Erin was the first podcast I was on. She is the one who inspired me to make a podcast, and I love her approach to Health & Wellness. She makes it so approachable. It’s not about dieting. It’s getting in tuned with your body and how you can feel fulfilled and healthy, how you can listen to your body.
Today, I sat down with Health and Wellness Coach, Erin Treloar for a wonderful chat about anxiety, self care, and her sober journey. After trying a sober January, Erin found that she felt so much better without alcohol. She’s stuck with sobriety ever since and has been surprised to experience so much fun within her new alcohol-free lifestyle.
The key to Erin’s sobriety has been a focus on her core desired feelings. Through this commitment, she’s found the tools she’s needed to support her journey, including meditation, nature and connection to other moms.
She talks about meditation. I love this so much because this is not a rock bottom conversation. This is her realizing how alcohol affected her, her mental health, while going on the journey of sobriety. She realized that life is truly more fun without alcohol.
What is your core desired feeling? Share it with us at @thesobermomlife on Instagram!
Learn more about Erin:
If you’re wanting to find community and connection in sobriety, come and join the Sober Mom Life Cafe! For $15/month, join other sober moms inside the cafe for weekly meetings, bonus episodes, a Discord chat, a monthly book club and so much more! Learn all about it here: https://mykindofsweet.com/sober-mom-life-cafe/
If you’re looking for a community of wonderful sober moms to support you while you build your own sober life, join us inside The Sober Mom Life Facebook group!
More Fun Without Alcohol with Erin Treloar
Speaker 1 (00:00):
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So that we can tell people about brand new information, a pop culture and political podcast.
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Okay. Do you wanna be in a room of overeducated, douche bags and feel comfortable? Brand new information is for you.
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Speaker 2 (00:25):
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Speaker 1 (00:28):
The week, but we put it right back together for you. That’s
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Right. Listen, wherever you find your favorite podcasts.
Hi, welcome to the sober mom life podcast. I’m your host, Suzanne of my kind of sweet and the sober mom life on Instagram. If you are a mama who has questioned your relationship with alcohol at times, if you’re wondering if maybe it’s making motherhood harder, this is for you. I will be having candid, honest, funny conversations with other moms who have also thought, Hmm, maybe motherhood is better without alcohol. Is it possible? We’ll chat. And we’ll talk about all things sobriety and how we’ve found freedom in sobriety. I don’t consider myself an alcoholic. You don’t have to either, and maybe life is brighter without alcohol. I hope you will join us on this journey. And I’m so excited to get started.
All right, you guys, we have Erin from raw beauty talks on today. I loved this conversation. I have been following Erin for a while. I was on her podcast and it was one of the first ones that I was on. And I just remember loving that conversation. And she actually is the one who inspired me to start a podcast. And I love her approach to health and wellness. She’s a health and wellness coach, but I, I love that. She makes it so approachable. And it’s not about, it’s not about dieting. It’s not about saying no, you can’t have this. No, you can’t have alcohol. It’s not about that at all. It’s about getting in tune with your body and really like, how can you feel fulfilled and healthy? How can you listen to your body? She talks a lot about meditation. I, I love this so much because this isn’t a rock bottom conversation.
Those are important to hear. That’s not what this is. This is her realizing how alcohol affected her and her mental health and then going on a journey of sobriety. Um, and I think it’s such an important conversation to have when it’s not these, you know, these like crazy stories of drinking. Like that’s not what this is. This is a very relatable story of someone just questioning their relationship with alcohol. And I think it’s so important. So I hope you guys enjoy also, as a reminder, if you are loving the podcast, please just go down and rate it. Some, some stars, five is preferable. I have been enjoying it so much. You guys is probably one of the most gratifying things that I’ve done in a long time, maybe ever. I mean, other than having kids, but you know, so yeah, just feel free to rate and review it. If you like it, if you’re not liking it, you know, that’s okay. Might not be for you. Um, I appreciate all the support and come and join us on the sober mom life on Facebook. And you can be in our group of, of sober and sober, curious moms. So I hope you enjoy this conversation with Erin of raw beauty talks.
All right, guys, we are here with Erin of raw beauty talks and I’m, I have to say I’m so excited. Your podcast was like, I think one of my first that I was on, on raw beauty talks and it made me like, think about doing this whole gig. So thank you for being here and thank you for having me on yours.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
Wow. I loved our conversation. It was like a breath of fresh air and I’ve just loved watching all of your content and hearing your story, which resonates so much with me. Thank
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Speaker 3 (04:17):
Thank you for doing this work. And I’m so glad that you started this show.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Yeah. Well, I have to thank you for it because you, when I decided to launch the sober mom life, I had no idea what I was doing. Of course, I still don’t.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
None of us do, but
Speaker 2 (04:31):
<laugh> right. But I was like, okay, how do I do this? And you put me in touch with Laura, who is like, that’s our editor. She’s a rock star. Laura’s
Speaker 3 (04:39):
The best. If
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Listening is thinking of doing a podcast, you have to work with Laura. She’s amazing. She’s
Speaker 2 (04:46):
So good. And then I don’t have to deal with any of the stuff that I don’t know about.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Yeah. Oh no. Yeah. We gotta delegate. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. As moms, we gotta, I mean, really like everyone at this point needs to delegate. There’s a lots going on in life and yeah. Passing on things that we don’t know how to do is really key. I’m learning.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Yes. I know me too. Okay. So thank you for being here. Thank you for all of your support. Always I, you guys, if you don’t follow Erin on Rob, you detox on Instagram, you need to, and you need to listen to our podcast. You are always someone who like, every time you pop up in my feed, it’s kind of like a calming, like all of your reals, just your presence is like very calming and grounding. Thank you. And like very real, like you’re very, I guess, raw right in the best way.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Well, I try, I try to be honest in what I’m posting because yeah. What I’ve always needed in my own healing journey is to hear from other people who have been through it that I relate to. And so, you know, whether it’s been an eating disorder or anxiety or going down the sober path, uh, I mean, all of the things breakups, I’ve always looked to find people that I can relate to who have been through it as well. And I find it really reassuring to know that I’m not alone. And so when I thought about how I wanted to show up on social media, I was like, I’m gonna, I’m just gonna do my best to share really what I’m, what I’m going through, the highs and the lows. And yeah. And, and sometimes that’s not easy. I’m not gonna lie sometimes I don’t wanna share. I wanna just share the, the highlights. Totally. And I wanna share in the moments where I figured everything out and I have the step by step process to support people in moving through things, but that’s not life. And social media can be a really overwhelming space. So before I post anything, I always ask, is this serving others? Is this helping or, or harming, is this something that would feel nourishing to me if I were to, to see it? And yeah, it’s how I, I move through things. I
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Love that. I love that reminder. And I think that sometimes we don’t even know, like you just saying, like, I don’t know, I don’t have the answers like that is so helpful. Like to, we let ourselves off the hook cuz we don’t have to know and we don’t have to know what’s next and like have all the answers. I think that’s beautiful.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
It’s really hard to exist in that place. Especially as somebody who’s is a perfectionist in areas. It’s very interesting in some areas I’m absolutely not a perfectionist whatsoever. If you ask my husband, if I was a perfectionist, he would be like, absolutely not. Yeah. But there are certain areas where I am. And so not knowing the answers, the what ifs, that is a space where I tend to fall into a lot of anxiety.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Speaker 3 (07:34):
And I don’t thrive in that environment, but I’m really, I’m, I’ve been doing a lot of learning about how to find a lot more steadiness in the unknown of life. Yeah. Especially in the last year or so. And it is so important to recognize we actually don’t know a lot of what is gonna happen. We don’t know how a lot of things are gonna play out. We don’t actually have totally,
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Speaker 3 (07:56):
As much control as we think that we do. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
That’s what I was just gonna say. Like even if we think we know like what’s how shit’s gonna go down. We don’t, we have no idea idea idea. No, no. Yeah. Well I love the idea of finding the beauty in that and just kind of resting there, I think is so beautiful. Mm-hmm <affirmative> and I know, okay, so this is about sobriety and all about alcohol and drinking and all of that. And so you are really focused on health and wellness. I love your approach to that. And so you’re a health and wellness coach, right?
Speaker 3 (08:29):
I am. Yeah. Okay.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
So tell us about that. Like what is that like, I wanna know all about it. It’s
Speaker 3 (08:34):
The best job ever. I, I bet get to walk alongside people who are on their own individual journeys, usually who are working to improve their relationship with food and their body mm-hmm <affirmative>. And so perhaps they’ve noticed themselves binge eating or just feeling outta control around food, or they’re really restrictive with food or they’re thinking about it and they’re thinking about their body more than they want to be. And they’ve reached a bit of a breaking point and they’re like, I want to, I wanna move in a different direction in my life where this doesn’t have so much control over me. I wanna be able to think about other things like my dreams and goals and relationships. And so I came into this work because of my own struggles in that area and finding a much more profound, better way of living. Not better as in I’m better than those people, but more comfortable way of living.
Yeah. A lot more fulfilling way of living. And yeah, I got into health coaching probably five or six years ago. And I’ve had the opportunity of working with hundreds of women at this point, either one on one or through my group coaching program. Yeah. I mean being a health coach or being a coach was never something that was even an option. A coaching is a really new field I would say. And it wasn’t something that I was exploring. I went to school for marketing management entrepreneurship, and I, I just came into it and it’s felt really natural to be in this space.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Yeah. That’s, that’s amazing. I mean, I’ll make sure to put the links in the show notes of how people can sign up, like what’s the best way to start. Would you say it’s the one on one coaching? Is that the best kind of way to dive into it?
Speaker 3 (10:13):
It really depends on the individual and what it is that you’re looking for. So the best place to start is to go to Rob beauty.co and there’s a page called let’s get started where you can look at, you know, just even answering some simple questions about whether or not coaching would be right for you. A lot of people are seeing a therapist and they’re like, is coaching like therapy? Or how is it different? Right. So I often say that therapy and coaching can work really beautifully in tandem that they, it’s not a one or the other approach I’ve done therapy for years. And I, I think it’s really powerful, especially when it comes to looking kind of into the past and digging into, you know, why we have the thoughts that we have and the patterns that we have and the beliefs that we have.
What’s the root of those things. Coaching is really focused on where am I now? And where do I want to be? How do I get from point a to point B? So we’ve of course spent some time looking at our history and how that’s informed our present, uh, and the way that we’re showing up in the, in the present moment. But a lot of what we’re doing is, is getting clear on, you know, how you want to show up in this world. And then how do we start to change your neural pathways, your habits, your beliefs about yourself in order to get you to that space?
Speaker 2 (11:32):
I mean, sign me up
Speaker 3 (11:34):
Speaker 2 (11:36):
I feel like
Speaker 3 (11:36):
It’s the best job in the world.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
It really, yeah. It’s like soul work, right? Mm-hmm <affirmative> like, it sounds, it sounds amazing. It sounds like you just get to dive deep, like every single day and what’s better than that. Like to talk about this shit that actually matters and makes a difference. And like, that’s so amazing. I love because there’s a lot of health and wellness goop comes to mind that really, like, I, I heard GHI Paltro interview Cameron Diaz about like healthy wine, like this organic wine. Right. And I’m like, dude, I think in, in Hollywood’s book, quit like a woman, she mentions this with Goup. It’s like, go’s one of their conventions was like sponsored by kettle one or something
Speaker 3 (12:18):
It’s like, right.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
So a lot of health and wellness conversations kind of put alcohol to the side and they’re like, well, yeah, but that’s, you know, let’s not deal with that. Let’s put that over there. Let’s just talk about your mental health and your food choices, like apart from alcohol. So I kind of love, and I’ve followed your journey. And when we talked about it on your podcast, I know that you have decided to look at alcohol and what it does and how it affected you and your mental health. So I wanna hear first, let’s talk about your relationship with alcohol and then kind of what you’ve learned after taking that break.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
Yeah. Ooh, let’s dive in. I mean, yeah. In December, 2019, I believe is when I should never share dates because I’m awful with dates in all details.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
<laugh> no, there there’s too many, especially as moms, everything’s
Speaker 3 (13:11):
All a blur sometime in December one year. Yeah. I was sitting down and just reflecting as I always do on what went well in the year and areas where I felt like there was still opportunity to grow or expand what I wanted the next year to be in. I always do my core desired feelings. So what feelings do I want to welcome into my life? A little bit more? Oh,
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Wait. Say that. What is it? Core desired feelings, core
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Speaker 2 (13:37):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Yeah. So often in the new year we set these goals and you know, for many people it’s like, I wanna lose 10 pounds. I wanna make this much money. I wanna be in a relationship. Yeah. And had been setting goals since I was like in grade four. It’s just something that I really found a lot of peace in, who knows why I did it, but I’ve been doing it for a very long time. And I kept finding myself in these patterns of burnout or when I was 16, went on this lovely journey to lose a certain amount of weight, which spiraled into an eating disorder. And I ended up hospitalized for three months on like feeding tubes and oh my God, in this really scary situation. And it was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, how did lose five pounds turn into this, this isn’t what I asked for.
Yeah. This isn’t what I wanted. And so I started to kind of think about goal setting. And this was a conversation that happened in a therapy session. And I started to look at when I set these goals, what is it like, why is it important to, for me to have this much in my bank account or to lose that weight. Right. And underneath all of those goals, what I was actually striving for was a feeling I wanted to feel secure. Mm-hmm <affirmative> <affirmative> I wanted to feel loved. I wanted to feel accepted, valued, seen whatever it is. Yeah. Underneath all of our goals. There’s a feeling that we’re actually striving for. If somebody was to say, Aaron, you’re gonna lose five pounds, but you’re gonna feel weaker than you’ve ever felt more disconnected than you’ve ever felt. You’re gonna be hospitalized. Your family’s gonna be traumatized. You’ll be disconnected from your sister. Would that be my goal?
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Right? Oh my God. Oh
Speaker 3 (15:19):
No, no, no. That five pounds was supposed to get me the boyfriend and have me feeling confident and make life better.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Right. Make life better. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
So sometimes we have to reflect on our goals and I would encourage anyone who’s listening right now to do this and really ask ourselves what is the feeling that I’m searching for. And when we identify that feeling that we’re searching for, oftentimes there are better, more effective ways of welcoming that feeling into our life. Then hitting that goal that we’ve set out for ourselves. Yeah. Because oftentimes that goal is something. Society has told us in a story, like if you drink alcohol, you’re gonna be so popular in you’re right. Automatically gonna be on a yacht in Europe with a tan and fantastic boobs in a bikini. Yes.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
So glamorous, so
Speaker 3 (16:08):
Glamorous. And yet we drink and we find ourselves anxious, blacked out. Totally forgot it. Totally mascara under the eyes eating a horrible and good. Yes. And we’re like, wait, wait,
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Where’s the yacht.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Give me the yacht.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
Where is the goddamn yacht? <laugh> yeah,
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Wait a second.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
So we have to really examine what are the stories we’ve been told in society and which ones of those are true? Which ones of those are false? I mean, a lot of people going back to the weight loss piece have gone on the diet or have tried to lose weight and have ended up in a place where they felt obsessive about their body disconnected. Yeah. Not able to socialize cold all the time. Uh, sure. Some of you are nodding your heads right now. Right. That was not what you were sold by all of the diet companies and the magazine covers.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Right. And I, I feel like this affects like every woman, I can’t think of one woman who has not either worried about her weight, you know, tried to lose weight, been focused on her weight, spent too much time thinking about her weight. Like yeah. We’ve been taught that weight is very important for women.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
And if it’s not your weight, then it’s the fact that you’re aging and it’s keeping the wrinkles at bay and remaining forever young. I mean, it’s just, it’s absolutely endless. I’ve noticed recently because of my anxiety, um, my body reacts to anxiety by shedding weight. And it’s like, there’s an internal motor that is just working very hard all the time. Yes. And the dialogue has become about my body. It’s too thin. It’s, you know, don’t show your chest because it’s bony right now, your veins are too prominent in your arms.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Like, oh my God,
Speaker 3 (17:54):
The narrative of my darling caring husband, who’s like, we need to get, you need to eat more. And this has to be a focus. Like it’s all the focus is back on the body and the way that the body looks. Yeah. So anyways, I digress back to the story at hand.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Speaker 3 (18:11):
Yes. I’m reflecting on these core desired feelings. And one of the things that I was welcoming in was more peace.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Speaker 3 (18:20):
And one of my biggest anxiety triggers or, or what I was starting to recognize as a pattern is that after drinking, I would get what we lovingly called the fear. Mm. And both Scott and I knew that it was coming. And I would just start to question everything, am I in the right career? Do I know what I’m doing? Am I far enough ahead in life? I’m comparing myself to everyone. And it was this funny thing that would happen on Sundays. And he would be like, you don’t have to think about anything, just wear your sweatpants. We’re just gonna like get through the day. Right. It’s all good. And I thought, I don’t want the fear in my life anymore. I don’t want the fear. Yeah. And I’m just going to take a month and do sober January and see how I’m feeling and see if that’s welcomes in more peace in my life. And
Speaker 2 (19:05):
So you really were able to connect it to when you drank, like would, would it be wine with dinner or would it be three glasses of wine? Would it be, was it ramping up? Like what were your drinking patterns, you know, on that new year’s Eve. Yeah. Leading up to that, that made you be like, wait a second. This wine is, or this alcohol is causing the fear.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
I was never what anyone would label an alcoholic. I was a, oh, it’s Thursday. Like life is being stressful. Let’s open a bottle of wine and I’m gonna have a glass or two and it’s Friday and we’re out at a party. So I’m just sort of ordering drinks and not super conscious of it, but never blackout. Cuz I did know that it didn’t, it didn’t make me feel great the next day I was aware of that, but it was just so ingrained in what we did in totally in my friend group in life. I grew up with a mom who didn’t, she didn’t drink a lot, but she’d have like a glass of wine while she was cooking. And so yeah, it was just part of what it was part of what you did. It’s like having your morning coffee or
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Speaker 3 (20:12):
Um, or meeting up with a friend for dinner, you just have the glass of wine. Everyone did it. Nobody’s questioning anything. I’m just the, the weird one who can’t seem to handle it as well the next day. But at the same time, that’s also normal. We all feel hungover and go for brunch and then have another drink. Right. So like
Speaker 2 (20:30):
It’s a toxin. Yeah. We’re not supposed to feel good after drinking it. Yeah. I, I do feel like some people are more in tune with their bodies and you probably are very in tune with your body, how you feel, what you’re doing, how that’s affecting you. I think some people are either kind of willing to look at that or just not. And it’s just like, oh, it’s fine. It’s, you know, onto the next.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
And truly all of us are built with different bodies. Like some of us can’t handle it as well. And other people have nervous systems that are a little bit different. Their chem, their brain chemistry is a little bit different. Yeah. I’m not saying that it’s good for anyone. I don’t subscribe to that. No, but I do think that there’s some of us where it just, it has a different impact. Right. I can’t drink coffee really either. And other of my friends can drink yeah. Two big coffees and they feel totally calm and fine. So as well, it’s sort of recognizing what what’s going on in your body and yes. Your unique situation and finding acceptance for the unique individual that you are.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
Yeah, for sure. Last night I drank a coffee at 7:00 PM. <laugh> and then I, and then I went to sleep at nine. So
Speaker 3 (21:38):
That’s a no, for me, that is like, that would never happen. This
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Is definitely not like a quick coffee podcast. <laugh> I’m like, people have been like, oh, you, you know, you talk, how about how alcohol is horrible? What about coffee? And I’m like, dude, you never black out from coffee. Like just, just leave me the fuck alone. Let me have my coffee. <laugh> get
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Me my thing. Let me have my thing, please,
Speaker 2 (21:59):
Please. I have advice.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
Yes. Yes you can. Okay.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Good thing. Um, okay, so you decided you’re like, let me just try dry January. Let’s see how it goes.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
I was also really lucky in that my husband was like, sure. Let’s try that.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Okay. So he did it with you.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
He did it with me.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
Speaker 3 (22:17):
And um, he has Crohn’s so, which is inflamm inflammation in, um, his intestines. And so he was kind of like, I’m just gonna try and see how it affects my gut. Um, yeah. He wasn’t in a flare up or anything like that, but was just to, was just curious as well as to how this would impact his body.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Speaker 3 (22:41):
I got to the end of the month and I was like still quite anxious here, but I definitely feel better and I’m not having those Sunday dips and work was also really ramping up for me. And we have two young kids and I was like, I just, I don’t really have space for that right now. I’m gonna do another month and see how it goes. I, my birthday’s February 21st. So I was like, maybe I’ll have a drink on my birthday. We’ll see. Mm-hmm <affirmative> got to my birthday and was like, why would I have a drink on my birthday? Like, and then risk starting the next year, feeling anxious that doesn’t feel aligned anymore. And I kept going month by
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Month. It doesn’t feel like a reward.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
No, it doesn’t. It doesn’t. It feels like that would be setting myself up to start the year in a way that I absolutely don’t want to energetically or physically or emotionally.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Speaker 3 (23:32):
And so I continued on, and then you kind of have all these firsts in that year. Okay. We’re going to, to Maui, we’re going on our first family VA and we’re going with another family. And so maybe I’ll have a drink, maybe I won’t. Yeah. And then you find yourself on vacation and you get through that and you’re like, oh wow. I don’t need to drink in order to have fun on my vacation. And I actually am coming home feeling better. I’m not like, right. I’m not coming home feeling like I need a vacation for my vacation. Totally.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Yeah. And, and I feel like you don’t realize that or you don’t recognize that until you take alcohol out. Like you have to let yourself experience those things. Yeah. To say like, wait a second. And then it does make you start questioning everything,
Speaker 3 (24:21):
Speaker 2 (24:23):
That we thought we knew about ALCA. We’re like, wait a second.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
I get it.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Okay. So, so you saw on that vacation then you’re like, wait a second. Like I can have fun. Maybe even more fun without alcohol.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
Truly for me more fun. Once I got through this idea of I’m only fun when I’m drinking. Totally. Like I’ll only let myself dance when I’m drinking. I’ll only, you know, be able to hold a conversation if I’m drinking. Yeah. A couple things came to light. First of all, the conversation after 10:00 PM, when everyone else is drinking. Oh my God is no, Gwenno, it’s
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Speaker 3 (24:59):
It’s like, there’s not a lot going on there. Right. Like
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Everyone gets like so much louder and like, they just start, you know, like makeup’s a little bit like smear and you’re like, oh wow. This is what happened.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
Everything is getting a bit blurry for everyone. And I’m crystal clear right
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Speaker 3 (25:18):
I mean, on one hand it’s, it’s it’s entertaining. And then oftentimes depending on the situation, I’ll be like, now’s my cue to, to exit and to leave. Right. And then my husband was also training for Ironman. So we would come home and he’s a night out. Oh wow. We would come home from like a dinner party or something like that. And he’d be like, I’m gonna just jump on my bike for an hour. Oh
Speaker 2 (25:40):
My God. It
Speaker 3 (25:40):
Sounds like the crazy, crazy health and wellness people. But
Speaker 2 (25:43):
No, that’s amazing. I go
Speaker 3 (25:44):
To bed and he will go out for a run or do his training at that time. And wow. It’s so strange, but that, that’s what works for him in this season. <laugh> that’s that’s amazing. Um, so then yeah, so at this point were a few months in, on no drinking, summer’s coming up again. I was like, you know, maybe I’ll have something here or there in the summer. And he, at this point was like, I gotta make it a year. He’s like, I’ve come this far. Oh,
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Speaker 3 (26:14):
I’ve gotta hit that year milestone. So he made it a, we both didn’t drink for a full year, long story short. He now will have a glass of wine, but he just, he drinks like so much more mindfully now. So yeah, he, he says, he’ll ask himself before he drinks, do I need to be productive tonight or tomorrow? And being an entrepreneur with two young kids and training for Ironman, it’s very rare that he has pockets of time to be totally
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Speaker 3 (26:43):
In a foggy way or, you know, to, to just like take a morning off sitting in his sweatpants, watching football. It just doesn’t happen right now.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Right? No, no.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
So he rarely drinks. And if he does, it’s like a really good glass of red or, you know, in that capacity, I had a glass of champagne a year and a half into this sobriety journey when we were in Paris at this incredible restaurant. And it was lovely. And I didn’t feel like I needed more. I felt very underwhelmed by the experience is what I would say
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Really that’s yeah. So what, what do you mean like walk us through that? Like what did it feel like?
Speaker 3 (27:21):
Well, honestly, I’m like, I, I prefer the taste of apple juice at this point because the alcohol, I could taste it very.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Oh, that’s interesting.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
It was almost overwhelming. Whereas before drinking champagne or wine, I would never have noticed it
Speaker 2 (27:36):
Speaker 3 (27:37):
<laugh> and yeah, exactly. And I didn’t drink enough to even feel a buzz, which I thought I would. Yeah. Because I hadn’t had anything for so long, but I didn’t really, we’d gone to the same restaurant at this incredible hotel it’s called hotel cost and it is such a scene in there. You’re like just surrounded by really our artistic cool people. The fashion’s incredible. Ah,
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Speaker 3 (28:03):
She we’ve gone there the night before and I hadn’t had anything to drink and like literally it added nothing. It added nothing to the experience. Yeah. So then for the rest of the trip, I didn’t have anything, you know, a few more months, this passed summer again, I had a sip of white wine last week and all I could taste was the alcohol. And I was like, this is so weird that people drink this. Like it tastes like nail Polish remover. Totally.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
It was like, you were back to like being like 15 or whenever you tried it and you were like, oh, everything inside of me is telling me this is horrible. Like exactly would drink this. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
And so I didn’t even finish it. I was like, this is off. And they were like, it’s not off. And I was like, oh, weird. And then I didn’t make a big deal out of it. Everyone else continued on having their wine. And I have to say, we are so lucky. None of our friends have ever made us feel bad or have pressured us or have made fun of us for not drinking. They’ve all continued to do their thing. I am so respect of that. I don’t care that they drink. I don’t feel that they should yeah. Make the same choice of me. I’m very clear that this is my journey that I’m on and it’s very tied to anxiety. And so we’ve been very lucky in that sense. A lot of people will say that they feel like they’ll lose friends if they stop drinking.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
I know. Yeah. You guys are really lucky. I, I feel like those are the good ones, like hang onto those because like, it, it is true. Like probably those like peripheral friends who are like, you know, you could kind of do without anyway will probably stop inviting you to stuff. But like then if that’s, what was the bonding agent between you? Like, yeah, it’s not real anyway. Right?
Speaker 3 (29:48):
Nope. It’s not. And people come into our life for a season, a reason or a lifetime. Yeah. And sometimes those people were great and served you in that season. But as you grow and understand yourself more than they might fall away or maybe yeah, just change is, is normal and inevitable and it can feel really hard, but you’ve gotta stay true to yourself and what works best for you.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Yeah, for sure. Like, and that’s what I always tell. Like even, you know, I always get the question about the husbands and if the husband isn’t ready to be sober yet mm-hmm <affirmative> or interested in it. And I’m like, always like, you gotta just do what’s best for you. Like I just don’t think you can go wrong if you make the good decision for you. Like you’re not gonna go wrong.
Speaker 3 (30:32):
No. And sometimes it will take them a moment to come around. My hope would be for everyone to land in relationships where they can hold space for you to do what you need to do. Like, I don’t think I will ever train for an Ironman and I can hold space for my husband to do that. Is he ever gonna meditate for 30 minutes a day? Probably not as much as I would love him to like the guy, do
Speaker 2 (30:57):
You okay. You meditate for 30 minutes every day.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
Every day. Yeah,
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Speaker 3 (31:02):
Yeah. I’m doing my meditation teacher training right now. And part of it is that you do daily meditation. So I’m about wow. 52, 53 days in on the meditating and it is life changing, but I’ve also been meditating pretty consistently for probably four years now.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Yeah. That’s amazing. I feel like I go in it and out of it, like, I’m like, okay, I’m gonna do this. And it is a thing where it’s like, I don’t know. Maybe you can kind of relate it to drinking. Cuz I feel like you have to go into meditation being like perfect. Do it. And then I’m like, oh, if I’m not doing it, then I’m not gonna do it. And it’s like, no, you can.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Can fail and start over. Like you that’s a part of it. Right. That’s all a part of this process of growing and learning. And it’s the same as quitting alcohol. Like you having that drink and like that was that’s part of the process. Yeah. It’s all a part of it.
Speaker 3 (31:56):
I mean, for me being sober, I don’t want it to ever feel like handcuffs and because I wasn’t somebody who drank and you know, hurt other people or hurt myself in ways that I could never come back from if I want to or choose to, at some point in my life, have a drink here or there, then that’s what I’ll do. It’s just, yeah, for me, it’s just not right in the season, but again, sobriety’s gonna look different for everyone and it’s the same for meditation. I’m finding it really helpful right now to say to myself, my family, my kids, my husband, I’m meditating every day. It’s a, non-negotiable in my life and I’ve had some pretty wild anxiety over the last couple of years. Um, so they’re supportive in knowing that I need to take care of myself so I can show up for other people and to show up for them.
Yeah, for sure. And so the meditation is really powerful in rewiring our neural pathways, supporting me in welcoming more peace into my life. Really deconstructing thought patterns that are holding me back from finding peace and growth in certain areas. Yeah. And so just knowing I’m gonna do it every day, kind of like sobriety. It’s like, I’m just doing this every day. Right? It, it takes the questioning out. It takes the question and this actually a big piece of my sobriety thing as well. There were some questions at the beginning, like why don’t you just cut back? And I said, because then it creates this dialogue of back and forth in my head. Am I going to, how much am I gonna have? Yes. Should I do it tonight? What? Then I have that other thing coming up in the weekend. I’m like, I don’t have time for that mental chatter. Totally.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
It’s so much
Speaker 3 (33:37):
My husband’s like, what, what is this mental chatter? What is this voice in your head? I’m like, what are you talking about? He’s like, I don’t have that
Speaker 2 (33:43):
Voice. Oh my God. I’ve guys. I’m like,
Speaker 3 (33:45):
That voice is always on in my head. <laugh>
Speaker 2 (33:48):
So many voices, so many, like I feel like, yeah, men, men probably don’t, you know what I mean? Like they’re just very compartmentalized. I know I’m generalizing. Yeah. But still like I think all women, especially moms listening right now know exactly the voices you’re talking about.
Speaker 3 (34:06):
I’m like, there’s just too much chatter. I, I need, I’ve got decision fatigue and I need to simplify things. So it’s like, yeah, it’s not, am I going to meditate today? It’s when am I going to and how like, where am I fitting that in? And it’s not even, am I gonna have a drink tonight when we go to that thing? I’m just not. So that’s simplifying things and cutting out the mental chatter <laugh>
Speaker 2 (34:29):
Especially I think, especially with the pandemic and COVID and all of that, it’s just like moms have had to figure out so much stuff. Like the mental weight of even just like, should I send my daughter to a birthday party if she has a cough, but I know it’s not COVID but then how are the moms gonna react? And I don’t wanna be judged and I don’t want, you know what I mean? Like all of that all day long, and now with school starting, it’s gonna be that times 10,
Speaker 3 (34:56):
Speaker 2 (34:57):
Endless of, of like, what is the right? Someone just tell me the right decision so that I don’t have to go through these like hoops.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
Speaker 2 (35:06):
Yet taking alcohol, just like out of the equation and for you to be like, no, I, okay. I’ve made that decision and for you to meditate. Yes. I’ve made that decision. Like I think that’s so important. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:17):
And all that mental chatter just softened a little bit as well. It’s like alcohol. Yeah. Creates a vulnerability in me for that mental chatter or what I call my fearful friend to get really loud. It’s like, it opens the door for that part of me to just go wild the next day. Yeah. And even while I’m drinking sometimes. And so it’s like, I’m, I’m trying to keep that door closed. Locked.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
Yeah. Throw way they can and
Speaker 3 (35:44):
Really securely in place. Yeah. Yeah. And so the things that are going to open it back up again, it’s like, I just, I just don’t want that right now in life. I want my, when my thinking brain is on for it to be thinking about how I’m gonna support more people in my business being really tuned into what my kids need day to day, what they’re yeah. Where they’re at holding space for them emotionally holding space for my husband and having fun. And like, I just, I have to keep asking what actions are aligning me with my core desired feelings and the things that I want in life and everything else. It’s just not a priority right now.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
Yeah. I love that. So, so much. I lo I love the core desired feelings. I’m gonna write that down. Cause I think that that’s a really important thing to like to think about
Speaker 3 (36:34):
What are some of your core desired feelings right now? Oh
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Speaker 3 (36:37):
If I were to just put you on the spot and be like, what are the first things that bubble up when I ask what you wanna welcome in?
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Yeah. I think my like number one is always gratitude. I always want to, because I, for me, gratitude is kind of feels like a slowing down of time I think. And because I’m 42 because my kids are growing up so fast. Like especially going back to school this time of year always makes me nostalgic. Like I could literally cry right now thinking about my middle starting kindergarten. So I just have this like all this fear about like time moving by so quickly. And I think gratitude to me is it feels kind of like a slowing down and really kind of welcoming everything that’s happening right now and noticing it,
Speaker 3 (37:33):
It roots you into the present.
Speaker 2 (37:35):
Yeah. And really like taking it in. So I think that that’s, that’s probably like overall my number one, like if I could feel one thing for the rest of the time of time, that’s what it would be. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Yeah. And then we remember that everything is, I permanent. We won’t feel that all the time, but for you having that touch point daily that before bed or first thing, when you wake up in the morning that you’re coming home to gratitude, sets the tone for the rest of the time. Now when you go to bed drunk and wake up hungover, right. It’s a lot harder to support your mind in getting to that space of gratitude. And so there’s
Speaker 2 (38:14):
Speaker 3 (38:15):
Again, like that action doesn’t really align. Totally. And when your mind starts to spin into a space of worry and like my kids are growing up so fast and they’re gonna be getting married before. I know it. I know now we’re moving into the future. It’s like gratitude is the invitation brings us back to the present moment. And the present moment is, is all that we have.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
Yeah. Aaron, you’re my therapist now <laugh> you
Speaker 3 (38:43):
Are, I’m not, this is just such a great conversation. And so I
Speaker 2 (38:46):
Know, but even like, I feel in my body, you know, like even just talking about this, like I feel like a little bit heavy in a good way. Like I do feel grounded right now. Like talking about this. Yeah. That’s
Speaker 3 (38:59):
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Speaker 3 (39:01):
It. Connected right. Connected to yourself.
Speaker 2 (39:04):
Speaker 3 (39:05):
So everyone else can ask themselves that question right now. I would love to hear if you come over and say hi on Instagram at Rob detox, what your core desired feelings are. And
Speaker 2 (39:17):
Speaker 3 (39:18):
Tell us, or take screenshot, take a screenshot of this episode and then share it on social and take both of us. Yeah. Yeah. And share your core desired feeling with us.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
I love that so much. I love it.
Speaker 3 (39:30):
That’s welcome it all in.
Speaker 2 (39:32):
Okay. So I have one last question that I try to ask everyone if I remember. So how has sobriety changed motherhood for you?
Speaker 3 (39:40):
Oh, best, best ways. I mean
Speaker 2 (39:44):
Speaker 3 (39:45):
Allowing me to be so much more present with my kids and on those hard days of motherhood, which let’s be honest. We have hard moments every day, every day. Yeah. Um, to lean on tools that are actually truly gonna be supportive, like yeah. Meditation and breathwork and getting outside for a walk and connecting with friends who are moms and being like, wow, what the F is happening? Like, is this normal for a kid to say your name 200 times after you finish work in the first hour, like, oh,
Speaker 2 (40:18):
So many, so much mama, all this
Speaker 3 (40:21):
It’s so touched out I’m whatever it is. Right.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
Totally. Yes. Those
Speaker 3 (40:25):
Tools are so much more supportive than the glass of wine. It really, they really allow us to work through these things and to come out as our best, highest self versus a more anxious, low depressed self. Yes. And so really practicing using the tools that I believe support us, not just in motherhood, but in every big transition that will go through in every stage that we go through. Yeah. And then I feel very aligned in that. I want my kids to become the individuals that they are meant to become with the tools to support them in getting through the difficult moments in life. I am clear and have come to accept that I cannot prevent my children from suffering, from hardship, from discomfort, but I want them to be so familiar with tools like seeing their mom go for walks, listening to uplifting music, meditating, having conversations, crying, feeling her feelings and moments.
Yeah. I want them to feel safe with all of those things so that they have their own rock, their own steady place to land on actually had my daughter who’s four. Join me for the intro of a podcast of recent one that I did on how to deal. When you know, people around you are talking about losing weight or diet culture, and you’re trying to heal your relationship with it. And I, I asked her off the cuff, you know, what are some things that you do to help you feel your best? And she goes, take my vitamins, get my sleep, eat good foods. And she just rattled it off just like that at four years old. No, and I was shocked, but also like, yeah, I’m doing the work and she’s watching it. She’s watching kids. Aren’t really taught the values aren’t taught. They’re caught.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
Yeah. Oh, so
Speaker 3 (42:22):
True. They are caught. They see us living in certain ways. They see us following our dreams. They see us getting up from hard moments if you’re listening to this right now. And you’re like, my kid would not say that that’s okay. Yeah. That’s okay. You’ve got a lifetime to go.
Speaker 2 (42:37):
My kid would probably say like, I don’t know, like gummies and the like my iPad and maybe paw patrol. <laugh> yeah. I’d be like, cool. And
Speaker 3 (42:44):
Hey, that’s, that is a great solution. Some days we need to distract and chill the F out. Um, and that’s totally, that’s totally cool too. We can always start to make different choices. Every moment is an opportunity to make a new choice and we can make a choice and then make a different choice the next day and then get back up and choose another time again, over and over and over again. And that’s the beauty of being, of being human and having a human mind. That is, that is like plastic. We can change. We can change it. And totally. So I don’t know. I mean, I’m, I’m, I could talk about all of this stuff all day, every day, what
Speaker 2 (43:25):
Things I could too, you know, I could do. So I, I love it so much. I just love everything that you’re putting out into the world. I think you make the world a better place and I adore you. You guys, if you have not checked out Erin on Rob beauty talks to be sure you do, she’s just, she’s a light.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
Mm. Right back at you.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
She is a light. Thank
Speaker 3 (43:45):
You. Taking the time and energy and space away from your kids, which sometimes is the best thing possible and other
Speaker 2 (43:53):
It’s hard. You’re welcome.
Speaker 3 (43:54):
Anytime. <laugh> let go sit in my room for a second with a coffee in my headphones.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
Oh, damn. I have to lock the door.
Speaker 3 (44:01):
Uh, but it’s still, it still requires a massive outpouring of energy and time, which is our greatest resource. And so thank you for so boldly leading this conversation and holding space for all of us to reflect more deeply. I know every time I see your Instagram post, I also just feel a breath of fresh air. And it’s like a solid reminder from a friend to keep going and to keep tuning in. So thank you.
Speaker 2 (44:26):
Aw. Yes, of course. Well, thank you. All right. You gotta do this again. You have to be like a, a return guest. I
Speaker 3 (44:33):
Would love to whenever, whenever you’ve got space for me and uh, so nice connecting with everyone who’s tuning in right now, come say hi at Robbie talks
Speaker 2 (44:42):
And yeah, go say
Speaker 3 (44:43):
Hi. I would love to meet you.
Speaker 2 (44:44):
Yay. Thanks Aaron.
Speaker 3 (44:46):
Speaker 2 (44:52):
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the sober mom life. If you loved it, please rate and review it wherever you listen. Five stars is amazing. Also follow me on Instagram at the sober mom life. Okay. I’ll see you next week. I’m gonna go reheat my coffee. Bye.