Like so many women, Andrea began drinking in highschool to fit in. Then, twelve years as a bartender then cemented alcohol into her lifestyle. It was when she transitioned into a corporate career that she slowly started to realize she had a problem. She felt like Jekyll and Hyde: Put together during the week… and then a mess on the weekend. After going back and forth with alcohol for years, Andrea finally decided when she turned 40 that it was time to quit once and for all.
With the help of a therapist, a sober coach, and online communities, Andrea has had major success with leaving alcohol behind!
Andra is leading a ‘75 Soft’ group (because ‘75 Hard sounds way too hard!) that sprung out of The Sober Mom Life Facebook group! I’m joining and so can you:
Resources Andrea recommends:
Think Before You Drink Coaching
The Luckiest Club
Connect with Andrea on Instagram where she shares sober treats, mocktails, and more!
Join The Sober Mom Life FB group – https://www.facebook.com/groups/1542852942745657
We have merch!!!! Check it out here!
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I wish more people would listen to our podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I know. I feel like this is why we need to do an ad. So this is an ad for brand new information, a pop culture and political podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
We’re a couple Gen Xers who talk about pop culture and political stuff on the brand new information pop culture and political podcast. Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
But we’re not a couple we’re siblings. It sounded like you said we’re a couple <laugh>. That was so gross. No, we’re siblings. That’s my brother. I’m his sister. Listen to us wherever you get your podcasts.
Hi. Welcome to the Sober Mom Life podcast. I’m your host Suzanne of my kind of sweet and the sober mom life on Instagram. If you are a mama who has questioned your relationship with alcohol at times, if you’re wondering if maybe it’s making motherhood harder, this is for you. I will be having candid, honest, funny conversations with other moms who have also thought maybe motherhood is better without alcohol. Is it possible? We’ll chat and we’ll talk about all things sobriety and how we’ve found freedom in sobriety. I don’t consider myself an alcoholic. You don’t have to either. Maybe life is brighter without alcohol. I hope you will join us on this journey and I’m so excited to get started.
Hello and happy Friday. We are back with another episode of Real Sober Moms. Today I talk with Andrea and this conversation I love. We talk a lot about just finding grace in sobriety and not having to start over. It’s not about counting days. Also, I love that Andrea has a lot of resources. I’ve linked them all in the show notes. So she’s a tryer. That’s how she describes herself and she has tried a lot in sobriety and whether that’s therapy, sober coaching, health coaching, and she said that the most important thing is finding community. And that just really hit home to me. I have found that to be true. I love that she’s found part of her community in the Sober mom life Facebook group. I also love you guys. I am trying this challenge with them. They started out of the Sober Mom life Facebook group.
They have created their own group, and I’m also linking this in the show notes. It’s called 75 Soft. So if you listen to the Jen Hurst episode, this was a few months ago, she talked about a challenge called 75 Hard. And you guys, it’s just too hard. It’s about starting over if you screw up. And I don’t like that. I don’t like the idea of having to start over. If you miss a day of something like that just is not what it’s about. I think that sobriety and life are about grace and giving yourself, yourself grace, giving yourself room to make mistakes, learning from that, it’s a long game. This is not about perfection. And so this idea of 75 Soft is, and she explains it in this episode. I love it. I’m starting. I’m starting even though they’re probably 30 days in. I don’t care guys.
Then I’ll do a 45 soft and we’ll see if I make it through that. But everything is linked in the show notes and I loved this conversation and I know you will too. Just a reminder, come and join us. Come and be a part of our community on the Sober Mom Life group on Facebook. Also come and follow me on Instagram at the Sober Mom life on TikTok sober mom life pod. And then if you’re loving the podcast, just follow it wherever you listen, write and review it, all of the stars. Share it with your friends. Share it on your social media so that we can grow this little community we have. And I’m so thankful for you guys. Okay, let’s hear from Andrea. Okay, we are back today. Another real sober mom, life chat, sober slash sober. Curious. We welcome everyone here. We are talking with Andrea today. Hi, Andrea.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
Hi. How are
Speaker 2 (04:18):
You? I’m good. How are you? I’m so glad you’re here.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
I’m really happy to be here.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Good. Okay. So why don’t we just start, tell us a little bit about yourself and then let’s talk about alcohol first before we dive into sobriety and where you’re at with that.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
All right, cool. So I am in my early forties. I have two kids. I have a three and a half year old and they have a 10 week old.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
I am not the birth mom. My wife gave birth the second time, which really,
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Okay, so did you give birth the first time?
Speaker 3 (04:49):
I gave birth the first time.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Oh, that’s so
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Cool. It’s very cool.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Oh, well congratulations. You guys are in it right now, right? Oh,
Speaker 3 (04:55):
We’re in it. We’re totally in it. You’re in it. We’re like in it, but the second time’s not bad, I don’t
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Think. Yes. Second time is way better. So
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Yeah, I live right in the Massachusetts area. It’s beautiful out right now, the fall.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Leaves. And I have a pretty big corporate job, so I’m very busy with that. So yes, so that’s pretty much me in a nutshell. Right. I love to spend time with the family. Yeah, cook travel. I love to hike. I love to be outside. I just finished a half marathon on Sunday. Amazing.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Speaker 3 (05:25):
No, it’s so funny. I casually trained for it cause it’s like my eighth of it’s just casually jogged with a friend. <laugh>.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I love it. I think the half marathon is the perfect distance. I
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Speaker 2 (05:35):
So too. It’s enough that you feel like, holy shit, I did that. But it’s not a marathon where it’s takes over your life.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
Well, and you don’t wanna spend, I don’t have time with my life to do three hours of training on the weekends. But I can be like, okay, I’ll commit to a 10 mile run before it and then I can go with a girlfriend and jog for 13 miles because I’m not winning my age bracket. That’s not happening. So I’m just
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Speaker 3 (05:58):
It’s, it’s not happening. It’s not. It’s fine. It’s I’ll
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Never even an option for me. Yeah. I’m like, no, no, no. Same.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
So I’m like, I own that and I’m just like, this is what
Speaker 2 (06:07):
It’s, no, that’s awesome. Well congrats on that. So tell us about your drinking story and your kind of past relationship with alcohol.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
I started drinking in a teenager. I started drinking at 15 to fit in. It’s the
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Speaker 3 (06:23):
It’s the moment that I became sober, curious and really sober. I was like, I had the same story of so many people, which is just in a way nice. It makes you feel better in a way that you’re like, oh, I’m not lonely.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Totally. As I talk to so many people on here, it really is astounding how much it’s like, well, my drinking story. I mean, alcohol was just always there cuz it’s everywhere. And I just did it. Everyone else did. And it’s like, yeah, cuz it is everywhere. And everyone did seem to drink and so yeah, it’s not special.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
It’s not special. It’s not a special story. Which is makes you almost feel better a little
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Bit. It does. Cuz you’re not
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Alone. I started drinking at 15 or something like that just to fit in everyone’s story. And then, yeah, I got my twenties and it continued and then I was a bartender for 12 years, so that just made it worse.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
<laugh>? Yeah. How was that? Cuz I was a bartender too. I was a bartender. I worked at a night club in college before I was 21. I did two. I didn’t know how. And I was like, sure. I mean, this is great. My friends get to come, they party. I can drink and I’m not, it was Green Bay, Wisconsin, so there you go. But yeah. How was that being a bartender, did you just drank? Right?
Speaker 3 (07:37):
You just drank. That’s what you do. You take shots the end of the night, you’re getting home at four. I was in college. That’s what you do. I worked in every nightclub in Boston area. It’s just like what you did. It was part of it. So that just amplified it. And then I got to the point where I was probably in my early thirties and then I went back, I did an undergrad degree, got my mba. Yeah. Went back and started working in office jobs and doing the corporate life. And I was like, I can’t do this. It was almost like Jacqueline Hyde. I always thought about it. I was like, on the weekdays I’m like, I’ll put together and in my meetings running in everything. And then on the weekends it’s a hot mess. You’re like, what is going on This? You’re losing your phone. You’re just <laugh>
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Speaker 3 (08:23):
Where they wake up with the eyeliner underneath. You’re
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Yes is wrong with me.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
You’re like, what is my life?
Speaker 3 (08:30):
And then on Monday morning you’re all buttoned up being like, it’s thetic means where they’re like you at 8 45 and they’re dancing around and they’re like, guy that nine. Perfect. And you’re just like, hi, now we’re gonna talk about the next action items,
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Speaker 3 (08:46):
That’s how it was. That’s exactly how, and I was just, I was tired all the time and I’m too young to be tired. So I kind of just started looking at it then. Okay. See that’s when I started looking. I’d be like, something’s up. But many, it’s taken years to be finally be like, what is this? So the first time I started was around 35. I was like, I’m gonna do my first probably a hundred day stretch then where I was like, I’m not gonna drink for a hundred days. I’m gonna see how that feels. And I felt great. I ran a marathon during that timeframe.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Speaker 3 (09:21):
I was waking up every morning at 5:00 AM doing everything.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Did you have your oldest at this time or no kids yet?
Speaker 3 (09:28):
No, no kids. And then it just slowly creeped back in because yeah, I wasn’t married at the time yet either, so I was dating and it was just fun going out. Fun. So I started to creep back in. And then I think I really started looking at when I started, after I got married and started to have my daughter. And I remember I was pregnant and I wasn’t drinking when I was pregnant and I was killing it in my career. And I was like, all right, so what is this? Cause I’m pregnant. I’m like, oh, I’m not drinking.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Yeah. You’re like, wait, I’m creating a human and yet I’m totally better than when I was drinking.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
Right? I’m like, oh, cause I’m not drinking. That’s what it
Speaker 2 (10:03):
Is. And so you connected those dots pretty quickly?
Speaker 3 (10:07):
I connected those dots. I wouldn’t say pretty quickly. I didn’t connect them until after I gave birth to my daughter because I think I gave birth to my daughter and I had a couple glasses of wine or something after she was born. It, I felt fuzzy and I was like, yeah. I was like, what? Oh, that is what it was.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Because I was pregnant and because I wasn’t drinking, I was so clear I was killing it. So that was when I finally decided, okay. And then it started to creep back in, I think with my daughter a little bit. Just, it was a lot. It was first child. She was a difficult kid. It was just so hard. Shit
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Show. Yeah, shit show. Right?
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Hard. It’s so
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Hard. Yeah. And the pandemic happened and it was just a shit show. And I remember going through bottles of wine and just being, what is going on? What I ended up deciding, I think it was going into my 40th. It was like, I’m not gonna deal with another year this. I’m gonna finally deal with my shit. And I called therapist and I started with a couple of groups, mostly around sober mom groups because I was starting to relate. And I just said, this is what I’m gonna do and I’m gonna actually commit to it. So I’ve done a lot of time. I don’t actually count days anymore because it’s not helpful. Cause in the beginning was, and I was doing stickers and I was doing all these things that my therapist told me. And then if I would just disappoint myself.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Yes, that’s it. You feel like you lose all that time, which you don’t.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Don’t. You’re just learning. Right?
Speaker 2 (11:30):
You’re learning. And it’s a long game. It’s not like that’s all you’ve got.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
All you’ve got. I’ve been doing this for two years now, so I’ve been doing this for two years. It’s every single time that I end up having a drink, I’m good reminder of why I don’t do
Speaker 2 (11:43):
That. Exactly. That’s probably more valuable than you just white knuckling it just to get those days. A hundred percent. You know what I mean? Because it’s easy to romanticize alcohol when we’re not around it or when we’re not by it. And then you can start to think about the good sides of it. But there’s nothing like a reminder of having that drink and being like, holy shit, I hate this. I hate how it makes me feel. And then
Speaker 3 (12:09):
I have a drink, I’m like, oh my God, I have a headache instantly. Why did I do that? Yes.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Speaker 3 (12:13):
Did I do that? Or if it’s when I’m in this process and I have a drink and I’ll wake up the next morning foggy or something like that and be like, you don’t have to feel this way. You don’t have to feel this way.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
And you wouldn’t have tied that to alcohol had you not had a break from alcohol. A hundred percent. You have to remove it to know what you feel like without it.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
And so I’ve done deep work over the last two years. A lot of deep work. I’ve hired a sober coach. I’ve joined different groups and found different outlets. Cause I never said I’m an alcoholic. That’s not the thing. I’m an addictive personality. Everything I do, I do hard. It’s just my personality. So I know what that is. I was never gonna go to aa. I was never gonna say that I was surrendering. Cuz that’s not me.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Speaker 3 (12:57):
Hell no. Right? I’m not gonna do
Speaker 2 (12:59):
That. Wait, I’m powerless to alcohol even if I’m not drinking it. That sounds like hell. Why would I be powerless to something that’s not in my life?
Speaker 3 (13:07):
A hundred percent. And that is not me. That is a hundred percent on me. That’s not my personality. I’m not powerless to anything that’s like, yeah, that’s about me. It’s not how I am.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
No, you’re like a force to be reckoned with. You’re a badass.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
And that’s what, so I’m like, I’m not gonna say okay, I can’t do this cause I can do it. Cause I’ve done it a ton.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Speaker 3 (13:25):
There’s plenty days that I can’t. So, and I think that everyone can choose their own path. Everyone chooses their own path they’re allowed to do. That’s just not for me. So I ended up finding that community’s been the best thing that’s helped me. Right. So I’ve done deep work, I’ve done a lot of journaling, I’ve done the visioning work. I’ve done, like I said, I hired a coach, which was awesome. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
How was the coach? I’ve never worked with a sober coach, so I don’t know. How was that?
Speaker 3 (13:47):
It was fantastic. I did it for three months Really? So I did a few things. So I think I tried everything just because I’m a trier of everything too.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Speaker 3 (13:54):
Good. So I started off with working with the Tempest, which is h Whitaker’s previous company. Yes.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Speaker 3 (14:01):
I did that. That’s right. And I did a couple just, they weren’t called coaches, but they’re accountability coaches in a way where I did weekly sessions just to check in because I had my therapist to talk about all my life stuff. Nice. But this was very focused in a way that I wasn’t gonna deal with my therapist on. And then I went into maybe I should hire someone. So I reached out to Casey Davidson cuz I had listened to her podcast a bunch. And I was reached out to Casey. Love her. Yeah, she’s fabulous. Yeah. I was gonna hire her as a coach.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Love her. But
Speaker 3 (14:31):
She actually was doing this epic trip to Africa or something and she was like, I don’t have time to do it, but I’ll introduce you to some people. So she introduced me to a lovely woman named Camille. And I worked with Camille for three months and she was fabulous.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Oh, that’s awesome.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
It’s all about picky. So the nice thing about coaching is especially private coaching, if you could afford it. And I kind of was like, this is an investment in myself.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Speaker 3 (14:55):
I would’ve spent this much in line
Speaker 2 (14:57):
<laugh>. Exactly. That’s the thing about all these recoveries. I say recovery in quotes, support groups and sober coaching and health. Think about all the money that you spent not only on alcohol, but then what that led to. If it led to shopping drunk or eating drunk, all that stuff. You’re saving all that money. Invest in something good.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
So I hired her and it an investment, but it was like, this is an investment myself. So I did deep work with her over the summer. This past summer. Oh, awesome. And you commit to not drinking, you commit to a hundred days. Yeah. You go in and the nice thing about private coaching is you start where you are in your journey. Yes. So it’s is really nice. I have Laura who does the luckiest club. Yeah. Her last name.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Speaker 3 (15:41):
McCowan. Thank you. She has this great quote about you push off from where you are. Push off from here. I love that quote. A pushing off from here. That’s
Speaker 2 (15:48):
The title of her new book too. I think it
Speaker 3 (15:50):
Is. The title learning book that comes out in the spring. So I was like, okay. She met me where I was and we worked on where we were. So it was all about picking apart kind of your story with alcohol, why you did it, and then moving on to visioning work and where you wanted to go and what were the values that you wanted to embody and what could those three values be? And then what is your five year vision? And then how do you get there? And it’s really beautiful work.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
Yeah, that sounds amazing. And so helpful.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
You just did a podcast, I forget the woman’s name and it was all about how do you want to feel?
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Yes. That was Erin from Raw Beauty Talks. I love that. The core desired feeling.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
The core desired feelings. And I was thinking about that. And that’s what her and I did, was these core designed feelings of what do I want to feel? Right. And I was holistic, loving and empowered. Those were my words. I love that. And so how do I then build a vision around all of those? So then you write your five year vision, you get into a practice of getting up every morning a little bit earlier doing, I can only do five minutes of meditation. Anything longer. It’s like me too torture. I can’t.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Me too. I’ve tried. I’ve tried. I’ve tried.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
I’ve tried. I try. It’s like five minutes is a stretch.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
I five minutes feels like an hour. Ps So it’s might be an hour, it might be five minutes, whatever. Yeah,
Speaker 3 (17:06):
Totally. So I did that and I ended up from that coming up with that vision. You sit down, you meditate, you read that vision every day you start to embody it. And then I love that. It’s just really nice. And then you just stay with her throughout that whole time. You check in once a week, every other week we end up getting towards the end of the cadence. And you just have someone that you work with. Yeah. And it’s nice because they can meet you wherever your journey is. If your journey is you’re struggling to white knuckle it through the first 30 days, then that’s where they would meet you. Right. My story wasn’t that, cuz I had already done all this work. Therapy had already had years and many stints. So that’s been great. And then I found your community. And so I think it was your podcast or I found, actually, I think I just followed you for fashion first. I think that’s where I found you. Which is like, yeah. And then I found your community, which has been great. And I joined your Facebook group and I met another woman on your Facebook group.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Speaker 3 (18:03):
And we started a sober mom, 75 soft challenge. And
Speaker 2 (18:08):
I saw that. That’s amazing.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
So that’s her and I are running that
Speaker 2 (18:12):
<laugh>. Yeah. So tell me about that. I wanna know.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
So she posted, does anyone wanna do a 75 hard? Which I
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Don’t know which. That sounds scary. I had Jen Hurston and she was telling me about it and the thing that scared me about it. And I didn’t say anything at the time. And now looking back, I kind of wish I did because if you screw up, you have to start over. Totally. And I’m like, oh, that doesn’t feel good to me. That feels, I think that we, grace is all a part of it.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
That’s that same thing with the days.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Counting the days that we just talked about. Right,
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Exactly. And I’m all about, I try to tell my kids what mistakes are we gonna make today? Mistakes are not bad. Mistakes are not scary mistakes teach us. And so I think this idea of, if you screw up, start over. I’m like, well no, I don’t wanna do that
Speaker 3 (19:00):
<laugh>. No, I don’t wanna start over.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
No, I don’t wanna start over.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
I don’t wanna start over. This woman posted on the, she was like, say you wanna do a 75 hard. And I was like, that feels like a little,
Speaker 2 (19:08):
That feels hard. That
Speaker 3 (19:09):
Feels hard. That feels hard for
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Me. That feels too
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Hard. I was like, even just the two workouts a day is hard for me. One workout a day. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Speaker 3 (19:18):
2 45 minute workouts is really hard.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
That is so hard. And then I have to start over if I screw up. So I would just be doing that for the rest of my life because I would always screw up
Speaker 3 (19:29):
Speaker 2 (19:30):
So that I’m just continually starting over.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Oh, so a hundred percent. So her and I were like, let’s do, I was like, what about a 75 soft
Speaker 2 (19:38):
<laugh>? That’s amazing. That’s amazing. When I saw that, I was like, okay, these are my people. Yeah. I’m so glad. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
I was. So we were just chatting. We’re like, what would this look like? So we just agreed. One workout a day. Great. Twice a week outside.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Good, good, good. Cause was the other one every day outside? Yes. Okay. No. Okay.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
I’m already signed down. I’m already done at day two. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
<laugh>. Yeah. I’m already calling it,
Speaker 3 (20:03):
It’s a gallon of water.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Okay, good. It’s
Speaker 3 (20:06):
Just a lot. That’s got a lot. But I had already been drinking a B ton of water, so it’s good.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Yeah. I feel like when you’re sober, you drink a lot of wa Does seltzer water count?
Speaker 3 (20:15):
Seltzer water does not count, but we’re counting it in the soft.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Okay. I need 75. Super soft. Cause Yeah, I’m okay. Okay. Gallon of regular water.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
The hard is regular water. The soft that we’ve done is now you can have a look. Right. You can put in some flavor.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Okay. Okay. Okay.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
Okay. So you can have some flavored darker water
Speaker 2 (20:37):
If you want. Okay. I’m back in. You’re
Speaker 3 (20:39):
Back. You’re in. All right. You have a gratitude journal. Yes. Once a day. Good. Anytime you want. It can be anything that you want. It can be five bullet points on a post-it, right? Yes. It could be in an actual journal that you buy. I have this one. It’s like a shut off your mind. One that has prompts. It’s like what? Today and tomorrow, which
Speaker 2 (20:58):
Is Oh, I love prompts.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
I love prompts. It’s a great shut off your mind one. And it’s really quick bullet points too, because I don’t have a ton of time. So gratitude journal, I mean the number one thing is you’re sober, right? Okay. That’s the, you’re sober throughout the whole thing, right?
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Yep. Sober. Okay. We’re doing this sober. Got
Speaker 3 (21:13):
It. You’re doing this sober and you follow a diet. Okay. And that diet can be any diet you have.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Speaker 3 (21:20):
So your diet can do whatever. My diet’s in 80 20. That’s my diet.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
Okay, good. See, you and I are probably the same person because I am an 80 20 girl. I am not. I’m currently battling sugar and I can’t say no sugar. I freak the fuck out. Then I just want it more, I need an 80 20.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
80 20. So that’s my diet. My diet’s an 80 20. That is my diet. Yes. And then am I missing anything? I don’t think I’m missing anything. I think that’s like, that’s it.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
I like that.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
I say that’s it. But it’s still hard because yes, it’s hard to get it all in.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Well and it’s just about habits and how are we creating new habits. These things on their own don’t take up a lot of time. And these things on their own are easy or simple, <affirmative>, but then putting ’em together every day. Yeah. You have to be mindful.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
A hundred percent. You have to be. So that’s what it’s about. And then we switch between days of posting and doing accountability post. Okay. And the last part is we agreed that we weren’t gonna make people start over.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Speaker 3 (22:21):
It. So it started on the 3rd of October and it goes till Christmas Eve. Okay.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
You guys, I want in on this. She come in. But do I start 75 now or I just get to start Wherever you guys
Speaker 3 (22:32):
Are. It’s your soft, you pick your journey. See,
Speaker 2 (22:34):
It’s your soft.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Your soft. Okay. Is there a way for other people to join in? How are you guys? Where is this?
Speaker 3 (22:42):
There is a Facebook page.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Oh good. Okay. Okay. Okay. We’re gonna link it. There’s
Speaker 3 (22:47):
A Facebook group. I can give you that for the show notes so there’s a link to it and you can join.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Good. Oh my god, I love this. Okay. I’m coming. Coming on board. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
We have a lot of members.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Speaker 3 (22:59):
We have 65 or 70 people.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Oh, this is amazing.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
Yeah, it’s like awesome. So we took it off of the sober model off of your Facebook and started our own group and now we have a whole group.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Good. Okay. I love this.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
I know. It’s really
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Fun. This is what makes me so happy when I hear people finding accountability partners in the group and creating your own group off of that, that makes me so happy. It’s the tentacles of the sober month life are just far reaching and I love
Speaker 3 (23:29):
It. I know. It’s really, it’s great. I love it. I really do. It’s, that’s what the biggest thing is, finding community. Yes. I found out of everything that’s like I’ve done cuz I’ve done everything. I’m a trier. I’m a trier of everything I’ve done. Every juice cleanse, every yoga, all of the stories. Right? Yeah. I’ve done all of the deep, deep work with therapy. I’ve done different coaches. The biggest thing is finding community. It’s, it really is.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
It’s so true.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
It’s finding your people knowing that you’re not alone. Yes. Knowing that people have the same story as you. Right. That’s the thing is that when you go on, the great thing about your community is that everyone’s the same. They’re not. But we’re all in the age group of late twenties or early thirties to the fifties that you dealt with a lot of things. You’re like, oh, I get it.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
It’s so true. And the things that I’ve learned that in my opening up about you guys, oh my God, I did this when I was drunk. Finding people who are like, yeah, I did that too. It’s like that shame evaporates. Oh, that shame that you live with that you were like, I can’t talk about this. This is too dark. This is too deep. Hearing other people say, yeah, me too. Or holy shit, why didn’t I talk about this earlier?
Speaker 3 (24:44):
Or being like, well, I got a better one for you <laugh>.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Right? You’re like, you think that’s bad?
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Let’s do the one up right now. Right. Just that shame’s gone. Cuz none of us, it’s an addictive substance. It’s an addictive substance, and we’re stressed out moms
Speaker 2 (25:02):
And no one’s immune to it. I always say, we always think this whatever, people who have drinking problems, which I don’t even like that phrase, because alcohol is the problem. It’s not our drinking of it. That’s the problem. It’s the alcohol. No one’s immune to this. It’s high powered. Executives can get addicted to the addictive substance. Yes. That’s what happens.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
Hundred percent. What happens, right? It’s an addictive substance and if you drink a lot of an addictive substance or do anything, you’re gonna do more of it. It’s just the way that it is. And none of us are perilous. It’s just the way that we’ve been taught and learned through all of the different channels that you learn once you do any type of reading about the situation is that is what we’ve learned. So I find going back to is that the community has been the biggest piece for me of just making sure that I have someone to go to too, from an accountability perspective, but then just also just talk to people that are like-minded in the way of we’re on this journey together. Yeah. Because you’re gonna have to find new friends too. This is what you Yes. You’re gonna have to find new friends.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
That’s the thing too. I think new friends in real life take so much more time than new friends on the internet and friends on the internet go a long way. <affirmative> internet friends, don’t discount them. Internet communities like 75, soft, sober mom life. Those are so valuable. In my first year, we were in a pandemic, so I wasn’t even seeing my friends in real life. I only had my internet community and they carried me through
Speaker 3 (26:34):
It. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Oh my god. I could talk to you forever. Okay. Does your wife still drink? How is that situation? Well,
Speaker 3 (26:42):
She just had a baby, so barely.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Right, right, right. Okay. I always get asked about when we’re married and our partners and how does that work? And my thing that I always say is, you can only get sober for you and you can only worry about you.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Yeah. She doesn’t care if you do or not. She doesn’t care you either way. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
That’s so good.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
But she’s like, that’s the way it is. Right. If I have a drink, what I haven’t had in a while, if I have a drink, I’ll be like, oh, that feels great. She’s like, and why did you do it? I’m like, you’re true. Why did I do it then? Right.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Speaker 3 (27:10):
Thanks for that <laugh>. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
You’re like, thanks a lot. Oh my God. Well, I feel like I could talk to you forever, but I’m gonna go join. I’m joining 75 Soft and I’m pushing off from
Speaker 3 (27:21):
Here. Join Joan.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Yay. Andrea, thank you so much. I’m so glad I got to meet you and put a face to the name now. I know.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
Thank you so much now, and I can’t wait to see you in the challenge.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
Thank you. I’m proud of you.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
Thank you. Thank you for everything.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of The Sober Mom Life. If you loved it, please rate and review it wherever you listen. Five stars is amazing. Also, follow me on Instagram at the sober mom life. Okay, I’ll see you next week. I’m gonna go reheat my coffee. Bye.