9 Mama Things I Would Invent If I Did That Sort Of Thing

I’ll admit it: not the catchiest title.

But truly, I can’t count how many times during the day I think “You know, they really need to invent…”

And I say they need to do it, because let’s be honest: I’m not very sciencey.


1. Socks that stay on. Ugh. If they’re too big, they fall off. Too small? They fall off.

2. Straw cups that DON’T LEAK. No, but for real this time. They were just kidding with the ones so far, right? Whoever is finally able to do this deserves a Noble Prize. And a great big mama bear hug.

3. Babyproof dog dishes. (But not dog-proof. Right).

4. Baby wipes that are nutritious and edible. All of you non-mamas are like YUCK, while all of you mamas are like YES.

5. Childproof keys. And remotes. And cell phones. Seriously, why even buy toys? And baby girl, if you want to watch Frosty for the 4,973rd time, DON’T PLAY WITH THE REMOTE. (Now, if you’ll excuse me while I go shut off my car alarm.)

6. A diaper trash can that actually masks that awful odor. Or even pretends to. Just half the time. I’ll buy it.

7. Baby Stirrup Pants. My day is pretty much just a constant battle with Harper’s pant legs. No matter the size, ALL pants ride up. And while I just love those little baby cankles, let’s keep ’em covered. Because I bought baby pants, not baby clamdiggers.

8. Self-cleaning clothes. For us and them. (Those science guys can totally do this.)

9. Baby Stilettos. C’mon, how cute would that be?? (I’M KIDDING)