Hi, sweet friends! I hope you had a wonderful weekend. Ours was filled with fun and friends and it almost felt like the world was getting back to normal. Sunshine helps, too… Today I’m sharing a matching mini outfit, and some 3rd baby thoughts.
(This post contains affiliated links.)
This matching Mama + Mini set would be the cutest Mother’s Day gift! There’s still time…
If you’ve been around here for awhile, you might know that Baby Gray wasn’t a foregone conclusion. That’s also not to say that he was a surprise, or an oops. He wasn’t. Mostly. Kind of.
I had always planned on having two kids. A 3rd baby NEVER factored in. It just wasn’t an option – in my mind or in my heart. I knew two kids would complete our family. I grew up with a brother and my husband grew up with a brother. Two kids. It’s what we knew.
Then, I had my second baby.
I’ve talked openly about my struggle with postpartum anxiety after having my first. (Read more about that here.) I’ve also shared that I struggled for too long and finally went on Zoloft when she was 1. (Read about that here.)
Getting my anxiety in check helped me enjoy both my second pregnancy, but also the baby stage with my second girl. I was no longer consumed with that what-ifs and Googling EVERY single thing.
Part of my relaxation was also due to experience. I’d been here before. I knew it would be OK. I knew babies are resilient and I wasn’t going to make some catastrophic mistake that would ruin her forever.
While my oldest girl’s first year seemed to move at a snail’s pace, my second baby’s first year flew by. I wanted time to slow down so I could take it all in and remember everything, especially since this was my last baby.
As all moms know, time sucks and doesn’t care what we want. It just ticked on by, with absolutely no regard for my feelings. So rude.
As my baby turned into a toddler, I started feeling something that caught me off guard.
To say I felt incomplete would be wrong. My heart was full and nothing was missing. Actually, I wasn’t sure my heart could even get any fuller. Surely it would burst.
I was perfectly happy with 2 kids.
I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t done.
It took me a few months to work out these feelings. Talking with my husband, he felt the same way.
So, we decided to leave it up to fate.
It had taken me a year to get pregnant with each girl. Before getting pregnant with Everly, I went to the fertility Dr to get things checked. My egg quality had declined sharply since having Harper. He was doubtful I would get pregnant without help. Then a few months later, I did.
I wasn’t hopeful about getting pregnant again, 3 years later. I doubted it would work. Also, I wanted to be done with babies by the time I was 40. I was 38.
We would wait a little while, get through the holidays and start trying/not trying in January.
I got pregnant a few weeks later.
I was shocked. We hadn’t been trying yet. Could it be?
Gray came into our world in September and changed it forever.
While I still mourn the passing of time and miss those baby snuggles something fierce, I no longer feel like I did before my boy came into the world. He was my answer to a question I didn’t even know I was asking.
I wanted to share our story because I think the third baby is such a tough decision for so many mamas. While no one can answer it for you, you just might discover that it’s already been answered.