Jyoti Chand’s life changed when someone she followed on social media posted they were going dry for January. After giving it a try, she decided to stick to it. The aftermath of her decision to become sober has been so inspiring. She wrote her first book, got an agent, grew her IG following and tapped into a deep well of sober productivity. Her anxiety was lessened, her sleep was better, and her creative brain was on fire.
Joyti now hopes to influence others to become sober so that they, too, can begin to feel more present daily in their daily lives.
Connect with Jyoti here:
Instagram & TikTok: @mamajotes
Website: www.mamajotes.com
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Transcript:
The Benefits of Shifting Your Focus Away from Alcohol with Jyoti Chand
Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 2 (00:01):
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Speaker 2 (00:25):
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Speaker 1 (00:28):
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Speaker 2 (00:31):
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(00:39)
Hi, welcome to the sober mom life podcast. I’m your host, Suzanne of my kind of sweet and the sober mom life on Instagram. If you are a mama who has questioned your relationship with alcohol at times, if you’re wondering if maybe it’s making motherhood harder, this is for you. I will be having candid, honest, funny conversations with other moms who have also thought, Hmm, maybe motherhood is better without alcohol. Is it possible? We’ll chat. And we’ll talk about all things sobriety and how we’ve found freedom in sobriety. I don’t consider myself an alcoholic. You don’t have to either, and maybe life is brighter without alcohol. I hope you will join us on this journey. And I’m so excited to get started.
(01:32)
Hi guys, I’m so excited for this episode. I have Jote Chandon. So you probably know her on Instagram as mama Jo. And then she also created the sober Desi on Instagram too. It’s a group of sober women. I I’m just so excited to have her on. She is hilarious. She’s relatable. She really talks openly about the fact that she did consider herself having a drinking problem. And then her journey to sobriety is very interesting. And I love how she really listened to herself. And then everything that she’s accomplished in sobriety is insane. I, if, if this doesn’t make you get curious about sobriety, I honestly don’t know what will. So I hope you enjoy this conversation with Joti Chen. And if you need more sobriety support, head to our Facebook group, the sober mom life, I will leave the link in the show notes. Thanks and enjoy. All right guys, we have one of my favorite sober moms on Instagram. You are at mama Jo’s it’s Jo de Chan, and I am so excited. You’re here. I’m excited too. And we don’t live that far from each other. No, you’re in the burbs of Chicago too. Right? Where are you? Yes. Yeah, I’m in Lamont. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I’m in the north shore. So we’re, we’re so close. I think I first discovered you on the sober disk.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
Yes, yes. For sure. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Okay. So tell me a little bit just about yourself and what you do, who you love, all of that good stuff. And then we’ll dive into sobriety.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
So my name is Joti John, you said, and I am an influencer content creator on Instagram, as well as an author. That’s new for me. So that’s really exciting. So exciting. I have a book coming out in 2024. <laugh> publishing takes so long. <laugh> I have two kids, two beautiful kids. We live in this and a and a very nice husband. He’s there too. And we live in the suburbs of Chicago and I’m honestly just trying to live a fulfilling, balanced life and then share that
Speaker 2 (03:46):
You do such a wonderful job of making that kind of the mom struggle very relatable and funny like you are. You’re just so damn funny. You’re one of my go-tos. If I need to laugh, like all of your, your content is hilarious.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Thank you. I appreciate that. It’s my background in standup comedy now being channeled into Instagram.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Wait, do you have a background in standup comedy? I do. I like how that’s just slipped in on the side. You’re like, yeah, I was also isn’t that like one of the hardest things you could do, it
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Was, it was really fun. I did it for two years in LA. I was like early twenties. And then I actually recently went back on stage at the laugh factory in Chicago. I had a set there and it’s on YouTube and it was just like 10 years later. It was so interesting to go back on stage now, but it was fun. I love it. I
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Mean, I, I, I can’t think of anything more like vulnerable, like getting up in front of just however many people in front of, with a microphone and, and you, oh my God, that’s terrifying.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
And it was a sold dad house that day. It was like, I hadn’t been on stage in 10 years and it was sold out. It was 350 people or something like that. And I was like, I let’s do this. Let’s go or ripping off the bandaid getting back on stage. So it was really nice.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Is that something you’re gonna keep doing?
Speaker 3 (05:02):
I don’t know. I don’t know. Like, I feel like I want to, like, there’s a part of me. That’s like yearning to do it, but I also realize like, this may not be the season of life to do it just because like, I do wanna have another baby and I do wanna like
Speaker 2 (05:16):
You do. Okay.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
I do. I do.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Yeah. Okay. Well that’s exciting. Three is I will say, I feel like cuz you have two and they were pretty close together. Right? How old are they? Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Uh, four and five.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
I mean that’s, that’s brutal. <laugh> yeah. That’s,
Speaker 3 (05:32):
That’s pretty,
Speaker 2 (05:33):
That’s tough. You’re probably out of it now. You’re out out of that, but like on two, under two has to be, it was insane. Pretty intense. Yeah. So you lived through that
Speaker 3 (05:42):
So intense Irish twins.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Ooh. You lived through that. You could do anything. I would say like, I think that the transition from like one to two is way harder than two to three.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
That’s what I
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Hear. And that third baby. Yeah. That third baby is magic.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
Ugh. I keep I’m the third baby in my parents’ life. So like I know that it’s magic. Cause I was like, if you guys didn’t have me,
Speaker 2 (06:05):
That’s right.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
You would’ve just been stuck with my brothers, you know?
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Yeah. I mean, yeah, no good. Also your parents make a lot of appearances on mama jokes, which I absolutely love. They’re like such, they’re like such great characters.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
<laugh> they are they’re real life characters. Like they don’t need any characterization. They’re perfect.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
You can tell, you could tell you’re just catching like a moment in time. Do they live with you guys or they just live close? No,
Speaker 3 (06:31):
No, they actually don’t live close at all. They live in Vegas and they visit for like they’ll visit for like a month at a time, which is really nice. So they’re here usually in the summer. So then I’ll like create a bunch of content with them and then share it throughout. So whenever they’re here, we create together and they love it. My dad absolutely loves creating content with me. He feels like he comes here and he’s like a little actor.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
That’s so funny. You’re like, dad, you’re famous. Does he know how famous he is on Instagram?
Speaker 3 (06:57):
He does. And he gets recognized
Speaker 2 (07:00):
And on TikTok. Right? Does he really?
Speaker 3 (07:03):
And on TikTok and he gets, he gets recognized when he goes to like the temple or like any like event, like a wedding. Someone will be like, oh my God, your mama Joe’s dad. And they’ll take pictures with him. And he gets so excited. He’s like somebody came and took a picture with me. They recognize
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Me. And that is the cutest thing ever. I love that. Oh, such a special like, yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
He’s live in his best life.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Yeah. Such a special bond to have with your parents. My, my mom. I maybe I’ll get her on. It’s it. She’s not really about it, but we’ll see. I’ll try to shock her into it. Okay. So let’s get into, I guess before we get into sobriety, we have to talk about alcohol and your drinking story and kind of, kind of let’s let’s dive into that first, before we, we hit on sobriety. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
Yeah. Alcohol and I had a very fun relationship for a lot of years. I actually had my first drink when I was 14. I was really young. I, it was like a smear off. Right. But it would, there was so much, there was so much represented by that one drink. It was like, it was cool. Right. It was giving me the ability to like fit in at this party that I wasn’t supposed to be at. And there was just so much with that and the whole aspect of it being like cool to drink alcohol. Right. And that’s kind of where it kept going with it. It, it just helped me fit in. I felt like a very awkward, I think that’s so when you get older, you learn that everybody feels this way. Like 99% of people, no matter how cool someone looks, everyone feels like an awkward out of place person in those teenage years. And so anything that can make you feel like you fit in or belong is going to make you do it. Like it doesn’t matter how much dare classes you take.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Yeah. No dare didn’t understand. Dare didn’t understand the, yeah. The pressure
Speaker 3 (08:48):
Pretty much after that, like, I didn’t drink a lot, but then once I hit like senior year and I was like, like 16, I had a boyfriend who was in college, it was like done. Like I had a fake ID. I was like,
Speaker 2 (08:59):
So in high school,
Speaker 3 (09:00):
In high school, alcohol was invited to everything after that, in my life. Like it was like, was I drinking all the time in college? Yes. After college, probably not. But if we were doing anything, alcohol was coming. Right. Like, so it was like, oh, we’re going on a we’re going to Disneyland. Oh, well let’s like sneak in alcohol. Like, oh, we’re going to the movies. Well, let’s sneak in some drinks. And it was always like that. It was like this. It had to be there for us to have fun. When I say us, I mean me and my friends and like my relationships and stuff like that. And then, then motherhood came along. Right. And now, and now alcohol became the bonding agent between me and my mom. Friends.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Yeah. It was kind of like back in high school, right. Where you’re like, oh, I’m in this new world. I need to make new friends. Well, alcohol’s the way.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
Alcohol’s the way. And they, it was, it was the way cuz it wasn’t always the kids, the kids are babies. They aren’t doing anything. They’re just like laying there
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Useless.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
But I guess if we wanna go into, when it became or when it became apparently problematic, right. When it became like, why are we like this? Or why am I like this? Right. Why? You know, I started questioning a lot of stuff around the time when I gave Bert to my son, Chris, there was a lot of guilt associated with the first thing of me wanting to do after I gave birth was have a drink.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Okay. And is he your oldest? He was your first baby.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
He’s my first baby. I was 28 years old. I didn’t get to drink for nine months. I didn’t touch alcohol in my pregnancy. I didn’t do the whole like, oh, it’s okay to have a glass of wine. You know, I didn’t do it. Even though the doctor was like, it’s fine. You put out with glass of wine, your third trimester. And I was like, no, I’m gonna gonna risk it. Cause I wouldn’t even eat. Like I wouldn’t even eat deli meat.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Yeah. With the first you’re like no soft serve ice cream. You don’t know about that machine. Like you’re just very intense. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
No. And pasteurized juices, like God forbid,
Speaker 2 (10:52):
That’s also why the third is so much better. I’ll tell you. Like you’re just so you know, the forgiving nature of motherhood where you’re just like, fuck it. Like I can have, you know, I can have a Turkey sandwich.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
I’m gonna have sushi with me alone. It’s a reputable place. Yeah. No 100%. Yeah. So pretty much my first thought, my first thought after having a baby, right. Like I had this baby, I love him. I was like, oh I can have a glass of wine now. I don’t know something about that. Just sat wrong with me. And even though I didn’t jump into any form of sobriety or anything back then the thought was there. It was planted. Yeah. It’s kind of my alcohol journey so far.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Yeah. Okay. And so that, that thought was planted, but then you kind of, as a mom, especially as a new mom, you, you try to make friends with moms and you need a mom village. Like you need a new village overnight. You need a new village that you did not have when you were pregnant. So, which is, I think such a crazy thing. And so how did you find that? Like, did you find, find your mom village pretty easily and then they were drinking.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Yeah. So mommy wine culture. I was sold on it. I was like, heck yeah. I had like wine tasting. Let’s go wine tasting with the kids. Let’s take alcohol to the park. Oh my gosh. We’re wine to the zoo. Did you guys bring any beer? Did you guys, you know, little bottles of wine and it was the normal thing to do as mother for me in my life. So I mean, we didn’t even like question it, having a play day. Oh, who’s who’s bringing the mimosa. Right. So that’s just how it was. It was always like a party in a way. There was this one moment and tons of my friends still drink alcohol responsibly. But I will say that when I drink alcohol, I don’t think that was very responsible about it. I didn’t have like this off button that a lot of people tend to have.
(12:43)
Like my husband can have like half a beer and be like, uh, you know, and whereas I’d be like, you are gonna leave that beer there. And then I would like finish shit. You know what I mean? I’d be like Don waste alcohol <laugh> gosh. So there was this party we had at our house and all of our friends were over and it was like October. I remember it. So clearly it was like October of 20, like 19. That’s what it was. It was somewhere around there. Anyway, all our friends are over. No, it was may, may of 2019. I remember clearly cuz Karina was almost one and she had just learned how to climb up the stairs. And so we’re all drinking. This is like a rager. We’re all people are spending the night. Like everyone’s getting a little bit tipsy. I drank a lot and I went upstairs and I left the baby gate open and then I went and lied down because I was, I was a little drunk.
(13:35)
So I lied down and then all I hear is like Karina, just like pop, pop, pop, pop, and then crying. And so she had followed me and then fell down the stairs and she was fine. I’ll tell you the bat. She was fine. She fell down three stairs. I was not fine. I was like, I was crying the next morning. I was full of guilt anxiety for that to the point where I stopped drinking alcohol, I was like, I’m never drinking again. I did this like whole, like I’m never drinking again. And I didn’t touch alcohol for one month. Right. And I thought I was going to stop drinking. And then I realized that I didn’t know how to stop drinking. I didn’t prepare myself well to stop. I just like stopped. Right. And then we went into a social social situation and boom. I was like, I can have one
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Totally like the, all that, all that decision to stop dissolved with
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Because it dissolved, the guilt was still there for that one event. But it didn’t hinder me from going right back to something that like literally my kid fell down the stairs on my watch. You know what I mean? Like, but that the, the craziest part to me was that after the kid fell down the stairs, everyone was like, it’s okay. It happens to everyone.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Right.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
And they were like, no, my God, like, everyone’s been there. Like we’ve all been so drunk that like,
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Which is probably true. Right. That’s probably true. But yeah,
Speaker 3 (14:58):
But it was justified.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Right, right. They were helping to validate that,
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Validate that it was okay. That I was too Tiffy to watch the child that I gave her to.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Yeah. And
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Then that was when more like big bells went off in my head and I was like, oh my gosh, like, what am I
Speaker 2 (15:15):
Doing? Okay. Yeah. So then when at that party, after the month, so you were sober for a month and then you, you drank at that party. How did that go? Were you trying to moderate then?
Speaker 3 (15:24):
I was. So I went through like a moderation phase where I was like, trying to like, okay, I’m not drinking on the weekdays. I’m only gonna drink on the weekends. There was a lot of conversation about alcohol. It was like a mental energy that I didn’t realize that I needed to get rid of this mental energy. Right. Like this mental load. It’s almost like people who have too many clothes in their closet. And then they have to think about what they have to wear all the time. Right. Like probably guilty.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Wait, I feel attacked. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
<laugh> that’s right. You, you do do fashion, fashion, fashion. What was your, it’s a lifestyle and fashion over 40 and sober mom. That’s your thing.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Oh yeah. There you go. Yep. Yeah. It is like so much brain power. Yeah. So much brain power into alcohol.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
So much brain power into alcohol, thinking about like, okay, well you can’t drink these days. Well, if you drink today, then you can’t, it’s just all this planning, planning around breastfeeding when you’re breastfeeding and trying to drink and using these test strips and you know, pumping and dumping. And it, it, I have a lot that if I have one regret in my motherhood journey, it’s drinking while I was breastfeeding. Because like, why, like why did I have to do that? Like why risk it? Right. And so that was like, that’s something that like I did like really feel bad about in my sobriety journey was like that, you know, so moderation ended up not working for me because pandemic hit. And I was like, I could drink every day on zoom with my friends.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Right. Okay. So 20, 20 rolls around. You’re still, you’re kind of trying to moderate, but you’re still drinking because Mo you can’t Mo like the idea of moderating something that is very addictive is just crazy,
Speaker 3 (17:01):
But we don’t know it’s addictive, but we know, but we don’t.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
And I’m not saying it’s crazy that you tried to it’s, it’s crazy that even, even on the commercials, it’s like, please enjoy responsibly. It’s like, that’s a trick. That’s a trick. Would you say that about cocaine? Like try to enjoy cocaine responsibly? Would you try to moderate cocaine? I mean, it’s the same damn thing. So of course that was a failure because that you, you can’t do it. You
Speaker 3 (17:27):
Really can’t. Especially in like stress, like you’re stress. Pandemic was so stressful that my drinking just accelerated. I went from drinking wine at night to having a cocktail. I went to having two cocktails. I had to have a night cap. I don’t even wanna drink tonight, but I already opened that bottle. So I’m gonna finish it. And it became this, like it, I was finding myself on a daily basis and it had nothing to do with motherhood and everything to do with alcohol. Cuz I was like tired at the end of the day, but I was having wine and then I was tired the next day. Cause I didn’t sleep well because wine doesn’t sit well with me. And I always get these reactions when I drink alcohol. And I learned recently that I have M C, which is mass cell activation syndrome and it’s triggered by alcohol. And I didn’t know that I was like, why do I get all sneezy and allergy? Like, and you know, and I just kept doing it anyway. I was literally hurting my body and feeling it yet. I didn’t stop. And so yeah,
Speaker 2 (18:27):
Which, I mean, that’s understandable because like, I, I think in the pandemic, especially like moms had zero escape, like we couldn’t fucking leave our houses. Our kids were with us constantly. They didn’t go to school. We had to teach them, our village was gone overnight. We had nothing. And so you were taught that wine and alcohol could help you escape could help you cope, could help you maybe sleep, you know, could help us do all of these things. So like, I mean, you definitely aren’t the only one who was tricked.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Yeah. It really did feel like a trick. And I didn’t know that until so Christmas of 20, 20, no one in my family really drinks. That’s the other thing my husband doesn’t drink.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Okay. Cuz I was gonna ask you that, that that’s always the biggest question I get is about my husband. So I wanna start asking guests about their, you know, with, without like telling your husband’s story, like, did it affect your relationship? So we’ll get to that, but that’s so interesting. And so it was pretty much just you, just, you drinking,
Speaker 3 (19:29):
He barely drinks. Like he, like I said has like nurses half a beer and then he’s fine. So I um, and my, my parents don’t drink, my mom will have a glass of wine here and there. Um, my dad’s never touched alcohol. So if he’s visiting and my in-laws don’t drink alcohol. And so it’s just, it’s nobody but me. So we’re at Christmas of 2020 and who drinks an entire bottle of champagne? I do. And I PA it was like a holiday. So I was like, it’s a holiday. Let’s have mimosa by let’s. I meant me and my husband had half of one and I think he just did it as like a sympathy drink, cuz he was like, she’s drinking. So let me have a drink with her. But he never like made it a thing, you know what I mean? And so, and then I’m passed out on the couch by like 2:00 PM for an
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Nap, like the day drinking. Yeah,
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Yeah. Anxiety for days. Right. And then one friend that is all it took you guys. And this is why I started this sober, this one influencer posted on January 1st that she was doing dry January. And I was like, and it just was like, I need to do this. And then she didn’t just post that. She posted a resource and she posted the book, quit like a woman. So I bought it. Okay. And I started listening to it on January 2nd on January 3rd, I became sober and I haven’t had alcohol since then.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Wow. I just got chills. I love, I, I love the stories. Like I love that story of just like you kind of when you’re done, you know, like there’s some sort of thing that you just know. And I, I love, first of all, that book is amazing.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
So good. It’s such a good book and it’s just so eye-opening about the whole industry. Like you’re getting into this. It’s not just like a personal level, but this like world level of like, okay, the alcohol industry mimicking the cigarette industry being around forever doesn’t mean that it’s okay. Like
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Right. And the idea of the patriarchy and like how that that’s actually like that’s really fucked up.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
It is. And alcohol is targeted towards women and mostly mothers.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
And the crazy thing is because their original target audience keeps dying from like liver disease and alcoholism old white men keep dying. So they needed a new audience and who better than moms, we will generally buy the groceries. Like we’re home alone, we’re lonely, we’re tired. We need help. Like it’s such a trick and it pisses me off so much.
Speaker 3 (21:58):
<laugh> it does. It’s so annoying. But you know, the whole act of somebody just sharing that one thing. And then I know this is like, you know, a lot of the why probably why you share is like, even though a ton of people are gonna be, you know, hate that you’re sharing about sobriety, cuz it, you know, they might internalize it in some way. There’s gonna be that one person that you help. Like there’s gonna be one person that’s like, I needed to hear this today. Today was the day. Today’s my day I’m done. And I think I’ve helped like hundreds of people do that at this point. And I’m sure you have too. And it, it, it just, it feels, it gives you purpose.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
It really does. I, I love this idea. So you created the sober Decey for, I love that. It’s probably what you needed when you were kind of wondering, and searching and trying to moderate. It’s probably what you needed to see. And so now you created it and I just love that.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
Yeah. It was like three months into my sobriety. I didn’t say a word to anybody that I was sober. Like I just wanted to do it first and I rarely ever do that. Usually I like shout it from the rooftops. Like I’m not even pregnant yet. And I’m like, I’m gonna be pregnant. So I didn’t say a word. And then I told my audience, I was three months sober and I started the sober DEC because I was like, look, I don’t see enough representation in the south Asian space of sobriety. And I know there’s a lot of us and I wanna find us and I wanna create a community where we can encourage each other because we’re struggling either. Whether you’re an addict, whether you’ve never drank in your life, whether you just can’t tolerate it or you have a health issue, like we need to make it okay to be like, no, I’m not drinking. Please don’t ask me why. Like, that’s the whole thing of like, oh my God, you’re not drinking. Are you pregnant? No, I’m not pregnant. Like I just don’t wanna drink.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Yeah. What’s your go-to saying cuz that’s another thing I get asked for, for those who are newly sober one month in a couple weeks in like going to a party and that’s so scary to think about all eyes are gonna be on you and like, what are you gonna say? You know?
Speaker 3 (23:55):
Yeah. I think if you’re ready to say I’m not drinking right now. I think that’s a great spot. Like I’m not drinking today. If you don’t wanna get into it, like, I don’t feel like it. And then the other cop out for me is like, if I’m not comfortable with the group, but not anymore now I’m just like, I’m sober. But like if I’m not comfortable with the group in the beginning phase, I would just pretend.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Yeah,
Speaker 3 (24:16):
I was just so terrible, but like just get like a drink, put a lemon in a small straw and like, pretend
Speaker 2 (24:21):
I think that’s fine. I think it’s whatever you’re comfortable with, whatever your boundary is for yourself. Like that’s what just honor that. And then it really is true that like anyone who continually like asks questions or kind of badges you that says so much more about their relationship with alcohol
Speaker 3 (24:38):
And it’s true because I was that person and I can and admit that when I was the, when I was drinking, if you weren’t drinking with me, I was like, come on, like, have they drink with me? Take a show up. Do like, that was me. I was the Bader. And you know why? Because I struggled with my own relationship with alcohol and I didn’t wanna recognize it. So I wanted you to do it too.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Yeah. So then it wouldn’t be highlighted. I
Speaker 3 (25:02):
Wouldn’t be the only one. And so, you know, now I fully, I can understand people who internalize my sobriety and who want to unfollow and who want to be like, Ugh, whatever I get that I was there. I unfollowed a bunch of people who promoted sobriety. I followed them when I thought I wanted to do it. And then I unfollowed them cause I was like, they’re dumb. Right,
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Right. And it makes me feel bad. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
And it makes me feel bad about myself because I do like to take wine to the park.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
I think what’s so interesting too, in hearing your story because a lot of times, you know, then, then people unfollow or we get that pushback. But it’s so interesting to hear that even when you were doing that, you still kind of deep down inside, we’re questioning your drinking. So you knew even like, ah, this doesn’t feel good. The anxiety, all of that shit that comes with drinking and drinking too much. Like you still feel that.
Speaker 3 (25:53):
Yeah. And I don’t think I realized that not drinking was an option, which is so crazy to say out loud. But like I didn’t realize that sobriety was even an option because I wasn’t in my eyes at that time. I wasn’t an alcoholic in terms of media. Right. And I think the way alcoholism is described to us to the majority is while you’ve fucked up your life, you don’t have a job. You’ve lost everything. You’re homeless. Like, but that’s not, it there’s a spectrum to alcoholism and addiction. And I had an addiction to a substance and I had a problem with that substance and I had a drinking problem. And I can say that because I don’t think I could say that the first month or even the first six months. But it took me some time to be like, all right, like being sober made me realize that I, I had a drinking problem. I didn’t realize that I could just stop without it being like a full blown on the spectrum.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Totally. Like, like before waiting until right. It might, it might just be until right, because it’s an addictive substance. Like the, the goal is to get you hooked. The goal is to get to drink more.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
It would’ve ruined my life. So I wanna talk about the aftermath though.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Do it? Tell me,
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Okay. What so variety has given me that, like it it’s been insane. Okay. So let’s start with January. I stopped drinking alcohol and I started working on my first book because I, all of a sudden could wake up at five 30 in the morning to write. So I started waking up early to write in three months I landed an agent. And in those three months I also started growing my audience on Instagram. And so in six months I got an offer for my book at Harper Collins. So six months post sobriety. That’s
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Incredible. If I had tho that like applause sound, I would insert it here. Maybe, maybe we will hold for applause. That’s incredible.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
It it’s sober productivity. Like all of a sudden I could wake up, I could get stuff done. I was focused. I wasn’t, my anxiety got better.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Totally. Yes.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
I was like, wait, I thought the wine was easing my anxiety, but it was actually worsening my anxiety this entire time. You know, it just everything I went to bed on time, I was sleeping better. I think just overall my creativity was just off the like just blown away. Like I was like, so creative, my brain like unlocked, I thought drinking and substances were supposed to make you more creative. Like those like cool artists type, but no
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Thompson or something. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3 (28:25):
Yeah. No, no. Not at all. Like my writing got so much better. And then I also hit a hundred thousand followers in that span of time cuz I was just producing content like a mad woman. So I will say my life has changed greatly from the time the day I got sober until now. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence at all. I think that the reason that I am successful at what I’m doing and at my creative arts and you know, signed with an agency for influencer stuff too. And like is because I have the focus to do it. And I’m fo and I’m not inviting alcohol to every aspect of my life
Speaker 2 (29:00):
And that brain power that you used that used to be taken out by alcohol even when you weren’t drinking. Right. So when you were either getting ready to drink, deciding if you should drink, if you shouldn’t all of that then was freed up too.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
I can’t wait to drink. Oh, am I gonna have a drink tonight? Oh wait, who’s gonna drive. If I’m drinking and Leah, how many am I gonna have? And who’s driving. Should I Uber? Yes.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
All that pressure and that gymnastics. Yeah. And talk about anxiety. I mean, that’s, that is so much anxiety.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
And then the guilt, right? When you say, oh, I’m not gonna drink tonight and you end up hungover the next day, the amount of guilt I knew I shouldn’t have drank. So I have so much to do today. Now I’m gonna get nothing done. And it’s just a cycle. It’s a vicious cycle. And once you break it, once you step out of the cycle and you’re like, I’m done, like your life will change.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
It’s so will, and you’re such a Testament to that. I think that’s so inspiring. I remember when you announced your book deal and I was like, I sent you a message. I was like, that’s insane cuz that’s my dream. That’s on, on my list of goals. And to see you do that is in, it’s just amazing. It’s so inspiring. So,
Speaker 3 (30:08):
And you’re gonna do it too.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Ah, thank you. Not a novel though. That’s that’s like an extra <laugh> what’s the novel about,
Speaker 3 (30:16):
It’s a young adult graphic novel and it’s called it’s fitting. Indian is the name of it. And she’s a south 16 year old south Asian girl just trying to fit in and growing up in like a very traditional Indian household. And she’s struggling with her mental health as well as abusing alcohol. To some extent she kind of battles that mental health within herself as well as her society. Wow.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Throughout
Speaker 3 (30:37):
The novel. So
Speaker 2 (30:38):
That’s incredible. I love that title. Thank you. Fitting Indian. So how did speaking of the south Asian culture and being Indian, how does that play into your sobriety? Do you think?
Speaker 3 (30:49):
I there’s really like a good span of people on both sides in south Asian culture, which is what I’ve learned is like there’s the people who’ve never drank for whatever reason, whether it’s religious or I know that, you know, a lot of people who are Islamic don’t drink there’s people who are Jane, who don’t drink and Hindus who don’t drink and stuff like that. So there’s a lot of people who never drink then there’s people and then there’s, I’ve Punjabi. And in our Punjabi is like a Northern part of India. Like we drink, like we’re known to be like the, the kind of like the party people. Right. And so then there’s that generation that just drink a lot and there’s just alcohol everywhere. And I was probably on that side for a long time of the drink, a lot side. And now I’m trying to find like this, you know, I’m not the never drinker, but this middle ground of like the people who used to drink that kind of just like figured it out that they shouldn’t.
(31:39)
And I think that people are more understanding than I thought they would be about it. Like, uh, maybe they’ve matured or thought so. So I haven’t had many issues culturally, you know, with people being like, oh my God, like I’ve heard, I’ve had people say like, but you didn’t really have a problem. Did you? And then I, I like actually had this question happen at a party I had last. And he’s like, but it’s not like you had a, you sound like you had like a addiction or anything. And I was like, well, I did. And I had to like answer like I did. And they were like, kind of like,
Speaker 2 (32:10):
And they’re inside. They’re saying, wait, does, does that mean I do.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
Right? And then I explained my addiction and I was like, well, I was drinking all the time. Like I never, you know what I was drinking at parties. I didn’t feel like I could say no to alcohol. And like I was drinking when I didn’t really wanna drink. And it was making me feel bad and messing with my mental health. And, and so yeah, I did have a problem and, and then it kind of leaves people stunned and they’re just like looking at their drink.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
Right. They’re like, wait a second. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
And, and, and, and I don’t do that to, in any way, judge, anyone who drinks alcohol, this is my story. Like I have, I felt this way. If you feel that way, explore it.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
Right. Right.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
Like if you’re sitting there going, oh, I do that. And there’s nothing wrong with it. Cool. Explore it.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
Yeah. Get curious. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
Get curious. Like, is there something wrong with, if it’s not, if it’s not affecting your life and you’re perfectly happy and everything’s going your way and there’s nothing you would change. Awesome. Right. But if you ask yourself that question and you’re like, what if I didn’t drink? What if I slept better? Yeah. Explore it.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Yeah. For sure. And, and especially if you struggle with anxiety, depression, and any sort of mental health issue, which I feel like don’t wait. All my mom’s a therapist and I was like, mom, have you ever met anyone who doesn’t struggle with either anxiety or depression? She’s like, no, they don’t exist. It’s like, of course, like that’s life. Yeah. Especially after a pandemic. And so your husband still drinks a little bit?
Speaker 3 (33:41):
Not anymore. No.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
Oh, okay.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
So now my husband is the guy who shows up at his poker night with the Heineken zero.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
That’s amazing. And so did he stopped after you stopped?
Speaker 3 (33:54):
Yeah. And I think that he’s, he would say that, um, he’s not fully sober. He would be like, I’m not sober. He’s like, so if someone offered him like, oh, try this really good, like whiskey he’ll take a sip maybe. Or like, you know, if they’re like, oh, this brew is really good. He’ll like have a couple sips there. But again, like it’s once every six months. And it’s so funny because he, um, one of my friends visited and brought this like really good, like bourbon or something. Right. He was like, oh, just try it, try a little bit with me. And my husband tried it. And the next day he texted me, he’s like, I feel hungover. And I was like, you had one sip. He’s like, it’s not sitting well. Oh,
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Sorry. Isn’t that so funny? Like yeah. When you take something out, like even just a little bit, you’re like, oh right. That’s ethanol. That makes me feel like shit.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
Yeah. So he doesn’t drink at all with me. Like we went to Nashville and we went to the bars and we both got non-alcoholic lemonades with salted rims and you know, things like that. So he’s not like, oh, I’ll just get a beer. You know? No, like he he’s pretty, uh, he knows that it doesn’t make him feel good.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
Yeah. I, I think that’s incredible. I that’s that’s generally, like I said, one of the most asked questions is like, cuz I think wives and moms are afraid about how things that we do for ourselves are gonna affect other people. Right. And so it’s like even just little decisions about, okay, if I choose to go to the gym today, am I saying, is that me saying no to my kids? And I’m always like, no, go to the gym. So it, yeah. It makes sense that moms and wives are afraid how our sobriety or us choosing not to drink is gonna affect our relationship and our husbands who if our husbands drink. So my biggest advice is just to do what’s best for you. Yeah. Just try it.
Speaker 3 (35:40):
You might influence your hu like say if you have a husband who maybe drinks as much as you do and you maybe he doesn’t think it’s problematic and you, you cut down, you might influence him to cut down. You never know, like me working out influences my husband to workout or you don’t, you know, it’s like it’s worth trying. Right. You’re not doing anything wrong for yourself. Even though everybody in the beginning I felt like, was like, oh, why are you not drinking? Like, and it’s like, oh, why is it the one drug where everyone’s like, why are you not doing this job?
Speaker 2 (36:11):
No, seriously, I don’t do cocaine. And no one’s like, hold up. You’re not gonna do cocaine today.
Speaker 3 (36:17):
You’re not gonna do a line with us.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Yeah. What is, are you okay? Are you okay? Are you,
Speaker 3 (36:24):
Are you pregnant? <laugh>
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Are you, you must, you must be. You’re not smoking cigarettes. You must be pregnant. Are you breastfeeding? It’s so crazy. You
Speaker 3 (36:37):
Must be pregnant. Yeah. <laugh>
Speaker 2 (36:40):
So, and then how has sobriety changed motherhood for you?
Speaker 3 (36:43):
Oh my God. It’s amazing. It’s amazing to be present with my kids and not feel like I’m gonna like explode with anxiety. Not feel like, oh my God, when can I have my glass line? Like you guys are crazy. I feel like a present parent. I feel like I’ve taught them how to really like roll in their emotions because I’ve learned how to do that. Now. Like you guys, it was hard. Okay. To not have the, the wine, like there’s many times where I sat there and go, oh my God, I just wanna freaking drink. Like I’m so done. I’m so done. I just wanna have a drink and I’ve had to talk myself out of it. I’ve had to feel my feelings. I’ve had to take sugar, have a sugar craving instead. And you re you definitely eat a lot more sugar in the beginning of sobriety. Cuz your body just needs a drug to be fully honest and sugar seems to be like the safest
Speaker 2 (37:29):
One. Well, the thing about the sugar is I get, I get push back on, on my Instagram on sugar and caffeine. And someone people will be like, oh, you don’t drink, but you, you, you know, share all this coffee or sugar. And I’m like, yeah, I’ve literally never drank too much coffee and blacked out and forgot what I did or sugar. Like I’ve never blacked out from sugar. So fuck off.
Speaker 3 (37:50):
Yeah. And I, I do now try to moderate my sugar. But in the beginning, in the beginning I did not do not try to do two things. That was, if it’s alcohol, just alcohol have some sugar, like it’s fine. Have a bowl of cereal at 11:00 PM. But it’s better than a drink. I promise you sugar is a drug. Yes it is. But <laugh> we still give our kids sugar. <laugh>
Speaker 2 (38:12):
What is it? A psychotropic? I don’t know what it is.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Would you give your kids a cup of vodka? No, but you’d give them a cookie. So I think it’s okay. But I don’t remember what the question was. I just went outta
Speaker 2 (38:23):
Sugar. Oh, motherhood, sobriety and motherhood. How has it changed?
Speaker 3 (38:26):
Oh, I’m it’s so much better. And it’s just, there’s just so much more. My kids like know that I don’t drink alcohol. Like they big mine doesn’t drink alcohol and it, it it’s, it’s not, we never make it a bad thing. We’re not like alcohol’s bad. And I don’t want them to leave to college and be like, afraid. We just say some people drink. Some people don’t it doesn’t sit well with mama and Baba. So we don’t really drink alcohol.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
Yeah. That’s a great way. I mean it’s super age appropriate. Like when they have more questions, they’ll ask as they get older. But I think that that’s a good, that’s a good place to start for sure.
Speaker 3 (38:57):
And I do wanna teach them about addiction to some extent. I do want them to understand that addiction, there are ad different types of addictions that run in our genetics and that I don’t want to just be like a brush under the table. Like, oh, don’t talk about it. It’s bad. Like I want them to understand like, Hey, you know what, mommy, I should have a little bit of a drinking problem when they’re old enough, when they’re like 14, 13. I want them to know, you know, when I was your age, I had my first drink and it turned into a very, very terrible thing over time. You know, when they’re older than that, I wanna tell them I had a lot of alcohol induced trauma that may have not happened if I wasn’t drunk.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (39:31):
You know? And so just those kinds of things.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
Yeah. I think the thing that dare missed too, cuz like growing up, I I’m a gen Xer are, you’re a little bit younger, but you probably remember dare. And, and the thing about dare was it was just like, no, like it’s all bad. That was the same thing as the, just say no thing, like it’s all bad. And, but they didn’t tell us that it was gonna make us feel good. You know what I mean? They didn’t tell us like, well, when I first had my drink, I was like, oh my God, this is how I wanna feel all the time. Like they missed that part, you know? <laugh>. Yeah. So like that’s a, that’s an important thing to be like, it’s it feels good for a little bit until it feels really bad.
Speaker 3 (40:10):
Yeah. And I think they, yeah, they miss that. It’s so funny. Cuz I have a video. I have like a real idea list. And one of the ones I recently made is um, it’s when you see your dare counselor drunk at the club, 10 years later,
Speaker 2 (40:24):
<laugh> that’s all hilarious.
Speaker 3 (40:26):
<laugh> it’s so
Speaker 2 (40:26):
True. It’s so true. So true. That’s so funny. You have to make that.
Speaker 3 (40:31):
Yeah, no I did. I made it. I just gotta post it. You know? There’s like a content log.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
Yeah. You batched it. Okay. Just a few more questions. So what’s the biggest tool in your sobriety toolbox? Like what’s your go-to thing to help you to help center yourself in your sobriety and tea? Ooh. Yeah. Yes. I love that. Cuz it’s tangible. You know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (40:54):
It’s this nightcap thing, right? This whole concept of like, I like to like get a book and before you see a book and one, a book and a drink now it’s tea and it is just physically there. I don’t wanna always finish it, but like I have like an herbal tea, you know, next to me when I’m reading my book or a non-alcoholic drink option, the whole industry of non-alcoholic spirits has growing like crazy.
Speaker 2 (41:19):
So crazy. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (41:21):
I love it. What’s
Speaker 2 (41:22):
Your favorite? That’s an, that’s another, what’s your favorite? Like mocktail or NA.
Speaker 3 (41:26):
Oh my God. You know, so it depends in summer. I’m a big fan of just like the jalapeno lemonade from trader Joe’s with the salted rim.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
Ooh I don’t okay. I’m putting that on the list.
Speaker 3 (41:38):
It’s not much, but it’s so good. But if we’re talking about actual like mocktails, I love curious El. I think they’re so good.
Speaker 2 (41:46):
Okay, good. See I’m I’m such a, I’m so boring. I’m just always like, I don’t know. Just water and a lime.
Speaker 3 (41:53):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I’m so fancy. I’m so fancy. <laugh> I, I love like apples. There’s C B D like, oh,
Speaker 2 (42:02):
Okay. You
Speaker 3 (42:03):
Know, there’s all these. So there’s all these strengths now that have like adaptogens in them instead of alcohol, they’re doing like ashwaganda and like C, B, D and without the THC. And now there actually are drinks that have the THC, which I have not tried. I will be honest. I’m gonna pass on the edible aspect. But the CBD ones that don’t have THC, um, they’re really good. And like they do have this like effect of like a calming effect to them. Um, kind of just like a CBD gummy would. Um, and then even the adaptogen ones that like people are making now at the ashwaganda it is like a very like vibe.
Speaker 2 (42:38):
I mean, I’m here for the vibe. I love it. I need to branch out. I need to, I need to branch out for my sparkling water. I mean, I do, I do some kombucha, but I need, I need some, I don’t know. I don’t know what an adaptogen is, but I feel like I need it.
Speaker 3 (42:50):
Yeah. It’s just like natural herbs and stuff that make you feel like, like L thining and stuff like that. Like these like little herbs that help you feel like more like melatonin, right? Helps you sleep. Right. So like, think about like natural supplements that would like make you feel like chill. Asheron’s one of those.
Speaker 2 (43:08):
Okay, good. Okay. I’m putting it on the list. I have like a long growing list now. Well thank you so much. Is there anything else that you wanna share about to anyone who’s like first starting out in their sobriety? Like, do you have any more words of wisdom? You you’ve already shared a whole lot,
Speaker 3 (43:23):
But I would say that if anybody is starting or thinking of starting in their sobriety is to, I know you hear this all the time, but take it one day at a time. One F one step forward, keep walking forward and yes you’ll have cravings and yes, it will be hard, but it will be worth it. It will be worth it and you can do it and don’t compare your problem. Drinking to anyone else’s everyone’s problem drinking is so unique to themselves. What someone can handle, someone else cannot. And so, you know, take it easy. Be kind, eat sugar. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
Yeah. Be, I mean, can, can we put that on like a pillow or a mug or a sweatshirt? Take it easy. Be kind, eat sugar.
Speaker 3 (44:07):
Don’t drink. <laugh>
Speaker 2 (44:09):
Don’t drink. We
Speaker 3 (44:10):
Eat sugar.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
<laugh> I love that. Jote Cho. Thank you so much. This was amazing. You can. So where can everybody find you?
Speaker 3 (44:19):
Instagram mama Jost. TikTok. Mama Jo.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
Good. She’s blowing up.
Speaker 3 (44:24):
Oh no, I’m just hanging. I’m posting. That’s what I’m calling and I’m coasting right now.
Speaker 2 (44:29):
Hey, if you coast on Instagram, that’s pretty much growing because Instagram sucks.
Speaker 3 (44:33):
We all have a love, hate relationship with Instagram because of the algorithm. So like some, yeah, right now we’re in coast. So as long as you’re coasting, you’re
Speaker 2 (44:41):
Good. Yes. That’s right. Well, thank you so much. I love this convo. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah,
Speaker 3 (44:46):
Me too. Thanks for having me. And we’ll have to get together soon and have mocktails.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
Yes. You could teach me in your mocktail ways. Yes. For sure. I could teach you. Okay. Thank you. Bye bye. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the sober mom life. If you loved it, please rate and review it wherever you listen. Five stars is amazing. Also follow me on Instagram at the sober mom life. Okay. I’ll see you next week. I’m gonna go reheat my coffee. Bye.
