Hi, sweet friends! I hope you had a wonderful weekend and a happy Mother’s Day. I took a little break from social media and it felt…healthy. Who knew? 🙂 Sharing my new necklace and some thoughts on retail therapy today…

XO

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I’ve added a new necklace to my every day jewelry. This initial necklace is special to me because I chose the first letter of my maiden name, in honor of my dad. I love how dainty it is – and the chain is short, which makes it perfect for layering with my gold coin necklace (which is currently on sale for $42!).

I’ve been shopping a lot lately.

(And I know what you’re thinking. YES, more than usual.)

I didn’t realize it until last week, after clicking complete purchase on my second (third?) online order in as many days.

“Hmm,” I thought. “That’s interesting. Let’s see if J.Crew is having a sale.”

OK, and let’s be real. I shop more than the average bear. I mean, it’s my job. (But also, can we talk about the fact that I probably MADE it my job because…I like to shop? That’s for another day, another post.)

I’ve always been this way. In 8th grade, I asked my mom for a subscription to Vogue. I poured over the pages. I cut out shoes and taped them to my wall, creating a dancing line of platforms and kitten heels and pumps bordering the ceiling. During a class trip to Paris my junior year of high school, I happily shopped my way through my favorite city, knowing that whatever was going on outside of those shop doors could wait. I was in heaven.

For me, shopping has always been about much more than scoring a deal or finding the perfect pair of jeans.

When life was hard, I could escape into the pages of that magazine, letting everything else slip away. There were no bullies in Vogue. No divorces in dressing rooms in Paris.

It’s now been two months (and two days) since my dad passed away and it’s clear to me that I’m, once again, escaping into retail therapy.

There is no guilt.

I am still sober. I have no desire to turn to alcohol to cope. I know how that story ends.

So, I shop.

I also write in my journal, talk to my loved ones and exercise. I am actively looking for a therapist who specializes in grief. And…I shop.

Another thing. I think it’s important for me to point out that I don’t shop to the detriment of my family’s well-being and security. I can afford everything I buy. I stay within our budget. And I don’t hide any of it from my loving, supportive husband.

I know in the near future, I won’t shop at much. It ebbs and flows. In the meantime, I’m going to be kind to myself, knowing that I’m doing the best I can.

And also? Grief sucks.