and my husband can’t wake me up. What will it be like when he’s 18? Will he want to bring his friends home when he is a senior in high school? Mm. It doesn’t get better. And that to me was just like, all right. And like forget about what I’m doing in my own life and my own health and my own anxiety. Like I, Yeah. That to me was just like, what do, what do I wanna do with the next decade of my life? Do I wanna be standing at the bus stop shaky, wondering, not wanting other parents to look too closely at me.
Speaker 2 (44:24):
Yeah. You you gave alcohol a lot of years. Yeah. Right. And you saw like, okay, alcohol, you did your thing. Like I saw what you could do now. Let’s see what I can do without you. Yeah. Like I think that’s so that’s such an empowering thing to think about. Yeah. Like play, play out the tape. Like where does
Speaker 3 (44:42):
This lead? Yeah. And don’t you deserve more?
Speaker 2 (44:44):
Yes. So much more. So much more. And, and it’s so interesting that you don’t even realize that until you take the alcohol away.
Speaker 3 (44:53):
Have you read The Sober Diaries by Claire Pooley? Yes. I interviewed her.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
Is that, is she British?
Speaker 3 (44:59):
She’s British. She’s super funny. She also had three kids. She was in advertising for a bunch of years.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
Yes. Okay. I listened to it. I’m like, why does that sound familiar? Cause she’s
Speaker 3 (45:10):
Funny. She’s funny.
Speaker 2 (45:11):
Yeah. She’s so funny. Okay, so you interviewed her. That’s amazing.
Speaker 3 (45:14):
One thing she said really stuck with me and she said, it’s not so much what I did when I was drinking that I regret. Cause it wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns, but I didn’t do anything that terrible, she said. Right. What I regret is all of those nights and weeks and months and years slipping through my fingers.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
Oh yeah. I think that as moms is, is probably the most heartbreaking thing. Yeah. Because like we are the memory keepers mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Right. We are the memory keepers of our family. Like the, our kids aren’t gonna remember these years. Like that’s Yeah, we are.
Speaker 3 (45:56):
Well and once she stopped it, it’s even her own personal potential, she stopped and she’s written three books. She’s like, I’ve done more on eight years not drinking. I mean she wrote her first book within the first year. It was her, her diary of her first year. And she’s like, then I did in 15 years. But
Speaker 2 (46:15):
Yeah. What what you can accomplish in sobriety is Yeah. Insane. That’s incredible. Yeah. I don’t know if there’s a better reason to
Speaker 3 (46:23):
Stop. No. And you know, like one of the things I think you look at is just curiosity. Like, just take a hundred days off. Yeah. Like, trust me, if you decide it sucks, the wine will be there. Like nobody’s taking it away.
Speaker 2 (46:36):
Right? Yeah. Like you can go back to it
Speaker 3 (46:39):
Like, give yourself the opportunity to explore. Yes. Like don’t you women get to change. You get to transform. You’re supposed to
Speaker 2 (46:48):
Grow. I love it so much. Oh, so,
Speaker 3 (46:51):
Oh, I loved it.
Speaker 2 (46:52):
Thank you for coming on here. You guys, we edit it out. But my, my three year old interrupted us a couple times. My dog. Like what? Yeah. This is how moms do it. <laugh>. Yes. This is real life <laugh>. Okay. Tell everyone where we can find you. Hello. Someday podcast. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:10):
So you can find the Hello Someday podcast anywhere you listen to podcasts. And if you go to hello someday coaching.com, I have a free 30 day guide to your first month alcohol free. So it is super comprehensive, literally 30 plus pages Awesome. Of free advice and resources and tips and how to get through your first weekend. So if you wanna check that out, please do.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
Oh, that’s awesome. So hello Coaching someday coaching.com. Okay. And we’ll put all this in the show notes too, so you guys can find it. I love it so much, Casey. Thank you. Oh, you’re
Speaker 3 (47:46):
Speaker 2 (47:47):
I feel like we could just talk about this forever. We could <laugh>. We could. You’re gonna have to come back. <laugh>. Awesome. Okay. Thank you. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of The Sober Mom Life. If you loved it, please rate and review it wherever you listen. Five stars is amazing. Also follow me on Instagram at the Sober Mom Live. Okay, I’ll see you next week. I’m gonna go reheat my coffee. Bye.